Ugh.
Man, I was so surprised when I took a look back at last year's predictions and saw that I lead the article off talking about my lack of enthusiasm. I completely forgot all about it, especially since I currently have any even worse apathy for this year's contest!
I know from experience that there's always a lot of people online that often like to spout how this year's songs suck and how this will be a bad year during the run up of a contest. I don't want to say right now that this might be a bad year, waiting to come to an assessment post-Grand Final, but there are a lot of early indictors: another controversy over buying tickets, the sheer lack of hype and fan bases snipping at each other, and the simple fact that there are no clear favorites to win. And of course there's the whole thing with Israel again participating but that's a whole different story.
My journey through this edition's national selection season was very mixed, that is when I even had the energy and spunk to watch any of them. Melodifestivalen was a ton of fun and had an unique winner for a change while my beloved little country Lithuania kept ruining my mood thanks to jury/final score shenanigans and a winner that left me baffled. Meanwhile, Ukraine produced another great show under extreme circumstances only to also have a flat winner.
Then came all of the other songs in February and March that just made me sigh constantly, to the point that I just stopped checking them out and essentially walked away from the whole thing. By the time I wanted to actually sit down and listen to them via the official album, I couldn't even do that because unexplainably this year's album was not available on iTunes previous year's have all been removed as well. And no, Spotify wouldn't help matters because I love having the actual album. Granted, it's available via Amazon but I still have major issues with their digital music store and their right to hard remove a song from your purchases.
So, after not listening to the entire album, barely gleaming the majority of the songs, and not seeing a single rehearsal photo or video, I'm going to continue my trend and try to predict this winners and losers of Eurovision.
But before I do, here are my top four favorite songs from this year's contest, in alphabetical order. Yep, that's right, I couldn't even get to five this year. The countries are:
Finland
Luxembourg
Slovenia
Sweden
SEMI-FINAL 1 COUNTRIES THAT WILL QUALIFY TO THE GRAND FINAL
Albania - Albania does Albania and they often do it great. This year, it's fine but it's way better than a certain other country, which also just so happens to feature the only one female performer in this semi-final.
Belgium - It will get the crowd jumping and raving more than 2015 Serbia. An easy crowd favorite.
Cyprus - It's closing out the semi-final and it's pretty alright. They need to have some incredible staging to prop up this bop or else it will go quiet come the Grand Final.
Estonia - Thanks, I hate it. I know Tommy Cash is clearly trolling but this song is just so bad. I honestly like "Leto Svet" a lot more than this. However, as seen with that infamous 2008 entry and the country's pick in 2010, Estonian comedy acts often die a death at Eurovision.
Iceland - Kicks off the entire contest and delivers an easy earworm for the crowd and voters. High likely to advance.
Norway - The boy from Umami Tsunami is now a man and leading the way for Norway. Pretty standard pop song but it simply works.
Portugal - It's just so mellow and different from all of the other entries that I think that it will draw plenty of votes.
Slovenia - I seem to be one of the few people that actually really likes this song. Some think that Klemen is sure to be eliminated due to the online backlash earlier in the year when he did a YouTube video where he impersonated previous Eurovision winners, including Dave Benton in full blackface. But the majority of people will not care that much and rather will be moved by his tender and sobering song about his wife.
Sweden - SAUNA! Able to defeat Mans Zelmerlow in a single contest, this Finnish group helped spark new life for Eurovision fans and actually made people want to cheer for Sweden to win. Though I think it has a high chance of being the top winner of the public vote at the grand final, I strongly believe the juries will not look past the comedy of it all, thus relegating them to a commendable top five position.
Ukraine - It's Ukraine! Of course their streak will remain alive. Even if their rock song can be pretty forgettable.
SEMI-FINAL 1 COUNTRIES THAT WILL BE ELIMINATED
Azerbaijan - I actually don't mind the song and kinda like it. I just think people don't really care for Azerbaijan at the moment.
Croatia - From their best ever placement to a non-contender. "Poison Cake" just tries way too hard.
The Netherlands - An okay song that barely has a hook to draw in votes.
Poland - We already have an Albania wannabe, courtesy of Albania themselves!
San Marino - Ah ha ha ha ha, yeah, no chance in hell with this crappy DJ song. DJs just never work in Eurovision.
SEMI-FINAL 2 COUNTRIES THAT WILL QUALIFY TO THE GRAND FINAL
Australia - Like Estonia, this could be a comedy disaster. The singer and the staging have to be on point and near perfect to change Australia's ways.
Czechia - I don't really like this a lot but the choreography in the music video could be fruitful on the main stage. Adonxs being quite popular with the LGTBQ+ crowd also helps their cause to qualify.
Denmark - Damn it, Denmark, I'm taking a chance on you again, even though you currently have a terrible qualifying streak. "Hallucination" is very blah eurodance but I see it sneaking in but just barely.
Finland - Hey look, we finally have a POTENTIAL WINNER, and it's my favorite of the entire contest. Erika Vikman just commands the stage and the song is sure to rock the arena. Combine that with Finland's recent track record at the contest and it looks like Helsinki is sure to get a even bigger rush of tourists next May.
Greece - A bit of a dark horse. Like Portugal, this is just so different from the rest that I think it will draw more eyes, ears, and votes.
Ireland - Like Denmark, I'm giving this the benefit of the doubt and believing it will somehow qualify. Wish it was a proper Irish singer and song but whatevs.
Israel - Remember, the semi-final qualifiers are determined via the public. It will get in, unless it gets completely booed off the stage or things get a little too hairy and the performer refuses to sing again.
Luxembourg - And we have the next POTENTIAL WINNER. Rests too heavily on the laurels of "Poupee De Cire, Poupee De Son" but it's just so damn catchy. That plus Luxembourg really wants to win, even though they just came back last year.
Malta - It will get in simply from all of the controversy and fan popularity it has already generated. Expect the crowd to shout "KUNT!" at the top of their lungs. And it better not be censored, you hear me, EBU?!
Serbia - Another fine Balkan ballad. Always a sucker for them, just like the rest of Europe.
SEMI-FINAL 2 COUNTRIES THAT WILL BE ELIMINATED
Armenia - Has a chance to qualify just from all of the booming and banging while the guy screams "I'M A SURVIVOR!" but he just plainly can't sing a lick.
Austria - I liked this when it was called "It's My Life" and the year was 2013. Too somber and not much fun. Plus the soprano voice comes off as an one-trick pony.
Georgia - Even with all of the troubling things going on in the country, this song is just a big pile of nothing pie.
Latvia - Way too folky and not much music-wise you can tap your foot to.
Lithuania - I quite frankly dislike this song to a high degree. It's so whiny and drab but, hey, some people might want that in their Eurovision. But I still see it falling flat on the night.
Montenegro - Yeah, no. Just no. Sorry Montenegro, but you don't have a chance at advancing.
COUNTRIES THAT AUTO-QUALIFY TO THE GRAND FINAL
France - I first thought that this too could be a winner for the contest but I don't see it as good as some of France's previous entries. Top ten sure, but not at the top.
Germany - I said last year that Germany could have themselves another unmemorable flop. "Always On The Run" ended up not being one but this year's certainly could be. "Baller" has absolutely no staying power whatsoever.
Italy - Dear lord, this Michael Jackson gremlin looking guy. And the song is so lame as well. I see it barely hanging in the mid-teens.
Spain - It's not "Slow Mo" but it's a pretty good dance tune. Needs some killer staging and choreography to make a top ten showing.
Switzerland - Bulgaria's Victoria much? Alright song but certainly was picked to get some votes but not repeat as champ.
The United Kingdom - Stuck in the lower teens or near the bottom. The song just sounds like a total mess and it certainly could be once on stage. Plus the title of the song just begs to be used against it.
The semi-finals take place on May 13 and 15, both starting at 3 PM EST. The Grand Final will take place on May 17 at the exact same time. All three events can be watched here in America via Peacock if you have a paid subscription to the streaming service. Viewers will able to follow along with the event's presenters, comedian Hazel Brugger, singer Sandra Studer and, for the final alone, model Michelle Hunziker.
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