Anime Watch of 2022

2022 was pretty monumental for the anime industry, especially here in the United States. After much stalling and people lamenting when the other shoe would drop, it was announced in March that Sony would consolidate their anime brands. Funimation, the long time anime distributor and licensor company which had survived both the 90s anime rush and the mid-to-late 00's dark age of anime, would be consolidated with Sony's streaming service Crunchyroll. All of Funimation's current acquisitions and airing shows? Now premiering on Crunchyroll, including the dubs. Their back catalog? Slowly being added throughout the year. The online store? Also consolidated with Crunchyroll's. The home video releases? All now under the new name and sporting the Crunchyroll logo. And their current streaming platform? Still up as of January 2023 but no new titles and will eventually be sunset.

I get it, the Crunchyroll name and brand is more well known across the globe but it does still suck. Despite their own history of issues, I've always liked and trusted the Funimation brand; whenever I saw their logo pop up before something, it would make me smile and give me some assurance that everything would relatively be in good hands. Unfortunately for me and everybody else, there were far more things that sucked with the Crunchyroll "takeover". First, most obviously because of the merger, Sentai Filmworks removed many of their exclusive titles from the Crunchyroll platform by the end of March, including several big shows such as the first two seasons of My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU. Then to further conquer the anime market and beef up their frankly poor online store presence, Crunchyroll bought up the popular anime online retailer Right Stuf in August and did the obvious corporate decision by immediately jettisoning their adult section. And finally, to hurt even more feelings and cause a lot of controversy, the company in September chose to not renew voice actor Kyle McCarley's contract to voice the main character of hugely popular show Mob Psycho 100 largely due to him being a member of SAG.

All of that sucked but unless you wanted to enter pirate waters to watch anime, you just had to swallow it and move on. And the thing is, at least with me, it wasn't really that bad. I was very concerned about the merger especially since I had a yearly subscription to both Funimation and Crunchyroll. Thankfully, Crunchyroll was aware of this issue with many of their subscribers and thanks to the very helpful customer service department, I have a free subscription until December 2023. Though they took over Right Stuf, non-adult business is still usual and Crunchyroll hasn't prevented any of their competitors from having their products be listed. However, though I am happy that a lot of the Funimation crew and cast are still being retained, I do really wish that Crunchyroll start to take voice acting and unions more seriously.

Now enough about Crunchyroll, what about the anime of 2022? Well, as I said up top, is was pretty monumental. Spy x Family and Chainsaw Man were the two most popular new shows of the year and crossed over with a lot of non-anime fans. Romantic comedies were all the rage led by the pretty surprising success of My Dress-Up Darling. Netflix and Studio Trigger's Cyberpunk: Edgerunners surprised everyone by actually being very good, so much so that it helped spur sales of the infamous video game it's based on. Several cult gems popped up and became the most talked titles of the year, such as Lycoris Recoil, Bocchi The Rock!, and the non-licensed Summer Time Rendering. Many shows returned with another season, Urusei Yatsura got a modern remake, Bleach came back, Blue Lock made Americans interested in soccer and people started to care about Gundams again with Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch From Mercury. And then you have the rich collection of anime movies that all quite surprisingly got theatrical releases here in the States, including One Piece Film Red, Dragon Ball Super: Super Hero, Jujutsu Kaisen Zero, The Quintessential Quintuplets Movie, Mobile Suit Gundam: Cucuruz Doan's Island and Teasing Master Takagi-San: The Movie.

Of course, not everything was truly rosy. Some of the new seasons/parts ended up being huge disappointments. The most notable examples: the second seasons of The Rising Of The Shield Hero, The Devil Is A Part Timer!, and Rent-A-Girlfriend; the second part of Ranking Of Kings; and the final season of Attack On Titan. People were rolling their eyes and mocked the heavily censored World's End Harem and Harem In The Labyrinth Of Another World. The highly anticipated anime adaptation of Lucifer And The Biscuit Hammer was so bad it created a ton of vitriol online not seen since The Promised Neverland Season 2 (wait, no, there was no second season). And truly the worst thing to happen last year for anime, worst than anything you can say about Crunchyroll, voice actor Billy Kametz passed away shortly after revealing that he had been diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer.

As for myself in 2022, well, though everything eventually worked out with the Funimation-Crunchyroll merger, the drama of it all coupled with my declining interest in watching anime let alone television in general hurt my anime watch. Of the six titles I mentioned at the end of my Anime Watch of 2021 article that I planned on viewing, I only saw half of them. I stupidly skipped out on Spy x Family, Chainsaw Man, Love After World Domination, and Shikimori's Not Just A Cutie even though I'm a fan of their respective manga. Did the same skip with The Genius Prince and Trapped In A Dating Sim despite being a fan of the light novel series, especially of the former. I couldn't stupidly bring myself to spend $5 for at least one month for Hi-Dive just to view Call Of The Night and most egregiously Season 3 of Teasing Master Takagi-San. And despite my praise for them in the past, I didn't watch the latest seasons of Uzaki-Chan Wants To Hang Out! and Welcome To Demon School! Iruma-kun. I spent more time last year caring about watching anime on the movie theater than I did on my computer or television. Fun note: I literally planned on making a long drive to Boston in order to see Teasing Master Takagi-San: The Movie, this despite again not even attempting to watch Season 3!

Since I like to capture my thoughts and feelings, I once again decided to create a list of my watched anime shows, starting from what I dubbed were the best and traveling all the way down to the ones that left me angry and/or stupefied. The rules of the list are the same: The overall quality of the show and my personal response to it are the major factors towards their rank. However, other additional factors such as replayability, voice talent, and lasting impact can help sway their placing. Only new shows/new viewings count; rewatches are immediately disqualified and if I watch a show that I already started, only the continuing unwatched episodes will be reviewed. I treat and grade all series fairly, even ones that I haven't actually finished or may not choose to finish. If you see a * next to the title, that means I had a limited sampling of the show or didn't complete the series/franchise fully.

1. My Dress-Up Darling

2. Komi Can't Communicate (Season 2)

3. How A Realist Hero Rebuilt The Kingdom (Part 2)

4. Kotaro Lives Alone* [eps. 1-2]

5. Knight's & Magic* [eps. 1-5]

6. Absolute Duo* [eps. 1-6]

7. Trinity Seven* [eps. 1-3]

So, where do I go from here? Well, my number one thing to do in 2023 is definitely watch Spy x Family. Regardless if my anime fever remains low, I just have to watch that show. I definitely also want to watch Season 3 of Iruma-kun, maybe after rewatching Season 2 with the English dub. I do want to turn things around and watch more anime but I don't want to force it. On other hand, I don't want to watch something just when I happen to have a sudden interest in it, as that was my strategy in the second half of 2022. I'll certainly figure something out and not lose sleep on it. Besides, even if I don't watch anything in the first three months of this year, I'm not losing any money for it plus there are several titles I'm looking forward to come April. Hopefully you get to hear my thoughts on those and more next January.

Best To Worst Films of 2022

2022... was a year. Yeah, I know that's not really a catchy way to start recapping last year. It's also a little insulting to describe it that way, especially considering how we all sadly had to experience Russia's invasion of Ukraine, the ongoing war of attrition in that region, and how a lot hearts and minds on the issue are fading away thanks to distractions, disinformation and other problems. Plus, we still had the stinking shit the Supreme Court left us with, not to mention the continuing misadventures of frivolous anger and pathetic nonsense being spouted out and promoted in public and online. But maybe it's just me being a bit too hopeful but I felt that 2022 saw us starting to turn a corner on several key issues and troubles. We're not back where we used to be but for the most part we have adapted and rebuilt a lot of lost and new ground.

The same can sorta be said about the film industry. Okay, now that's maybe me being a little too hopeful. For you see, with every big positive gained for cinema last year, there was an even huger negative. The general public returned to the movie theaters, giving them the pleasure of experiencing some great displays of entertainment while also giving the studios and theater chains some much needed box office revenue. However, the public is now far more selective on what they want to watch and how to view it (why pay a premium to bring the family to see that crappy animated spaceman movie when it will come to Disney+ sooner rather than later?). This new smarter thinking led to some pretty big box office bombs and too many dry months at the cinema. Genre fans got to rejoice heavily, as many anime films, horror films, and other titles with cult appeal got to hang out with the big kids in theaters and often stole their thunder with good returns, long runs, and/or the privilege of ruling the top spots in a given weekend. And sure, let's also give the Christian film industry some love (much to my chagrin) as they too performed better than anticipated. This is all fine and dandy for fans of the niche but with theaters now only catering to the small but loyal and big but fickle audiences, anyone can see that there's a huge lack of normal, easily pleasing B-level movies being offered up. You know, the kind that really keep movie theaters a float because people often want to go out and have a good night by seeing something simpler? We got a few winners here and there (Barbarian, Ticket To Paradise) but this fare either died a swift death like Bros and Easter Sunday or were relegated to streaming only. As for the streaming side... yeah, even with the surprising success stories like RRR and Prey, streaming didn't really have much positives last year.

I mean, come on, you had Netflix suffering a huge drop in viewers in one quarter, which reverberated so thoroughly throughout the nation that it hit them hard on Wall Street and now have people questioning the whole streaming industry in general. Then you had HBO Max destroying all their good will thanks to new CEO David Zaslav and an upcoming merger, with the former writing off two nearly completed movies (plus a cult animated series) as tax write-offs, removing a ton of HBO Max exclusive movies, series and even Looney Tunes in order to avoid rights fees, and just being an overall asshat to the public. Then there's Disney, oh boy oh boy Disney. They sharply canceled the theatrical run of Turning Red and brought it to Disney+, where it becomes a big hit with critics and audiences, meaning no new money for the Big Mouse. Their supposed red hot titles for theaters Lightyear and Strange World become the biggest laughingstocks of the year. The company again falls into the same trap with the lack of a theatrical run for Hocus Pocus 2. They start to poison the well of Disney+ with the likes of Pinocchio and Disenchanted. And just when we thought we saw everything, Bob Iger elbows his way back into the company!

As for more bad film news in 2022, there was the continuing nonimpact of the Sundance Film Festival. The Golden Globes went private with no one really caring that much. The Oscars became a big fiasco, first with the announced decision to "cut" eight full categories in order to "save ratings" only for the actual show to shamble about until The Slap ruined the night. Films annoyingly become way too long as the year went on, with even the simplest film now being at least over two hours long. The Japanese film industry experienced their own day of reckoning when harsh accusations hit acclaimed directors Sion Sono and Naomi Kawase. The legacy of Iranian filmmaker Asghar Farhadi is on the verge of being torn to shreds after he's indicated of plagiarizing the idea of A Hero from one of his students. Don't Worry Darling quickly changes from a highly anticipated movie to a bomb waiting to happen thanks to a poor showing at Venice, salacious tabloid and online drama, and of course "Spitgate". And in very worrying news for movie studios and auteurs, the American public chose to avoid nearly all of the Oscar bait and awards hopeful movies in theaters during the fall season, thus leading to an uncertain future for those months and certainly another poorly viewed Oscars.

Wow, I really laid out a lot of bad stuff that happened last year. Thankfully, none of it really affected my personal life. 2022 was a frankly okay year for me, as I mainly just coasted through all of the ups and downs that came up. Nothing was taken off my bucket list but I got to do more stuff with friends and family and enjoyed celebrating several people's milestones in life. I unfortunately did get COVID at one point but it thankfully came and went, save for an annoying cough and mucus buildup that took a while to get rid of. While that sucked, the "worst" thing that really happened to me was the now recent closure of my beloved Replay, one of the few remaining independent movie stores in my area. I racked up my credit cards to buy all of the DVDs and Blu-rays that I had put aside for a rainy day purchase or whatever was still hanging around, leaving the store several times with literal boxes of the stuff. But my love for movies didn't just end there. Thanks to Regal Unlimited, I got to savor going to the movie theaters more often than I did for the past two years and turned a profit on my subscription. Unfortunately, even with the increase in cinema visiting, I missed out on many big titles, the worst skips being Avatar: The Way of Water and Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. Regardless, I do truly treasure the cinema experience as it has really become my main source in movie watching. I don't sit down and view a ton of movies at home like I used to, often now being distracted by YouTube, Twitch and video games, so I try to overcompensate by making an effort to visit the movie theaters as much as I can. Maybe I'll do more of that this upcoming year.

My final total of 2022 films that I watched is 28. Oh hell yeah! Bust out the champagne because I'm still increasing my year-to-year movie count! And as is now my new tradition, I will arrange the films in the order of my opinion of them, from the best to the worst.

(EDIT: So I sadly never really got around to getting all of my thoughts down for this article. Rather than leave this further in draft limbo, I decided to post what I have digitally written down. Again, sorry it's not up to par with the my previous Best and Worst lists.)

First up... a true top ten films of the year! Now granted, the first eight films were definite locks while the last two films were added to truly make it a top ten list. On the other hand, #9 and #10 do deserve their placements as they both surprisingly stuck with me throughout the year.

1. Everything Everywhere All At Once

2. Top Gun: Maverick

3. Belle

4. Pearl

5. Nope

6. The Menu

7. Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

8. Fire Of Love

9. Pompo The Cinephile

10. Triangle Of Sadness

Next up are six films that would have been placed in what I used to call The Next Ten, aka my #11 to #20 best films of the year. However, though I have very favorable opinions of all of them, they for the most part had a disappointing element or two that really affected my enjoyment.

11. The Fabelmans

12. The Batman

13. The Northman

14. One Piece Film: Red

15. Inu-Oh

16. Men

Next are the "creamy middles", the movies that were quite effective in their execution and entertainment but would just miss being in my best of the year list. These are also the last movies to cross the finish line successfully and avoid being given the "distinction" of making my worst of the year list.

17. Dragon Ball Super: Super Hero

If I ever just want to see high octane fist-fights and a lot of stuff blow up real good in animated form, I can't go wrong with a Dragon Ball film. The latest film from the enormous media franchise may in part have been crafted to serve as a splendid showcase of adapting the world and characters to 3D animation. However, funnily enough, it was the plot that really wowed me, giving the spotlight to Gohan, Piccolo, and the other non-Gokus and non-Vegetas for a change and its humorous/action-filled take on superheroes secretly orchestrating events in order to get their fellow superhero off their ass.

18. The Bob's Burgers Movie

If this movie was made in the past three decades, it would have gone straight to video. Luckily, it was brought to theaters and has now become the best animated film based on a Fox animated series. That's not really saying much considering its competition but the film delivers a lot of great laughs, some genuinely heartwarming moments, and a couple of catchy tunes to make you feel real good inside. And before you lambast me, I was referring to Fox's primetime animated series, so you Batman: Mask of the Phantasm fans should relax.

19. Jujutsu Kaisen 0

As cool as it actually is and how absolutely amazing the animation can get in its television adaptation, I just can't really get into this shonen series. This prequel/side story film didn't change my opinion but it does have some fine anime action and an easy to digest plot to fulfill fans and newcomers. And if that doesn't work, the makers cast Megumi Ogata as the main character, who just happens to be a troubled high school student with severe issues.

20. Sonic The Hedgehog 2

This was the benchmark in my assessment of what made a film good or bad last year. The overlong dance battle sequence in the middle of the picture was pretty tedious but the rest of the film delivered the standard action and comedy you would want in a Hollywood movie. But when you remember that this is based on a video game franchise, let alone a sequel, that serviceable achievement turns into a gold trophy. Also, major props for voice actress Colleen O'Shaughnessey being cast as Tails instead of just another famous actor, even though Idris Elba was the film's standout as Knuckles.

21. Terrifier 2

This film was so very close to making it on to my worst films list or at least having a special spot of its own due to my conflicting opinion. However, despite its near unbearably long running time and an uneven script, I chose to be a little kinder to this ultra extremely gory horror flick. It's a huge, huge improvement over the first film, which was far shorter yet a horrendous chore to endure. Writer-director Damien Leone ups the ante on the gore to a masterful degree, gives us characters to care about including a proper final girl, and of course gifts Art The Clown and his performer David Howard Thornton a lot of time to shine as the new faces of horror. Kudos also must be given for the sheer fact that an indie horror film like this was playing in major cinema chains.

And finally, here are the seven worst films of 2022. Unlike 2021, I really didn't see any films that were right on the border between entertaining and disappointing last year. Instead, I had seven movies that I flat out didn't like, with the one that had absolutely no redeeming elements given the bottom slot.

22. Babylon

Ooh, look at me, I'm ruffling some feathers with this rank. I would call this the new Joker but a lot of people actually paid good money to see that film and many actually liked it. This however was a major boondoggle. An overlong, over-the-top cacophony of LOUD NOISES, pretentious artistry, and increasingly boring displays of debauchery. It had some merits (Margot Robbie, the score, the cross-cutting dual filming sequence) but you had to wade through a lot of gross muck, including the overflowing elephant diarrhea that opens the pic, and a never-ending stream of obnoxious behavior to enjoy them.

23. Thor: Love And Thunder

The movie that has seemingly squandered all of Taika Waititi's goodwill. I really don't expect him to experience a Lin-Manuel Miranda bounceback. The MCU continues to falter and unable to stay cultural relevant with this pretty flat fourth misadventure of Marvel's thunder god. When it wasn't focused on Thor, Jane Foster, and very begrudgingly Korg, the film shines (Christian Bale, Gorr's entire storyline, Russell Crowe as Zeus). Unfortunately, Waititi would rather you "enjoy" more of him, his take on the Thor-Jane relationship, and some tedious and badly lit battles, all set to the overplayed tunes of Guns N' Roses.

24. Don't Worry Darling

We are now three for three on huge misfires from once promising directors. At least the previous two fell apart once people actually saw the final results; this one was DOA thanks to an infamous "spat" between two co-stars in public and a bad promotional tour. Florence Pugh and Chris Pine are utterly wasted in this so-called psychological thriller. I say so-called because the movie screws the pooch early on with its handling of the main character's mental state and then struggles to keep the facade up by throwing in random surreal imagery and a bizarre dance break. And then you get to the twist, which just breaks the film in two and leads to a multitude of questions that it refuses to answer. Stick to The Stepford Wives (the 1975 one of course) and leave this flop to the Harry Styles stans and bad movie aficionados.

25. Lightyear

If ever I need a quick easy reminder of my dislike of this film, I just have to remember that infamous introductory title card. Dear lord, talk about an easy strategy to cause your movie to fall apart within seconds. This animated bomb would have a lot better if it jettisoned the Toy Story/Buzz Lightyear IP and instead gave us a sci-fi action comedy centered around Keke Palmer's character and Sox the robo-cat. But no, Disney wanted to squeeze more from Pixar's prized cow and gave us an inept and inert dud that quickly faded from everyone's memory once the credits hit. And to make matters worst, they also gifted us another annoying supporting performance from Taika Waititi.

26. Jurassic World Dominion

You know what people would love to see in the latest dinosaur movie, from a franchise all about the sights, sounds, and actions of dinosaurs? Giant bugs. A lot of giant bugs, mainly to be used for global capitalism instead of, you know, killing and eating people. Oh, and an annoying clone kid that no one will ever truly love. As with Lightyear, this film squanders everything going for it in its opening minutes, wiping away the dream scenario of humans vs. dinosaurs for the control of America via a fake online news segment. Awful auteur/useful human tool Colin Trevorrow then treats us to a complete slog full of sigh-inducing fan service, a severe lack of drama and stakes, and Chris Pratt being dominate over every single type of dinosaur simply by holding his hand out at them. When the Steve Jobs wannabe let the flaming, seemingly hard to kill giant bugs out into the dinosaur preserve, causing the entire place to go up in flames, I threw my hands up and was done with this Hollywood trash.

27. Halloween Ends

I liked this movie back when it was called Christine. Seriously, how could David Gordon Green further fail after the disasterpiece that was Halloween Kills? Anyone with a brain knows that in order to make a satisfactory Halloween film, you just need Michael Myers, some likable protagonists, and a chilly suburban atmosphere. Instead, this concluding chapter swaps out the masked boogeyman for a pitiful social outcast named Corey who gets beat up by the town's school marching band. Oh but wait, in order to make his hero/villain look good, not only does Green give him a backstory that is less haunting and more hilarious, but he has Corey "absorb" the evil from Michael via eyesight and has him beat up Michael with ease and steal his mask. All the while you wallow in the endless misery that is Green's vision of Haddonfield, the annoying flip-flopping attitudes of the main characters, and a climax that ends via a dropped refrigerator. Man, those Rob Zombie's takes on Halloween are looking better and better.

28. Ryoma! The Prince Of Tennis (Decide)

I rarely if ever feel embarrassed when watching a movie in theaters. But when I was sitting through this "anime" film at my local art theater, I was deathly afraid of someone, anyone coming in and giving me that "what are you watching?" facial expression. This film is supposed to be a continuation of the once popular shonen sports manga but it is secretly a fans-only joint for the people who still care for this property, that being the mainly-female audiences of the stage musicals. Yes, this is a musical, an absolutely horrible one at that as all of the songs are incredibly awful and cringe-worthy at their worst. Then you have the pathetic 3D animation, the bizarre time travel story which involves an evil mobbed-up Serena Williams, and the criminal notion of paying to see this film twice just to see the main character have a phone conversation with a different supporting character (hence the "Decide" subtitle). But I sat and squirm through it all, including the bonus so-called music videos post credits, just so I can thoroughly claim this to be the worst film of 2022.

2022 Eurovision Song Contest Predictions

Another year, another round of predictions for the Eurovision Song Contest.

Now normally I usually use up a ton of digital ink on my opinions of the songs and their proposed stage performances and have them categorized under special labels (The Front Runners, The Slayers, Top Ten Hopefuls, etc). Unfortunately, due to the craziness of the week being filled with major holidays and events, such as today being Mother's Day, along with sheer laziness, I will be going in a different direction this year.

I will be listing all of the participating countries in alphabetical order but put them in categories of whether or not they will qualify (outside of the Big Five), and then type out my thoughts and feelings.

COUNTRIES THAT WILL QUALIFY TO THE GRAND FINAL

Australia - This has jury favorite all over it but only if Sheldon Riley doesn't pull an Isaiah. Riley is going to put a lot of effort in his singing and stage presence in order to overcome the ridiculous anti-mask bias (as in he wears a stage mask when performing) and the potentially still lingering anti-Australia but I think he will pull it off. Grand final, however, I think he will be on the lower left hand side of the screen.

Bulgaria - This is probably my most controversial pick. "Intention" was heavily mocked by the fandom since it dropped but I felt the song is fine but needed an extra punch in its rocking. As I expected, Intelligent Music Project is set to deliver a straight up rock concert for their three minutes and I think it will win over the televote and some judges just enough to make it through. Grand final wise, it will be towards the bottom but hey, at least they will qualify.

Croatia - It would very nice to see Croatia qualify again, especially after last year's controversial snub. This year, the nation picked a fine Taylor Swift like tune with a real Taylor Swift like story to it. Replacing the one artful dancer from the national final with a trio of them is a fine improvement and helps give the expected performance some more life. If it does make it to the grand final, its total results would be, just like the song's protagonist, somewhere stuck in the middle.

Czech Republic - Despite strong love of the song among fans, We Are Domi have had a very rough time performing "Lights Off" live at fan concerts. They seem to have finally worked out the kinks in Italy and are ready to deliver a big light show to match the lead singer's big notes. But the fear still remains that this will be Latvia 2017 all over again.

Finland - I'm not a huge fan of The Rasmus or "Jezebel". It certainly was my fourth favorite at the national final but Finland sees something in it. Unfortunately, their run-throughs in Turin have received mixed results all around, from the weak singing to the giant balloons that keep getting in the way. I can see it making through the semi-final only to then bomb hard on Saturday.

Greece - This is a POTENTIAL WINNER for this year's contest. I have had chills with "Die Together" at nearly every stage: the music video drop, a random listen, the TikTok preview, and the YouTube preview. The sinking/melting chairs is an interesting stage design and Amanda Tenfjord easily draws attention with her powerful voice. That being said, this could potentially backfire just like Bulgaria last year. The public may not want a Billie Ellish inspired song to win or another reminder about how last year kinda sucked. They might gravitate again to something that will raise their spirits in revelry.

Ireland - This one has been driving me crazy from the start. It was the best song of Ireland's bunch and barely won the national finals but the performance needed a lot of work. Brooke has the charisma and talent but her live performances were mixed in the lead-up to Turin. She and her team now finally seem to get everything right so she should coast in as one of the few poppy songs of semi-final 2.

Israel - I had this a certified miss until seeing the Turin footage. I liked the original bare bones version of "I.M." even if it was wisely labeled as something straight out of RuPaul's Drag Race. The revamp hampered a lot of my enjoyment, especially the near muting of the claps, and its still basic nature looked to doom it. But bless the Israeli crew for going full into the camp factor of it all while delivering some tight choreography. I'm getting "Say Na Na" vibes from it, much to the horror of the juries and snarky commentators.

Latvia - This will eat Albania's lunch (hopefully its vegetarian) and truly kick off the festivities in the first semi-final. Everything is on point for "Eat Your Salad" to steal all of the attention, especially once the video recaps repeatedly play. Plus, everyone will be eager to say the line. I do hope it will make the top ten in grand final but the juries are expected to hurt it outside of maybe Latvia's neighbors.

Lithuania - There are a lot of doubters against this country from making the final but I'm certainly not one of them. While the shimmering and mesmerizing intimacy of the national final performance might get completely lost on the big stage in Turin, I feel that Monika Liu is able to pull it off to an efficient degree. She has a very natural charisma and with some good camerawork, she should be able to steal some televotes.

Moldova - Zdob si Zdub is looking to get the hat trick. Their 2005 and 2011 performances are both now etched into Eurovision history. This one unfortunately doesn't look to be on the same level as those unless they are hiding something from the rehearsals. Seriously, where are the trains? But I think the mixture of folk and rock and roll will entice some to vote for them and keep them on the track.

Montenegro - If I had to pray hard for one song to get into the grand final, it would be this one. I love a good ole Balkan ballad and Vladana has a hauntingly exquisite one, especially since Serbia chose to skip one this year for something completely different. What they have planned for Turin could hurt their chances but it reminds me very much of Slovenia 2014, which is a good sign.

The Netherlands - Before the rehearsal week, I very much believed this had a very high chance of winning Eurovision. But the rehearsal footage showed that S10 is given a lot on her plate to carry the performance and she may botched the handling of it. I still see it making it through but it now looks like this will be a lower top ten placement.

Norway - Sure to qualify. No question. Nothing more to say besides the televote of both semi-final 1 and the grand final will be very high for the intergalactic yellow wolves Keith and Jim.

Poland - Going to get in solely because of Ochman's voice. However, the televote remains to be seen, as the performance seems to be throwing everything but the kitchen sink to say "Water!" and "Storm!" at the viewer. Some still strangely believe he has a shot to win but those chances are sure to quickly wash away by Saturday.

Portugal - This was my last choice for semi-final 1 qualifiers. I enjoy "Saudade, Saudade" and it's pretty much this year's most underrated song aka Portugal Every Year In Eurovision. But I am so concerned about how it is being staged for Turin consisting entirely of Maro and her backup singers in a circle. This is a very risky choice both for the live audience and viewers. Either the performance will be a beautiful display of intimacy and melancholy or just bunch of shots of people's butts and backsides.

San Marino - Geez, late 2000's Eurovision much? "Stripper" is alright and often has me singing the chorus and Achille Lauro has rock star written all over him. But San Marino's Turin plans are to go way overboard in order to qualify, including flames, cages, risque outfits, and a working bull mechanism. I think people will eat it up in the semi but roll their eyes when it comes to the final.

Serbia - I adore this song. Really scratches at my Peter Gabriel/Laurie Anderson itch. Serbia and Konstrakta have only had to make the bare minimum of changes when bringing the song and staging to Turin and it still works without fail. This is going to sound so awesome live when the clapping comes in.

Sweden - Could this be a POTENTIAL WINNER? Yes. Yes it could. But I will not be super happy by it. I have nothing against Cornelia Jakobs and "Hold Me Closer", both of which I like, but I don't really see the same hype that other Eurovision fans and critics see. I instead see it placing in the top five of the grand final, thanks to an above average mixture of jury and fan love.

Ukraine - This is the most obvious straight to the final pick. Luckily, the song is actually great and Kalush Orchestra have a great performance of it in the can, both figuratively and literally considering the shit they had to get through to attend this year's event. The televote in the final is expected to be quite high but I don't think Ukraine will win the contest. Best bet is a top five or ten showing.

COUNTRIES THAT WILL NOT QUALIFY TO THE GRAND FINAL

Albania - Oooo, this is a hot take. As said above, this will get people ready for Eurovision as the very first song of this year's contest but then Latvia will steal all of its attention and glory. It could sneak into the grand final but don't expect it to do very well.

Armenia - Another controversial choice. I was all for the song once it dropped. But that expected staging. Armenia looks to potentially trip up like Ireland last year, putting all of the attention on sets and gimmicks rather than the song and singer.

Austria - I unabashedly love to bop to this high energy dance track but watching it performed live, woof. DJ LUM!X is a black hole of charisma and Pia Maria has been struggling so much to get her singing just right.

Azerbaijan - This country likes to put in a lot of work and effort into their entries but this looks to miss the boat. First, the country might get the cold shoulder from voters due to the country's history with Russia. Secondly, and more importantly, the performance of "Fade To Black" is a bit troubling. It seems to rip off Azerbaijan's 2013 entry with the body mirroring of the singer but now with a big set of stairs instead of a glass box of emotion. As for Nadir Rustamli, he has the voice but he's not very handsome for the general viewer, what with his very messy and scruffy beard. It could sneak in but only juries will remember and reward it if it makes the final.

Belgium - Come on Belgium, you can do better than this. "Miss You" is perfect for the radio but there's nothing to really hang on to. As many critics have noted, this feels like a X Factor winner song. And then you have those backup dancers. Geez Louise.

Cyprus - Many have this as a near instant qualifier but I sadly see it as the end of Cyprus' hot streak. It is too mellow and soothing to latch on to, even with the expected giant clam set. It looks to be lost in the shuffle on Thursday and again on Saturday if it somehow wins a spot. 

Denmark - What a snore. Perfect for playlist filler. Worthy of a golf clap in the arena but nothing else. Next.

Estonia - I had hope (ha) for this to make it to the grand final but the expected staging in Turin looks like total amateur hour. Who thought it will be a good idea for Stefan to run around the entire stage, especially with a guitar in hand?

Georgia - Easy dismissal. Sure to place dead last or second to last depending on troll votes. The song itself is alright if you into that kind of alternative rock but the whole performance is like when your uncle tries to entertain kids by walking in with those glasses with the eye springs and that's all.

Iceland - Though it may shock me but making it in, I think that Iceland's entry is just too mellow and forgettable for the average viewer. They would rather vote for something more soothing (Portugal) or more easily cheerful in its folk music (Moldova).

Malta - Ugh. I really like "Walk On Water", Malta's song for the 2016 contest that controversially  replaced its voted upon song "Chameleon". For some strange reason, Malta decided to do the dangerous tactic of swapping songs again but now with more people hating on it. Emma Muscat is a fine enough singer but they have her in an outfit suited for Junior Eurovision yet it also seems to crib from Belgium 2016. Furthermore, "I Am What I Am" is the blandest of bland when it is not stealing from Dotter's "Little Dot" (Dino Medanhodžić co-composed both songs). Just a complete mess around and a total flop from last year.

North Macedonia - I seem to be one of the few people who genuinely like "Circles" but unfortunately North Macedonia's delegation decided to just have Andrea stand on stage and nothing else. And it's sad to say but she can't carry her nation's dream all on her own.

Romania - Maybe people will want to have a barely good enough Latin inspired dance tune for the grand final. Or maybe they will instantly reject it once they see the goofy outfit in store for WRS.

Slovenia - This poor band of teenagers. They have a nice song you could tap you toe to but they have no chance on the grand stage of Turin. A poorly made giant disco ball doesn't help matters.

Switzerland - What the hell Switzerland?! You nearly won it last year and you chose to follow that up with a boring Louis Armstrong reject?

COUNTRIES THAT AUTO QUALIFY TO THE GRAND FINAL

France - Could be a total mess and bomb at the grand final or at least give everyone a chance to rave and dance with the devil. The 90's kid in me absolutely loves it. Bonus points for it being in Breton.

Germany - A lot of us may be sleeping on this similar to Germany 2018. The lyrics are kinda cringey but they might resonate heavily with younger voters. Thankfully, there is no giant middle finger suit this time around.

Italy - I had this as a potential winner for the longest time. From Sanremo where it easily won up until Turin. However, it seems now like it will be just a normal host entry but one that has an easier time making the lower top ten.

Spain - The last POTENTIAL WINNER in the lot. This is the one to easily win over the public and has the biggest chance for an Eurovision song to crossover into other countries including the United States. Chanel has been putting her entire corazon into the performance and looks to at least deliver Spain's best results since 2014.

The United Kingdom - Could the UK finally do it? Can they finally bring back their old glory? I thought a total yes until I saw the spaceship prop they constructed for "SPACE MAN" and Sam Ryder's Elvis like outfit. Please don't flop.

For those who just want the Cliff Notes version, here's what I have as my predictions for qualifying in the two semi-finals:

Semi Final 1

Bulgaria

Croatia

Greece

Latvia

Lithuania

Moldova

The Netherlands

Norway

Portugal

Ukraine

Potential Snub: Moldova, Portugal

Potential Stealer: Albania, Armenia, Iceland

Semi Final 2

Australia

Czech Republic

Finland

Ireland

Israel

Montenegro

Poland

San Marino

Serbia

Sweden

Potential Snub: Australia, Czech Republic

Potential Stealer: Azerbaijan, Cyprus, Romania

Here are my top ten favorite songs from this year's contest, also in alphabetical order:

Austria

France

Greece

Italy

Latvia

Moldova

The Netherlands

Norway

Serbia

Spain

And I again asked my non-fan father to watch/listen to the official recap video and come up with his own top five:

1. Switzerland

2. Portugal

3. Malta

4. Iceland

5. Slovenia

The Semi-Finals will take place on May 10 and May 12, both starting at 3 PM EST. The grand final is on Saturday May 14 at the same exact time. If interested, you can view this year's contest in the United States via Peacock but you must at least have a premium plan with them. If you have 5 dollars to burn, you like me can use it to watch the whole shebang before then quickly canceling next month's auto payment.

2022 Oscars Predictions

As always, these are my predictions to win, not who or what movie I wish would win.

Best Picture: The Power of the Dog

Best Actor: Will Smith - King Richard

Best Actress: Olivia Colman - The Lost Daughter

Best Supporting Actor: Troy Kotsur - CODA

Best Supporting Actress: Ariana DeBose - West Side Story

Best Director: Jane Campion - The Power of the Dog

Best Original Screenplay: Adam McKay and David Sirota - Don't Look Up

Best Adapted Screenplay: Sian Heder - CODA

Best Animated Feature Film: Encanto

Best International Feature Film: Drive My Car

Best Documentary Feature: Flee

Best Documentary (Short Subject): Audible

Best Animated Short Film: Robin Robin

Best Live Action Short Film: The Long Goodbye

Best Original Score: Jonny Greenwood - The Power of the Dog

Best Original Song: "No Time To Die" - No Time To Die

Best Cinematography: Ari Wegner - The Power of the Dog

Best Film Editing: Peter Sciberras - The Power of the Dog

Best Production Design: Patrice Vermette and Zsuzsanna Sipos - Dune

Best Costume Design: Paul Tazewell - West Side Story

Best Makeup and Hairstyling: Göran Lundström, Anna Carin Lock and Frederic Aspiras - House of Gucci

Best Sound: Dune

Best Visual Effects: Dune

Oh boy, I can't wait the most unanticipated Oscars of all time, which is sure to net its worst television ratings of all time!

Seriously though, I so don't really care for this year's Oscars even as a diehard fan. The rest of America will be more vicious and not even bother to watch or care.

Yeah, I know I just copied-pasted the two previous lines from my predictions last year but it is still true. Like seriously, Wanda Sykes = Ratings Success?! Fuck no!

As many an Oscar podcaster have stated, either this will be a small bump up from last year or be a complete debacle. Everyone in Hollywood save for ABC and the delusion Oscar producers are royally pissed off at the subtraction of 8 awards from being fully broadcasted, the show seriously starting a hour before it goes live to the nation, the rumored presence of non-Hollywood people such as Tony Hawk, Shaun White and Kelly Slater, the addition of a "We Don't Talk About Bruno" number despite it not being nominated or having a chance to be because Disney royally fucked up, and plenty more.

I'm fine with Regina Hall as a host but Wanda Sykes is true X-Pac heat for me. Seriously, her getting such a major gig in 2022 despite doing nothing of true worth since the early 2000's? As for Amy Schumer, I don't really care for her much anymore. She's long past her peak stardom, Hollywood gave up on her after several failures and she has mostly been doing a cooking show. It would be nice for her to get a second chance but her recent very serious/not really funny crack that she wants Ukrainian President Zelenskyy to participate has made a lot of people shake their heads.

I predict the television ratings to be somewhere between 7.85 and 9.65 million viewers. And that's me being generous. If you think I'm being too cynical, look up the recent data on the viewership numbers for all of the Best Picture nominees.

Speaking of Best Picture, it is all down to The Power of the Dog or CODA to win the big cheese. CODA is a crowd pleaser but I thought last year the Academy would want a crowd pleaser to win and that prediction failed. Plus, the Academy is now more open and international so unless Drive My Car pulls a Chariots of Fire, Dog will surely win.

But man, if Netflix fails again and Apple becomes the first streaming service to win Best Picture, that will be so soul-crushing.

Campion is a lock for Director. No discussion.

My gut has been on Cumberbatch winning Best Actor but all of the voices and recent award wins for Will Smith has me second guessing. I very much could see another Best Actor fiasco like last year's but I think the Academy wants to finally reward Smith, similar to how they rewarded DiCaprio.

Best Actress is so incredibly hard to predict. Chastain is the favorite, especially with all of the campaigning she did, but I hear a lot of people saying it might go to Colman or Cruz. Kidman has no chance in hell and Stewart is a dark horse but I'm going with Colman. People love her as much or even more than Chastain right now.

Kotsur has eaten Smit-McPhee's lunch recently at many awards so he and DeBose are locks for the Supporting categories.

The screenplay awards are also so difficult to predict. Original Screenplay will either be Don't Look Up or The Worst Person in the World but Adapted Screenplay can go to any of them except for Dune.

I really, really, really want The Mitchells vs. The Machines or Flee to win Best Animated Feature but the Disney collective in the Academy is still too strong and Encanto has been too big in the American pop culture to ignore. Luca and Raya and the Last Dragon will surely not split the votes for Disney to win here.

However, I really can see Flee making history by winning Best Documentary. Summer of Soul has been the heavy favorite but this is an once-in-a-lifetime event, something an Academy member would be a fool to pass up on helping make history.

Drive My Car is a lock for International Feature. No chance for the yak.

Expect Netflix to pick up two of the short categories and for Riz Ahmed to finally earn an Oscar albeit for his live-action short instead of his acting.

Best Score, which so stupidly is not going to be performed and awarded live on television, is down between Hans Zimmer and Jonny Greenwood. It's either going to be part of The Power of the Dog's grand collection or part of Dune's potential sweep of the tech categories.

Similar as to when Sam Smith won, I expect another Bond song to "surprisingly" win Best Original Song. Lin-Manuel Miranda is just going to have to continue waiting for his EGOT.

After being famously almost snubbed, I will laugh when it is announced that House of Gucci won Best Makeup and Hairstyling over The Eyes of Tammy Faye.

Much to the horror of your parents, Belfast is going to be shut out.

And no, I don't give two shits about the Oscar Fan Favorite vote.

See you on Monday with my reaction to the awards and the ceremony itself.