TOTAL RECALL doesn't have the ability to separate itself as its own property and originality, unless you talking about it in a negative light. You can not watch this film without recalling the 1990 action flick directed by Paul Verhoeven and starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. Even if you haven't watch that movie, you can sense the callbacks and lip service given to it. Unfortunately, each precious film allusion is transported into a world of utter boredom and stale people.
The basic story is same as before, total deja vu: Douglas Quaid (Colin Farrell) is weary of his blue collar lifestyle and his hot wife (Kate Beckinsale). He heads to the dangerous company of Rekall, willingly injects himself with artificially created memories, messes up his mind and enters a modified world where he is a hunted double agent and the key to a social and political uprising. Or is this new life really happening to him? Do you care? Would you like to know more?
Now it's time to ruin it all with the "original" vision of writers Kurt Wimmer and Mark Bomback. Instead of making it a battle between the forces of Earth and Mars, it is now between Britain and the Colony, a.k.a. Australia. Why only these two? Because, silly, this is now a post-apocalypse story, one of the most over-used plot dilemmas today next to a zombie outbreak. Britain has all of the power, jobs, and it is perfectly nice, clean, and white. The Colony is supposed to be a grungy slum with a 24-7 red light district yet it generally looks fine except for the constant raining. The bigger question you may have is how do people travel to the two points? The answer is not planes or spaceships, but a giant subway system that bores through the center of the Earth's core every 30 minutes on the dot. Dear lord, the science and logical questions that come from this stupidity!
It gets worst; In one instance, this film blows through stupid town into the city of travesty. There is a sequence where the main leads enter a place called the "No Zone". Take that in for a second; a 125 million dollar feature-length film that honestly calls something the "No Zone". This area was affected by the nuclear holocaust, so it is highly radioactive and surely can kill you without protection. For these people in the far-flung future, they only need to wear a gas mask in order to survive. No protective suits whatsoever. While these losers and big-wigs talk in the foreground, inside an oxygen controlled environment, I'm too preoccupied with the poor background soldiers, whose job is to guard the place from the outside. Sure enough, a raid happens, busting through the windows and blowing up their way into the complex. The outside radiation has now spread everywhere, infecting everyone inside, and yet all of these morons still think it's a good time for long stretches of exposition dialogue, all the while not wearing masks.
I had another rant about the antagonist Cohaagen's giant plan of evil involving a robot army and the laughable presence of hand phones but I think I have enough garbage bags to fill up the bin. With such a clueless and eye-rolling script, director Len Wiseman implements his signature style of inescapable weariness. He cares more about lens flares popping up in the frame than he does with the pacing of scenes. I would have noted that the art direction is probably directed better but even that has its own share of terrible faults. There could be a nice sleekness in the design of rooms and corridors only to be bungled by the limited color palette of white and gray. Another a strong case is the comparison between the police robots and the policemen. The robots have a menacing visor and face-plate, bulky chest and shoulders, and they look dangerous with a gun in their hands. The human officers, however, look to be extras from INCEPTION, namely those mind anti-bodies who fought Tom Hardy at the snow fortress.
The acting side of the picture is another headache. Colin Farrell is a great actor but only when working with individuals who actually have talent. Here, he has the unfortunate time and pleasure working with Wiseman behind the camera and Jessica Biel in front of it. No wonder he always look namby-pamby and a total sourpuss in a supposedly valorous role. Biel, on the other hand, just does not look the part of a resistance fighter nor able to act. She looks more at home as a Blernsball player for the Colony Cretins than as a sexy spy Quaid is willing to die for. But it is Kate Beckinsale who has the most gloriously botched position, despite being in the hands of her own husband. As evident in the above plot description, she plays the same character as Sharon Stone did, the fake wife/undercover agent Lori. To further confound her character, Lori is combined with Michael Ironside's role of Richter, Quaid's vicious pursuer and lackey of Cohaagen. This creates a destructive paradox; Lori constantly hunts after Quaid, urged to kill him despite strict orders not to, yet she mixes her desire for cruelty with a ton of wife-related puns, which ruins any chance to take her seriously as a threat. Beckinsale does give the ole college try, hamming up the camp in certain moments, but the damage is done.
A film remake is always a troubled product, a form of art that will always be judged against its original form. This is a case that can be easily thrown out of court. Do not watch this inferior interpretation of the Phillip K. Dick short story. It is a corporate mutation with a teen movie rating. Stick to the Verhoeven version; beg you parents if you have to. If you need proof why they should let you view a rated R movie, just pay for their cinema tickets to this crap and wait for their reply. Be sure to be on call in the event of a walkout.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
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