I watch a lot of films every year and not every single one can be written up. It could be the general mediocrity of it, the forgetful premise and execution, or I just get busy and lose interest in reviewing it.
Here are two opening paragraphs for two August films that almost got the full treatment, only to settle with a short stab at them. Think of these as my take on Leonard Maltin's style of reviewing.
THE SMURFS
So, we finally come to the most heated film of the summer, sure to spill some blood and aggravate the many, many detractors. Shockingly, I felt that THE SMURFS wasn't the newest weapon to cripple human brain cells this year. Make no mistake, there is a whole lot of commercially-created crass shenanigans and stupidity to behold and tolerate. The few bright moments with the blue Belgian creatures are largely ruined by whiplash writing, bland shoehorned human characters, and set pieces designed to overflow with poop jokes.
FINAL REVIEW: 2 / 5
RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES
Surprises do not come very often from the diluted products of Hollywood, especially with the many reboots, prequels, and unnecessary franchise extenders. But, when there are exceptions, they are spellbindingly good. RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES isn't total perfection but its vastly interesting melodramatic storytelling, peculiar characterizations and its love of warping the expectations of its action finale make it the odd movie out of the recesses of August releases.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
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