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With a heavy heart, I regret to inform you that I will not be doing the Horrors of October this year.
Though I have plenty of movies in my personal video collection and through streaming services at the ready, I simply chose to forgo the process of writing up 31 daily reviews due to several reasons. The main sticking point against doing the annual project is my current severe lack of watching movies released this year. As of this writing, I have only seen 25 movies either in theaters or on home video. Further showcasing my film drought is the sheer fact that I have not gone to my beloved art theater at all this year, which I'm still dumbfounded over for actually happening. Though I could just make time and rush through past and future 2017 film releases in November and December, I would rather get a leg up on them next month than type up a fun diatribe on some random Italian exploitation film or a generic slasher.
Another knock against doing the Horrors of October is my poor job handling last year's edition. My last three reviews were not posted while the iron was hot, coming online extremely late along with the final list and the film awards. That experience really soured my enjoyment and I'm a little afraid of it happening again.
And thirdly, I want to finally watch the first season of Stranger Things in time for the second season premiere. That would take time away from the horror films and I certainly would not want to waste a daily review slot by systematically evaluating every single episode of the beloved Netflix series.
So, since I'm cancelling this year's edition, what's to come in October? Though I am not going to be very strict about, I'm going to try to replace the 31 days of horror movie reviews with 31 reviews of 2017 films, kicking off with a planned assessment of Darren Aronofsky's polarizing mother! on October 1st. I'll also be doing a couple more listicles that have been on the back burner for a long while now.
But just remember: October is the perfect time to binge on terror. Don't let my cancellation ruin the joy of watching a ton of horror films and be swept up by the dark fall mood.
October is just around the corner, which means that I will once again partake in one of my favorite holiday traditions: watching a boatload of horror movies! Unfortunately, some of them escape my grasp on a consistent basis, as I often have a bad tendency of never making the right time for to sit down and view them properly. Last year I chronicled 20 horror films that still haven't been presented before my naked eyes. In the span of 365 days, only four of the titles can be crossed off the list (see what I mean about me being a bit lazy?). Still, I'm glad that said four titles (It, Let The Right One In, The Babadook, and Children of the Corn) were given their fair chance and I can sleep a little easier at night.
Here's the updated list of my top 20 unwatched horror movies, with some old titles being moved around and some new titles moving on up:
1. The Saw Franchise
The king is dead, long live the king! Jigsaw and his gory games move into the top seat since I was finally able to engorge myself on Tim Curry's brilliant performance as Pennywise the Dancing Clown and those damn pesky kids from Derry, Maine. I sadly did not take the plunge with the Saw series during last year's Horrors of Halloween and whether I want to this year before the release of Jigsaw remains to be seen. I might at least try to watch the first one just so I can cross this one off; no way in hell am I going to spread out the sequels on this list!
2. The Phantom of the Opera (1925)
Also receiving a higher bump is the silent classic starring Lon Chaney. I DVR'ed the movie when it aired on TCM last year, thus giving a cleaned up version of the film, but didn't get around to watching it in time for my October reviews. It's still on there though!
3. Pulse
Now here's the biggest jump up the card. My interest in the j-horror film about the internet turning evil and mass suicides significantly increased this year when it received a special blu-ray release via Arrow Video. I placed an order for it thru Amazon back in July, only for it to be constantly delayed and just recently canceled outright a couple of days ago. I should have just picked up a copy when my local FYE was closing up shop.
4. Lifeforce
Here Comes A New Challenger! I've been meaning to watch the last of the three films director Tobe Hooper did for the Cannon Group. Invaders From Mars was a hoot one lazy school day and I frankly just love the gonzo gorefest that is The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. This sci-fi epic with its plot about space vampires led by an always-naked villainess has alluded me for some time, largely due to being out-of-print for a long while. Luckily, the great folks at Shout Factory gave it a spiffy blu-ray release, which thankfully includes the director's cut, so I can partake with this possible hidden gem from the recently departed director.
5. The Others
Nicole Kidman must continue to be haunted by the ghosts in her new house as my desire for the very acclaimed gothic horror film remains the same.
6. Fright Night
I can't keep calling myself a horror-comedy lover when I keep on skipping out on one of the granddaddies.
7. The Descent
I continue to pass by perfectly used copies of this spelunking horror film nearly every week at my usual shopping spots but I need to raise my adoration for Neil Marshall to finally take the plunge. Maybe another viewing of Dog Soldiers or curling up to Centurion on Netflix will help?
8. [REC]
The found footage film fever has finally waned here in the United States so maybe it's time to check out the acclaimed Spanish horror film featuring an ambitious reporter, a live camera, and one fateful night in an apartment building.
9. Silent Hill
I still haven't downloaded a digital copy of the original video game on my PS3 and I still haven't check out Christophe Gans' loose take on the eerie, fog-covered town.
10. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter
I must confess: I haven't watched all of the Friday the 13th films. I have seen Jason Takes Manhattan far more times than I have with the middle trio of Part IV, V, and VI. Of those three, I have to go with The Final Chapter since it is often selected by fans as either the very best or the second best film of the franchise.
11. Irreversible
Dropping down three spots largely due to its nature of not being what you would normally refer to as a horror film, I'm not still afraid of ruining a perfectly nice evening with this dark mediation of revenge, rape, and relationships.
12. The Devil's Backbone
Guillermo del Toro is flying high at the moment, as his new film The Shape of Water drew raves at the Toronto Film Festival and won the Golden Lion at the Venice Film Festival. Time to finally pop my Criterion blu-ray copy of this anti-war ghost film in!
13. May
Another big jump goes to one of Roger Ebert's most treasure horror indies he ever reviewed.
14. The Orphanage
The general ho-hum response to A Monster Calls hurt my opinion of giving J. A. Bayona's debut feature a chance.
15. Cujo
Had to have another Stephen King film on this list as I took off the two for last year's iteration. Coming in the same spot as Children of the Corn is the evil dog flick that like Children is popular with audiences but is often derided by critics save for Dee Wallace's performance.
16. Drag Me To Hell
Still love Sam Raimi but the sting from some of his recent films continue to prevent me from checking out his humorous horror film about gypsy curses.
17. Christmas Evil
I still would love to check out this psychological holiday horror film but it again might be caught up between the Halloween and Christmas festivities.
18. Ginger Snaps
Thoroughly enjoying Emily Perkins's role as the young version of Beverly Marsh in the 1990 take of It recently has helped keep this Canadian cult film about female werewolves on the list.
19. Jeeper Creepers
Oh boy, here we go. I was interested in this horror film back in 2001 thanks to its self-aware nature and its creepy tale of a road trip gone wrong thanks to the curious nature of human beings and a humanoid monster wearing a trench coat. Then I looked up Victor Salva, the film's writer-director, and proceeded to stop in my tracks. It was my experience with Powder all over again. Now I have watched a lot of films directed by and/or starring people who have done criminal deeds, including several films by Roman Polanski, and can objectively judge them for their work. Victor Salva, on the other hand, is a pretty damn tough pill for me to swallow. I really, really need to just jump into the deep end with this one.
20. Castle Freak
One of my favorite podcasts is The Flop House, where three film buddies "watch a bad movie and then talk about it". One of its longest running joke is whenever co-host Stuart Wellington talks about or recommends this Stuart Gordon film, since he helped create a controversy over the film's supposed inclusion of a man's ding-dong being ripped off. Since I've seen some of Stuart's other favorite film picks, including The Invisible Maniac and its "death by submarine sandwich" scene, I think it's time to watch this one.
Again, this was a lot of fun writing up. Part III is sure to come next September. I do feel a bit bad for Jim Mickie, as he and Stakeland was knocked off in favor of a rabid St. Bernard, a naked space vampire, and a trench coat wearing moth man.
Will I watch any of these films next month? Maybe but I unfortunately have some bad news to discuss...
A nun and a small group of orphaned girls find residence at the remote home of a former toymaker only to get tangled up by the ghost of his late daughter and the dark forces seemingly coming from a creepy doll. All of that plus a ton of crappy jump scares in the prequel to a reviled spinoff of THE CONJURING, featuring the most overrated modern horror "icon" of our time. ANNABELLE: CREATION might just be another lame, average hauntfest for many viewers, the type that will tide you over one lazy night, but I frankly could not stand any of it. The script has a gardens of whiskers on it and is chock-full of useless padding, plot holes and sheer dumb character behavior. For example, the film has a cast of six girls but only four of them have anything to do: the two not-really-mean teenagers and the central duo. Meanwhile, the middle two tweens, one of whom is the token black character, just stand around when they aren't talking about boys. The story also never explains why the girls refuse to close doors during scary scenarios, never even try to physically destroy the evil doll, or why in the hell the closest that was supposed to contain the evil spirit still has a working lock on it and is not barricaded from outside interference. The major frights are all so unbelievable telegraphed and they of course end with a sudden boo. The only emotion that these supposed shocks can barely draw out of the viewer is pure sheer laughter; whether it was the opening car accident, the chair ejection or the swapping of black puke, I couldn't stop mocking these poorly produced spooks. I can't even give any praise to anyone in the acting department, as all of the young female actors go through the motions. I felt particularly bad for Talitha Bateman, who could have broken out from this picture as the polio-stricken and ill-fated main protagonist but she's not very great in the first half and she's absolutely not scary in the slightest during the second half. However, the ingénues are all Oscar caliber performers compared to dramatic heavyweights Anthony LaPaglia and Miranda Otto, who just sleepwalk throughout the entire movie. That goes double for Otto since she legitimately spends the majority of her time on screen laying in bed with a dumb tin mask on the left side of her face. And to top it all off, this prequel to a spinoff sets up another separate spinoff to the CONJURING franchise thanks to a stupid insert scene in the beginning and a stinger at the end. Actually, I can end this review with one good thing to say about it: at least director David F. Sandberg did a marginally better job here then when he made LIGHTS OUT.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
The summer of 1989 should be one of the best times to have as a kid, particularly with what's playing in movie theaters, but for the kids of Darby, Maine, it was 90 days to stay alive. Pre-teen Bill Denbrough and his fellow six outsiders try to uncover the mystery behind the overwhelming cases of kids disappearing and why they themselves all seem to experience separate frightening encounters with a deadly clown. IT is an effective horror show that will satisfy Stephen King fans for the most part and keep some viewers up all night due to its terrifying frights and disturbing content. Unfortunately, there are a couple of issues that prevent it from totally being a new classic, most notably some very questionable revisions to King's text and material that seemingly was cut from this theatrical release. Updating the timeframe of the scenario from the late 50s to the late 80s is a bold and winning element, as it allows the film to a give out a sharp critique of the still resonating nostalgia of the times and deliver a swift stab at the then clean image of movie kids such as the ones in E.T. and THE GOONIES. But what really doesn't work by the three credited screenwriters, including Cary Fukunaga, are the changes given to some of the main characters. Bev, the sole female in the group, gets the blunt of the misjudgments, as the abuse by her alcoholic father is even more extreme, she's constantly slut-shamed throughout the town, and her innate ability to be a sharpshooter with a weapon is excised so she can later be a damsel in distress. Ben also gets it bad, as the overweight kid is now no longer the third main protagonist, has no real backstory or no parents either, and oddly siphons off Mike's job as the group's resident historian. These and more slights will certainly piss off the King fanatics but the makers at least try to make it all work in their original way despite the bad taste. However, I can not really forgive the amount of times the film tries to shortcut through the proceedings. The movie changes gears constantly in terms of its speed of storytelling, slowly letting the characters develop one minute and then on a dime we've suddenly taken a jump and at the next series of scares. Scenes and proper transitions seem to missing outright; the most egregious example is when the band just quickly gets back together before the final battle, forgoing how all of the previous bad blood between the kids was resolved. The fact that a director's cut has recently been announced for home video outright tells you this theatrical cut is riddled with gapping holes.
Despite these glaring faults in the story department, director Andy Muschietti and his crew still craft a genuinely engaging dark fairy tale. Not a total surprise given it is coming from the same mind behind MAMA. Muschietti once again shows how great he is at getting great performances out of child actors and putting them through the ringer with some hellish CGI nightmares chasing after them. Make no mistake, he doesn't pull any punches when it comes to the violence and child peril but he thankfully does skip out on including the book's most infamous moment. He does however trip up again when it comes to the climax; he simply lets bad shaky cam and confusing editing overcome the artistic palette. The entire cast of child actors are pretty fantastic and surely will cause everyone to have their personal favorite. Jaeden Lieberher and newcomer Sophia Lillis were very endearing as Bill and Bev respectively but I pull for Jack Dylan Grazer as the real showstopper, speeding through his humorously overdone lines and nervously fidgeting around as the hypochondriac Eddie. As for Bill Skarsgård playing the titular character, aka Pennywise the Dancing Clown, I thought his take was overall fine. Similar to how Tim Curry's legendary performance of Pennywise was based on 50s culture, namely what if Bozo the Clown was mixed with a Catskills comic, Skarsgård's version relishes the sinister flamboyance of Freddy Krueger and the severe grotesque nature of 80s monster movies. Much props also go to Benjamin Wallfisch's hauntingly creepy score, particularly during the rain-soaked prologue. IT is a perfect horror movie pick for the season but those seeking a little more substance to the overall picture will have to wait longer to see if the eventual director's cut delivers the goods.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
The All-American staff at an isolated corporate office in the middle of Colombia suddenly find themselves on edge when they are locked inside the building and a mysterious voice over the intercom forcibly asks them to kill each other as he sees fit. Refusal to do so will result in a major headache for everyone via the remote detonation of hidden explosives in the skulls of all the employees. THE BELKO EXPERIMENT is a pretty damn amazing twist on BATTLE ROYALE, courtesy of horror director Greg McLean and writer-producer James Gunn. McLean expertly executes a palate of striking visual designs and wisely knows when to ratchet up the tension or when to show the bloodshed. Gunn's script brims with unconventional flourishes, such as its willingness to dispense shades of grey to the main conflict, and makes great use of switching between drama and comedy. The two work in tandem to craft a colorful cavalcade of characters that you can keep track of and feel for, even if they suddenly decide to keep a butcher knife in the belt. Everyone in the cast is perfectly suited but Tony Goldwyn absolutely steals the show as the company's COO who's equipped with Special Forces training and a conflicted mindset on who deserves to be left alive. But now let's now address the elephant in the room: the movie can accurately be labeled as this generation's POLTERGEIST or the next CABIN IN THE WOODS. Despite the very bloody efforts McLean accomplishes with the picture, any viewer will see it more as Gunn being the sole auteur. The cast is littered with many actors who've often appeared in Gunn's films, including his own brother in a major supporting role, and his unique voice in the writing often dominates the visuals. It also doesn't help that John Gallagher Jr. as the main male protagonist has a scraggly beard and the same mixture of heroic and goofy mannerisms as Chris Pratt. However, the biggest issue against the film is that it oozes out all of its satirical juices by the halfway point, right when the terror becomes too real and the bodies begin to fall faster. The makers try to bandage it all up in time for a final battle amid a PowerPoint presentation but it's too little too late. The hits just keep coming after that though because the ending is just rotten, especially the concluding sting that stupidly sets up Blumhouse's version of CATCHING FIRE. Be sure to give this demented cult feature a gander, especially if you're sick of re-watching OFFICE SPACE for the umpteenth time.
FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5
An arms deal between the IRA and a South African gunrunner goes south due to a dispute between their cronies, thus setting off a relentless fire fight amid a derelict warehouse. FREE FIRE is a disappointing chore to sit through despite having hot shot British genre director Ben Wheatley at the helm and the promise of a nonstop gun battle. The vast majority of the film is literally just the gun battle, where everyone has unlimited bullets until the script says so, are constantly limbing and/or wiggling on the ground due to the heavy amount of flesh wounds, and speak nothing but the same lame jabs at each other. The great cast of actors this film possesses all are just wasted because their characters are just stock gangsters in 70s garb and you never care who lives or dies. That's including American outcast Brie Larson, whose character would have been better suited being scribbled out of the script entirely due to her lack of impact on the plot save for the stupidly predictable ending. Wheatley tries to liven up the violent festivities with some nice little duels between rivals but they are spoiled by the generally hectic and confusing editing, the garishly grim lighting, and the "Wright wannabe" pop soundtrack. Don't let the talented troupe and the consistent sounds of pistol fire fool you into enjoying this completely. You're better off playing with a bucket of green and tan army men than watching this action flick a second time.
FINAL REVIEW: 2 / 5
Angsty Australian teen Vicki (Ashleigh Cummings) sneaks out of her mother's house for a late night party only to end up in the perverse clutches of John (Stephen Curry) and Evelyn (Emma Booth), a dysfunctional couple that perform their sadistic and murderous deeds within the suburbs. HOUNDS OF LOVE can be artfully gripping and very tense at times but it ultimately ends up being just another brutal thriller to throw on the pile. First-time writer-director Ben Young tries to spruce up the picture with some super-slow-mo dolly shots, adjusting the mise en scene enough to pop out from the deliberate fluorescent lighting, and adding some choice pop songs on the soundtrack yet it sadly doesn't mean a whole lot when the story is so cookie-cutter. Just right now while you're reading this, you've already figure out how it will all end, who will be left soaking in their own blood and who will be left standing. One of the very few original plot elements this way-too-long nail-biter offers up is a montage set to a Cat Stevens song that ends up being one big cruel joke on the audience. The film thinks it's expertly touching upon themes such as a woman's identity in a complicated relationship and the psychological warfare between unstable partners but it barely explores them beyond the surface level. For example, we often see the delicate breakfast preparations Evelyn accomplishes for John, making his toast extra buttery and put in a straight line, only for it not to matter in the slightest because nobody ever eats in this movie. The acting is all around just fine with the exceptional of Booth, who gets to sink her teeth a little more as the demented put-upon lover to a volatile sexual predator. It may not be a game changer but HOUNDS OF LOVE just sneaks by as a well-made creeper. Just be prepared for some extreme material and an abundance of scatological terror.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Oh boy, did the summer movie season suck. Yeah, I know I say that every single year but now there's cold hard data to back it up. A ton of flat-out bombs and underperformers littered the landscape, so much so that Annabelle: Creation of all movies ended up in the Summer Top Ten with a $90 million haul. Will the fall line-up change that sour tune or be more of the same? Explore with me as we journey through the Oscar contenders and wannabes, the major new films helmed by auteurs, the scary, the strange, the ones that go better with popcorn, the family dreck, the holiday cash-ins, the last of the blockbusters, and some bad Christian flicks.
Let's check out and go thoroughly through all of the offerings coming out in the last four months of 2017.
September 1 has the first big blockbuster of the fall season with... Close Encounters of the Third Kind? Yes, Sony is re-releasing the sci-fi classic in order to commemorate its 40th anniversary. Never you mind that it doesn't actually happen until November 16 and the fact that a lot of people will most likely catch a home rental instead of going to the theaters. The actual real first film of the fall 2017 season is a film that has shuffled thoroughly throughout the year, the sure-to-be bad and boring period piece Tulip Fever. If you need a fresh reminder of its stink, this film is features an affair between a painter and a abused rich lady, the old economics of the tulip market, and Zach Galifianakis in a dramatic role. In limited release, Marvel is releasing the first two television episodes of Inhumans into IMAX theaters as a special theatrical release. This technically will make it a qualifying movie and a new entry into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Regardless, why would you spend money on something that you can get for free, especially given the track record of Marvel television shows? The delightful Lake Bell returns behind the camera for her second directorial effort with I Do... Until I Don't. Reviews have already come in and many sadly say that the indie comedy wastes its potential as it follows many quirky married couples and a documentary crew who follows them.
September 8 wonderfully and finally gives us It. This long attempted Hollywood adaptation of the Stephen King classic will follow the first half of the book, chronicling the outsider kids who dubbed themselves "The Losers' Club" and their struggle to combat a killer entity in the form of a circus clown. The film did received some blow back from fans online for its backstage problems and build-up, from the loss of Cary Fukunaga from the project to the questionable production material of Pennywise leering out of a drainpipe. However, all of that criticism was essentially wiped out when the amazing trailer was unleashed and legitimately scared some folks. This preview along with the news of Andrés Muschietti (Mama) stepping in as the new director makes the film the hottest ticket of the season. Oh yes, more so than a certain space opera. For the squeamish folks, they can check out this weekend Home Again, where Reese Witherspoon returns to the romantic comedy genre after a five-year absence. Here, she plays a divorced mother seeking a rebirth in her love life and finds in the form of a hunky young guy and his small group of fellow millenials. This movie brings last year's Morgan to shame as it too is a nepotistic film, being produced by a famous director (Nancy Meyers) but directed by their nobody offspring (Hallie Meyers-Shyer). Could be a pleasant night out or, just like Morgan, it will fail hard to catch the proper audience. And oh god please no, there's the pathetically exploitative 9/11. Charlie Sheen and a small cast of why-are-they-here? stars play people trapped in an elevator after one of the World Trade Center towers is hit. Meanwhile, Whoopi Goldberg farts around in a small maintenance set as she tries to help save the group. I shouldn't have to tell you why this looks like pure shit. I will only tell you that is coming from Atlas Distribution Company, the same company that gave us the absolutely awful trilogy of Atlas Shrugged. Nothing too great coming in limited circles save for GKIDS releasing another anime film with Napping Princess.
September 15 is the weekend of widely released thrillers. First up has Paramount surprisingly giving a wide release to what is certainly an art movie. mother! is the latest from dark auteur Darren Aronofsky and features Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Bardem finding themselves trapped in their resort house by a swarm of uninvited guests. Paramount is banking heavily on the star power of Lawrence, which honestly has taken a hit since the disappointing reception of Joy and the negative response of Passengers. The studio must really believe they have another Black Swan on their hands and not another Noah. American Assassin has Dylan O'Brien returning to the spotlight after his infamous stunt mishap on the upcoming final chapter of The Maze Runner. Based on the popular thriller books series by Vince Flynn, O'Brien plays Mitch Rapp, a man who undergoes intense CIA training in order to get back at the jihadist group that killed his girlfriend. I would fop it off but I frankly would like more simple and effective action flicks nowadays. Plus, I still think O'Brien has the potential to be a worthy movie star. And last but not too least is All I See Is You, a horror-thriller from Marc Foster of all people. Blake Lively plays a blind woman who undergoes surgery to regain her sight only to experience disturbing details about her life and her marriage to Jason Clarke. Nothing too special to talk about and it has been receiving no press so don't expect a groundbreaker.
September 22 gives us the first true blue action film of the season with Kingsman: The Golden Circle. Taron Egerton and Mark Strong are all on their own after the Kingsman is wiped out by evil Julianne Moore and is up to them to stop them. Much of the hoopla has been around the surprise return of Colin Firth, which is great for those who actually cared for the first film. As counter-programming to the male-centric action flick, families and animated fans can possibly enjoy The Lego Ninjago Movie. I say possibly because there are several notches against this picture. Firstly, it's based off a toy series and a television show that are not at the height of its popularity anymore. Secondly, the film's marketing has been pretty bad, only focusing on the central plot line of the green ninja Lloyd and his evil father instead of, you know, more ninja-based action and humor. And thirdly, it has "Ninjago" in the title, which sounds incredibly stupid to untrained human ears. Now, I may have criticized Hallie Meyers-Shyer earlier for her easy race to the director's chair but I and everyone else would glad watch her attempt at filmmaking than Simon Verhoeven's take with Friend Request. The son of German director Michael Verhoeven, his very generic horror film follows a college airhead who experiences bad online curses after she chose to block the campus' resident freak from Facebook. Receiving a limited run before expansion is Battle of the Sexes, the first potential Oscar contender. The sports comedy chronicles the legendary tennis match between Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs, with Emma Stone and Steve Carrell playing them respectively. It could a fun sit but anyone with media knowledge knows that this idea was already done 16 years ago with the television movie When Billie Beat Bobby.
September 29 gives us another Hollywood remake that no one asked for. Flatliners has Ellen Page and a bunch of pretty young doctors deliberately killing themselves in order to see if there is an afterlife. Mental complications obviously ensue. This worthless film is shockingly been directed by Niels Arden Oplev, the Danish director of the original The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. His last American release Dead Man Down wasn't so hot but he rebounded with celebrated television episodes for Under The Dome and Mr. Robot. Unfortunately, this dull looking movie looks to continue a downward trend and will bomb with audiences. Speaking of box office poison, Tom Cruise headlines Doug Liman's American Made. The once hot movie star plays real-life figure Barry Seal, a pilot who is hired by the CIA to help transport illegal material to and from Central America in the 1970s. It does look charming but Cruise is just not cutting it with today's audiences outside his Mission: Impossible films, which was furthered highlighted this year with the toxic response to The Mummy. Well, it is the fall movie season so of course we need another bare-bones thriller starring talented black actors, this time with Til Death Do Us Part. I will not expand upon it further because it's just a cheap repurposing of Sleeping With The Enemy.
October 6 kicks off the Halloween festivites with absolutely no horror films. None. Instead, we get Blade Runner 2049, the long gestated sequel to the Ridley Scott's sci-fi classic. Denis Villeneuve takes over as the director, which is a total godsend considering Scott's recent output, and features Ryan Gosling as the latest blade runner searching for "evil" replicants. I'm a bit hesitant with this one; I and many others really didn't need a continuation of this dystopian story but the talent behind it and what has been shown in the trailers is way too good to pass up. For the bored and desperate, The Mountain Between Us has Idris Elba and Kate Winslet trying to survive in the harsh wintery mountains after a plane crash. The genericness of this picture for some strange reason just absolutely pisses me off. As for the kiddies and some obnoxious adult male fans, Twilight Sparkle and the rest of the friendly ponies of Ponyville hit the big screen with My Little Pony: The Movie. Yes, Hasbro thought it would be a good idea to give this movie the same name as the 1986 theatrical release.
October 13 thankfully gives us at least one horror for the holiday season from Hollywood and it's a doozy. Happy Death Day follows a college sorority girl whose stuck in a Groundhog Day scenario where's she killed by a masked villain every night. It comes from Blumhouse so it will be a coin-flip on whether or not it is good. Chadwick Boseman completes a trifecta of famous black icons with him playing Thurgood Marshall in the biopic titled, what else, Marshall. However, instead of chronicling the full history of the future Supreme Court judge, it focuses on a pivotal case where Marshall defended black chauffeur Joseph Spell from a rape charge. Those looking for action might find some with The Foreigner. Jackie Chan looks to give one of his most darkest performances as a Paul Kersey-like man who goes on a warpath after his daughter is killed during a bombing. Annapurna Pictures think they have a Oscar contender with Professor Marston and the Wonder Women but giving this drama about the creator of Wonder Woman and his radical opinions about marriage and sex looks to be too dry for a wide release. The highlight of the limited releases this weekend is 78/52: Hitchcock's Shower Scene, which naturally takes a close look at the famous shower scene from Psycho. The lowlight of the limited releases, however, is Goodbye Christopher Robin, a turgid looking drama about A. A. Milne and the creation of Winnie-the-Pooh.
October 20 is a skip weekend. Tyler Perry's Boo 2! A Madea Halloween will be the money winner this weekend, as it once again has Tyler Perry cross-dressing as an annoying old bitty and having her and her crew getting entangled with Halloween antics. Geostorm, a movie that I completely forgot was actually in production, tries to sell you Gerard Butler as a scientist who's trying to prevent his space weather machine from destroying the Earth to no avail. Only The Brave could be promising as it follows the group of firefighters who dangerously fought the Yarnell Hill Fire but it would best be suited to watch it on TNT. You have The Snowman, a cold (ha!) thriller starring Michael Fassbender that is so unbelievably laughable to take seriously, especially once you see the highlighted snowman head in the trailers. And finally, Same Kind of Different as Me is finally released by the dummies at Pure Flix for general consumption only for everyone to spit at the notion of paying a movie ticket in 2017 to see a Greg Kinnear/Renée Zellweger Christian film.
October 27 is the designated Halloween weekend and yet there's only one horror film coming out. Jigsaw will try to resurrect the Saw franchise, as we once again have a group of kidnapped people undergoing torturous games by a creepy doll all the while detectives are trying to locate them. I would be interested in experiencing the once annual tradition of a Saw coming out this specific weekend but I still haven't got around to sitting through any of them. If you think torture porn isn't dour enough for you, you can watch Miles Teller play a PTSD-stricken soldier in Thank You For Your Service, based on a non-fiction book by David Finkel. It is written and directed by the screenwriter of American Sniper Jason Hall and looks to offer up nothing new to say about the horrors of war. George Clooney tries to once direct a picture with a little help from his buddies the Coen Brothers with Suburbicon. Matt Damon stars as a stressed out office worker living is a creepy 1950's suburb who goes off the deep end when some mobsters continue to impact his family life. The black comedy doesn't seem to be funny enough from the trailers, plus Clooney isn't known for making a great film pass 2005. Meanwhile in NY and LA, the surprise Palm d'Or winner at this year's Cannes Film Festival The Square arrives to bug everyone out. The satirical look at modern art and the societal elite comes courtesy of Ruben Östlund (Force Majeure).
November 3 is the weekend of Marvel and Thor: Ragnarok. This film has been coasting on a lot of goodwill and early buzz. From Taika Waititi being named its director, to its loose adaptation of the comic book storyline "Planet Hulk", to the Led Zeppelin rocking trailer, everybody has been clamouring to see this far more than any previous Thor film. For those women who rather not see sexy Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston, they can watch as Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell , and Kathryn Hahn continue their brand of debauchery with A Bad Moms Christmas. In the limited releases, we have Takashi Miike unleashing his latest bloody epic with the manga adaptation of Blade of the Immortal and Woody Harrelson tries to net a Best Actor nomination with the paltry looking LBJ.
November 10 frankly kinda stinks as no one really wants to open up a fresh new release only to end up in 2nd place. All we are being offered up this weekend is a sequel no one wanted and a remake no one asked for. Daddy's Home 2 continues the misadventures of daddies turned buddies Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell as they must deal with their own fathers coming back into the picture. While teens will flock to waste money on generic PG-13 charades, the over 45 crowd will instead head off to see Kenneth Branagh's take on Murder on the Orient Express. The Agatha Christie classic is always a lot of fun but it remains to be seen what this adaptation will bring beside Branagh's obnoxiously large moustache for his Hercule Poirot. I love that 20th Century Fox is so desperate for younger audiences they put Imagine Dragons' "Believer" on all of the trailers. Coming to NY and LA theaters will be the true highlight of the weekend, Lady Bird. The indie film is written and directed by Greta Gerwig and features Saoirse Ronan as a contentious high school rebel struggling to come to terms with her eventual ascent to adulthood.
November 17 will have Justice League and the DC Cinematic Universe coming to claim the throne from Marvel. Because I'm a nerd in general, I will of course go see it. However, like everybody else, my expectations will be very, very low. Warner Bros. and DC just do not know how to properly run this show, along Zack Snyder carte blanche despite him always coming up craps. They had a shining savior earlier this year with the stellar Wonder Woman but the lack of enthusiasm for this quick team-up combined with the reshoots, directorial subbing in with Joss Whedon, and drama surrounding Henry Cavill's mustache has left everyone less than pleased. For families, there is the cloying crowdpleaser Wonder. Based on the 2012 book of the same name, it follows a little boy with facial birth defects as he enters public school. I frankly roll my eyes as this material, especially if it has Owen Wilson and Julia Roberts in the cast, but others will glad flock to it to have a little cry or inform their little brat that it's totally not cool to bully. I would glad take my kid to see it, that is if I had one, rather than subject the both of us to The Star. Sony continues their Christian film strategy with an animated take on the Nativity Story but from the perspective of the animals. Make note, everyone: if you don't see this tripe when it comes out, you will surely either have to wait till Easter or next Christmas to see it on video.
November 22 is the special start for the Thanksgiving weekend and sees many choices to pick from. The sure winner of the lot is Coco, the latest from Pixar. The animated adventure follows a Mexican boy whose obsession with a Mexican singing icon leads him to be transported to the Land of the Dead. Though colorful and imaginative, I will say I have kinda weened off the Pixar juice. Also not helping the film is its close resemblance to The Book of Life. Those too dumb to think straight can willingly waste their money with Eli Roth's remake of Death Wish, with Bruce Willis stepping in as Paul Kersey. Eli Roth and Bruce Willis, two names that have really lost their value in today's market. And then you have Molly's Game, the directorial debut of acclaimed yet polarizing writer Aaron Sorkin. Here he has the talented and lovely Jessica Chastain play Molly Bloom, a hotshot businesswoman who ran an illegal poker ring before getting arrested by the FBI. I'm crossing my fingers that this is actually good and not more of Sorkin's bad habits and traits which he infamously displayed with The Newsroom. There's also something called Villa Capri which I can't find anything about despite getting a wide release during the biggest weekend of the season.
December 1 kicks off the final month of 2017 with Polaroid. Hooray? But who really cares about that sure-to-be-PG-13-and-forgettable horror film from the Weinsteins when you have The Disaster Artist hitting NY and LA this weekend! James Franco directs and stars as Tommy Wiseau, the bizarre European man who spent $6 million to make one of the worst film ever made The Room, which is now celebrated by bad movie fans all over. Adapted from the tell-all book of the same name by Greg Sestero, here played by Dave Franco, I and many others online have been eagerly awaiting for the film.
December 8 has no wide releases. None. Zilch. All of the studios want to steer clear of Star Wars and try to scrounge up everything they can with their November releases. In limited circles, however, you have two big films from famous auteurs. First up is what might be the worst of the two: Not content with pissing off everyone with the terrible Alien: Covenant, Ridley Scott brings forth All the Money in the World, a would-be Oscar contender that mixes the movie Missing with the problems of rich people. The film recounts the real-life story of the kidnapping of John Paul Getty III, the grandson of billionaire J. Paul Getty, and the trials and tribulations it brought forth, particularly Getty's own refusal to bend to the kidnappers. The performances may be good, save for Kevin Spacey under heavy makeup as Getty, but this looks like total nonsense. Thankfully, Guillermo del Toro is here to save us with The Shape of Water. Sally Hawkins plays a deaf woman working in a crummy secret government facility who eventually falls in love with a locked-up fishman. That sounds fantastic and looks to be a delightful winner.
December 15 is all about Star Wars: The Last Jedi. It will win the box office race for the rest of the year and earn a lot of dough. What remains to be seen, however, is if the less than amazing response to last year's Rogue One will impact this film's final tally and see the famous sci-fi franchise on a downward trend. That may not sound like much considering it will still get around a billion dollars but it's pretty important for egg heads like me and the Disney shareholders. Even though families will head to theaters in force for "The Force", Dreamworks is expecting bored mothers and dumb kids to pass on the lightsabers in order to shell out for Ferdinand. The second Latino-themed animated film this season, this one features John Cena voicing a non-violent bull who's kidnapped into being a victim in bullfighting and trying to find a way back to his loving girl caretaker. Judging from the trailers, the film looks like it will be skipping over the whole reality of bullfighting, in that bulls are slowly and horrifically murdered by a matador before collapsing in defeat. Dreamworks really hopes you don't Google search it, or remember the classic Looney Tunes short with Bugs Bunny facing an ornery bull. But why care about an outdated form of entertainment that has no impact on today's culture when you can see some crazy hedgehogs? There so crazy!
December 20 is a special Wednesday premiere for Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, the long gestated sequel to a semi-popular 90's family film that strips everything out of the original. Instead of a magical jungle board game that brings a couple of kids and wild man Robin Williams together, it is now an old video game locked away in a school's basement that brings a quartet of misfits together. I'll be honest, this looks to be a dumb movie but a fun one at least. I hate the the subtitle and the usage of the famous/overplayed song by Guns N' Roses yet I find myself a little drawn to the wacky violent antics. However, the film has five credited screenwriters and is directed by Jake Kasdan, who hasn't made a good comedy film in a decade with Walk Hard. I would rather use my Christmas downtime to see this than any of the other Christmas releases. Speaking of which...
December 22 looks to counterprogram the easy second weekend of The Last Jedi with several comedy titles. Female audiences will likely venture out for Pitch Perfect 3, which brings the now graduated Barden Bellas back together one last time in order to win a slot in an USO European tour. Most likely will be serviceable and endless watchable for some but nothing truly spectacular. Those looking for more indie-themed comedy can check out Downsizing, the latest from writer-director Alexander Payne. In the near future, the dangers of overpopulation has led to the new technology of shrinking people in order to save the environment. Incentives such as change of wealth has led many, including Matt Damon and Kristen Wiig, to go with the procedure. Payne was one of my favorite directors until he created the awfulness that was The Descendants but he was able to turn it all around with the beautifully sad and funny Nebraska. I'm cautiously optimistic that this might be a good watch. There's also Bastards, the much delayed comedy with Owen Wilson and Ed Helms trying to find their birth dad, but that is highly likely to be really terrible. Oddly, The Six Billion Dollar Man is also on schedule to come at this week but there's has been no media for it yet from The Weinstein Company. That's a good thing actually because no one was looking forward to an adaptation of the once famous 70's television show.
December 25 presents the exclusive Christmas widescreen premiere of The Greatest Showman, an original musical about the life of P.T. Barnum. Oh boy, people in the 21st century just absolutely love the circus! So much so that Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus famously shut down its entire operations back in May of this year! Like most people, I'll most likely be dragged along to see this simply because of family interest but this could really bomb if it doesn't get the families in droves. Also not helping matters is that it's directed by Australian director Michael Gracey, who has had no experience with feature films, let alone an expensive one. Apparently, he's set to direct an American adaptation of the popular anime/manga Naruto! Oh no! And finally, we have Untitled Paul Thomas Anderson Project, which I'm really looking more forward to if it is a real thing. Even if it's just an expanded musical film of the rock band HAIM, whom he has directed in their music video for "Right Now" this year, I'll be happy. That remains me: what ever happened to Untitled Blumhouse Horror II and Untitled Paramount Horror Film in IMAX back in April?
My Top Picks of Fall 2017
1. It
2. The Disaster Artist
3. Star Wars: The Last Jedi
4. The Shape of Water
5. Thor: Ragnarok
6. Justice League
7. Blade Runner 2049
8. mother!
9. The Lego Ninjago Movie
10. Blade of the Immortal
Of course, there are some films not mentioned here or included because I frankly had a hard time determining their release time frame. The biggest examples of these are the forever-in-limbo Amityville: The Awakening and any of the upcoming Netflix original films. Also, there is a possibility that any of the featured films will later be delayed.
I hope your movie experiences will be as good as mine, but probably less cynical.
