Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Ratchet & Clank - Review

Unchecked industrialist Chairman Drek (Paul Giamatti) puts his master plan into action, blasting multiple celestial bodies and harvesting their best parts in order to craft his own jigsaw-like perfect planet. Seemingly only the Galactic Rangers, led by dumb egotist Captain Qwark (Jim Ward), are able to stop him but they for some reason need a fifth team member. Lowly furry mechanic Ratchet (James Arnold Taylor) tries to join up but is quickly rejected, only to gain a second chance at his dream job when a small robot later dubbed Clank (David Kaye) crash lands nears his home. RATCHET & CLANK not only continues the sad march of film companies failing to adapt a popular video game properly, it somehow ends up being one of the most frustrating examples imaginable, doubly so considering how much material and time they had to do it justice. I may have loathed all of the serious missteps in previous bad video game movies like DOUBLE DRAGON, but at least those makers were fully aware that when you make a buddy action flick, you make plenty of time for buddy interactions and simple camaraderie. Here, the cocky Lombax and the blunt-talking automaton spend the majority of the running time on opposite ends of the adventure, with the former on the battlefield while the latter stays on the ship. When they do come together as they normal did in the games, they possess absolutely no chemistry, despite the original voice actors being hired on. The fault of the film falls entirely on Kevin Munroe's hands, due to his sheer poor direction and the terrible script he co-wrote. Scenes are clearly missing, characters suffer from tonal whiplash, and the action heroics are beyond dull, all left unedited and underdeveloped just so Munroe and his buddies can include more texting jokes (all on old flip phones no less!) and end every single sequence with an escape shuttle being launched. Additionally, what really drove me nerd crazy was the pathetic attempts at fan service. The famously inventive weaponry of the games are just thrown randomly in, never explaining to anyone watching why Ratchet abruptly has gravity boots or a giant wrench, and/or suffer the terrible fate of being completely botched, such as how Mr. Zurkon is bizarrely turned into a fleet of useless baddies or how the R.Y.N.O. is an ineffective dud. Even if you can sit through it meh proceedings, enjoy the few good laughs it possesses or be pleased by the devilish character of Doctor Nefarious, RATCHET & CLANK is a clumsy affair that would even baffle the kids. Now please, please don't screw up SLY COOPER, Sony and Munroe!


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