The Darkest Hour - Review

Now when I think about it, I really wanted to see THE SOCIAL NETWORK in 3D. Who cares about factors such as expert tone and crisp dialogue when I can see a hot L.A. night club or the campus of Harvard pop out at me and dimmed to obscurity. The makers of THE DARKEST HOUR took up this challenge for its overlong opening half, going so far as to hire one of that film's actors and put him in a similar situation where preppy entrepreneurs fight over a networking site. Now we suckers of cinema can finally watch extreme boardroom scenes to the max, with plenty of douchebaggery to go around and be protruded into our faces.


THE DARKEST HOUR is so tepid and a full bore, the climax of the experience was ripping open your 3D glasses from the plastic pouch. I do like playing Russian roulette with unscreened genre fare but here the joke is on you; the gun was fully loaded.


I can't remember the names of the characters, nor any characterization beyond vapid American nerd, his handsome best friend, pretty New York runaway, and the beautiful foreign lass. The first two come to Russia for business, the latter for pleasure. They meet cute at a bar before being constantly on the run from invading invisible aliens. Meanwhile, in a far darker scenario, you are at the mercy of flat cinematography, yawn-inducing suspense, and all scenes ending with a fade to black. Director Chris Gorak loves those fades. What better way to conclude epic scenes such as walking up stairs with a lantern?


The film turns gonzo in its second half, where our heroes fight back with giant microwave-firing rifles and teaming up with Russian commandos who ride on license-plate armored horses and wield car doors as giant shields. That should sound totally awesome to behold, something Takashi Miike could easily do for critical acclaim at a more limited budget. Instead, all of the negative energy of the proceeding chapters wipes out any and all future excitement. We are thus left in a sad state of sorrow as talented performers such as Emile Hirsch and Olivia Thirlby embark on baffling stupid decisions and deliver whiny speeches about the power of humanity.


There is currently a movie company called The Asylum, who is infamously known for their schlocky takes of Hollywood blockbusters. THE DARKEST HOUR some how sinks far below their outputs, though guaranteeing itself for future weekend screenings with those movies on the Syfy channel. Not funny to enjoy in a "so bad it's good" mood, nor justified to see its screening times being displayed at your local theater.



FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5