Monday, February 6, 2017

Super Bowl LI Movie Trailers Overview

Super Bowl LI will go down as one of the most famous championship games in history despite the sheer fact that the majority of it was really boring. The Atlanta Falcons was on their way to making Tom Brady look like a complete joke, only for the almighty QB to march his team down the sidelines, get two 2-point conversions, tie up the score at 28 to lead to the first overtime ever in Super Bowl history, and then get an easy touchdown to cinch the win. What a come from behind victory and an epic collapse. As for the commercials, they continued their streak of utterly sucking. The only one I really enjoyed was for Bud Light, where the ghost of the original and literal party animal Spuds MacKenzie tried to get a guy to hang out with his friends more.

Rather shockingly, a big chunk of the limited selection of commercials were brief teasers for upcoming movies. Did any of them work? Let's find out:

The teaser for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 came in early in the show and told the rest to try and top it. This great preview, which is extended online, furthered showed the action and humor of the product. Plus, Gamora hulking a huge ass laser chain gun.

As for the worst of the pack: This was my first time seeing anything for Transformers: The Last Knight and all I can say is, what the hell did I just watch? Just a bunch of random CGI effects, a shot of Anthony Hopkins, and trying to make me care that Optimus Prime and Bumblebee are fighting each other. Michael Bay really doesn't want to do these movies anymore.

Logan basically showed a bunch of its old teaser footage but it's set to a dark version of "Amazing Grace" to make it totally edgy. All anyone needs to do is watch the "red band" trailer to really see how far the movie's willing to go.

Ghost In The Shell had a lame 30 seconds devoted to bad techno blares and titillating looks of Scarlet Johansson's bodysuit. Also, a lame villain revealing that, oh no, Johansson is really a cyborg! Oh my god!

The teaser for A Cure For Wellness was a parody of medical commercials, which would of been effective at any time on television except during prime time let alone the Super Bowl where none exist. They're desperately hoping people come out for this movie.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales had a ton of questionable CGI and resorted to having Johnny Cash to try and give it gravitas. And just when you're rolling your eyes at all of the lame ship combat and skeleton warriors, in comes Johnny Depp. Oh know, the failing actor who's currently reigning as the most hated guy in Hollywood? Additionally, it's extremely funny how new wannabe protagonist Brenton Thwaites is nowhere to be seen here.

The Fate of the Furious was more of the same, save for its crowd-popping stinger with Tyrese Gibson escaping a watery grave via his side door.

And finally, Baywatch glides by with some cheeky jokes, leaving no impact save for those salivating over Zac Efron's buttocks.

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