A seven-year-old Jesus heads from Alexandria to Nazareth, and then from there to Jerusalem, all the while being stuck in a möbius strip strip of him asking questions and everyone telling him to leave them be. Meanwhile, some Roman centurions led by Sean Bean are out searching for the rumored Messiah, under the strict orders of the flamboyant son of Herod the Great. THE YOUNG MESSIAH is a goosed-up television movie that is slower than a snail orgy. Adapted from a novel by Anne Rice of all people, it could have been an interesting tale under capable hands. Instead, political provocateur Cyrus Nowrasteh is at the helm, delivering a pathetically shot and woefully written movie that is sure to not enlighten anyone. It starts off blowing it entire load by having two consecutive resurrections by kid Jesus and the full reveal of Satan, then wastes the rest of the running time mostly having everyone walking or talking about how Jesus shouldn't know about who he is. Briefs moments of violence are embarrassingly filmed, done all in shaky cam and featuring bloodless swipes around the chest and back. By the time the climax is revealed, the stakes are completely muted and you're left with someone telling a baby's version of the nativity, despite the sheer fact that we just saw and heard all of it a hour ago. The whole picture is miserably edited, with several noticeable continuity errors throughout it and scenes that swiftly end and transit into the next block of dialogue. The acting for the most part is serviceable and could have saved the pic from being a complete bore but Adam Greaves-Neal is incredibly annoying and untalented as the lil' savior, Sara Lazzaro's Mary only dabbles in severe glares, and the guy that got to play the Devil is too funny to take seriously. Plus, you know, the fact that the main cast is all white actors playing Jewish people from the The Holy Land makes the film even more eye-rolling. Stick with the good book or your weekly visit to the church.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
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