Film List of 2018

These are all of the movies I have watched throughout last year and were qualified to be judged for my awards.

If I didn't watch a film at all or in its entirety, it is disqualified and ineligible. There were a ton of movies that I couldn't get access to and/or make the time for. A few examples of films I wanted to see but couldn't before the mandated deadline were The Favourite, If Beale Street Could Talk, Leave No Trace, Eighth Grade, Burning, You Were Never Really There, First Reformed, Blindspotting, Paddington 2, Tully, The Endless, Support The Girls, To All The Boys I Loved Before, Hearts Beat Loud, Green Book and Bird Box.


Action Point
Annihilation
Ant-Man and the Wasp
Avengers: Infinity War
Bees Make Honey
Big Fish and Begonia
Black Panther
BlacKkKlansman
Bohemian Rhapsody
Borg vs. McEnroe
Can You Ever Forgive Me?
China Salesman
Crazy Rich Asians
Creed II
Day of the Dead: Bloodline
Deadpool 2
The Death Of Stalin
Death Wish
Early Man
Filmworker
Fireworks
First Man
Game Night
Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween
Gotti
The Grinch
Halloween
The Happytime Murders
Hereditary
Holmes & Watson
The Hurricane Heist
Incredibles 2
Isle Of Dogs
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
Let The Corpses Tan
Lu Over The Wall
Making Fun: The Story of Funko
Mandy
Mary and the Witch’s Flower
Mazinger Z: Infinity
McQueen
The Meg
MFKZ
Mirai
My Hero Academia: Two Heroes
My Uncle John is a Zombie!
Never-Ending Man: Hayao Miyazaki
The Night Is Short, Walk On Girl
Padmaavat
Pokémon the Movie: The Power of Us
The Predator
Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich
A Quiet Place
Ralph Breaks The Internet
Rampage
Ready Player One
Revenge
The Rider
Roma
Samson
Sheep & Wolves
Sicario: Day of the Soldado
Solo: A Star Wars Story
Sorry To Bother You
Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse
A Star Is Born
Summer of 84
Suspiria
Thoroughbreds
Upgrade
Venom
Whitney
Widows
Won’t You Be My Neighbor?


Overall Count: 74 Films

Joke Film Awards of 2018

Best Film Experience of the Year: A Star Is Born (White trash lady who sat a seat away from me, would not stop casually talking out loud during the opening scenes until I had to vulgarly tell her to keep quiet, only to then loudly smack her gum during the many quietly emotional scenes in the last third.)

2nd Best Film Experience of the Year: Action Point (White trash douche who during "The Twenty/First Look" segment watched an old Achmed The Dead Terrorist routine on his phone at high volume and put his bare dirty feet on the seat in front of him.)

3rd Best Film Experience of the Year: Mandy (A dumb kid who missed the entire point of the movie and declared "Hail Satan!" when the film cut to black.)

Best Film Title of the Year: I Want To Eat Your Pancreas

Worst Film Title of the Year: 6 Balloons

The Greatest Film Title of All Time (That Happens To Be Released Last Year): The Wife

Most Accurate Film Title: Borg vs. McEnroe (Runner-Up: The Death Of Stalin)

Same Dress, Different Hairstyle: RBG and On The Basis Of Sex

The Kathryn Morris Award for "What's The Deal With This Person?": Carrie Coon in Widows

The Enough Already Award for the Most Egregious Overuse of Something in Movies: Non-remake movies that share the exact same name as a previously known film (Life Itself, Truth Or Dare, Ravenous, The Day After, Beautiful Boy etc.)

2nd Place of the Enough Already Award: Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" used as a concluding song

Best Dog: Olivia in Game Night and Widows (Runner-Up: Bradley Cooper's real-life dog in A Star Is Born)

Best Cat: Tib in Mary and the Witch's Flower

Best Pig: Hognob in Early Man

Worst Alligator: The mutant one in Annihilation

Worst Bear: The screaming mutant one in Annihilation

Best Kill: The shocking decapitation in Hereditary

Worst Kill: Sterling K. Brown's murder(?)/suicide(?) in The Predator

Best Reason to Fast-Forward to the End: Live Aid in Bohemian Rhapsody

Most Incestuous Film: The Happytime Murders

Actor with the Biggest Open Schedule of the Year: Brian Tyree Henry

The Jai Courtney Award for The Biggest Failure to Jump to Stardom: Alden Ehrenreich

The Lorraine Bracco Award for The Biggest Failure to Jump to Stardom: Hera Hilmar

Best Cameos in an Action Movie: Brigitte Nielsen and Milo Ventimiglia in Creed II

Best Cameo in a Superhero Movie: Ryan Reynolds in Deadpool 2

2nd Best Cameo in a Superhero Movie: Godzilla in My Hero Academia: Two Heroes

Worst Cameos in an Action Movie: Sway and the other radio hosts in Death Wish

Best Use of Subtitles: Suspiria

Worst Use of CGI: The animals and warriors in Padmaavat

Best Food: Tater tots in Venom

2nd Best Food: Vanillite-shaped ice cream cones in Pokémon the Movie: The Power of Us

3rd Best Food: Cheddar Goblin Mac 'n Cheese in Mandy

Worst Food: Rotten chicken in Venom

2nd Worst Food: Raw onions in Holmes & Watson

Best Beer: Schlitz in Action Point

Best Wine: Imitation Denki Bran in The Night Is Short, Walk On Girl

Best Product Placement: Monopoly in A Quiet Place

Worst Product Placement: Nissan in Mazinger Z: Infinity

Most Butt-tastic Poster: The Miracle Season

Worst Spoiler Poster: Death Wish

Worst Spoiler Trailer: Death Wish

Laziest Poster of All Time: Death Wish

Most WTF Poster: Distorted

The Poster That Just Pissed Me Off So Much For Some Reason: I Feel Pretty

Best of the Rest of 2018

BEST BREAKTHROUGH: Letitia Wright


Honorable Mentions: John David Washington, Winston Duke, Brian Tyree Henry, Yalitza Aparicio, Cynthia Erivo, Hannah John-Kamen, Henry Golding, Millicent Simmonds, Zazie Beetz, Awkwafina, Florian "Big Nasty" Munteanu, Milly Shapiro



BEST ENSEMBLE: Widows


Honorable Mentions: Black Panther, Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse, BlacKkKlansman, The Death Of Stalin, Game Night, A Star Is Born, A Quiet Place, Hereditary, Avengers: Infinity War



BEST DIRECTOR: Alfonso Cuarón - Roma


Honorable Mentions: Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey and Rodney Rothman (Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse), Spike Lee (BlacKkKlansman), Boots Riley (Sorry To Bother You), John Krasinski (A Quiet Place), Hélène Cattet and Bruno Forzani (Let The Corpses Tan), Coralie Fargeat (Revenge), Morgan Neville (Won't You Be My Neighbor?), Steve McQueen (Widows), Ari Aster (Hereditary), Ryan Coogler (Black Panther), Bradley Cooper (A Star Is Born), Armando Iannucci (The Death Of Stalin), Chloé Zhao (The Rider), Leigh Whannell (Upgrade), Sanjay Leela Bhansali (Padmaavat)



BEST SCREENPLAY: Armando Iannucci, David Schneider, Ian Martin and Peter Fellows - The Death Of Stalin


Honorable Mentions: Gillian Flynn and Steve McQueen (Widows), Boots Riley (Sorry To Bother You), Phil Lord and Rodney Rothman (Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse), Nicole Holofcener and Jeff Whitty (Can You Ever Forgive Me?), Mark Perez (Game Night), Leigh Whannell (Upgrade), Eric Roth, Bradley Cooper and Will Fetters (A Star Is Born)



BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: Alfonso Cuarón - Roma


Honorable Mentions: Pawel Pogorzelski (Hereditary), Matthew Libatique (A Star Is Born), Benjamin Loeb (Mandy), Charlotte Bruus Christensen (A Quiet Place), Linus Sandgren (First Man), Robrecht Heyvaert (Revenge), Sean Bobbitt (Widows), Rob Hardy (Annihilation), Lyle Vincent (Thoroughbreds), Manu Dacosse (Let The Corpses Tan), Sudeep Chatterjee (Padmaavat)



BEST EDITING: Bernard Beets - Let The Corpses Tan


Honorable Mentions: Jeff Malmberg and Aaron Wickenden (Won't You Be My Neighbor?), Jay Cassidy (A Star Is Born), Christopher Tellefsen (A Quiet Place), Coralie Fargeat, Bruno Safar and Jérôme Eltabet (Revenge), Jennifer Lame and Lucian Johnston (Hereditary), Joe Walker (Widows), Terel Gibson (Sorry To Bother You), Sam Rice-Edwards (Whitney), Andy Canny (Upgrade), Peter Lambert (The Death Of Stalin), Alfonso Cuarón and Adam Gough (Roma)



BEST SCORE: Jóhann Jóhannsson - Mandy


Honorable Mentions: Daniel Pemberton (Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse), Alexandre Desplat (Isle Of Dogs),Ben Salisbury and Geoff Barrow (Annihilation), Hans Zimmer (Widows), Marco Beltrami (A Quiet Place), Kiyoshi Yoshida (Big Fish and Begonia), Tyler Bates (Deadpool 2), Justin Hurwitz (First Man), Takatsugu Muramatsu (Mary and the Witch's Flower)



BEST SONG: "Shallow" by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper - A Star Is Born


Honorable Mentions: "Sunflower" by Post Malone and Swae Lee (Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse), "I Will Go To War" by Tessa Thompson (Creed II), "The Big Unknown" by Sade (Widows), "All The Stars" by Kendrick Lamar and SZA (Black Panther), "Ghoomar" by Shreya Ghoshal and Swaroop Khan (Padmaavat), "I'll Never Love Again" by Lady Gaga (A Star Is Born), "Ashes" by Céline Dion (Deadpool 2), "Mirai no Theme" by Tatsuro Yamashita (Mirai), "Spidey-Bells (A Hero's Lament)" by Chris Pine (Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse)



BEST PREEXISTING SONG: "Radio Ga Ga (Live Aid)" by Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody


Honorable Mentions: "Helplessly Hoping" by Crosby Stills & Nash (Annihilation), "Harvest Moon" by Neil Young (A Quiet Place), "Quando Quando Quando" by Engelbert Humperdinck (Game Night)



BEST OPENING CREDITS: Roma


Honorable Mentions: Upgrade, Deadpool 2, Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich, Let The Corpses Tan



BEST ENDING CREDITS: Game Night


Honorable Mentions: Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse, Whitney



BEST STINGER: Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse


Honorable Mentions: Deadpool 2, Game Night



BEST POSTER ART: BlacKkKlansman


Honorable Mentions: Overlord, Suspiria, Game Night, Let The Corpses Tan, First Man (Moon Helmet), Creed II (Teaser), Incredibles 2 (Teaser), Isle of Dogs, Deadpool 2 (Teaser), Free Solo, A Simple Favor



BEST TRAILER: A Star Is Born


Honorable Mentions: Hereditary, Won't You Be My Neighbor?, Creed II, Action Point



BEST ACTION FILM: Creed II


Honorable Mentions: Black Panther, Avengers: Infinity War, Let The Corpses Tan, The Hurricane Heist



BEST ANIMATED FILM: The Night Is Short, Walk On Girl


Honorable Mentions: Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse, Isle Of Dogs, Mary and the Witch's Flower, Mirai, Big Fish & Begonia, Pokémon the Movie: The Power of Us, My Hero Academia: Two Heroes, Early Man



BEST COMEDY FILM: Game Night


Honorable Mentions: Sorry To Bother You, Deadpool 2, The Death Of Stalin, Crazy Rich Asians



BEST DOCUMENTARY FILM: Won't You Be My Neighbor?


Honorable Mentions: Whitney, Filmworker, Never-Ending Man: Hayao Miyazaki, McQueen



BEST HORROR FILM: A Quiet Place


Honorable Mentions: Hereditary, Summer of 84



BEST SCI-FI FILM: Upgrade


Honorable Mentions: Annihilation



BEST GUILTY PLEASURE: Ready Player One



FUTURE CULT AND APPRECIATION

Films that I feel will grow on me beyond my initial expectations and opinions and become the great films that they sought to be.

Annihilation
Mandy
My Hero Academia: Two Heroes
Thoroughbreds


UNDERRATED AND UNDERAPPRECIATED

Actors and actresses that gave great performances in bad films and/or in roles with little material and screen time.

Paul Bettany (Solo: A Star Wars Story)
Sterling K. Brown (Black Panther, The Predator)
Nicolas Cage (Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse)
Andrew "Dice" Clay (A Star Is Born)
Carrie Coon (Widows, Avengers: Infinity War)
Bill Duke (Mandy)
Kimiko Glenn (Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse)
Omari Hardwick (Sorry To Bother You)
Oscar Isaac (Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse)
Lily James (Sorry To Bother You)
Latin Lover (Roma)
John Mulaney (Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse)
Liam Neeson (Widows)
Thandie Newton (Solo: A Star Wars Story)
Chris Pine (Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse)
Trevante Rhodes (The Predator)
Lily Tomlin (Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse)
Alan Tudyk (Ralph Breaks The Internet)
Jacki Weaver (Widows)

Best Performances of 2018

Best Actor: Ranveer Singh - Padmaavat


Honorable Mentions:

Rami Malek - Bohemian Rhapsody

Logan Marshall-Green - Upgrade

Lakeith Stanfield - Sorry To Bother You

John David Washington - BlackKkKlansman

Nicolas Cage - Mandy

Michael B. Jordan - Creed II

Gen Hoshino - The Night Is Short, Walk On Girl

Brady Jandreau - The Rider

Bradley Cooper - A Star Is Born

Shameik Moore - Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Tom Hardy - Venom




Best Actress: Toni Collette - Hereditary


Honorable Mentions:

Lady Gaga - A Star Is Born

Yalitza Aparicio - Roma

Rachel McAdams - Game Night

Melissa McCarthy - Can You Ever Forgive Me?

Tessa Thompson - Sorry To Bother You and Creed II

Emily Blunt - A Quiet Place

Constance Wu - Crazy Rich Asians

Suzu Hirose - Fireworks

Viola Davis - Widows

Matilda Lutz - Revenge

Kana Hanazawa - The Night Is Short, Walk On Girl




Best Supporting Actor: Alex Wolff - Hereditary


Honorable Mentions:

Sam Elliot - A Star Is Born

Simon Russell Beale - The Death Of Stalin

Adam Driver - BlackKkKlansman

Michael B. Jordan - Black Panther

Dolph Lundgren - Creed II

Winston Duke - Black Panther

Armie Hammer - Sorry To Bother You

Anton Yelchin - Thoroughbreds

Daniel Kaluuya - Widows

Richard E. Grant - Can You Ever Forgive Me?

Jason Isaacs - The Death Of Stalin

Brian Tyree Henry - Widows and Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Jeffrey Dean Morgan - Rampage




Best Supporting Actress: Claire Foy - First Man


Honorable Mentions:

Zazie Beetz - Deadpool 2

Andrea Riseborough - Mandy and The Death Of Stalin

Michelle Yeoh - Crazy Rich Asians

Letitia Wright - Black Panther

Elizabeth Debicki - Widows

Danai Gurira - Black Panther

Hailee Steinfeld - Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Rebecca Hall - Mirai

Jane Curtin - Can You Ever Forgive Me?

Kathryn Hahn - Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Ashlie Atkinson - BlackKkKlansman



Next Up: The Best of the Rest of 2018

Worst Performances of 2018

Worst Actor: John A. Russo - My Uncle John is a Zombie!


Dishonorable Mentions:

Dong-xue Li - China Salesman

Will Ferrell - Holmes & Watson

John Travolta - Gotti

Bruce Willis - Death Wish




Worst Actress: Sophie Skelton - Day of the Dead: Bloodline


Dishonorable Mentions:

Janicke Askevold - China Salesman

Li Bingbing - The Meg

Emilia Clarke - Solo: A Star Wars Story




Worst Supporting Actor: Mike Tyson - China Salesman


Dishonorable Mentions:

Clovis Fouin - China Salesman

Marcus Vanco - Day of the Dead: Bloodline

Spencer Lofranco - Gotti

Riz Ahmed - Venom




Worst Supporting Actress: Camila Morrone - Death Wish


Dishonorable Mentions:

Charlyne Yi - Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich

Kelly Preston - Gotti



Next Up: The Best Performances of 2018

Best Films of 2018

2018 may have been the year of "it's fine" but amid the mediocrity and drama there were some greatness to behold. Oakland was the main city for many of the biggest and most talked about films of the year. Netflix continued their ascension into being America's favorite movie distributor, thanks to its easy-access streaming platform, expanding their acquisition of critical and festival favorites, and producing several titles that had America buzzing up a storm. Documentaries were all the rage, focusing on a variety of subjects including showbiz personalities, forgotten film footage, and a curious case of crossing paths. Several prominent coming-of-age stories revolved around the joy and agony of skateboarding. Two indie directors runged all of the tears and emotions out of their audiences by exploring the lives of damaged men and their relationship to horses. Film scores greatly outshone song-filled soundtracks. And despite the quick effort of trying to turn it into an online joke, the movie-going public was still traumatized all year by a single finger snap. From all of these movies and more, I rounded up the twenty films that stayed with me for days, played with my emotions so elegantly and made me want to watch them again and again.


These are the films I have deemed the best of 2018. Though I put them in list format, I was equally entertained and moved by all of these films.


Now comes the usual disclaimer that everyone forgets to remember: This list is of my own opinion, not the general public nor the Internet consensus. If I didn't see the film at all or in its entirety, it isn't counted or considered to be included.

(EDIT: I didn't get this article up in time on 1/7/2019 nor did I completely fully. I apologize for it not being up to my usual standard for a Best Films list. As much as I'm mad at myself for it, I still want to preserve it as a time capsule rather than toss the entire article out. Please enjoy.)



TOP TEN BEST FILMS


1. Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

I said during the opening statements of my Worst of list that 2018 essentially didn't effect me as much as 2017. But really I'm only human, of flesh and blood and made, and throughout last year I was often emotionally crushed by the cynicism, the horrors, the corruption, and all of the blind eyes. If I need any proof of this, I can just look at my writing input on this very website. Despite these setbacks, I still pursued my love for film and even ventured out more often to my local cinemas, including one movie that took a toll on me even when the trailer was playing on the big screen. Morgan Neville's documentary on beloved television icon Fred Rogers perfectly encapsulate what 2018 really was while also crafting a never-cloying, always fair examination at a modern man that could very well have been a real angel in disguise. The movie turned me into a sobbing mess even before the halfway point; all of the love, compassion, and honest discourse he gave to the people around him and the kids watching at home during troubling times (whether personal or societal) made my heart grow like a beanstalk and broke the control wheel off of my tear ducts. And to cap it all off, Neville uses Roger's last college commencement speech to weave an unbelievably immaculate conclusion.



2. Upgrade

Leigh Whannell certainly hasn't been one of my recent favorites, often squandering the goodwill he had with writing the original Insidious. I honestly sneered when I first saw this sleeper being advertised. But holy shit, he made me eat my hat, shoe, and words with this excellent cyberpunk thriller.



3. The Night Is Short, Walk On Girl




4. Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse




5. Roma




6. Let The Corpses Tan




7. Game Night




8. BlackKkKlansman




9. Whitney




10. Sorry To Bother You




THE NEXT TEN


11. Hereditary




12. Widows



13. A Quiet Place




14. Mirai




15. Deadpool 2

It may not be as great as the first one but I had so much fun with its vulgar superhero hilarity. And dig that mid-credits stinger that absolutely slays the audience.



16. The Death Of Stalin




17. Padmaavat

In a vast sea of cinema where nearly every movie has a running time of two and a half hours, none of them can fly by faster than this Bollywood epic. Extravagant production design and a brilliant lead performance by Ranveer Singh.



18. Pokémon the Movie: The Power of Us




19. Avengers: Infinity War




20. Isle Of Dogs




Next Up: The Worst Performances of 2018

Worst Films of 2018

2018 is being labelled nearly universally as not only one of the most painful years to bear through with gritted teeth but even more worse than 2017. Frankly, I felt that 2018 just simply held on to the new norm that was placed firmly by the awful misadventures and missteps we had to witness two years ago. Everything I summed up last year at the top of my Worst Films list (childish and racist behavior of the President, snobbish Congress, backward thinking Supreme Court, natural disasters and mass shooting being untreated) all sadly happened again. And like last year, I still was able to put one foot in front of the other because my hope in humanity still will not kneel.


But enough about that plight, which you can find everywhere you can click, what exactly happened in the world of cinema?


2018 was the year of "it's fine". Movies weren't predominately great or amazing or awesome or good or even bad. They were just fine. You paid for a ticket at the movie theater or streamed a flick through your favorite source and you walked away from it indifferent. The soul didn't change and the heart didn't grow yet your valuable time and money had been spent. It seemed nearly every major film was a disappointment in more ways than one and you felt a bit cheated. You couldn't even find comfort in the luxury of subscription services, most notably when MoviePass squandered all of its brief public goodwill at the start of the year to implement user limitations on a near weekly basis. Take your pick at what was the worst of that service: going from a daily movie to three films in one month, the peak pricing, the eventual shrinking of available movies, their bad entry into film distribution, their not-so-secret campaign to decry critics about one of their own releases, etc. To make matters worse, at least chiefly for myself, the theater chains continued to refuse lower their prices for tickets and concessions but instead began to enforce the "privilege" of reserved seating among all of their theaters.


As for what really went wrong in film in 2018, where do you start? Skywalker Ranch was shaking in their boots as they saw a lot of steam expunged from the Star Wars franchise. Mainstream comedies had to be reevaluated after many movies underperformed and/or saw no one laughing along. Nobody cared for political documentaries of any kind anymore thanks to the ongoing circus taking place every day in Washington. Action and thriller movies with badass female heroes being played by popular stars such as Jennifer Lawrence and Taraji B. Henson pretty much tanked at the box office. Pixar and Disney released sequels to two of their biggest 3D animated films only for both of them ending up being quite poor. A major television creator flamed out spectacularly on the big screen with a laughably bad weepie and decided to lambast professional critics, even after the general public also said no to it. Steve Carrell was once again rejected to become a major movie star thanks to a flop and a shrug of an indie. A forgettable dog pic had to be briefly removed from theaters and reedited due to an unbelievably stupid controversy. Once major horror and sci-fi franchises tried to rebirth themselves to modern audiences but were cut down by production woes, lack of hype, and sheer distaste. Two bro-friendly male stars of the 2000's suffered two of the biggest widely released bombs of the year, one of which was so bad pre-release that even Netflix didn't want to own the distribution rights. Universal Studios saw a lot of red ink being spilled thanks to some very bad calculations, whether it was for the poor release of their major Oscar bait or putting the money up for a strange sci-fi movie about cities roaming around on tank treads. And of course, as an encore, even more famous or celebrated male figures in Hollywood ended up being revealed to be total unrepentant scumbags. From all of this failure and more, I was able to drum up twenty "lucky" losers.


These are the films I have deemed the worst of 2018.


Now comes the usual disclaimer that everyone forgets to remember: This list is of my own opinion, not the general public nor the Internet consensus. If I didn't see the film at all or in its entirety, it isn't counted or considered to be included.



TOP TEN WORST FILMS


1. My Uncle John is a Zombie!

This is undoubtedly one of the absolute worst films I have ever sat through. Not just in theaters nor just this decade, I really do mean of all time. High school student films have more dignity than this piece of shit. Thankfully, the film remains hidden from the rest of the world, barely scrapping by via rare screenings. If it does come up to the surface, stay far far away from it.



2. China Salesman

I was planning on giving the gold and silver to two zombie flicks on this list but this travesty had to break it up. This is one strange movie that really doesn't know what it wants to be. It starts off as an action film that immediately burns all of its hype by giving us Mike Tyson vs. Steven Seagal (or rather Seagal's obvious stunt double). But then it starts focusing heavily on global telecommunication networking and waving the Chinese flag, both figuratively and literally. Then it turns into an African civil war pic where every citizen starts killing each randomly and the heroes need to save some phone towers. Once the dust finally settles on that ordeal, you think it's all over but no, there's still forty minutes left to discuss more global telecommunication networking! And just to make it even more insufferable and confusing, the director had everybody speak English despite having absolutely no form of proper diction (including Tyson), thus causing the audience to have no understanding of what they're actually saying.



3. Day of the Dead: Bloodline

For some strange reason beside monetary gain, the Dudelson family refuses to let the third entry in George A. Romero's Dead trilogy to stay, well, dead. There was a sequel to the sequel (which was actually a prequel), a remake in 2008 and now a decade later yet another remake with a completely pointless subtitle. This one is an endurance test as you have to bare witness to the one of the worst female protagonist brought to film lately: a lowly med student who always puts her own wishes and needs above everyone, puts many lives in zombie danger and never bats an eye when someone dies, and somehow gets away with it all. The only things that kept me from tearing my hair out from all of the sheer incompetence on display were some good gore effects and the hilarious fact that the main dumb guy is named "Baka".



4. Holmes & Watson

Full disclosure: I ran out to see this in theaters mainly in order to see if it could qualify for this list. It told many other bad movies to hold its beer because it wanted to show how bad you could get with a mainstream comedy. Who in Sony seriously thought that people would want to see a parody film of Sherlock Holmes close to a decade from its release, let alone one starring the very iffy Will Ferrell? To anyone thinking it can't be that bad: I hope you enjoy a scene with the main duo shouting for their maid for a minute straight; a running joke about Sherlock's hat; many mentions of masturbation, pissing and puking; Watson waving around and shooting his gun frantically; Sherlock switching from brilliantly smart to really stupid from scene to scene; an useless musical number (poor Alan Menken); and a series of peppered-in Trump jokes that are embarrassingly trite and date the film super hard. Writer-director Etan Cohen continues to show that it was Mike Judge who was the real mind behind Idiocracy.



5. The Happytime Murders

A lot of people were waiting for this to fail really just from the premise alone: an explicitly adult take on puppets from some of the people once behind and in the hands of the Muppets. I, like other film nerds, said it was already been done before with Peter Jackson's Meet The Feebles. I gave it a chance only to end up watching a wormeater, a movie that only offers up crude imagery and language just for shock factor only. What a waste of human talent and puppet material.



6. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

J. A. Bayona tried. He really, really tried to make some parts memorable or striking but the terrible minds in Universal Pictures, including the new prince of awful Colin Trevorrow, turned this turd into the dung heap left behind by a Triceratops. That ending left me so angry I was praying for steam to come out of my ears.



7. MFKZ

Oh man, this film is so edgy, the actual title is an expletive. Please, this animated film is a total poser and a total piece of crap. I would have been offended by its often racist depiction of Los Angeles denizens if I wasn't being distracted by the abominable story. Why should you really care about the main character? His paranoid storyline gets dropped with the stupid plot twist midway through, he gets shoved to the side to make room for more scenes with some lucha wrestlers and a doctor that just pops into the proceedings, his love story with some female stranger is a non-starter, and he doesn't even save the day in the end, only to be helped by some stereotypical gangbangers. GKIDS, I love that you help bring out more animated films to theaters and audiences but this one was a mistake.



8. The Predator

Blame both 20th Century Fox and Shane Black. No amount of savory dialogue or adequate acting can surpass the many terrible decisions brought forth by all the people behind this mess. The poor handling of the Predators, putting way too much emphasis on the lame human characters, the absolutely dreadful lighting and editing, the fact that there's an autistic kid with mental superpowers in a 2018 movie, it all stinks to high heaven. I don't care in the slightest if there is a supposed director's cut. I frankly would rather watch the AVP flicks in all of their grimy glory.



9. Making Fun: The Story of Funko

I originally had this much lower on the list but my anger towards it just grew and grew. I'm always a sucker for showbiz documentaries and the history of entertainment properties but this is not one of those. It is a glorified company video, designed to sucker in investors or be the splash video for Funko's YouTube page and website. After spending a third of its running time talking about the history of the toy company Funko, it then pads out the rest of the film with a series of short interviews with celebrities and ordinary folk, all of whom talk more about pop culture and entertainment in general rather than Funko themselves. To make matters worst, we have to cheer on as the people running Funko get ready to launch their big retail store so they can sell more stuff that is only licensed by them and not originally from their real minds and hands.



10. Gotti

One of the biggest fan films to ever get major theatrical distribution, it is not even funny how much of Goodfellas actor turned director Kevin Connolly cribbed from for his way too nice biopic of the famed NYC mobster. The film just skips around in time whenever it feels like it, often mashing the film footage with real life news footage, and sets nearly all of the scenes to those great 70's, 80's, and 90's tunes produced by Mr. Worldwide himself, Pitbull. Oh yes, even I remember when the 2012 song "Don't Stop the Party" was played everywhere in July 1985. The fact that the audience is supposed to like John Gotti and his eternally young, murder and hustling friendly, okay to sleep with an underage girl, not fat at all son, especially towards the end, puts the rotten cherry on this shit sundae.



THE NEXT TEN


11. Mazinger Z: Infinity

You know what Patlabor 2: The Movie needs? Wall-to-wall standard giant robot action to the point where nothing stands out, egregious product placement, pitiful fan service, a part where the entire world perfectly believes the clearly evil villain will be truthful and walk away once he's done, and end the proceedings with a badly hummed rendition of the Mazinger Z theme. I knew I was in for a bad ride when the behind-the-scenes video airing before the screening had the director literally asking the audience to enjoy the action and dumb down their brains.



12. Death Wish

Surely Eli Roth and Joe Carnahan, those two upstanding gentlemen of fine taste, would make an effective vigilante film for our current climate, right? Nope, instead they would just rather relish NRA-approved gun ownership, awkwardly extravagant gore, and a very white and very old Bruce Willis killing several non-white hooligans. Please keep in mind that Paul Kersey is a medical doctor in this remake, not an architect. Nothing wrong there!



13. Action Point

Stick to the trailer. Seriously, no joke, just watch the trailer. It's well put together and has all of the best moments of amusement park chaos. The film itself offers up nothing really of worth, not even with the shoe-horned father-daughter storyline that allows Johnny Knoxville some acting range.



14. Sicario: Day of the Soldado

When the news was originally announced at the prospect of a sequel/spin-off to Sicario, everyone collectively said no. The makers didn't listen and went ahead with making this ugly pic. Benicio del Toro and Josh Brolin are still great but screenwriter Taylor Sheridan ruined his track record of quality here, pulling some of the same plot tricks he did in the previous film, making us never care for a kidnapped snooty little rich girl, and essentially making a story that doesn't matter since everybody just brushes it all off in the end like an average cop television show.



15. Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich

The Puppet Master franchise got by the allure and perfectly toyetic design of its killer marionettes. Too bad the makers of this modern reimagining have the signature ones like Blade and Torch lose all the charisma a puppet could have and just have the little monsters move or be flung around amateurishly. It has some good kills and pretty darn good practical gore effects but the story is poorly handled and revels in repugnance, the climax is quickly strung together and ends up literally being a car crashing into a wall, and it concludes with an awful downbeat ending and pathetic sequel setup. A bad misstep for the promising S. Craig Zahler (Bone Tomahawk, Brawl In Cell Block 99), who wrote the script.



16. Samson

I enjoyed this a lot more than the usual Christian crap fare (dig that handicap massacre match between Samson and The Philistines!). However, it is such a wonderfully laughable mess, from the high school level sets to the cheesy acting to the bad CGI to the clearly you-missed-him action choreography to Samson being a total dolt to the weird moments when it wants to be The Passion of the Christ. And those beards. My God, those fake beards made me laugh until I cried.



17. The Meg

It gets slightly more fun after the halfway mark, at least if you're okay with PG-13 or less violence and need more China to be spoon-fed in your film diet. But the first half of this shitty shark movie is a total bore and rife with some really stupid characterization. Also impacting its entertainment factor: the sheer fact that nearly all of the main characters don't end up as chum.



18. Lu Over The Wall

Anime director Masaaki Yuasa and his studio Science Saru had a banner year in 2018 save for this middling work. More aggravating than entertaining, this surreal anime flick needed to have better control on its tone and animation quality and a much more coherent script. Seriously, the lowly fat secretary in the background ends up being the main villain?



19. Suspiria

I didn't put this divisive horror film here just because of some stupid fan outrage that one of my favorite films was remade. It deserves its placement due to being a tiresome watch. There are a few artistic flourishes that stand out but the pretentiousness gets toxic, the dancing loses its luster, the plot twists are headache inducing, Thom Yorke's score is lame, and the big climax is laughably amateurish. And I don't care about the real reason why Tilda Swinton was cast in multiple roles; every scene involving her under heavy makeup as an old male professor is near insufferable and very distracting.



20. Ralph Breaks The Internet

To go from my best film of the year to the last film on my worst of list. Wow. Trading in video game humor for a Disney-ifed take on The Emoji Movie and turning Ralph into a real toxic villain. What were they thinking?! Just keep on rewatching the Disney princesses scenes on YouTube rather than sit through this highly disappointing effort.



Next Up: The Best Films of 2018