2024 Eurovision Song Contest Predictions

Another year, another round of predictions for the Eurovision Song Contest.

But alas, my predictions this year will severely lack a good deal of enthusiasm. Since the end of February, my excitement for Eurovision has drastically dropped. I was still looking forward to it and still tried to attend it live but I wasn't feeling very happy.

What happened to cause this dreadful emotion? Simple. I frankly just wasn't enjoying the songs or selections at the same level as previous years. Some of the early fan favorites were okay at best and suffered from immense cringe or and/or dodgy live vocals. Then Sweden decided to have their most blandest Melodifestivalen in some time, complete with the most pathetic Second Chance round of all time and a winner that while competently made was truly bleh.

Now after listening to the entire album, pouring through a lot of podcasts while at work, and checking out the official rehearsal footage, I'm now back in the groove for the most part. With that being said, let's get to my predictions!

But before I do, here are my top ten favorite songs from this year's contest pre-rehearsals, in alphabetical order:

Australia

Austria

Cyprus

Denmark

Estonia

France

Ireland

Lithuania

Slovenia

Switzerland

SEMI-FINAL 1 COUNTRIES THAT WILL QUALIFY TO THE GRAND FINAL

Australia - Great to see Electric Fields at Eurovision. And they brought another fine tune with some easy audience participation.

Croatia - They have a great story with Baby Lasagna. The song sounds great on the album. It would be great for Croatia to win or get a high placement. Baby Lasagna's real singing voice? Not so great. It will do well with the audience but it needs to be on point in order to steal votes away from the other meme-worthy fan favorites aka the weird little guys of Eurovision 2024.

Cyprus - All I want is for there to be a kickass girl pop song. Cyprus brought it to me again. I am however afraid of it being the very first song of the event but the constant song recaps will refresh everyone's mind.

Finland - I don't loathe "No Rules!" but it was such a terrible selection, a huge drop from "Cha Cha Cha". It will either easily make it through the semi-final thanks to the televote only to then die on Saturday or it will die a quick death on Tuesday. And no, it will not win.

Ireland - They have a 50/50 chance at advancing with "Doomsday Blue". The rehearsal footage so far makes it look it will finally break Ireland's non-qualifying streak.

Lithuania - My absolute favorite song of the entire contest. I really wish it does well, giving Lithuania another top ten placement.

Luxembourg - Expecting to qualify solely as a thank you for coming back. Very meh song.

Portugal - Okay song that appears to be enhanced greatly with the staging. Portugal being Portugal.

Slovenia - I like Raiven and "Veronika" is really cool and unique but all of her artistic screaming at the end of the song might kill its chances or cause it to drop to the lower 13 come the Grand Final.

Ukraine - I love Ukraine but this selection is very bland. Good enough to qualify though. And what the hell is going to happen with that paper mache hill?

SEMI-FINAL 1 COUNTRIES THAT WILL BE ELIMINATED

Azerbaijan - Wait, they are competing this year? Really? Are you sure? I know their song came out right before the deadline but it so unbelievably forgettable.

Iceland - Oh Iceland. Even with the nice return of Hera Bjork, you chose poorly.

Moldova - I actually enjoy "In The Middle" and was one of the few people happy that it won the national selection over yet another meme pop tune. However, it looks to potentially be swallowed up by the big stage.

Poland - Like the song but my god, they ruined it thanks to the expected staging and costumes.

Serbia - Somber and quickly washes away from your mind. Why Serbia?

SEMI-FINAL 2 COUNTRIES THAT WILL QUALIFY TO THE GRAND FINAL

Armenia - A total dark horse and total folk fun.

Austria - Could fall apart live but the rehearsal footage seem to show Kaleen ready to make "We Will Rave" a blast on stage.

Belgium - Remember when many people though this would win? It's good but not too stellar.

Czechia - It was either this or Greece. I think Aiko and her fun but still Olivia Rodrigo wannabe song will do well in the arena.

Denmark - What a glow-up! Not the most original song but Saba looks like a total diva commanding the stage. This will do very well with the juries.

Estonia - Really hoping this becomes the Moldova spot of the evening. I love these guys and their song so much over the other folk pop dance tracks.

The Netherlands - No, this will not win Eurovision. Second place at best, even with a big televote. Though "Europapa" is pretty catchy, it is also a bit lame if you take a step back and look at it as a whole. And that depressing ending is so odd.

Norway - The live performance version is far and away better than the song version. Still a lot of wailing and screaming though. Still wish Keiino or Super Rob the giant robot were here.

San Marino - Holy crap! Megara and their song "11:11" were a total mess at the national final but they seemed to finally put the pieces together for Thursday and possibly Saturday.

Switzerland - We finally have a POTENTIAL WINNER. Nemo appears ready and able to do all of the vocal theatrics necessary to make "The Code" shine live and the expecting staging looks to complement it.

SEMI-FINAL 2 COUNTRIES THAT WILL BE ELIMINATED

Albania - I don't hate the revamp with a passion like everybody else but yeah, it's pretty questionable and dire. Should have sticked with the original version and the metal bikini top.

Georgia - Can Georgia just get a break please?

Greece - I enjoy "Zari" but I don't think it will translate well live in a big arena.

Israel - Remember, the semi-final qualifiers are determined via the public.

Latvia - Dons can sing and "Hollow" is pretty fine, especially if you're a fan of Hozier's "Take Me To Church", but the expected staging looks to ruin Latvia's chances to break the streak of non-qualifying.

Malta - Yes, it's just a lame "SlowMo". At least it's better than that monkey song. Moving on.

COUNTRIES THAT AUTO-QUALIFY TO THE GRAND FINAL

France - The second POTENTIAL WINNER. It is so very French but Slimane has shown that he has the pipes and is ready to unleash everything for another win for France.

Germany - Love that elephant roar! Has potential to do okay compared to Germany's previous entries ("Blood and Glitter" deserved better!) but it also could be another unmemorable flop.

Italy - This was a potential winner at one point, especially after Sanremo, but somewhere along the way, "La Noia" lost a lot of steam. Still expected to do well enough and be top ten worthy.

Spain - Good throwback to 80's synthpop but doesn't stick with me at all. Don't expect the same to happen with juries and televoters save for maybe Portugal.

Sweden - Last year, I was so happy Marcus & Martinus didn't win Melodifestivalen. They did it win this year however with a lesser song called "Unforgettable". It's the first song on Saturday. Even with the recap videos, non-jury people will forget it.

The United Kingdom - "Dizzy" is great when listening to it on the radio or a playlist. It's a breezy tune of simple synths but it doesn't hang well as a stand alone track. I liked Years & Years but Oily Alexander needs to do something to stand out. Their solution so far? Dancers in boxing gear doing very homoerotic routines. It's Can't Stop The Music all over again!

The semi-finals take place on May 7 and 9, both starting at 3 PM EST. The Grand Final will take place on May 11 at the exact same time. All three events can be watched here in America via Peacock if they have a paid subscription to the streaming service. No word yet on whether Johnny Weir will show up to host again but viewers will able to follow along with the event's presenters, Swedish expert entertainer Petra Mede and Hollywood actress Malin Akerman.

Reaction to the 2024 Oscars

Hey, would you look at this! I'm actually doing an Oscar ceremony reaction post for the first time in forever!

I didn't want to go in super extra detail like I used to, forgoing my phone's notes app as I watched the show, but I still at least wanted to jot down my thoughts and feelings right now while I still have the energy and spirit for it.

Jimmy Kimmel was fine. Standard bland and safe comedy. His Madame Web joke didn't hit at all like his Babylon quip last year and his Sandra Huller rib about her movies in Germany are treated as rom-coms was a complete and utter dud. And then he had to stink up the joint with the show's final gag by of course continuing his stale feud with Matt Damon. The Donald Trump tweet was a killer moment though.

The show was alright overall. I appreciate the early start time and how for the most part the show kept its momentum. However, I hated the return of the five individual presenters and their "you're beautiful, fellow actor" mini speeches for all of the acting categories. Those traditional Oscar movie clips sell the actors, the nominations, and the movies themselves to the public, not some sweet nothings! Plus, it cuts down on time, which the Oscar producers are always annoyed about.

The absolute worst presenter went to Al Pacino for pulling a Laurence Olivier circa the 1985 Oscars and his anticlimactic, rambling reading of the Best Picture winner.

Favorite presenter bit is a three-way tie between John Cena's near full monty, the Twins reunion that turned into a staredown with Batman, and John Mulaney spoiling Field Of Dreams.

The "I'm Just Ken" performance will certainly live on in future Oscar recaps.

I didn't absolutely hate the In Memoriam segment like everybody else but yeah, it could have been better. Didn't like how Treat Williams and Burt Young were relegated to some small text.

16-7 in my Oscar predictions.

I'm weirdly glad Emma Stone got Best Actress. Seems a lot more people were with me on the opinion of Lily Gladstone's performance. Very happy that Godzilla Minus One got Best Visual Effects, The Boy And The Heron easily nabbed Best Animated Feature, and The Zone Of Interest for Best Sound.

The only award I was sad for was when Barbie didn't get Best Costume Design. Man, the Academy just really didn't care for that movie beyond Best Song.

It could be worst. Barbie could have been Killers Of The Flower Moon. Another duck egg for Martin Scorsese as his latest was totally shut out. Just like The Irishman.

And that's all I have to say. See you all next year!

2024 Oscars Predictions

As always, these are my predictions to win, not who or what movie I wish would win.

Best Picture: Oppenheimer

Best Actor: Cillian Murphy - Oppenheimer

Best Actress: Lily Gladstone - Killers Of The Flower Moon

Best Supporting Actor: Robert Downey Jr. - Oppenheimer

Best Supporting Actress: Da'Vine Joy Randolph - The Holdovers

Best Director: Christopher Nolan - Oppenheimer

Best Original Screenplay: Justine Triet and Arthur Harari - Anatomy Of A Fall

Best Adapted Screenplay: Christopher Nolan - Oppenheimer

Best Animated Feature Film: The Boy And The Heron

Best International Feature Film: The Zone Of Interest

Best Documentary Feature: The Eternal Memory

Best Documentary (Short Subject): The ABCs Of Book Banning

Best Animated Short Film: Letters To A Pig

Best Live Action Short Film: The Wonderful Story Of Henry Sugar

Best Original Score: Ludwig Göransson - Oppenheimer

Best Original Song: "What Was I Made For?" - Barbie

Best Cinematography: Hoyte van Hoytema - Oppenheimer

Best Film Editing: Jennifer Lame - Oppenheimer

Best Production Design: James Price, Shona Heath, and Zsuzsa Mihalek - Poor Things

Best Costume Design: Jacqueline Durran - Barbie

Best Makeup and Hairstyling: Nadia Stacey, Mark Coulier, and Josh Weston - Poor Things

Best Sound: The Zone Of Interest

Best Visual Effects: The Creator

Man, I don't know if it's because of the easily expected Oppenheimer wins or airing in March, or even my slowly evolving disappointment with this year's Eurovision, but I am not very enthusiastic for the Oscars.

I have Oppenheimer walking away with 8 wins for the night. Film and Director are givens, and unfortunately for us Giamatti fanatics, Actor is also now a lock for Murphy.

Not much to say about the other acting categories. They are all locks. Still don't understand the contingents that think Emma Stone has a chance.

I think the Academy's lack of love for Barbie will continue with it losing out in Best Adapted Screenplay.

Oh how I wish for Past Lives to actually win for Best Original Screenplay. Please just grant me one wish, the Academy!

Easy locks for Animated and International Features. Moving on.

20 Days In Mariupol might likely win, keeping the trend of Best Documentary going to films focused on "current world developments and news stories" rather than actual documentary stories, but I put my bet on the more interesting offering.

Speaking of "current events", I went for that for Best Documentary (Short Subject).

Oh what to pick for Best Animated Short Film? Hmm? Letters To A Pig involves the Holocaust? Well hot dog, the Academy will eat that up!

Here's hoping Wes Anderson finally gets an Oscar.

Yep, Oppenheimer is going to get some of the tech awards but I strongly feel and really justifiably believe that Best Sound go to The Zone Of Interest.

Either Poor Things or Barbie in the artistic categories. Poor Things will most likely get all three but I think Barbie will sneak away with Best Costume Design.

I really wish the Godzilla Minus One team get Best Visual Effects over the very forgettable The Creator. However, the special effects of The Creator are pretty excellent, hence why the film's trailer was more focused on them rather than the story.

Well, enjoy the Oscars, if you still care about them like I do. I would say stay tuned for my reaction to the awards and the ceremony on Monday but I never seem to truly follow through with that anymore.

Initial Reaction to the 2023 Oscar Nominations

Oh boy, so we'll get to the big elephant in the room but first let me just sum up my feelings on today's Oscar noms: Pretty much expected and not too surprised.

All I really wanted were just three nominations: The Boy And The Heron for Best Animated Film (a total lock), Godzilla Minus One for Best Visual Effects (a nice surprise), and Greta Lee for Best Actress (big ole nope).

Okay, now for the biggest news of the day: Margot Robbie and Greta Gerwig both snubbed! I knew it, I knew it in my bones that both would be left off the ballot and sure enough it happened.

The Academy: Gee thanks Gerwig for helping save movie theaters by making the #1 movie of the year. What? You want Best Director? Don't be absurd! You're a woman and you made a comedy. If you were a woman and made a drama, no scratch that, a dark drama that's in a foreign language, maybe we can talk. Oh, but don't worry! See, we got you a nom for Best Adapted Screenplay. You should thanks us for that opportunity.

I know American Fiction is getting a ton of raves and such but I still don't really care much for it. I kinda liked it when it was originally called Bamboozled. And "Wacky Deli".

My beloved Past Lives, only got Best Picture and Best Original Screenplay. Two great noms that anyone would sell their kidneys for but still a disappointment for me.

I'm happy that Jonathan Glazer is finally getting some recognition. It just sucks that he had to go the Holocaust route, which the Academy just can't get enough of, in order to draw eyes. Meanwhile, Under The Skin continues to grow in stature, even with its lack of Oscar love.

I like Colman Domingo but it kinda sucks his big first nom is for an Oscar bait movie that nobody cared for on Netflix (just like Maestro!).

Nyad had that package deal. If you voted for Annette Bening, Jodie Foster had to be included.

Would have liked to see Willem Dafoe get a nom for Best Supporting Actor just so he can continue being the king of that category.

I'm glad America Ferrera got her first nom. Her big but divisive monologue in the movie must have sealed it for voters. Honestly would have wanted Kate McKinnon instead.

No Killers Of The Flower Moon for Best Adapted Screenplay. Good.

So very happy that the Disney bloc used their push to get Wish into Best Animated Feature. Really sucks that Suzume didn't have a chance but I am very happy for the crew behind Nimona and Robot Dreams.

I still haven't seen Society Of The Snow yet but I'm glad for J.A. Bayona's success, both with the streaming numbers for the movie and it getting into Best International Feature Film.

Everyone, let's all point and laugh at France! Those idiots didn't want to back Anatomy Of A Fall due to the director's comments back at Cannes. It got five nominations while The Taste Of Things got to taste nothing but stale air.

Wow, I just realized recently and especially today how 2023 was a pretty blah year for documentaries. I never heard of any of these films!

Fucking Diane Warren. For the song nobody knows, from the Cheetos movie that no one saw and has pretty much become the biggest "bomb" ever for a streaming movie.

Seriously, no "Dance The Night"?!

Nothing for Ferrari. Good.

Still haven't joined the public in seeing Saltburn so I can't really feel too bad for it being snubbed.

Oh wow! The Academy didn't care for All Of Us Strangers and Origin?! I'm shocked, shocked!

That about does it. Come back in March for my predictions which I obviously will fail at.

Anime Watch of 2023

Demon Slayer continued its reign at the top, utilizing movie theaters to help build up the anticipation for its next season, which of course drew huge numbers. On the other hand, the debuting Oshi no Ko had a firm hold on the anime world, largely thanks to its shocking first episode, dark storyline, and a killer opening theme. Jujutsu Kaisen, Spy x Family, and Vinland Saga all had popular second seasons and we got to see the return of a certain red jacketed space outlaw in a highly acclaimed revival. Romance was in the air, as we saw many hearts aflutter in comedies (Tomo-Chan Is A Girl!, The Dangers In My Heart, Skip and Loafer) and dramas (My Happy Marriage, The Angel Next Door Spoils Me Rotten) that were all well appreciated. Netflix had two regular anime hits with Zom 100: Bucket List of the Dead and and the American co-production Scott Pilgrim Takes Off and was the toast of the summer with their popular live-action adaptation of One Piece. Frieren: Beyond Journey's End lived up to its high expectations and became a big hit. And finally, Attack On Titan was laid to rest, ending its protracted fourth season and the series entirely with two special episodes.

Yep, 2023 was a very good year for anime. Too bad I let the majority of it go to waste.

As stated in my last Anime Watch article, thanks to Sony trying to consolidate Funimation and Crunchyroll together (despite the fact that they are strangely still two separate pay-to-watch entities), my paid yearly subscriptions were also combined. I could watch all of the anime that I ever wanted on Crunchyroll and I didn't have to paid a single cent until December 1, 2023. However, my energy and urge for anime just wasn't going to the television and streaming fronts. Why sit down with a long-form romantic comedy when Makoto Shinkai dazzled me in one sitting in movie theaters on my birthday? Why watch an entire Gundam series when I could get its story streamlined while blowing up mobile suits in tactical RPGs or action video games? Why check out new series when I can just rewatch old episodes of MegaMan NT Warrior on Twitch and YouTube via Capcom or finally check out the English dub of the second half of Komi Can't Communicate? Or quite simply, why watch when I can spend more time reading manga and light novels and feel more satisfied?

So yeah, I pretty much squandered my free subscription. I didn't really watch a lot of regular anime shows, nor did I hit the anime goals that I set last year. I didn't watch Spy x Family, season 1 or the premiering season 2, instead settling for reading the entirety of the manga. They were second seasons for shows I previously enjoyed but I either didn't partake in them or pathetically watched only the first episode. Though I don't really feel too bad about my lack of anime watching (again, I didn't waste money on it unlike say my Max subscription), it still kinda sucks I let the majority of it escape me.

Not helping matters was all of the drama that popped up, which I spent more time looking at or watching YouTube videos about than actually watching anime. While Oshi no Ko was the new hot thing, the fact that the property used the real-life struggles of pro wrestler Hana Kimura, who committed suicide in 2020, as the basis for one of the characters discouraged a lot of people, most notably her mother Kyoko Kimura who called the show out for it. Resurgences of COVID affected the releases for a lot of shows, killing their momentum and the attention of viewers. Sony did another shutdown/merger when popular long-time online store RightStuf was merged with Crunchyroll's own online store. Crunchyroll sunset their digital manga section, which was a popular place at one time but quickly died a slow painful death after losing the licenses to Kodansha titles. Major scandals emerged when popular anime company MAPPA was hit with allegations of poor working conditions and male idol talent agency Johnny & Associates was revealed to having a long disturbing history of sexual harassment claims, cover-ups, and blacklistings. Controversy came to American dubbing when Anairis Quiñones's role and all of her recorded lines as Yoruichi in Bleach: Thousand Blood War were being replaced by the character's original voice actress Wendee Lee, leading to anger, frustration, a whole lotta drama on Twitter, and questions about diversity in voice acting and caving to "fan" pressure. And then you had the anime shows that were just so bad, including KamiKatsu, I Got A Cheat Skill..., Ayakashi Triangle (broadcast version), MF Ghost, Butareba, and quite sadly the second half of the second season of The Devil Is A Part-Timer!

But enough about about all of that, let's just move on to the small list of the anime shows that I actually did watch last year. As like before, the list goes from what I dubbed was the best all the way down to the worst. The rules are the same: The overall quality of the show and my response to it are the major factors toward their rank. However, other additional factors such as replayability, voice talent, and lasting impact can help sway their placing. Only new shows/new viewings count; rewatches are immediately disqualified and if I watch a show that I already started, only the continuing unwatched episodes will be reviewed. I treat and grade all series fairly, even ones that I haven't actually finished or may not choose to finish. If you see a * next to the title, that means I had a limited sampling of the show or didn't complete the series/franchise fully.

1. Star Blazers* [eps. 1-5]

2. Pokémon Concierge

3. My Clueless First Friend* [eps. 1-5]

4. Mobile Suit Gundam SEED Destiny* [eps. 1-6]

5. In Another World With My Smartphone* (Season 2) [ep. 1]

6. The Girl I Like Forgot Her Glasses* [ep. 1]

Yeah, as I said, not a whole watched last year. Funny how the best show I watched was something I had to glean off of YouTube. Seriously, someone really needs to bring Star Blazers to blu-ray now! I don't really think 4-6 were truly terrible but they all had big issues, namely pacing (SEED Destiny), boring Japanese voice acting (Smartphone), and whatever you call that animation (Glasses). Man, I kinda enjoy the original manga of The Girl I Like Forgot Her Glasses but GoHands is an infamous animation studio and they did quite a number on such a simple romantic comedy.

So what to do this year? Finally watch all of Spy x Family, hopefully in time for the American release of the movie Code: White. Also maybe finish SEED Destiny, despite its many troubles, in time for the new movie. Watch Season 3 of Iruma-Kun. Catch up on all of the romantic comedies I missed out on. Watch and cheer on the second season of Bottom-Tier Character Tomozaki-kun. Finally finish Fire Force!

Best To Worst Films of 2023

2023 was a year in the history of mankind. There were some good things, there were some bad things, and there were some thing things.

That's honestly all I really can say to sum up my feelings about last year overall. Now look, I'm not deliberately trying to be an asshole and just wave off the many major events and unfortunate tragedies that happened, such as the Hawaii wildfires, Russia's continuing invasion of Ukraine, the Hamas terrorist attack on Israel and resulting extensive conflict amid the Gaza Strip, or the huge spike in antisemitism and other ethnic hatred all over the world. Not to mention the sudden rise and rapid advancement of AI technology, which generated a lot of moral/ethical debates and might brings us one step closer to Skynet thanks to the money-hungry business idiots that are mostly pushing for it. But the peculiar thing is that most of this stuff happened more recently, within the second half of the year.  Practically everything in the first six months of 2023 seem now to be a total blur (remember the bank crisis we briefly had?). Also not helping the matters of memory is the sheer fact that since the last January 1st, practically everyone has been suffering from the intense foreboding of 2024, especially come this November.

However, if you had to ask me about 2023 when it comes to media and entertainment, I can tell you a lot more. It was a stellar year for video games, as there was a multitude of excellent titles including a new Zelda and Mario, but when it came to the industry itself, there were a lot of job losses, studio closures, and some rather unsavory business tactics. Music flat out sucked, dominated heavily by a lot of disappointing to terrible album releases, controversial but ultimately forgettable country trash and TikTok influenced earworms that had a shelf life far less than an one-hit wonder. The television business suffered greatly from a lot of real-life drama, numerous delays and cancellations including the Emmys, and viewers' desperation for new content this side of 2020, though there was success for Succession, Netflix, anime, long-running reality shows, and the NFL (now with an extra dose of Taylor Swift!). But when it came to the movies, there was a lot to experience.

Everybody can sum up 2023 in film easily: Barbenheimer and union strikes. Movie theaters were really and truly alive again since the pandemic thanks to the release of both Barbie and Oppenheimer on July 21st. Going beyond the "one for him, one for her" intentions, the two films drew rave reviews from critics and audiences and became two of the most celebrated achievements of 2023. However, despite all of the box office money, internet chatter, and cinematic euphoria, they came out right in the middle of the heated WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. These two strikes dominated all of the attention last year and seemed to never end despite many, including myself, predicting wisely that it would eventually be resolved come the fall. Still, America had to endure a lot of ugliness, as both unions fought the big corporations over several issues including streaming profits and the usage of AI. "Ride Or Die" mentality was very high, especially with the power of the internet, as a couple of celebrities suffered severe backlashes when they nearly tried to cross the picket line, most notably Drew Barrymore. Meanwhile, the pathetic suits up top, including Warner Bros Discovery CEO David Zaslav (more on that smeghead later), proceeded to spout dumb business and P.R. bullshit while avoiding the tomatoes from their high perches. Those shmucks of course would stupidly realize that they were way too late to settle with the unions by November, causing a huge business loss for the film and television industries that will continue to effect everything going forward into this new year.

There were some great highlights buried amid all of the turmoil. Proper video game adaptations started to finally come out and win over the skeptics, with the much hyped The Super Mario Bros. Movie doing so well it becomes the second highest grossing movie of the year. People's long held wishes for more mid-level affair to come to theaters started to see them slowly come true thanks to the likes of M3GAN and Cocaine Bear. Shah Rukh Khan became a bonafide megastar once again thanks to Pathaan and Jawan becoming two huge Bollywood blockbusters across the globe. Concert films became the next big thing, with A24 re-releasing Stop Making Sense in IMAX theaters to thunderous applause and Taylor Swift continuing her world conquest thanks to the unbelievable success of Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour (oh, and Beyonce did well too but just for one weekend). And Japanophiles were ecstatic at the many, mostly anime, theatrical releases spread throughout the year, crescendoing with a boffo Godzilla pic and Hayao Miyazaki getting to hold the #1 crown for one weekend.

But sadly, there were even more lowlights besides the strikes. WBD CEO and all-around piece of shit David Zaslav spent the year enacting his terrible ideas for the company, including gutting more content from HBO Max (including deleting What's Opera, Doc?) and changing their streaming service's name to just Max in order to "entice" new subscribers. He also almost got away with doing another tax write-off for the company by shelving the completed film Coyote vs. Acme, only to face immense backlash in public and private for it. He would get the last laugh of the year unfortunately by announcing a potential merger of WBD and Paramount, which no one beside Wall Street wants (Hooray! More layoffs!).

Disney also tried the "screw our creators" tactic when they too removed several films and shows from Disney+. The idiots at the House of Mouse also literally planned to remove Howard, a documentary about the late great Howard Ashman, from the streaming service on the same day as the release of their ill-fated The Little Mermaid live-action adaptation, only to stop the deletion one day after the announcement due to obvious backlash. But Disney had more important things to be worried about, namely their increasingly personal battle with Florida governor Ron DeSantis, the fall in popularity and quality of Marvel movies, the meh response of Pixar's Elemental, and their centennial catastrophe that was Wish. Oh, and that whole thing about Steamboat Willie now going in the public domain.

Jonathan Majors had the biggest seesaw year out of anyone, starting off 2023 as one of Hollywood's next big stars and getting acclaim for his performance in Creed III, only to end the year convicted of assault and harassment, fired from all future Marvel endeavors, and his potential Oscar hopeful Magazine Dreams pretty much permanently shelved. All of the major awards organizations suffered embarrassments, Best Buy further rang the death bell for physical media by announcing the elimination of blu-rays being carried in their stores in 2024, Sound of Freedom becomes a "surprise success" at the box office thanks to shady dealings, the DCU further spiraled downward, Universal's $400 million bet The Exorcist: Believer fails with everyone and finally causes David Gordon Green to be fired, there was still too damn many films having a runtime over 2 and half hours, and last but not least, Netflix saw their Oscar dreams shatter when their big Sundance acquisition Fair Play enjoys a cup of coffee in the big time before dropping into obscurity and Maestro wows critics but "bombs" on their service.

As for me personally, my life in 2023 was just like my description of the year: some stuff was good, some stuff was bad, and the majority of it just existed. Still not doing too well in the home viewing department; didn't really touch Netflix a lot, wasted Max save for the show Winning Time, Peacock is for Eurovision and WWE only, and I again spent way too much time with YouTube. My beloved Netflix DVD subscription came to a close thanks to the company's decision to shutter it on September 29. I ended up with my never returned DVD of Lost Weekend (had it since 11/14/2017!) and a slightly scratched Dark Night of the Scarecrow. I, like practically everybody, didn't get any free extra DVDs from Netflix. I spent seemingly all of my time and energy into the 365 Days, 365 Songs project and finished it on time, i.e. bought all the songs, but I didn't do all of the writing that I was supposed to have up on this site at the end of each month.

That all being said, I kind of made up for these shortcomings and disappointments by thoroughly enjoying my time at the movie theaters. I finally got to see American Graffiti for the first time (shocker: it's great!), I partook in GKIDS' Studio Ghibli Film Festival, and I had an amazing experience seeing Stop Making Sense in IMAX. I laughed, I cried, I rolled my eyes, and I did several rewatches often in order to bring others back to theaters, show them something new and different, or just to keep them company.

My final total of 2023 films that I watched is 31. It is now time to arrange them in the order of my opinion, from the best to the worst.

Yet again, I have a true top ten films of the year, but this time it's firmly locked in. No wishy washy feelings about any of them.

1. Past Lives

I could go on and on about how this movie richly explores the idea of true love or personal identity or whatever that would make me a fancy pants critic. All I really want to say is that this is an exquisite debut feature by Celine Song, supplemented with three terrific performances, a rich screenplay, beautiful direction and cinematography, a moving score, and a magnificent ending that left me in a pool of tears.

2. Oppenheimer

Though I still feel that it's a bog standard "rise and fall" narrative that's just jumbled up to be creative and it evaporates all of the tension by straight up telling the viewer the outcome within the opening minutes, I will not discount just how absolutely masterful this movie is and how well it achieves its ambitions. Endlessly watchable thanks to Christopher Nolan and his creative crew and a killer's row of talented actors who are all at the top of their game.

3. Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse

A part of me believes I'm rating this way too high right now, falsely believing this will be sitting next to The Empire Strikes Back as the standout film of a franchise trilogy. But then I think about the all-encompassing artistry that the creators laid bare on the screen, from the watercolored backgrounds of Spider-Gwen's world to the visual wow that is Spider-Punk. Or how enthralling the chase sequence that nearly takes up the entire second half of the film is. Or how despite the ridiculous number of endings this side of Return of the King, the audience still has to linger on a shocking twist that was wisely set up. I don't love it as much as Into The Spider-Verse but I can't deny its majesty.

4. Barbie

This was so, so close to being as perfect as the titular Mattel doll. Two amazing lead performances, a witty script, astonishing art direction, fantastic costume design, and a director willing to go all out. Too bad it drops the ball in the anti-climatic final act before desperately recovering it for a killer ending.

5. Suzume

Makoto Shinkai continues his streak of charming romantic dramas coated in magical realism, this time with a walking kiddie chair, a mischievous spirit cat, and very explicit references to the 2011 Tohoku earthquake.

6. The Boy And The Heron

On one hand, it's another magical experience spun from the imagination of Hayao Miyazaki. On the other, it's an endlessly fascinating exploration of an artist coming to terms with his own life, his ideals, and what he brought to the world. Of all of the big potentially final auteur movies we got last year, this is the one that refuses to fade away from my mind.

7. Spirited Away: Live On Stage

I don't care if you think this shouldn't qualify for this list or debate whether it is a movie or not. This filmed presentation of the recent stage adaptation of the beloved 2001 Hayao Miyazaki film was one of the most fun experiences I had in movie theaters last year and it expertly showed the true magic of theater creativity.

8. Godzilla Minus One

The newest perfect example to shut up any detractor that says that a kaiju movie can't be taken seriously. An all-around exceptional epic not really seen much since the 1990s, complete with big action set pieces, historic plights, human drama, and some pontificating preaching. And as much as it's crucial to the film's themes and plot, utilizing the phrase "the war is not over" brings some unintentional hilarity for those who are fans of Rambo.

9. The Iron Claw

Indie writer-director Sean Durkin returns to the spotlight with a warm yet troubling exploration of the Von Erich family and the 1980s pro wrestling environment that they helped shape and would later fall victim to. My star rating had to be lowered however by the complete exclusion of Chris Von Erich from the story and actor Jeremy Allen White simply not being as tall or Adonis-level handsome as the real Kerry Von Erich.

10. The Holdovers

Alexander Payne removed some of his trademark bitterness in order to deliver a wonderfully shaggy dramedy set at a 1970's boarding school around Christmas. Paul Giamatti, Da'Vine Joy Randolph, and newcomer Dominic Sessa delivered great and funny performances and helped give the usual school plot elements a refreshing take.

Next up are nine films that I thought were pretty good to good enough to warrant a viewing. They just had a thing or two or five that kept it from making my top ten.

11. Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 3

Doing what Marvel seems to be unable to do anymore, James Gunn gave us another highly entertaining superhero movie with his lovable crew of space misfits. Its provocatively dark storyline might its hurt rewatchability, plus the soundtrack was too alternative and too disappointing, but it was a great way for Gunn to end his tenure at Marvel Studios.

12. Killers Of The Flower Moon

I praise it heavily for its great acting, production design, cinematography, and music but those achievements couldn't completely overcome my lingering negativity towards this film. I felt it not to be an actual movie but a glorified HBO television series cut down into a compilation feature film. Not only does Scorsese seem to spend more redoing his usual wiseguy shtick then expand on the far more interesting Native American side of the story, he caused his own film's downfall by making way, way too long, clocking in at 206 minutes. Dear lord, I had actual walkouts at my local art theater because audience members couldn't stand how long it was! And as for Lily Gladstone, she delivers a good performance but it's certainly not the awe-inspiring, breathtaking, heavenly master class of acting every critic said or think it is.

13. Beau Is Afraid

There are things that I really loved and there are things that I really loathed in this movie. Regardless, I boosted it up my rankings just for the sheer audacious of it all. I simply can't stop thinking about Joaquin Phoenix's performance or the grand finale to the picture.

14. The Super Mario Bros. Movie

Nintendo and Illumination played it way too safe, especially with the totally unnecessary pop music needle drops. But I still had a Bullet Bill blast with all of the video game inspired hijinks and blatant fan service. Now can we please stop trying to make "Peaches" a thing?

15. Knock At The Cabin

Heavily hyped but quickly forgotten, M. Night Shyamalan delivered another effective Twilight Zone-like tale, carried heavily by a great turn from Dave Bautista.

16. Sword Art Online The Movie -Progressive- Scherzo of Deep Night

Still haven't watched the actual television series but I enjoyed this little adventure with Asuna and Kirito, even though it's a glorified television arc than an actual movie sequel.

17. Shin Ultraman

I remembered that I liked it but nothing really stayed with me save for a memorable supporting performance by Koji Yamamoto as a wily alien in disguise and Shinji Higuchi and Hideaki Anno's desperation to copy all of the direction and ideas they had for Shin Godzilla.

18. Cocaine Bear

A lot of laughs and gory fun was had with this one. Too bad it kinda fades away quickly save for it being one of Ray Liotta's last performances.

19. Creed III

I admired what Michael B. Jordan brought to the table as an actor and first time director, and Jonathan Majors was a tremendous menace. Unfortunately, the low stakes in the story, awkward green screening, and the total lack of Rocky Balboa caused this spinoff franchise to lose some of its luster.

Next are the unfortunate disappointments, the ones that had a few shining moments but were overwhelmed with poor creative decisions and flat entertainment.

20. Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken

My heart really goes out to this one, as I really was enamored with the animation and the family drama. But it just didn't know what it actually wanted to be, suffered greatly by false advertising, and gave way too much time and attention to Will Forte's annoying sea captain.

21. Asteroid City

Some great performances, including a memorable cameo from Margot Robbie, but Wes Anderson's antics and ideas are now becoming very tiresome. Another big foldout picture just to say gee, the 1950's and New York theater sure were interesting, huh? That's it?!

22. Infinity Pool

My Best Actor and Actress from last year shine again in this disturbing art indie but you can only handle so much repetitive ugly behavior from ugly rich tourists.

23. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

Poor Indy. The dark and depressing bits greatly outweigh the well directed action hijinks and it amazes me that the makers thought audiences would like or at least be interested in Phoebe Waller-Bridge's character. Sad to say it but this property is just too stale and unappealing for modern viewers. Need proof? Save for one small kid, who was clearly dragged by her parents, I was the youngest person by two decades in my half-filled movie screening.

24. Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba -To The Swordsmith Village-

Great to see the amazing animation produced by Ufotable on a big screen but calling this a movie is really, really stretching it.

25. That Time I Got Reincarnated As A Slime The Movie: Scarlet Bond

People who always complain about Superman being too overpowered should sit through this. You'll be begging for the red cape and undies. I literally can't believe that the heroes easily solved everything even before the midpoint of the picture and then proceed to leave just so that the dull villains can come up with a new plan and the film could end with several boring one-sided fights.

And finally, we end with the six worst films of 2023.

26. Trolls Band Together

In one ear and out the other. Charm can only get you so far. I saw this in a packed theater full of kids and families and they were shockingly dead quiet throughout it.

27. Knights Of The Zodiac

Reminds me of the good old days of 90's bad video game adaptations, complete with slumming actors and laughable costumes. At least the action choreography is better and we get to see something no one thought would happen: an ultra buff Nick Stahl. Oh, and despite the title, there are only just two knights; one is good, the other is evil, and neither of them are Shiryu or Hyoga.

28. The Flash

I don't think it is as truly awful as other people think or say but it is still such a fascinating mess. Somebody seriously looked at the "time bubble" scenes and said yep, this is good.

29. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3

Very surprised to see this so low but quite frankly, it just isn't as funny or pleasing as the previous two. Nia Vardalos should not be in the director's chair. And to quote one of my favorite quotes from MST3K, just because you can edit doesn't mean you should. This film made me more fond of My Life In Ruins.

30. Meg 2: The Trench

You have to witness a lot of unbearably underlit "underwater" fracas and completely obvious lip service to China before you get to enjoy some dumb action fun towards the end, albeit near virtually bloodless.

31. The Devil Conspiracy

This was my top pick for the absolute worst film of the year since last January. Never thought I would ever see a Christian torture porn horror movie in my life, complete with some Dan Brown tendencies, forced impregnation, a needle drop of INXS' "Devil Inside", a pregnant woman downing a bottle of bleach, and a Jesus Wins LOL ending.