Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Joke Film Awards of 2015

Best Film Experience of the Year: Pixels (Right when the golf ball in the "Happy Madison Productions" logo hit the glass screen, power went completely out and everybody had to go home.)

2nd Best Film Experience of the Year: Best of Enemies (Headed to the NYC theater it was listed as playing at in the morning, only to be locked out because the building isn't open that day.)

3rd Best Film Experience of the Year: Star Wars: The Force Awakens (An obnoxious teen girl decided to munch down heavily on popcorn like her life depended on it, right during the most serious scene of the entire movie.)

True Best Film Song of 2015: "True Survivor" by David Hasselhoff - Kung Fury

True Worst Film of 2015: Dangerous Men

Best Film Title of the Year: The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared

Worst Film Title of the Year: United Passions

Most Accurate Film Title: It Follows

Best and Most Likable Movie Character of All Time: Stu in What We Do In The Shadows

The Kathryn Morris Award for "What's The Deal With This Person?": The Mexican cop in Sicario

Worst Duel with an Animal: Zombie Olivia Wilde vs. Dog - The Lazarus Effect

Best Kill: Preparing dinner in Bone Tomahawk

Worst Kill: The stock footage car explosion in Dangerous Men

Most Suspenseful Sequence Involving Gambling Addiction: The "Super Bowl" bets in Focus

Most Suspenseful Sequence Involving a Party Game: "Never Have I..." in Unfriended

Most Suspenseful Sequence Involving a Printer: The dueling print-outs in Unfriended

Best Use of a Jump Scare: The random phantoms in The Nightmare

Best Reason to Fast-Forward to the End: The dinosaur handicap match in Jurassic World

Most Incestuous Film: The Cobbler

Actor with the Biggest Open Schedule of the Year: Judy Greer

The Ryan Reynolds Award for The Biggest Failure to Jump to Stardom: Jai Courtney (Runner-Up: Scott Eastwood)

The Lorraine Bracco Award for The Biggest Failure to Jump to Stardom: Emilia Clarke (Runner-Up: Britt Robertson)

Best Cameo in an Action-Comedy Movie: Bill Pullman in American Ultra

Best Cameo in a Superhero Movie: The Falcon in Ant-Man

Worst Cameo of a Sports Star: Tony Romo in Trainwreck

Worst Use of Whitewashing: Emma Stone in Aloha

Worst Use of ADR: The Walking Deceased

Worst Use of a Queen Song: Pixels

Worst Use of CGI: A ball being thrown in The Ridiculous 6

Best Food: Donuts in Tangerine

Worst Food: Blender Salsa in Unfriended

2nd Worst Food: Broccoli Pizza in Inside Out

Best Product Placement: Legos in The LEGO Brickumentary

Worst Product Placement: AutoTrade in Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser

Most Butt-tastic Poster: Balls Out (Runner Up: Minions)

Worst Spoiler Poster: Drafthouse Pictures' original poster for The Connection

Laziest Poster of All Time: The teaser poster for Secret In Their Eyes

Best Character Poster Line: The Japanese "Kanji" Line of Inside Out

Worst Character Poster Line: Mortdecai

Best Raunchy Tagline: "Coming" - Magic Mike XXL

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