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Alex Cross
1st Trailer
Watch It Here
Person of Interest: Tyler Perry and his super-serial face, Matthew Fox as the more intriguing, campy serial killer, and Dr. Cox himself (John C. McGinley) as the Chief of Police, complete with customary exposition-laden jacket.
Scene Pop: "How are you going to convince me to leave Detroit?"
Briggs Breakdown: 3 destroyed cars, 1 blown-up conference room, 1 car crash, 1 pull-up, a fight in a decaying theater, wannabe UFC-fu, use of a RPG, rampant criminal mind camera-shaking, and rampant dubstep.
Effective?: If you mean for a film airing Sunday night on CBS, then I guess you can say yes.
Check it Out?: Ha ha ha, ha ha ha. Give that trailer editor the ten thousand dollars! This has to be the funniest "comedy" film of the year. Let's list everything hilarious/wrong: The "Detroit" line, Perry's flat joke delivery, the overall low budget quality of it all, Perry's flat serious delivery, that abysmal dubbed-in line, the "Don't Ever Cross Alex Cross" tagline, that awful badly rendered, puke green rocket explosion, Tyler Perry in general, and the fact they used dubstep in a serious manner. Film news followers already knew this film wouldn't end well, when Idris Elba stepped down from the project and Perry stepped up, and this trailer proves it. Except for Fox, who looks to be having a grand ole time, this is all just hokey malarkey.
Jack Reacher
1st Trailer
Watch It Here
Person of Interest: Tom Cruise. That's it.
Scene Pop: Reacher bashes a rock into the back of someone's head.
Briggs Breakdown: 2 body scars, 3 head bashing into objects or vice-a-versa, 2 injuries to the groin, a mighty tackle in the rain, an arm-breaking stomp, and potential use of a taser and an automatic rifle with scope.
Effective?: Sorta. Only as a generic affair.
Check it Out?: Not really. I'm not really aware of the "Jack Reacher" book series by Lee Child, but I have been hearing the distresses from fans that the diminutive Cruise was cast as the bulky, tall pulp hero. The only thing I really liked was the car engine noises in the background audio, which does effectively pump up the footage. However, from the whiny bed-ridden victim and his eye-rolling narration to the non-presence of story to the bad edit job with the concluding handicap match to that random rock explosion, I was just stoic and weary from the banality of it all.
The Man With the Iron Fists
"Red Band" Trailer
Watch It Here
Person of Interest: Lucy Liu as Not-O-Ren Ishii, Russell Crowe as a pleasure seeking cowboy, Dave Batista as a colossal golden iron-man, and RZA as the rarely seen main character.
Scene Pop: RZA popping someone's eyeball out of its socket.
Briggs Breakdown: 15 kills, 8 throat slashes, 2 gunshots, a sanctioned beheading, a destroyed bell, and one flying eyeball.
Effective?: Yes and No. It promises violence and kung-fu battles but the story falls by the wayside.
Check it Out?: Cult folk only. This is not going to be another kung-fu crossover flick; It is possibly destined to be placed next to the misguided failure The Warrior's Way. Hopefully, the action will stand up, unless it is just more bad CGI work. Also, I do wish the story will matter beyond being RZA's rapidly scribbled drawings in his trapper keeper.
Ernest Borgnine, long-time character actor and Oscar winner for his performance in Marty, has died. He was 95 years old.
In recent times, Borgnine has been an easy pick for sprightly grandfathers and senior citizens, such as his recurring role as Mermaidman on Spongebob Squarepants. Back in his prime years, particulary 1955, he was either a tempestuous, scenery-chewing son of a gun or a jolly, lovable lug. In 1955, he pulled off two great performances, as Robert Ryan's angry goon in Bad Day at Black Rock and an unloved butcher in the award-winning Marty. The majority of his works, whether on television or film, may have a vast difference in quality, from starring in action classics such as The Wild Bunch and The Dirty Dozen to cheese-fests like Convoy and The Devil's Rain. Despite all of that, you were sure to get a fun little spectacle from Borgnine.
He will surely be missed.
You hear that? Do you hear that loud pounding, those big beats of attention? Listen to the rampant squealing and cries. That is the Broadway jukebox musical genre being buried alive, right after the final nail has been rammed into its coffin. All it took was ROCK OF AGES. Sure, I expect there might or will be the big great film for the genre later down in the pipeline, such as the still much-delayed adaptation of Jersey Boys, that will ultimately shut this detractor up. But the genre didn't help for MAMMA MIA!, and it certainly did it no favors for ROCK OF AGES.
This is a movie with no soul, no true existence. It just piles on cover after cover of every popular rock and roll song of the 1980's to distract you from noticing its lack of semblance and sanity. You spend over two hours watching an uncontrollable full-scale riot; The actors are fighting with the directors and the script, the music keeps attacking the senses, and Diego Boneta is constantly quarreling with his anti-charisma factor. Even if your body and mind forcibly pushes you to tap your foot or get a chill of excitement for a song, you will just immediately regret having it and wish you can forget your newly created bad memory.
Describing the plot is like talking about the world's worst deli sandwich: Each slice of storyline is ultra-thin with no taste, yet more and more slices are labored on to it. None of them have any urgency, nor any sense of true danger or concern. First, you have the newly L.A. bus-dropped Sherri Christian (Julianne Hough) and L.A. resident Drew (Diego Boneta). They are our protagonists, both waiters at a seedy joint called "The Bourbon Room" and want to be singers. Their shared dream and required romance is hardly noteworthy or interesting, especially since everyone in this damn film sings regardless of their aspirations. Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand's characters own and run the club respectively, receiving ample screen-time despite doing nothing of importance except for a later left-field producing cover song. Catherine Zeta-Jones wants to close down the place, cause this film needs a villain dammit, yet she often sits on the sidelines and only appears in five total scenes. Then, there is the cockamamie world of Stacee Jaxx, Tom Cruise's much hyped upon rock star character. He is trapped with Paul Giamatti, as his somewhat slimy/complete bumbling tool manager, and Malin Akerman, as a Rolling Stone reporter with a Bond Girl name, in a storyline that either is extremely slow moving or unbelievably laughable to take serious of.
I didn't even bring up Bryan Cranston or Mary G. Blige's roles but hopefully you got the point. This script produces more whys than it does thrills: Why should I care if "The Bourbon Room" should be demolished? Why is Zeta-Jones' motivation for it so lame and misguided, since she's specifically wants to go after a person instead of a thing? Why did Stacee Jaxx break up his band, Arsenal? Why should I want to see Cruise and Akerman get together in the end? Why do I have to boo and hiss Giamatti when he is never a threat, constantly humiliated and has accurate predictions in the changes of pop music? Why do I need to see Wolfgang Von Colt, Drew's alter ego, succeed in business despite the fact his actor is 100 percent miscast?
The biggest question, however, goes to the music. Instead of pulling a STREETS OF FIRE and calling this film "a rock and roll fable", director Adam Shankman had to place this story in 1987. So, of course there will be anachronistic songs, which it to be expected. But, and it is one huge but, this film includes one specific song. During one of the many ill-conceived mash-ups, the 1989 song "Heaven" by Warrant is integrated with Extreme's "More Than Words", a song that has always, always been tied with the 1990's. Also, there is the abundant mind-boggling uncertainties about the true ownership of songs within this convoluted world. Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar on Me" is labeled as a Stacee Jaxx song, since the crowd sings along with him, but Leppard's "Bringin' On the Heartbreak" is heard later in the background in its original state. You may at least allow your suspension of disbelief to accept that, but it is a stretch to accept.
When it isn't struggling to make the songs work or make sense, ROCK OF AGES has problems with its overall tone. This is a film that needed to be rated R, if it really wanted to capture the true milieu of the late 80's Sunset Strip. It wasn't the fun-park displayed here, people. If you really want to see what it was like, and one of the "homages" of this film, look for DECLINE OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION PART II: THE METAL YEARS. Tom Cruise certainly took notes from it, as he plays the only effective character in the entire film. When not entangled in a droopy non-courtship, Cruise plays Jaxx as a truly awful human being, a dinosaur waiting to be extinct. His hard drinking and women sleeping days are sure to end soon with his new solo career, and there is no music talent left in the empty vessel. Despite Cruise pulling off a sex-obsessed zombie, director Shankman refuses to show Jaxx in anything but a bright happy spotlight. See, it's funny when he sings right next to someone's panty-clothed rear end. He can't be a sleazoid, he is a true rock god for all time.
As for the rest of cast, there's nothing there. Since most of storylines do not really matter, the majority just phones in it. Giamatti tries to work with the material while Zeta-Jones has to contend with abysmal choreography. The main leads are a clear example of the opposite forms of talent. Julianne Hough had some promise in last year's FOOTLOOSE, and does fine here but she never really is given the chance to dance, which is Hough's strong talent. Her singing is okay and nothing more than that. Diego Boneta, on the other hand, is an absolute head-shaker. From the bland expressions to his Robert Z'Dar chin, he is a really appalling little puppy, forever knowing he is unable to rock.
ROCK OF AGES is a a straight-up confusing movie. This is a film that has a character become a stripper, yet places her in clothes straight out of XANADU. In fact, if the viewer wanted to see bad 80's-tastic entertainment, why don't they just stay home and watch XANADU? or THE APPLE? or CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC? I was really pulling hard for some good elements from this film. All I got was Cruise's performance, the presence of Kevin Nash as Jaxx's bodyguard, some really talented pole-dancers, and a jokey boy-band song called "Undercover Love". That was the only song I want to remember this film for, not the wishy-washy covers.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
Back in 2009, I created this blog to get my thoughts out in the open. I wrote up an article about my views on the violent cult flick, Tokyo Gore Police, bestowing the film the honor of being my first official film review. From that movie, all the way to today's overview of Ted, I have finally achieved the personal milestone of composing 100 film reviews.
Looking back at all of them, I have certainly changed and progressed as a writer, not to mention having more capable skills getting the htmls of the posts to work properly. I am glad that this personal hobby/potential future job has continued on this long, compared to my attempts at doing television and video game reviews.
Of course, my work will not stop here. I have Rock of Ages to write up next, followed by the many big releases of July, including The Amazing Spider-Man if I can get the enthusiasm to justify a ticket purchase. Plus, there is all of the indie works hanging out in the local arthouses. Then, there's also my new love, Trailer Review, which will be another on-going feature.
Now, to make 200 reviews!
For the first feature-length movie from one of the biggest heads in American television today, TED is certainly a worthwhile effort to start with. Seth MacFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, continues his distinctive auteurship and signature comedic stylings to film, all the while finally reveling in joy that he can now include a few jokes that curb stomp political correctness into the ground. It is a funny little jaunt, able to kill an afternoon or television time, but nothing really substantial beyond repeating lines and jokes among your bros. Not even the plethora of 80's callbacks could save the picture from simply being good, not grand.
The titled character is a heavenly bestowed teddy bear, given a real life and a brief fling with celebrity status thanks to a wholesome little Boston boy on Christmas night in 1985. Shoot straight to present day, where the now degenerate but still earnest bear is the forever third wheel for the grown up John (Mark Whalberg) and his girlfriend for four years, Lori (Mila Kunis). Despite getting him a regular day job and his own living apartment, John is unable to remove himself and his prolonged arrested development from the talking plush toy. The basic romantic comedy formula, complete with extra broad strokes of MacFarlane-type humor and taste in big band music, fills out the rest of the 106 minute running time without any fear of surprises. All except for the odd, distracting thriller third act that comes into play with a hamming it up Giovanni Ribisi and a chase around Fenway Park.
Though expecting it to come into play, the Ribisi element is so completely random to take in. This coming from a film that features a big concert scene with a cameoing Norah Jones and multiple references to a certain 80's sci-fi film and its great score by Queen. MacFarlane tries so hard to make it work, going so far as to have Ribisi pelvic thrust his way through Tiffany's "I Think We're Alone Now". But despite a few good zingers to be heard, the dark twist and its accompanying sentimental coup de grâce ranged false, long and hard.
Though I am harsh with its conclusion, not to mention spoiling a few of its surprises, the film is often very funny and has some naturalistic characterization. Mark Whalberg and Mila Kunis have great chemistry with each other and are given some nice depth to their characters, instead of being another clear-cut example of lazy man-child and irritated hot chick respectively. How shocking that I actually wanted to see them find a way to better terms with each other by the end of the film. Seth MacFarlane, not content with just being a writer, director, and producer, voices the lovable Ted who is in fact lovable, despite his affinity for prostitutes and strong weed. Ted is obviously the heart of the story, yet is never overbearing or annoying to watch. As he himself says in a key moment, the character is not supposed to progress into adulthood, only to remain in his stuffed animal ways and watch others moving along in life, unless they are as bone-headed as John is.
TED, like any good comedy, is subjective to how effective it truly is. For myself, it was a nice breeze in the theaters and achieves quotable status. It will certainly fall through the cracks of 2012, unless there is an absolute barren landscape of comedies this year, but it shouldn't be dismissed and truly forgotten about. When there is some lame and awful things still playing in your local multiplexes, you can't really go wrong with a talking teddy bear pic.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
