Joke Film Awards of 2018

Best Film Experience of the Year: A Star Is Born (White trash lady who sat a seat away from me, would not stop casually talking out loud during the opening scenes until I had to vulgarly tell her to keep quiet, only to then loudly smack her gum during the many quietly emotional scenes in the last third.)

2nd Best Film Experience of the Year: Action Point (White trash douche who during "The Twenty/First Look" segment watched an old Achmed The Dead Terrorist routine on his phone at high volume and put his bare dirty feet on the seat in front of him.)

3rd Best Film Experience of the Year: Mandy (A dumb kid who missed the entire point of the movie and declared "Hail Satan!" when the film cut to black.)

Best Film Title of the Year: I Want To Eat Your Pancreas

Worst Film Title of the Year: 6 Balloons

The Greatest Film Title of All Time (That Happens To Be Released Last Year): The Wife

Most Accurate Film Title: Borg vs. McEnroe (Runner-Up: The Death Of Stalin)

Same Dress, Different Hairstyle: RBG and On The Basis Of Sex

The Kathryn Morris Award for "What's The Deal With This Person?": Carrie Coon in Widows

The Enough Already Award for the Most Egregious Overuse of Something in Movies: Non-remake movies that share the exact same name as a previously known film (Life Itself, Truth Or Dare, Ravenous, The Day After, Beautiful Boy etc.)

2nd Place of the Enough Already Award: Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" used as a concluding song

Best Dog: Olivia in Game Night and Widows (Runner-Up: Bradley Cooper's real-life dog in A Star Is Born)

Best Cat: Tib in Mary and the Witch's Flower

Best Pig: Hognob in Early Man

Worst Alligator: The mutant one in Annihilation

Worst Bear: The screaming mutant one in Annihilation

Best Kill: The shocking decapitation in Hereditary

Worst Kill: Sterling K. Brown's murder(?)/suicide(?) in The Predator

Best Reason to Fast-Forward to the End: Live Aid in Bohemian Rhapsody

Most Incestuous Film: The Happytime Murders

Actor with the Biggest Open Schedule of the Year: Brian Tyree Henry

The Jai Courtney Award for The Biggest Failure to Jump to Stardom: Alden Ehrenreich

The Lorraine Bracco Award for The Biggest Failure to Jump to Stardom: Hera Hilmar

Best Cameos in an Action Movie: Brigitte Nielsen and Milo Ventimiglia in Creed II

Best Cameo in a Superhero Movie: Ryan Reynolds in Deadpool 2

2nd Best Cameo in a Superhero Movie: Godzilla in My Hero Academia: Two Heroes

Worst Cameos in an Action Movie: Sway and the other radio hosts in Death Wish

Best Use of Subtitles: Suspiria

Worst Use of CGI: The animals and warriors in Padmaavat

Best Food: Tater tots in Venom

2nd Best Food: Vanillite-shaped ice cream cones in Pokémon the Movie: The Power of Us

3rd Best Food: Cheddar Goblin Mac 'n Cheese in Mandy

Worst Food: Rotten chicken in Venom

2nd Worst Food: Raw onions in Holmes & Watson

Best Beer: Schlitz in Action Point

Best Wine: Imitation Denki Bran in The Night Is Short, Walk On Girl

Best Product Placement: Monopoly in A Quiet Place

Worst Product Placement: Nissan in Mazinger Z: Infinity

Most Butt-tastic Poster: The Miracle Season

Worst Spoiler Poster: Death Wish

Worst Spoiler Trailer: Death Wish

Laziest Poster of All Time: Death Wish

Most WTF Poster: Distorted

The Poster That Just Pissed Me Off So Much For Some Reason: I Feel Pretty