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Devastated by the inability to properly use his hands after a gruesome car accident, headstrong neurosurgeon Steven Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) finds a possible solution in Nepal, where a order of monks are tapping into mystical powers and preparing for a ruinous strike from a roguish former student. DOCTOR STRANGE should be celebrated as one of the more original visions of super heroics on film if not for the straight up fact that it follows the standard, now tiresome Marvel movie formula. Yet another origin story with an arrogantly smart and sarcastic white male who has a major setback, slowly become nicer and more powerful with outside guidance, has a flirty relationship with a white female in a throwaway subplot, and saves the world from a villain destined to die. It even offers up a scene where Strange mocks and compares a stoic guy's one word name to famous pop culture artists like Beyonce, thus leading to an obvious gag later on where the mocked one is merrily listening to a pop song amid ancient decorum. Though Marvel fatigue is sitting in my heart and I was further dismayed by the poor handling of hand-to-hand magic battles, the film is still an entertaining ride with a plethora of audacious flourishes not seen in the average blockbuster. The special effects are mindbogglingly fantastic, from the surreal mind trips to the dimensional rejiggering of gravity and mass to the finale where the importance of time is graphically fought over. I also heavily applauded the deviations director Scott Derrickson and his co-writers brought to the story, such as the creation of a mirror world in order to have big mystic exchanges without harming real people and buildings, the romantic angle not leading to a happy ending, and especially how the flexible maneuvers and hypocritical nature of the film's top heroes brings about harsh ramifications. The film ultimately tides you over thanks to its magical theatrics and the breadcrumbs of future films but it will forever remain as just another serviceably good entry in the pantheon of Marvel movies.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Though Veteran's Day would best be served to celebrate the living and the fallen who fought for our freedom, I like many thousands of people instead spent the day trying to locate Nintendo's NES Classic Edition. One of the hottest products this holiday season, it was destined to be sold out come the end of the day but all of us were thrown off by the severe lack of supply across the nation and online. Alas, my early trip to Target was for naught as I was #15 in line when my local brick-and-mortar store only possessed 12 boxed copies. I'm pretty chill about my predicament, as I expect to snag one once Nintendo gets their act together and flood the market by January next year, but I have to contend with a lot of salt being thrown online and egregious scalpers plaguing eBay and Amazon.
The clear successful gamble of this product has caused many video game fans to ponder what Nintendo will do next. Most people and myself agree that a SNES Classic Edition is the natural course of action, followed close behind with a Nintendo 64 version and/or an upgraded NES Edition. Since we have plenty of time to dream one up before Nintendo continues their "license to print money" aspirations and make it a true reality, I decided to come up with my interpretation of the machine. As with the game quota in the NES Classic, I will choose only 30 video games, all of whom were released in North America and only ones that would plausibly be bundled in.
1. ActRaiser
We kick things off with the system's most underrated game. New players can enjoy playing God on the ground and in the sky with this part platformer, part simulation gem.
2. Breath of Fire
The first of several (!) RPGs on this list. Though I vastly prefer the sequel also on the SNES, I can guess that Capcom would rather shine the light on its unsung role-playing series with the original iteration. Hopefully, they fix it up and give it a better translation.
3. Contra III: The Alien Wars
Since Super C is on the NES Classic, why not have the Contra series continue holding it spot and fill it with its most acclaimed work. Filled with awesome action sequences and giant bosses, this is a sure-fire bet. However, the overhead levels will have new players squirming in their couches.
4. Donkey Kong Country
Rare couldn't add this classic on to their Xbox One exclusive Rare Replay due to Nintendo's ownership of the Donkey Kong character. What better way to stick to them then to release the 1994 platforming masterpiece.
5. Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest
Looking to keep the streak going and have another featured trilogy be included, Nintendo would logically have DKC's much improved upon sequel.
6. Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble!
Sadly, due to the obligations of featuring a trilogy, this black sheep of the DKC franchise would also have to be programmed in. Dixie is always great but no one, and I mean no one, loves Kiddy Kong.
7. Earthbound
Oh boy, what a rush it will be if this makes it on the real list. The internet will be aflame and fanboys will be more overjoyed than when it was released on the Wii U Virtual Console. They would still complain about the lack of Mother 3 though. Anyway, Nintendo has been desperately trying to push this magnum opus on to the public ever since its less than stellar reception in 1994. What better way to have it the most human hands imaginable than including it on the SNES Classic.
8. F-Zero
It's sadly dormant today but this futuristic racing game with its Mode 7 graphics revolutionized console gaming and made the title a worthy pick among the first five of the SNES launch.
9. Final Fantasy II
Oh yes, I'm going with this pick under its awful original North American name. Actually the forth entry of the series, this game may not be the very best among the FF titles released on the SNES but it is still popular among gamers and would easily fill the spot the original Final Fantasy has.
10. Final Fight 2
Capcom better include this specific beat-em-up title on to the list. The first Final Fight sold helluva lot more on the SNES but was rightfully lambasted for its lack of 2 Player Mode and the inability to play as Guy. The first console-only sequel fixed the former problem and helped keep the legacy of Mike Haggar and his crime-busting antics.
11. Gradius III
Another one of the First Five. Never played it personally but I know it has a lot of admirers. Plus, its history as one of the original launch titles and the inclusion of Gradius on the NES Classic makes this pick a wise choice.
12. Kirby's Dream Land 3
I bet Nintendo will be a massive troll and have this Kirby game make the cut instead of Kirby Super Star. It's fine by itself and has 2 Player Mode but again, it's no Kirby Super Star.
13. The Legend of the Mystical Ninja
My dark horse pick, this game was one of those titles you and your friends had a lot fun renting out all the time but never owning a copy. It's very hard but Goemon really deserves some attention.
14. The Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past
Nothing really needs to be said.
15. Mega Man X
The Blue Bomber was going through some tough times on the dying NES but this spin-off game was a huge shot of adrenaline to the franchise. One of the most replayable games of all time and featuring one of the very best gaming soundtracks.
16. Pilotwings
Ugh. Another pick simply just for historical sake. I've never been personally keen on this flight simulator game nor its Nintendo 64 sequel.
17. Secret of Mana
I think Square will continue to troll the hardcore gamers and have this be one of their picks instead of more popular RPG fare. Regardless, this real-time action RPG is a heavy hitter and an artfully made classic.
18. Sim City
Four for four with the First Five SNES games. It might have to be cleared through EA but the Nintendo developed version of the classic city simulator game is a worthy inclusion.
19. Star Fox
Good Luck! We already have a shoot-em-up game on the lsit but not the one that really made the system stand out. This blew a lot of minds at the time thanks to its 3D Super FX graphics.
20. Street Fighter II Turbo
I will forever have the Sega Genesis' Special Championship Edition firmly attached to my heart but then and now, I will always have to say that this updated version of the mega-successful fighting game is the best one from the Fourth Generation.
21. Super Castlevania IV
The only good SNES Castlevania to come to the States in this specific era of gaming. The dark production design, unique usage of Simon Belmont's whip and the Mode 7 graphics help make this a big hit.
22. Super Ghouls 'n Ghosts
Many new players will loathe the experience of playing the NES version of Ghosts 'n Goblins on the NES Classic. If Capcom retains a spot for this series, they can immediately change hearts and minds with this upgraded take. It's still incredibly hard though.
23. Super Mario Kart
Out of all of these games here, this is the very one that will have the casuals come out in full force for. The perfect party game and the best reason to own a SNES Classic.
24. Super Mario World
This is a no brainer. It helped sell the Super Nintendo when it originally came out due to its then advanced graphics and music and the sheer fact that it was packed in with every console.
25. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island
Much to the detriment of video game journalist and noted hater Jeff Gerstmann, the infamous sequel to Super Mario World is an easy pick to be included. Now newer generations can see and hear why everyone hates Baby Mario with a passion!
26. Super Metroid
Samus does not receive a lot of love anymore from Nintendo nowadays but everyone should have a chance to play her finest hour in gaming.
27. Super Punch-Out!!
Swap out the original Punch-Out!! for its graphically superior sequel. Makes perfect sense.
28. Super R-Type
Not well known at all today but Super R-Type is a classic shoot-em-up and a big SNES title to get in the early days of the system.
29. Tetris Attack
The lack of Tetris on the NES Classic had a lot of people perplexed. Hoping to make up for the snub and fill in the gap left by Dr. Mario, I can see Nintendo including this fun puzzle game. Too bad it has absolutely nothing to do with the game of Tetris and is actually Panel de Pon, aka the first game of the Puzzle League series.
30. Uniracers
And we end with the most joyous and exhilarating racing game on the SNES. Trust me, you and your friends will be going crazy for these insanely fast and stunt friendly unicycles.
O-ei Katsushika has to contend with the various misadventures she and her father, the legendary artist Hokusai, get into in order to make commissions and find some semblance of joy and inspiration amid the hubbub of 1800's Edo. MISS HOKUSAI is a breezy anime film that actively wants you to kick off your shoes and take in the carefree demeanor and camaraderie of ancient artists. It is told through a series of vignettes, constantly fading in and out from each one, which makes the sheer fact that this was adapted from a manga even more obvious. All of the short stories are well supervised by Keiichi Hara, whose extensive background as an anime television director is a double-edged sword to the film, and colorfully put together by anime powerhouse Production I.G, who gets to have a couple of moments to show off such as an impressively fluid tracking shot and a few surreal sequences done in different animated styles. The movie also clearly wants to shed some light on O-ei, showing her emotionally difficult relationship with her father, both in a personal and professional sense, while also bringing to light the unique artistry she herself envisioned and put to paper. The unconventional narrative structure and lack of urgency may be a bit odd to handle but there are some unfortunate creative choices that really hurt the picture. Several pieces of the musical score are supplied with electric guitars, which just doesn't work at all in the context of this period dramedy. More egregiously, however, is the ending, as it feels like it comes out of nowhere with no proper build, only to then have O-ei come back out and verbally explain what happened in her latter life, only to then give some historic insight through some ending credits, and then finally concluding with a harsh cut to modern times. To make matters worse, the current theatrical release was given a bad translation by a British company, as the English subtitles are riddled with typos, poor sentences, "u"s in words that don't have them, and substituting "sensei" with "maestro". Best to see it once it comes to video as by then you'll have a fine foreign film with better subtitling and proper time to chill out.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006)
Former high school sweethearts are on opposite sides on the issue of an obnoxiously American fast food franchise being built on an Indian burial ground. The girl Wendy, now a lesbian due to experimentation in college, joins her new girlfriend on protesting the chain while her last boyfriend Arby gets a job there to spite her. There's also the problem with some weird pulsating, slimy eggs being all over the restaurant and making some people sick but everyone would rather fixate on their greasy, extra crispy dinners and sing a jaunty tune. Just another day in Tromaville. POULTRYGEIST: NIGHT OF THE CHICKEN DEAD is like all Lloyd Kaufman-directed films before it and delivers large bursts of button-pushing humor, gross-out gags and crude violence. However, I was very much surprised by its musical diversions, which are all wonderfully written and performed despite the limitations of the film's very low budget. Of course like all Troma films, your mileage may vary at the sight and sounds of people shitting, puking, masturbating, fornicating with food, and being gorily torn apart. You might also be dismayed by how the film does lose some steam in the second half when it finally gets to the chicken zombies and tries to come up with more and more excuses to pad out the proceedings. Plus, the ending is a glorified in-joke only hardcore Troma fans will get. Regardless, this a fun and ambitious modern exploitation film and a perfect title to laugh with some friends or make them sick.
FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5
Rifftrax Live!: Carnival of Souls (2016)
Similar to when I reviewed the live riffing of ANACONDA two years ago by the Rifftrax crew, this will be my immediate impressions. Once again, Mike, Kevin and Bill took an important horror movie and tore it to shreds with a consistently funny script of barbs and one-liners. CARNIVAL OF SOULS is a genuinely good film in itself but its low budget nature and slow plot progression does allow it to be easily mocked. Additionally, if the trio can make you laugh at NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, they can also do the same with this one as well. The three really mined a lot out of the wooden supporting players such as a forever-staring maid but had an absolute field day with John Linden, the main heroine's very creepy next door neighbor who's the type of guy, according to Mike, who would pleasure himself to bad video game reviews. Probably my personal favorite joke was how they took an artsy edit from a gas station to a boarding house and had the direction-giving gas attendant saying to the heroine that she needs to, "take a left at the inky pool of darkness." My runner-up would be the camera-pull close-up of a stained glass kneeling man who begs, "Please sir, may I have some plot?" My biggest issue with the live show, however, is that Rifftrax used a colorized version of the film, which hinders the great B&W photography and creepy macabre of the picture. They probably did it to bring in a bigger crowd at what still is a less known horror film with modern audiences but it didn't seem to work as my theater was filled but in one of the smaller ones. As for the shorts attached to the main feature, I was profoundly confused and laughing a lot at the one where a dirty adult witch is given a bath by a little girl and was a little ho-hum with "Masks of Grass", another ACI film that a had very problematic image of an African-American boy wearing a "grassy Indian headdress".
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Blood: The Last Vampire (2000)
A Japanese monster hunter goes undercover as a visiting schoolgirl at a high school located on a American military base. She is tasked by her secret government force to flush out two "chiropterans", bat-like demons that are hiding in human bodies and can only be killed by severe blood loss from a swift sword slash. BLOOD: THE LAST VAMPIRE was all the rage during the peak years of anime popularity and distribution but I just didn't get the urge to rent it out at my local Hollywood Video. I think my valid excuse was finding out online that the DVD back cover was lying and that the film is only 45 minutes long. Upon finally watching it, my lack of believing in the hype is correct as it is very overrated. The short film is basically a pilot episode for a television series, giving you a brief sampling of what's to come and having a bigger budget than normal. Its story literally is just a girl doing some recon, taking out her two opponents, another wild demon appears, kills it and leaves without a trace. More egregiously than its small story is the sheer fact that you spend less time with the heroine Saya and more with the annoying fat nurse that keeps screaming and making the situation worse. I also couldn't accept the character design, a big pet peeve of mine with animation, as many of the characters have terrible hairdos, rigid facial construction, and big ugly lips. Additionally, the big twist of the entire film is spoiled in its own title! That all being said, I still was overall fine with the final product. It's not a true treasure and Production I.G. has advanced their rich animation further since releasing this but I enjoyed the breezy tone and the more ambitious aspects of the product. The anime film is directed to be English-first, Japanese-second, which had my mind blown as you rarely ever see this even till today. The Japanese voice actors do a pretty good job and phonetically sound perfect with the English script and the American voice actors, including everyone's favorite Steven Blum. Additionally, I really loved that it was taking place in 1966 around Halloween, allowing the crew to flood the picture with great background material and a cavalcade of costumes. Unfortunately, the throwback design does lead to the stupidest moment of the film, namely its ending. It concludes with the nurse lady having a "deep" thought about humans killing their own kind while an American B-52 flies off to assist in the Vietnam War. To quote Jeff Bridges, "What the fuck does anything have to do with Vietnam?! What the fuck are you talking about?!" Give this a watch and then move to better anime, including other works that wisely handle the premise of a samurai sword wielding schoolgirl.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Disney is more widely known for their more happier fare but they have quite often took their kids gloves off and delivered some sheer nightmare fuel. These terrorizing works came in the form of their short cartoons, which would much later be mined thoroughly as part of television specials and video releases. I will eventually get around to covering A DISNEY HALLOWEEN, a televised hodge-podge of scary cartoons and movie clips which aired annually on ABC during the 90s, but I want to cover something more closer to my heart first. Way back in 1990, my parents bought me "Walt Disney Cartoon Classics Vol. 13: Donald's Scary Tales", which contained three creepy cartoons with Donald Duck as the poor sucker of various horrors. Today, I'll be reviewing those shorts as well as other famous horror-themed Disney cartoons.
The Skeleton Dance (1929)
A group of skeletons dance during the night. What more do I have to say?! Considered one of the greatest cartoons of all time, thanks in large part of being the very first cartoon use non-post-sync sound, THE SKELETON DANCE really banks on you being entertained by the sight of bone-men boogieing. This is the perfect example of the modern derision of old Disney cartoons, as it literally features characters bopping their knees up and down and playing instruments through weird means. Legendary animator Ub Iwerks does a great job with the more tricker shots, such as a 3D take of "Ring Around The Rosie", and does he ever unsettle you whenever a skeleton comes in for a close up or jumps right toward the viewer. Give it a glance or save it for background material for your Halloween party.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
The Mad Doctor (1933)
Mickey sees a cloaked figure stealing Pluto and he ventures through a dark castle in order to save his dog. This short was so frightening at the time, some theaters refuse to show it and apparently Britain banned it for a short time. Even today, it is drenched in haunting imagery and gory details. I mean come on, the villain Dr. XXX literally wants to cut Pluto and a chicken in half and stitch them together in order for the possibly of "it" asexually reproducing their mutated breed. The B&W artwork is just gorgeous, with the showstopper being an amazing pseudo-3D sneaking scene. Everything is pumping on all cylinders, the gags all work, and it grows darker and darker in tone up until the lame ending where, you guess, it was all Mickey's dream. Regardless, it still a great watch and the perfect material to scare your unsuspecting little kids with.
FINAL REVIEW: 5 / 5
Pluto's Judgement Day (1935)
Pluto suffers through a nightmare where he's on trial for crimes against cat kind. The odds are stacked against him as the judge is a cat, the prosecutor is a cat, and the jury are all cats. Yep, we have another "it was all a dream" scenario but here the makers spoil it early by literally showing Pluto's dream figure exiting his body to chase after a baiting cat. This short is pretty disturbing in how much detail and great animation was put into creating a hellish courtroom. The scariest moments come whenever the prosecutor is barking at the chained up dog, especially with the extreme closeup on his eyes at one point. Unfortunately, there is one thing that really hurts the overall quality of the short and that is plain old racism. There's a segment where three black kitten with badly braided hair sing a tune about their Uncle Tom. Yeah, you can't get anymore racist than that. Also, I can't end this review without mentioning how adorable the little kitten at the end is.
FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5
Lonesome Ghosts (1937)
A group of ghosts living in a haunted house sucker in paranormal investigators Mickey, Donald, and Goofy so they can have some fun. The playful nature of the short, along with the eye-catching color and design of the ghosts, has sustain this as one of the most popular Disney cartoons ever. However, despite seeing it many, many times, I just do not have very strong feelings about it. The animation is really good, especially during the gag with Goofy and the dresser, and I do like the final joke where the trio unexpectedly defeat the well-dressed spirits. But the overall comedy doesn't work wonders with me and I always feel a little disappointment as it progresses. Also, fun fact: Many viewers point to this short as the inspiration of GHOSTBUSTERS, particularly when Goofy says a variation of "I ain't afraid of no ghosts!"
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Donald's Lucky Day (1939)
Superstitious delivery boy Donald has a hard time avoiding a playful black cat and not realizing that he's delivering a ticking bomb. The only creeps this short gave me as a kid was the evil piercing eyes of the sender behind the door. Outside of that, the short never really warrants any spooks whatsoever, as it focuses more on the somewhat lame slapstick between the duck and the cat. I will say that the cat's purr is the true highlight, as I just find it very cute. A fine enough watch but not something I will go back as much as I once did.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Donald Duck and the Gorilla (1944)
Donald and his nephews have to contend with an escaped gorilla running wild in their house. This short has one of my all time favorite jump scares: Huey, Dewey, and Louie are laughing their faces off after pranking Donald with their gorilla costume, only to cut straight to a random window and a lighting flash reveals the animal to be outside. I also love the constantly interrupting radio announcements from a bored reporter, who states helpful hints at serendipitous moments. The short loses some steam in the middle when the duck family have a random slapstick segment to themselves but it quickly gains it all back with a fantastic chase sequence to close out on.
FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5
Duck Pimples (1945)
A dark and stormy night at home causes Donald to be physically and mentally tormented by pulpy media. I could write a whole essay about how amazing and demented this cartoon is. I point to this short as the genesis of my love for psychological thrillers as this just freaked me the hell out as a child. I still laugh at its jokes and can quote it verbatim but it gives me the creeps even to this day. For example, there's an early gag where a seemingly romantic radio drama suddenly turns into a crime show, as a woman is pushed off a cliff. The bloodcurdling scream is both funny and frightening but the lady's cry at her hubby Harold takes it to a dark turn, as it just reminds of the news story last year where a guy literally named Harold killed his wife by the doing the exact same thing. The short then moves into total surrealism, as it just throws out a ton of disturbing imagery amid all the humor, the backgrounds change on a dime, and Donald is rendered mute and threatened with police brutality. The dark antics get so off the rails that an author surrogate walks in and quickly gives an unfortunate resolution to the central mystery. And then the short ends on a disturbing final note, with a new sinister voice bellowing out at Donald and the poor tortured duck just stands in total shock. I absolutely adore this cartoon.
FINAL REVIEW: 5 / 5
Trick or Treat (1952)
Donald gives his costumed nephews a nasty trick when they come to his door, causing a witch to intervene and show that two can play at that game. This is the perfect Disney short to watch every Halloween, since its one of the few if not only one to center around the major holiday. It also has that delightful earworm title song that will have you humming for days. To further help its case, you have legendary voice actress June Foray playing the sorceress Hazel and employing her witch voice two years before applying it to the witchy Looney Tunes character also named Hazel. My only setbacks with it is that the theme song really overshadows the magic-based comedy and the moral of the story is pretty hammered into you.
FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5
