Friday, June 13, 2014

I, Frankenstein - Review

In this demented fan-fiction-like sequel to the Mary Shelley classic, based on a comic book no one gives two licks about, Frankenstein's Monster (Aaron Eckhart) finds himself caught in between the eternal war of angels and demons. However, original creator Kevin Grevioux (UNDERWORLD) and director Stuart Beattie thought that wasn't cool enough, so the angels now have the form of stone gargoyles and the demons are just generic baddies with evil fingernails and explode in a fiery display when killed. Oh, and The Monster a.k.a. Adam somehow has survived two centuries of life, bringing his divine justice to an European city that has no clear landmarks and has absolutely no one residing in it besides the main characters. So much for saving the world, huh, you holy gargoyles? I, FRANKENSTEIN is kinda amazing in how much abject failure is present in every scene. It's fully cloaked in CGI explosions and color correction yet look likes a standard horrendous direct-to-DVD/direct-to-Syfy; for example, take a good look at Yvonne Strahovski's apartment, which looks like it hands out a free tetanus shot to every visitor. The story is a horror-show, featuring such unexplainable plot elements like the angels turning full-blown heel for a stretch, the heroine dooming the entire world because her old co-worker might die, and a romance between a blond woman and a 200+ year old zombie. I haven't even brought up Bill Nighy's paycheck role as a demon king seeking eternal life but you should get my point. Unless you enjoy sitting through sheer dumb horror hybrids, you best leave this corpse to remain buried.


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