Worst Films of 2009

And now, for the worst of last year.

As I stated, 2009 was a pretty awful year in film. With so many high-profiled fiascos and flops along with the pretentious and the trash, the selection of 10 terrible movies was way too plentiful. I may not have seen all of them or had an urge to, but these selected few really ruined my viewing experiences and/or made me truly angry at the art of filmmaking.


10. THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE

Steven Soderbergh seems to want to be Godard. The guy may have created a lot of great films, his ever-expanding selfish attitude of filmmaking is causing both Hollywood and myself to lose patience. Case in point, this film released months before his more celebrated THE INFORMANT!. This may have a short running time, but the sheer pretentiousness in every frame overwhelms the viewer. Sure, real-life porn actress Sasha Grey does fit in with the main character and there are some really effective scenes, but the unlikability of all the characters and the constant whining of the now-current economic woes take away all hope. But the direction and cinematography truly are the main culprits. Get ready to view a scene where the foreground characters are out of focus and f-stopped out so we can look at a hanging chandelier. Or, the climax where Sasha argues with her boyfriend but hidden from frame behind a giant couch. Soderbergh, please stop making these stupid pet projects.

9. 12 ROUNDS

The perfect example of bad schlock. This convoulted combined mess of SPEED and DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE has no suspense since it literally follows the same beats as those films. The main villain is absolute stupid as he takes vengeance on a cop for the death of his girlfriend despite the fact that he is more at fault for it. Oh, and his "12 rounds" plan, which results in the massive destruction of New Orleans, is just so he can steal money with a firetruck hose. It gets more stupid if I explain more of it.

8. MY LIFE IN RUINS

Nia Vardalos's career, ladies and gentlemen. One of two projects produced last year, Vardalos desperately tries to recreate success for herself with the abysmal romantic comedy set in Italy. Thrill at the sights of terrible stereotypes and bad characterization. Laugh at a character with the name of "Poopie Cacas." Marvel at how stiff as a board Vardalos is. Instead of the more joyful and bountiful exuberance from her past films, Vardalos commands this feature with everything being forced and no chance for honest laughs.

7. THE INFORMERS

6. GIGANTIC

I'm a big fan of absurdism but this travesty shouldn't be labeled as an example. It is just a very banal and stupid independent film with a plot that is an explosion of annoyingly quirkness. It is a bad Mad Libs creation, as a bed-salesman waits to achieve his dream of getting a Chinese baby while getting attacked by a violent hobo and courting the Maniac Pixie herself Zooey Deschanel. Why are characters randomly in and out of the story? Why is there a scene where men are getting a "happy ending"? Why did I need to see Zooey throwing up? Is it supposed to be hilarious, Mark Aselton? Well, it isn't and you have no sense of making a nonsense film.

5. STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN-LI

4. THE BOONDOCK SAINTS II: ALL SAINT'S DAY

3. LAND OF THE LOST

2. THE UGLY TRUTH

1. TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

The absolute prime example of the shear stupidity of the Hollywood machine. This wasn't the bigger and better sequel to the very mediocre first TRANSFORMERS. It was an endless abyss of bad comedy, offensive stereotypes, and badly constructed action and storytelling. Nothing worked.