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All of the cast members from the surprisingly successful first film return in order to pull an Adam Sandler and enjoy a free vacation at Las Vegas, in this frivolous sequel. Michael and Candace (Terence J and Regina Hall respectively) are finally getting married, much to the chagrin of Michael's hypocritical Catholic mother, and both want to enjoy one final wild night with their bros/girlfriends. Too bad director Tim Story and the screenwriting team of David A. Newman & Keith Merryman refuse to budge beyond their sitcom sensibilities, once again squandering the talent of their great cast. Now, I gave THINK LIKE A MAN a certified pass because it gave just enough material for all of the actors and actresses to sink their teeth into and had many funny and moving moments, despite the sheer fact that all of the easily solvable conflicts had to be stretched out in order to fill up an unjust two hour running time. Here, THINK LIKE A MAN TOO doesn't even have the common courtesy of possessing a slap-dashed script. The movie instead has a glorified outline, where each couple is given a pale form of friction during their intro scene, then have to rest it under their butts for the majority of the story, until the epilogue finally comes around and they then have to quickly settle their squabble. What takes the focus away from them? Kevin Hart, of course. Here, Hart is eye-rollingly lame, constantly whining about his money woes, which director Story thought is more interesting to behold than people partying and having soulful discussions. He also thought that an off-the-wall music video set to a female version of Bell Biv DeVoe's "Poison", complete with on-screen credits, would be a great Act Two showstopper. Further ruining his baby, Story implements terrible ultra-fast editing and many questionable uses of narration by Hart, whether when he states the obvious of scenes he isn't in or covering up the faults of the production and literally telling you the conversations being said. Despite these many major problems, I didn't get angry with the movie because again, the cast is so damn likable and help make the trim offerings more enjoyable; Romany Malco and Megan Good's relationship is still a joy to watch and the new addition of Wendi McLendon-Covey is a great choice. Though I was able to find some minor pleasure, I hope that no further sequels be churned out, especially since Steve Harvey and his book aren't important to the plot anymore.
FINAL REVIEW: 2 / 5
When his son is finally unable to handle the strain of dealing with his growing display of Alzheimer's, Emilio is checked into a senior citizen medical facility. There, the former bank manager becomes friends with his mischievous roommate Miguel and tries to combat the fate of being sent upstairs with the other "assisted" residents. This Spanish animated film has a nicely warm comic-book aesthetic, which works wonders during the few surreal scenes. However, I don't really see or get its main point. It's just a hour and a half of human misery; its animated design doesn't cushion any of the weighty matter. Furthermore, except for Miguel, every single character has some sort of crippling disability that it makes you wonder why the foreshadowing second floor is even necessary when everyone needs full-time assistance. If you do somehow forgive its continuous display of elderly grief, you may be appeased by the picture but it can not erase the torment of the unquestionably ill-humored final scene.
FINAL REVIEW: 2 / 5
A DEA undercover assault team barges through a drug lord's mansion and funnels out $10 million in cartel cash. When it comes time to pick up the loose change, the team finds out that someone else has taken it off their hands. After sitting through several months of questioning by their superiors, the band is brought back together, only to then find themselves being picked off one by one by a mysterious assailant. SABOTAGE is brought to us by director David Ayer and his co-writer Skip Woods; both are infamous figures in the action genre but only one of them is actually talented in his work and capable of crafting a pitch black, twisted cop thriller. Surprise to no one, it's not Skippy, who here has spun a confusingly stupid tale of disturbing backstories and quadruple-crosses. The jacked-up nimrods spend so much time circle-jerking that it takes until Act Three for them to remember about the money mystery and begin to think that one of their own is the perpetrator. Even when the riddle is solved, the final reveal is incredibly flaccid and the film oddly continues to linger on with a pointless bar shootout. Thankfully, Ayer was present to salvage what he could from Skippy's crayon drawings and inject a good dose of vicious wit. Soaked throughout in blood, Ayer gives the movie's harsh violence a humorously perverted twist so the viewer can breathe a little yet still relish the excitement. He also implements several little sidebars where the characters have a conversational break, in order to show off his crude wordplay and show why we should care for the players. But my favorite inclusions by him are the female personalities present in forefront, i.e. Olivia Williams and Mireille Enos. Both actresses are given great figures that subscribe to the notion of work hard, play hard: Williams enjoys cutting through the bullshit in order to stop the body-piling while Enos goes to dark depths as a drug-fueled livewire. The strong female focus of the picture also grants us the rare opportunity of seeing a gender-swapped version of a certain plot device Gail Simone is famously known for decrying. All of this helps make SABOTAGE a good, not stellar follow-up to END OF WATCH. Now, if you do think I'm incorrect in saying that Skip Woods is the one truly to blame for the film's faults, I respond with a simple gesture: Go out and watch the Ayer-scripted movies that have prominent female characters, than watch Skippy's. No further questions?
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
An adventure-seeking scholar, her documentarian, her former flame/expert linguist, and a trio of French ne'er-do-wells venture into the inner depths of the Paris Catacombs in order to uncover, of all things buried amid the skulls and bones, the Philosopher's Stone. Unfortunately, they don't take that left at Albuquerque and eventually find themselves at the gates of Hell. I was genuinely surprised with the aspirations of this film, especially since it is one of the few, if not only, found footage horror movies to tap into "real-life" historical elements, i.e. not a generic ghost story, before walking us through the usual supernatural theatrics. It begins by informing the viewer of the legend of Nicolas Flamel and his supposed theories on alchemy, then jumps to having the group run around Paris and pulling off NATIONAL TREASURE-like capers and puzzle-solving. Once they enter the tight underground corridors, however, the rollicking picture starts to fall apart at the seams. There are some more intriguing riddles that need to be stumped in order for the pack to continue onward and/or survive their current predicament but they often make way for the poor, hamfisted spooks. I shouldn't actually use that word because AS ABOVE, SO BELOW is never scary, nor frightening at the slightest. The claustrophobia could have been a good working agent for terror but the viewer will quickly realize that the cramp passageways help make the movie appear more linear and straightforward than it already is. Adding to the sheer frustration are the shoddy camerawork, which often cuts out or shakes more than a Chihuahua during a thunderstorm, and the dumb creative decision to have every character possess a horrible backstory. This should have been a film that I ruthlessly trash, a clear contender for the worst of the year list, but I honestly walked away from it annoyed yet a bit satisfied. Maybe it was the two times when the main camera is used as a weapon against mummies, or the laughable dummy fall, or the idea of a man having the occupation of breaking-and-entering church bell repairman that made me give it a slap on the wrist.
FINAL REVIEW: 2 / 5
Former CIA agent Peter Devereaux (Pierce Brosnan) is called in by his ex-chief to help extract an agent/former lover of his from the inner circle of Russia. Before she can deliver the incriminating evidence of a major president candidate's dirty past, she is killed by her fellow CIA operatives, which causes Peter to go on an answering-seeking killing spree, much to the chagrin of his former protege (Luke Bracey). Helmed by resident B-movie director Roger Donaldson, the movie has a generic yet basically slick presentation, with many clearly thought out action and suspense sequences. The only time he truly stumbles is the ill-fitting coda, which is a total slapdash job and an ugly note to end on. However, the true ugliness of the picture is the script's rampant misogyny. All of the female characters, except for a terrible third-party assassin, are treated to some form of hostile action, whether it is abuse, rape, or being a hostage/"woman in refrigerator". They also are all shown to be bumbling, bad at their job, and/or need a man in their life to have and to hold their hand. This is very egregious to tolerate, especially since Olga Kurylenko is given the female lead role yet is forced to act far weaker and stupider than she actually is. Need further proof? There's a recurring female CIA agent whose name will escape you because she is constantly referred to solely as "Tits". Even if you drop your morals enough to tolerate this behavior, you're still left with just another Bourne clone, that also features the second most overused action movie twist behind "The Joker's Jail Plan". The film's only redeeming element is obviously Brosnan, who gets to play an old and wry spin of his James Bond persona but also is given the opportunity to show off the really vicious side of being a spy. But again, nothing will truly be gained from watching this throwaway actioner.
FINAL REVIEW: 2 / 5
Leaving his office for the night and expected to helm a major construction job the next morning, Ivan Locke (Tom Hardy) suddenly decides to take a long drive to London and engage in many phone conversations that will shape the course of his life. LOCKE has the unique creative design of being entirely set within the confines of its main character's car; there are no crosscuts, no split-screens, nothing more than what can be seen and/or experienced by its protagonist. The only warmth and presence of outsiders are the fleeting lights of the roadways and the Bluetooth display on the dashboard. Though it is an admirable feat to accomplish for a film, writer-director Steven Knight doesn't totally pull it off. The camerawork and visual design doesn't expand into further interesting angles after the first quarter of the picture and the film's repetitive nature of it taking a small beat, then the next volatile phone call, then another small beat, is frustratingly tedious. But the real deal-breaker is the plot; despite all of the work and family turmoil featured throughout, I simply did not care about any of the bloke's problems. Soaping up the story doesn't make it more dirty, Mr. Knight, but it does make it more flavorless. The only thing that keeps the movie in check and entertaining is Hardy. Stuck with a real-life cold and constantly perturbed that his "sound" advice and requests are falling on deaf ears, he elevates the slim material given to him and delivers a wild, unnerving performance. Every time he said "cement" or "practical steps", I felt like he was going to go further into the deep end and possibly do something heinous. Alas, it never happens but Hardy's great acting does warrant LOCKE a look.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
A group of English college students and their supernatural-disapproving professor (Jared Harris) are conducting a thorough psychological study on a human test subject named Jane (Olivia Cooke). When the funding is pulled and they are booted from their city dwelling, they all move out to a derelict house in the woods, where of course Jane will finally reveal and expose her literal inner demons. THE QUIET ONES has three things going for itself: a delectable Harris, an unnerving performance by Cooke, and a range of sexy 70's outfits that supporting actress Erin Richards pours herself into. The rest of the film's offerings is the same ole horror theatrics, so expect to experience many lame jump scares and a utter lack of forward momentum. Every potential viewer, whether or not they saw the trailer, obviously knows that the real action doesn't come until the very end and when it reaches that section, the results are more laughable than scary. The few different story ideas it's able to bring to the table, such as switching between found footage and standard storytelling or displaying why the group needs to keep coming back to the house, are a bit clever but still not pleasing to fully bare. Not a truly worthy rental, especially with Halloween around the corner.
FINAL REVIEW: 2 / 5
