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Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006)
Former high school sweethearts are on opposite sides on the issue of an obnoxiously American fast food franchise being built on an Indian burial ground. The girl Wendy, now a lesbian due to experimentation in college, joins her new girlfriend on protesting the chain while her last boyfriend Arby gets a job there to spite her. There's also the problem with some weird pulsating, slimy eggs being all over the restaurant and making some people sick but everyone would rather fixate on their greasy, extra crispy dinners and sing a jaunty tune. Just another day in Tromaville. POULTRYGEIST: NIGHT OF THE CHICKEN DEAD is like all Lloyd Kaufman-directed films before it and delivers large bursts of button-pushing humor, gross-out gags and crude violence. However, I was very much surprised by its musical diversions, which are all wonderfully written and performed despite the limitations of the film's very low budget. Of course like all Troma films, your mileage may vary at the sight and sounds of people shitting, puking, masturbating, fornicating with food, and being gorily torn apart. You might also be dismayed by how the film does lose some steam in the second half when it finally gets to the chicken zombies and tries to come up with more and more excuses to pad out the proceedings. Plus, the ending is a glorified in-joke only hardcore Troma fans will get. Regardless, this a fun and ambitious modern exploitation film and a perfect title to laugh with some friends or make them sick.
FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5
Rifftrax Live!: Carnival of Souls (2016)
Similar to when I reviewed the live riffing of ANACONDA two years ago by the Rifftrax crew, this will be my immediate impressions. Once again, Mike, Kevin and Bill took an important horror movie and tore it to shreds with a consistently funny script of barbs and one-liners. CARNIVAL OF SOULS is a genuinely good film in itself but its low budget nature and slow plot progression does allow it to be easily mocked. Additionally, if the trio can make you laugh at NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, they can also do the same with this one as well. The three really mined a lot out of the wooden supporting players such as a forever-staring maid but had an absolute field day with John Linden, the main heroine's very creepy next door neighbor who's the type of guy, according to Mike, who would pleasure himself to bad video game reviews. Probably my personal favorite joke was how they took an artsy edit from a gas station to a boarding house and had the direction-giving gas attendant saying to the heroine that she needs to, "take a left at the inky pool of darkness." My runner-up would be the camera-pull close-up of a stained glass kneeling man who begs, "Please sir, may I have some plot?" My biggest issue with the live show, however, is that Rifftrax used a colorized version of the film, which hinders the great B&W photography and creepy macabre of the picture. They probably did it to bring in a bigger crowd at what still is a less known horror film with modern audiences but it didn't seem to work as my theater was filled but in one of the smaller ones. As for the shorts attached to the main feature, I was profoundly confused and laughing a lot at the one where a dirty adult witch is given a bath by a little girl and was a little ho-hum with "Masks of Grass", another ACI film that a had very problematic image of an African-American boy wearing a "grassy Indian headdress".
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Blood: The Last Vampire (2000)
A Japanese monster hunter goes undercover as a visiting schoolgirl at a high school located on a American military base. She is tasked by her secret government force to flush out two "chiropterans", bat-like demons that are hiding in human bodies and can only be killed by severe blood loss from a swift sword slash. BLOOD: THE LAST VAMPIRE was all the rage during the peak years of anime popularity and distribution but I just didn't get the urge to rent it out at my local Hollywood Video. I think my valid excuse was finding out online that the DVD back cover was lying and that the film is only 45 minutes long. Upon finally watching it, my lack of believing in the hype is correct as it is very overrated. The short film is basically a pilot episode for a television series, giving you a brief sampling of what's to come and having a bigger budget than normal. Its story literally is just a girl doing some recon, taking out her two opponents, another wild demon appears, kills it and leaves without a trace. More egregiously than its small story is the sheer fact that you spend less time with the heroine Saya and more with the annoying fat nurse that keeps screaming and making the situation worse. I also couldn't accept the character design, a big pet peeve of mine with animation, as many of the characters have terrible hairdos, rigid facial construction, and big ugly lips. Additionally, the big twist of the entire film is spoiled in its own title! That all being said, I still was overall fine with the final product. It's not a true treasure and Production I.G. has advanced their rich animation further since releasing this but I enjoyed the breezy tone and the more ambitious aspects of the product. The anime film is directed to be English-first, Japanese-second, which had my mind blown as you rarely ever see this even till today. The Japanese voice actors do a pretty good job and phonetically sound perfect with the English script and the American voice actors, including everyone's favorite Steven Blum. Additionally, I really loved that it was taking place in 1966 around Halloween, allowing the crew to flood the picture with great background material and a cavalcade of costumes. Unfortunately, the throwback design does lead to the stupidest moment of the film, namely its ending. It concludes with the nurse lady having a "deep" thought about humans killing their own kind while an American B-52 flies off to assist in the Vietnam War. To quote Jeff Bridges, "What the fuck does anything have to do with Vietnam?! What the fuck are you talking about?!" Give this a watch and then move to better anime, including other works that wisely handle the premise of a samurai sword wielding schoolgirl.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Disney is more widely known for their more happier fare but they have quite often took their kids gloves off and delivered some sheer nightmare fuel. These terrorizing works came in the form of their short cartoons, which would much later be mined thoroughly as part of television specials and video releases. I will eventually get around to covering A DISNEY HALLOWEEN, a televised hodge-podge of scary cartoons and movie clips which aired annually on ABC during the 90s, but I want to cover something more closer to my heart first. Way back in 1990, my parents bought me "Walt Disney Cartoon Classics Vol. 13: Donald's Scary Tales", which contained three creepy cartoons with Donald Duck as the poor sucker of various horrors. Today, I'll be reviewing those shorts as well as other famous horror-themed Disney cartoons.
The Skeleton Dance (1929)
A group of skeletons dance during the night. What more do I have to say?! Considered one of the greatest cartoons of all time, thanks in large part of being the very first cartoon use non-post-sync sound, THE SKELETON DANCE really banks on you being entertained by the sight of bone-men boogieing. This is the perfect example of the modern derision of old Disney cartoons, as it literally features characters bopping their knees up and down and playing instruments through weird means. Legendary animator Ub Iwerks does a great job with the more tricker shots, such as a 3D take of "Ring Around The Rosie", and does he ever unsettle you whenever a skeleton comes in for a close up or jumps right toward the viewer. Give it a glance or save it for background material for your Halloween party.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
The Mad Doctor (1933)
Mickey sees a cloaked figure stealing Pluto and he ventures through a dark castle in order to save his dog. This short was so frightening at the time, some theaters refuse to show it and apparently Britain banned it for a short time. Even today, it is drenched in haunting imagery and gory details. I mean come on, the villain Dr. XXX literally wants to cut Pluto and a chicken in half and stitch them together in order for the possibly of "it" asexually reproducing their mutated breed. The B&W artwork is just gorgeous, with the showstopper being an amazing pseudo-3D sneaking scene. Everything is pumping on all cylinders, the gags all work, and it grows darker and darker in tone up until the lame ending where, you guess, it was all Mickey's dream. Regardless, it still a great watch and the perfect material to scare your unsuspecting little kids with.
FINAL REVIEW: 5 / 5
Pluto's Judgement Day (1935)
Pluto suffers through a nightmare where he's on trial for crimes against cat kind. The odds are stacked against him as the judge is a cat, the prosecutor is a cat, and the jury are all cats. Yep, we have another "it was all a dream" scenario but here the makers spoil it early by literally showing Pluto's dream figure exiting his body to chase after a baiting cat. This short is pretty disturbing in how much detail and great animation was put into creating a hellish courtroom. The scariest moments come whenever the prosecutor is barking at the chained up dog, especially with the extreme closeup on his eyes at one point. Unfortunately, there is one thing that really hurts the overall quality of the short and that is plain old racism. There's a segment where three black kitten with badly braided hair sing a tune about their Uncle Tom. Yeah, you can't get anymore racist than that. Also, I can't end this review without mentioning how adorable the little kitten at the end is.
FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5
Lonesome Ghosts (1937)
A group of ghosts living in a haunted house sucker in paranormal investigators Mickey, Donald, and Goofy so they can have some fun. The playful nature of the short, along with the eye-catching color and design of the ghosts, has sustain this as one of the most popular Disney cartoons ever. However, despite seeing it many, many times, I just do not have very strong feelings about it. The animation is really good, especially during the gag with Goofy and the dresser, and I do like the final joke where the trio unexpectedly defeat the well-dressed spirits. But the overall comedy doesn't work wonders with me and I always feel a little disappointment as it progresses. Also, fun fact: Many viewers point to this short as the inspiration of GHOSTBUSTERS, particularly when Goofy says a variation of "I ain't afraid of no ghosts!"
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Donald's Lucky Day (1939)
Superstitious delivery boy Donald has a hard time avoiding a playful black cat and not realizing that he's delivering a ticking bomb. The only creeps this short gave me as a kid was the evil piercing eyes of the sender behind the door. Outside of that, the short never really warrants any spooks whatsoever, as it focuses more on the somewhat lame slapstick between the duck and the cat. I will say that the cat's purr is the true highlight, as I just find it very cute. A fine enough watch but not something I will go back as much as I once did.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Donald Duck and the Gorilla (1944)
Donald and his nephews have to contend with an escaped gorilla running wild in their house. This short has one of my all time favorite jump scares: Huey, Dewey, and Louie are laughing their faces off after pranking Donald with their gorilla costume, only to cut straight to a random window and a lighting flash reveals the animal to be outside. I also love the constantly interrupting radio announcements from a bored reporter, who states helpful hints at serendipitous moments. The short loses some steam in the middle when the duck family have a random slapstick segment to themselves but it quickly gains it all back with a fantastic chase sequence to close out on.
FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5
Duck Pimples (1945)
A dark and stormy night at home causes Donald to be physically and mentally tormented by pulpy media. I could write a whole essay about how amazing and demented this cartoon is. I point to this short as the genesis of my love for psychological thrillers as this just freaked me the hell out as a child. I still laugh at its jokes and can quote it verbatim but it gives me the creeps even to this day. For example, there's an early gag where a seemingly romantic radio drama suddenly turns into a crime show, as a woman is pushed off a cliff. The bloodcurdling scream is both funny and frightening but the lady's cry at her hubby Harold takes it to a dark turn, as it just reminds of the news story last year where a guy literally named Harold killed his wife by the doing the exact same thing. The short then moves into total surrealism, as it just throws out a ton of disturbing imagery amid all the humor, the backgrounds change on a dime, and Donald is rendered mute and threatened with police brutality. The dark antics get so off the rails that an author surrogate walks in and quickly gives an unfortunate resolution to the central mystery. And then the short ends on a disturbing final note, with a new sinister voice bellowing out at Donald and the poor tortured duck just stands in total shock. I absolutely adore this cartoon.
FINAL REVIEW: 5 / 5
Trick or Treat (1952)
Donald gives his costumed nephews a nasty trick when they come to his door, causing a witch to intervene and show that two can play at that game. This is the perfect Disney short to watch every Halloween, since its one of the few if not only one to center around the major holiday. It also has that delightful earworm title song that will have you humming for days. To further help its case, you have legendary voice actress June Foray playing the sorceress Hazel and employing her witch voice two years before applying it to the witchy Looney Tunes character also named Hazel. My only setbacks with it is that the theme song really overshadows the magic-based comedy and the moral of the story is pretty hammered into you.
FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5
Daffy Duck's Quackbusters (1988)
Literally cursed to run a public business and do good deeds or else losing his recently acquired fortune, Daffy Duck opens up a investigation agency that specializes in the paranormal. DAFFY DUCK'S QUACKBUSTERS holds a very special place in my heart, as my parents taped it off of HBO when I was really young and I would rewatch it over and over again. The film itself was one of several theatrical releases where Warner Bros. would take a bunch of their classic Merry Melodies and then animated an original story for the wrap-arounds. Notable shorts featured here include "The Prize Pest" (where Daffy's monstrous "split personality" terrorizes Porky), "Transylvania 6-5000" (where Bugs magic battles with a vampire), and "The Abominable Snow Rabbit" (where Bugs and Daffy contend with a Lenny-like creature). It also contains two new Daffy-themed shorts: "The Night of the Living Duck", where he sings like Mel Tormé to a crowd of famous monsters, and "The Duxorcist", where he woos and battles a possessed duck dame. The biggest issue with the feature isn't the dated references (Joe Miller Joke Book and Billy Beer, anyone?) or the severe downplaying of the shorts featuring the giant red monster Gossamer but the voice acting of Mel Blanc. This was the last time he gave life to his animated animals before his death in 1989 and he's sounds very old. Whenever his contemporary voice for Daffy or Bugs is coupled with his older voices in the shorts, it is way too jarring to fully accept; even when I was a wee lad I could easily tell the difference. You could just pick and choose the individual horror-themed Looney Tunes shorts on YouTube but if you want to avoid the trouble, this is an easy alternative.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Garfield's Halloween Adventure (1985)
Realizing that Halloween Night allows him to get free candy, Garfield and his bud Odie dress up as pirates and go door to door. GARFIELD'S HALLOWEEN ADVENTURE was one of many TV specials centered around the popular orange fat cat but the very first one to be holiday-themed. Though it isn't my favorite of this specific lot (that would the Christmas one), it is a breezy and funny affair. Much of the short run time is focused around songs sung by famous crooner Lou Rawls and Garfield's own voice actor Lorenzo Music. They are all cute but the real highlights come from the always amazing performance by Music, who clearly had a lot of fun playing the role and quite often likes to improvise in the sound booth. The special had to have some kind of final act so a boat ride to a haunted island and the appearance of some ghostly pirates are rushed in for a spooky conclusion. Fun Fact: When this original program was later adapted by Jim Davis in comic form, this part was expanded upon and had the two pets constantly being stalked due to the pilfering of some hidden treasure. I know this because I once had the book, in all of its lopsided, vertically challenged glory. An enjoyable animated romp and a nice diversion from the annual airing of IT'S THE GREAT PUMPKIN, CHARLIE BROWN. Seriously, can we get this back on broadcast television instead of overdosing on all things Charles Schulz?
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Death Spa (1989)
A fancy fitness center becomes a murder factory when a series of unfortunate accidents run wild. Could it be the computer system that runs the joint, the snarky programmer who operates it behind closed doors, corporate saboteurs hiding in plain sight, or the ghost of the owner's ex-wife? What not have all of them because that's how DEATH SPA rolls. This movie is absolutely bonkers, saturated in the sheer indulgence of 80s chic and goofy exploitation. One minute you're watching a hunk deny a girl by saying, "I'm beta and you're VHS", the next minute he's getting his ribs burst out by some malfunctioning press arms. There are nude females a plenty and a lot of unexplainable gory demises, including one hell of a head explosion. The story is very incomprehensible, developing a whodunit in the beginning stages only to thrown in elements from PSYCHO, only to then craft some bizarre mixture of body possession and cyber-supernatural evil so it can have a CARRIE-like finale. I would go to task on the film for this but it doesn't really matter when the proceedings are so kitschy and playfully violent. The cast are all having a lot of fun as they exercise, get naked, read off some pulpy barbs and suffer terrible fates. The people behind the camera relish all the B-movie prowess they can deliver but they also make sure to bring some brilliantly creative touches to the film, as evident by the very impressive opening tracking shot and several more scenes that employ a Steadicam. DEATH SPA is a perfect midnight movie and rightfully proclaimed as one of the best good bad films.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
