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The Lego Movie
1st Teaser Trailer
Watch It Here
Person of Interest: Chris Pratt as "The Special" Emmett, Will Arnett as Batman, Morgan Freeman as Master Builder Not-Gandalf, an unnamed female super spy, Superman, Wonder Woman, Robin, Green Lantern, Abe Lincoln, The Statue of Liberty, a crash test dummy, a clown, a ghost, The Mermaid, Green Ninja, 1980's-Something Space Guy, Michelangelo (the artist), Michelangelo (the turtle), and the 2002 NBA All-Stars.
Scene Pop: Either of the two giant laser battles.
Briggs Breakdown: 1 thrown shark, a crap ton of lasers, a turbo-charged motorcycle, a flapping glider, the Batwing, and the word "you" stretched for 14 seconds.
Effective?: A bit light on the main plot, and heavy on the kinetic action, but yes.
Check it Out?: Yes. I'm always a sucker for anything that brings multiple worlds or icons together, hence why I was looking for to this film ever since the announcement of Superman and Batman being in it. I genuinely love the animation style; instead of using the fluid 3D movement of the Lego figures present in all of the Lego video games and animation specials, the studio emulated the crude jerkiness present in the plethora of fan Lego stop-motion shorts. Combine it with all of the voice talent and Phil Lord and Chris Miller (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, 21 Jump Street) and you have yourself a winning formula.
The Wolf of Wall Street
1st Trailer
Watch It Here
Person of Interest: A charisma-spewing, comically mugging Leonardo DiCaprio, his fish-eating best buddy Jonah Hill, space cadet Matthew McConaughey, femme fatale Margot Robbie, strunged out and goateed Jon Bernthal, and a down-to-earth, disgruntled Kyle Chandler.
Scene Pop: Leonardo popping and locking (!).
Briggs Breakdown: 6 parties/celebrations, a destroyed mailbox, making it rain, a bin of garbage money, orange juice violence against a bush, a bad case of money smuggling, and short person shot-put.
Effective?: Yes.
Check it Out?: Yes, but seriously, Damn! This trailer is an exhilarating rush of bad men and bad money. I love it! It is helped greatly by Kayne West's "Black Skinhead", a song from his new album Yeezus, which comes out tomorrow.
From time to time, I forget or not motivated enough to write a full length review for every single film I have seen in theaters.
As to catch up, here are some short form reviews:
Fast & Furious 6
FAST & FURIOUS 6, or FURIOUS 6 as it oddly calls itself in the opening credits, is a flat Mountain Dew; it will give you some buzz but not enough to be a delicious treat. You'll get a kick out of all of the fantastic, well-crafted action sequences but it lacks the plentiful machismo of the previous installment, FAST FIVE. The crew from that movie, except for two bumbling comic reliefs, return to do some special work for Dwayne Johnson: they will all receive pardons for their past actions if they can help him take down an English mega-criminal (Luke Evans) before he can construct and sell a dangerous EMP-like weapon. Paul Walker and Vin Diesel are additionally motivated by the presence of living dead girl Michelle Rodriguez. After the eighteenth discussion about loyalty and family, you'll realize that the lines in the script are all boring and stock. It then dawns on you that all of the side-missions, whether it was to have Walker enter a L.A. prison or a diversion of street racing, ultimately do not matter since they all end with a "Toad" telling you to check another castle. Once the third act starts, you have to endure another, another Joker Plot, a nonsensical twist (beyond creating an altered final fight), and our heroes making a grave indecision where they care more about one unimportant person than an entire nation. Of course, once the mouths stay partially shut, the vigorous excitement of a subway battle, tank destruction of a highway, and multiple engagements on one extra long airstrip get the blood rushing highway speed. An okay affair for the matinee. Also, the stinger does bring some joy but hopefully not to more Vin Diesel ego-stroking.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Epic
Already mocked for its audacity when it was first announced, EPIC certainly doesn't live up to its title. This is the type of movie for couch potato kids, flipping through channels before briefly exclaiming surprise that it is on Cartoon Network. It's also the type where logically thinking about it makes you more mad. A teenage girl nicknamed M.K. moves into her father's house, only to find a FERN GULLY civilization in her backyard, where she is then shrunken down to their size and gets wrapped up in a war over a blessed flower pod. The five credited writers for the film start off generic and then get colossally amateurish. The bad guys are evil just because they are dark-skin and have decaying powers. Every scene starts off serious then radically goes into slapstick comedy. A musical number enters suddenly into the picture due to the ear-splitting presence of Steven Tyler. There's a freaking pod race sequence for no reason. And, more importantly, the heroes are worthless: M.K. does nothing beyond surrogate duty, A comic relief snail and slug are lazily thrown in and never really do their job as pod moisturizers, and a young soldier acts who's a complete jerk throughout before being shoe-horned into an awkwardly, undeveloped romance with the lead. The true hero and sole likable individual is Colin Farrell's Ronin, who goes through the proper aspects of a warrior character (loss, determination, fearlessness, etc). But Blue Sky Studios can't have an older man as a lead; bring forth more of the handsome jackass! To ruin the movie further, we are supposed to care about M.K.'s relationship with her bumbling scientist father but it's negated by the sheer fact that the man gave up his whole life, has not seen or contacted his ex-wife or child, in favor of more attention to his theory of leaf-men. It's another dud from Chris Wedge, who last directed ROBOTS in 2005. He should stick to being a producer and the voice of ICE AGE's Scrat.
FINAL REVIEW: 2 / 5
Now You See Me
I don't care that our main leads lose their characterization momentum after the first third of the film. I don't care that Morgan Freeman didn't act like a tweener or the heel character he was supposed to be. I don't care that Louis Leterrier's direction and the cinematography literally causes headaches from all of the shaking, jolting, and 360 swirling. I can subdue these problems and concerns because NOW YOU SEE ME is a frankly fun adventure. It is a mixture of Lupin III and Robin Hood, with a dash of Pen & Teller, as a group of street magicians, motivated by a secret benefactor and tarot cards, pull off a massive American caper while avoiding both national and international law enforcement. All of the actors in the ensemble are game for the material and are clearly having a blast working on this project. Certainly the standout is Mark Ruffalo, one of the best middle-aged actors today, who gets to be young again as an action star. His weathered but determined FBI agent is the film's true heart and he plays well with everyone, from his flirtation with Mélanie Laurent to the camaraderie with Common and Michael Kelly, and sells the comedic tone of a major organization fighting a war against magic. Worth it solely for the smoke and mirrors battle between Ruffalo and Dave Franco.
FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5
Before seeing THE INTERNSHIP, it finally dawned on myself that I completely missed a huge gaffe in its trailer. The biggest joke the trailer editor could end with was to feature the scene where Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson are conned by their arrogant team-members into locating Professor Xavier at Stanford, only for the two to find one matching his description and to be humiliated for their lack of testicular fortitude. It stupidly took myself quite a while to notice the fact that these two characters somehow never grew up with X-Men comics during their 70's childhood, had a peak at the animated series during the 90's, and removed themselves from the entertainment world entirely when the X-MEN film franchise (including one released two years ago!) stormed theaters.
THE INTERNSHIP is extremely unfunny, which makes the full two-hour running time even more worse to bear. It also rests on the severe traits of its three male heads of the picture: producer/co-writer/main actor Vince Vaughn showcases his obnoxious, egotistical side constantly over his supposed best bud Owen Wilson, who again doesn't do much besides his usual quirky aloofness and nose talking, and director Shawn Levy returns to his crass mediocrity that everyone expects of his talents. Just when you thought it can't get any worst, you remember that you are sitting through a glorified commercial for a internet search engine that is "changing the world" and making a better life, yet has their interns play real-life Quidditch to determine their job qualifications and to see them grab a golden ball strapped on to an effeminate man. I can even put a rancid cherry atop on this hateful sundae because it's a pretty foul film with a PG-13 rating, obviously edited down from its rated-R target but somehow retaining all of their risque jokes.
Vaughn and Wilson, let's face the fact that they neither truly act as a character, find out that they lost their pompous watch salesman jobs because these kooky kids nowadays use their phones for time. I guess fashion doesn't exist with watches. White, middle-aged and believing that their b.s. talk can't give them another job, which is incredibly false, they get themselves enrolled into an internship at Google, the sunshines-and-lollipops company where everything is complimentary at the food shops and you can take a slide down to the first floor. Other than continue existing as a thumbs-up p.r. tool, the film then rehashes the 80's stable of slobs vs. snobs, where the duo teams up with a group of stereotypes (nerdy girl, disgruntled hipster, masochistic Asian, hip-hop white boy) to face off against the snooty British ass-kisser (Max Minghella) for future jobs at the company. They also try to win the respect of their stern headmaster Mr. Chetty (Aasif Mandvi) and show that excellent social and real-world skills can tronce those un-evolved young adults who can't talk normally and hide behind computers.
The so-called famed WEDDING CRASHERS duo is unbearable together here, with the hammer falling harder on Vaughn. Their eccentric exchanges are either ear-splitting nonsense or flat deliveries; I nearly wanted to scream back at the screen during their tirade at the "find the bug" challenge. Wilson at least gets to be quiet and dignified later but Vaughn just will not shut up or stop showing off. He deliberately wants this to be his show alone and he fails hard. The only thing able to keep the film hanging a millimeter away from hitting the bottom of the barrel is the other cast-members. Dylan O'Brien, Tiya Sircar, Tobit Raphael, Max Minghella and Jessica Szohr all give their best at their roles, sometimes given the spotlight to display a nice warmth to them. Then, there's the talented and lovely Rose Byrne, who gets to speak in her native tongue as a Google supervisor who is wooed by Wilson. She gets some pleasant little moments, able to shine some much needed energy and try to make the jokes seem to be comedy gold. However, she is unfortunate to have a character perfect for Lifetime: a woman who has placed her time only on work and not on men and making babies.
I was not surprised that this male-dominated comedy, let alone anchored by Vince Vaughn, would feature sneering portrayals of women. According to the film, women are covertly sexual and/or have perverted thoughts, date douchebags, rely on their physical beauty to advance, overbearing punishers, or are literally a stripper. To make the film doubly weird and easily show the negative light, Vaughn constantly encourages everyone with the story of FLASHDANCE, to see themselves as Alex and to keep their hopes alive, yet still brings them all, including the sole girl of the group, to celebrate at a Chinese stripclub. That's the only true laugh of the film, that a sequence at a stripclub is in a PG-13 movie. You can tell that alternate shots are placed in the cut and shots were blurred out to maintain the strict limitations of the rating. The MPAA also thought that jokes such as a cameoing Will Ferrell dry-humping a customer, fisting, a mention of hentai, rampant ejaculation, and octogenarian gang bangs were suited as well.
You can tell how highly misguided the film is when it brings some reality to the table. There's a small scene where the college kids inform Vaughn and Wilson that their future is a dark unknown, that their college education will not easily grant them a job after finishing up their studies (that sounds familiar!). A whole generation that's cynical about what once was the American Dream. So what happens when the true victors at the end have their hands raised? All of the other competing men and women who just had their hopes dashed are applauding non-stop for those few. They deserve to remain in the background, to let their dreams die. That's unbecoming for a film that plays extensive lip-service to FLASHDANCE.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
AFTER EARTH is the worst birthday gift possibly ever given to a 14-year-old son of a major celebrity, a catastrophic attempt to sell the American public of the "talents" of Jaden Smith. I'm surprised a cable channel wasn't on the set to capture the misery for a special television event, and also for our own viewing benefit. It would be enthralling to see the sheer egotism of the Smith family, the limp direction of Hollywood flameout M. Night Shyamalan, the creative process of the bizarre sci-fi art direction, James Newton Howard trying to have fun making another score for his buddy, and the tumultuous sessions in the editing bay; all captured in front of reality show cameras because the end product is a sleepy, straightforward affair that kills any sense of cinematic exhilaration.
Kitai (Jaden Smith) is a young kid wishing and wanting to be a "ranger", humanity's updated show of force on their new home planet Nova Prime. The disturbing fact that they court children into the military is never addressed further. Once they become part of the elite, the kids get educated in the art of "ghosting", where they remove the so-called choice of fear from their emotions in order to easily kill an engineered alien race called the Ursas, which is an odd name since they have no distinctive features or signatures of a bear. I don't remember hearing the recent news-story of a bear impaling a human with one of their six legs and then staking him on a tree branch to send a message to others. "Ghosting" also gives the person super-human abilites, somehow. Have our future self's changed our genetic code to achieve this tradeoff from fear or does Will Smith really, really want to make his kid a badass?
Anyway, because he is a loose cannon brat who doesn't play by the rules, Kitai is not advanced further in his soldier studies, much to the dismay and harsh opinions of his famous soldier father, Cypher Rage (Will Smith). Let that name sink in now for you: Cypher Rage. No questions, no notes from the studio to stop this name from constantly being spoken out loud. Mama Rage (Sophie Okonedo) thinks that Cypher and Kitai should spend some quality time, so they both head out to a military base. Their transport ship collides with an asteroid storm, suffers a failed warp and crashes on an environmental-changed Earth. Surprise, surprise, the duo are the only survivors, with Kitai being the only one capable of walking and retrieving a homing beacon in the tail section of the ship. So, as Kitai learns to be a man and a proper soldier on a harsh world, Cypher just strings out from all of the pain killers and wooden acting.
Though I singled out the war for children element, there are so many other sci-fi things that are never explained within the glorious script by Gary Whitta and Shyamalan. The highlights include: Why would you transport an imprisoned Ursa on a human-packed ship? How can Cypher "tonto" the asteroid barrage by touching the ship's side? What's the purpose of Kitai's color-changing suit beyond visual aesthetics? How come the cutlass, a ranger's weapon of choice, has multiple transformations and configurations yet all result with a sharp knife-like edge? How do they know every animal on Earth has evolved to the point of being a threat to a human being if the planet is quarantined and no one lives on it? However, the crowning disaster-piece is the main antagonism of the film, that Cypher and Kitai have a bitter relationship due to the death of Senshi (Zoe Kravitz), their daughter and sister respectively. Flash-backed throughout, an Ursa got into their house (invasion? open door?) one day, so Senshi put a 9-year-old Kitai into a smell-proof box (which is actually a clear plastic bubble) and, despite being a full-blown ranger and able to "ghost", is ripped apart by the creature, but not before her perfectly still CGI dummy is flung into a wall like a ragdoll. That's right, daddy is pissed off that his weakling son didn't protect his soldier sister.
Any naive eye can spot that the editing of this film is a shambling calamity. Whether it was Shyamalan, editor Steven Rosenblum, or the suits at Sony, nothing is crafted to make sense. Everything is told to us in the prologue like a cheat sheet, then re-told to us throughout to no surprise. Time moves incredibly fast, weather changes literally crash through the edits, and there are some heinous jump cuts that ruin any sense of tension. But my favorite low-light is during a sequence where Cypher enters a room filled with rangers saluting him and the very next shot shows him appearing to be standing on a table, rigid as a stiff board. Shyamalan is clearly working mercenary duty here, largely unable to show any drive to make the picture work. He does get to craft a couple of moments that are purely from his usual sandbox: slow-paced anxiety before a lame jump scare, obtuse dialogue, beats that stretch for a mile, and acting drained of any conviction.
Both of the Smiths are god awful, with Jaden Smith getting a mighty head-start as he delivers the opening summary in his stupidly stilted wacky voice. A 5th-rate martial artist who funds his or her own direct-to-video is better suited as an action lead than Jaden. He whines more than Anakin Skywalker, every reaction to something dangerous is dull surprise, and he can't even get a tear to be shed when the time obviously calls for it. Will Smith also has a goofy speech pattern but spends most of time sitting in bland silence, waiting for the camera to stop rolling. He displays none of his innate charisma and, despite help fund this dream project of his, he never seems to be trying to help his deer-in-the-headlights son. The only character I gave any care for was a giant black condor I dubbed Metaphor because the creature is only in the picture to make sure you get the ultimate message.
AFTER EARTH is a terrible experience, a movie so dry that it will somehow affect the flavors of your theater treats. I can say this though; it's bad but not as bad as THE LAST AIRBENDER. That's the only compliment you can give to Shyamalan from here forward.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
The Starving Games
1st Trailer
Person of Interest: Extensive (yet horrible) parodies of The Hunger Games, The Avengers, The Expendables, Avatar, Angry Birds, Taylor Swift, PSY, plus a Starbucks tattoo and a copy of 50 Shades of Grey.
Scene Pop: The god-awful Angry Birds joke.
Briggs Breakdown: 2 cases of butt trauma, 2 outdated gay jokes, and a slew of very loud groan-inducing pop culture "jokes".
Effective?: NO!
Check it Out?: HELL NO!! Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have been a thorn in the side of comedy film, help leading the genre into the toilet. This is supposed to be another easy-bait spoof like 2010's Vampires Suck but people when to see that crapfest because there was much hatred for the Twilight franchise. The Hunger Games series is much more respected and better received, including the first film, which later even made my top ten of last year. Thankfully, as evident in the trailer footage, the duo's standard film budget took a major nosedive; it legitimately looks like a YouTube parody, shot on dad's digital camera and filmed in the forest behind their house.
IRON MAN 3 was both an entertaining superhero film and a slick pulp action flick, thanks largely to the talents of writer/director Shane Black. As a so-called finale, it's a bit underwhelming. Still, I will say that it stuck with me.
THE GREAT GATSBY was yet another failed attempt to change my harsh opinion about the novel. Leonard DiCaprio and Luhrmann's first act brought some delight but it then got suffocating pretty quick. Good soundtrack though.
42 was a good ole baseball movie, led heavily by a mighty fine performance by Harrison Ford.
STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS was more stupid than fun. The refreshing cast returns, along with the entertaining breakthrough performance from Benedict Cumberbatch, but they have to deal with suffocating fan service and terrible direction.
THE HANGOVER: PART III was never funny. Never.
PAIN & GAIN, however, was constantly funny and shocking. A fantastic script, great acting in the leads, and deliriously good direction makes the black comedy/crime flick a nihilistic masterpiece.
FROM UP ON POPPY HILL was a nice little film from Studio Ghibli, with some enjoyable 60's nostalgia, but it trips when a queasy plot twist enters into the romantic equation.
Best Films of 2013
1. Pain & Gain
2. Spring Breakers
3. The Croods
4. Side Effects
Worst Films of 2013
1. The Hangover: Part III
2. A Good Day to Die Hard
3. To the Wonder
