2022... was a year. Yeah, I know that's not really a catchy way to start recapping last year. It's also a little insulting to describe it that way, especially considering how we all sadly had to experience Russia's invasion of Ukraine, the ongoing war of attrition in that region, and how a lot hearts and minds on the issue are fading away thanks to distractions, disinformation and other problems. Plus, we still had the stinking shit the Supreme Court left us with, not to mention the continuing misadventures of frivolous anger and pathetic nonsense being spouted out and promoted in public and online. But maybe it's just me being a bit too hopeful but I felt that 2022 saw us starting to turn a corner on several key issues and troubles. We're not back where we used to be but for the most part we have adapted and rebuilt a lot of lost and new ground.
The same can sorta be said about the film industry. Okay, now that's maybe me being a little too hopeful. For you see, with every big positive gained for cinema last year, there was an even huger negative. The general public returned to the movie theaters, giving them the pleasure of experiencing some great displays of entertainment while also giving the studios and theater chains some much needed box office revenue. However, the public is now far more selective on what they want to watch and how to view it (why pay a premium to bring the family to see that crappy animated spaceman movie when it will come to Disney+ sooner rather than later?). This new smarter thinking led to some pretty big box office bombs and too many dry months at the cinema. Genre fans got to rejoice heavily, as many anime films, horror films, and other titles with cult appeal got to hang out with the big kids in theaters and often stole their thunder with good returns, long runs, and/or the privilege of ruling the top spots in a given weekend. And sure, let's also give the Christian film industry some love (much to my chagrin) as they too performed better than anticipated. This is all fine and dandy for fans of the niche but with theaters now only catering to the small but loyal and big but fickle audiences, anyone can see that there's a huge lack of normal, easily pleasing B-level movies being offered up. You know, the kind that really keep movie theaters a float because people often want to go out and have a good night by seeing something simpler? We got a few winners here and there (Barbarian, Ticket To Paradise) but this fare either died a swift death like Bros and Easter Sunday or were relegated to streaming only. As for the streaming side... yeah, even with the surprising success stories like RRR and Prey, streaming didn't really have much positives last year.
I mean, come on, you had Netflix suffering a huge drop in viewers in one quarter, which reverberated so thoroughly throughout the nation that it hit them hard on Wall Street and now have people questioning the whole streaming industry in general. Then you had HBO Max destroying all their good will thanks to new CEO David Zaslav and an upcoming merger, with the former writing off two nearly completed movies (plus a cult animated series) as tax write-offs, removing a ton of HBO Max exclusive movies, series and even Looney Tunes in order to avoid rights fees, and just being an overall asshat to the public. Then there's Disney, oh boy oh boy Disney. They sharply canceled the theatrical run of Turning Red and brought it to Disney+, where it becomes a big hit with critics and audiences, meaning no new money for the Big Mouse. Their supposed red hot titles for theaters Lightyear and Strange World become the biggest laughingstocks of the year. The company again falls into the same trap with the lack of a theatrical run for Hocus Pocus 2. They start to poison the well of Disney+ with the likes of Pinocchio and Disenchanted. And just when we thought we saw everything, Bob Iger elbows his way back into the company!
As for more bad film news in 2022, there was the continuing nonimpact of the Sundance Film Festival. The Golden Globes went private with no one really caring that much. The Oscars became a big fiasco, first with the announced decision to "cut" eight full categories in order to "save ratings" only for the actual show to shamble about until The Slap ruined the night. Films annoyingly become way too long as the year went on, with even the simplest film now being at least over two hours long. The Japanese film industry experienced their own day of reckoning when harsh accusations hit acclaimed directors Sion Sono and Naomi Kawase. The legacy of Iranian filmmaker Asghar Farhadi is on the verge of being torn to shreds after he's indicated of plagiarizing the idea of A Hero from one of his students. Don't Worry Darling quickly changes from a highly anticipated movie to a bomb waiting to happen thanks to a poor showing at Venice, salacious tabloid and online drama, and of course "Spitgate". And in very worrying news for movie studios and auteurs, the American public chose to avoid nearly all of the Oscar bait and awards hopeful movies in theaters during the fall season, thus leading to an uncertain future for those months and certainly another poorly viewed Oscars.
Wow, I really laid out a lot of bad stuff that happened last year. Thankfully, none of it really affected my personal life. 2022 was a frankly okay year for me, as I mainly just coasted through all of the ups and downs that came up. Nothing was taken off my bucket list but I got to do more stuff with friends and family and enjoyed celebrating several people's milestones in life. I unfortunately did get COVID at one point but it thankfully came and went, save for an annoying cough and mucus buildup that took a while to get rid of. While that sucked, the "worst" thing that really happened to me was the now recent closure of my beloved Replay, one of the few remaining independent movie stores in my area. I racked up my credit cards to buy all of the DVDs and Blu-rays that I had put aside for a rainy day purchase or whatever was still hanging around, leaving the store several times with literal boxes of the stuff. But my love for movies didn't just end there. Thanks to Regal Unlimited, I got to savor going to the movie theaters more often than I did for the past two years and turned a profit on my subscription. Unfortunately, even with the increase in cinema visiting, I missed out on many big titles, the worst skips being Avatar: The Way of Water and Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. Regardless, I do truly treasure the cinema experience as it has really become my main source in movie watching. I don't sit down and view a ton of movies at home like I used to, often now being distracted by YouTube, Twitch and video games, so I try to overcompensate by making an effort to visit the movie theaters as much as I can. Maybe I'll do more of that this upcoming year.
My final total of 2022 films that I watched is 28. Oh hell yeah! Bust out the champagne because I'm still increasing my year-to-year movie count! And as is now my new tradition, I will arrange the films in the order of my opinion of them, from the best to the worst.
(EDIT: So I sadly never really got around to getting all of my thoughts down for this article. Rather than leave this further in draft limbo, I decided to post what I have digitally written down. Again, sorry it's not up to par with the my previous Best and Worst lists.)
First up... a true top ten films of the year! Now granted, the first eight films were definite locks while the last two films were added to truly make it a top ten list. On the other hand, #9 and #10 do deserve their placements as they both surprisingly stuck with me throughout the year.
1. Everything Everywhere All At Once
Next up are six films that would have been placed in what I used to call The Next Ten, aka my #11 to #20 best films of the year. However, though I have very favorable opinions of all of them, they for the most part had a disappointing element or two that really affected my enjoyment.
Next are the "creamy middles", the movies that were quite effective in their execution and entertainment but would just miss being in my best of the year list. These are also the last movies to cross the finish line successfully and avoid being given the "distinction" of making my worst of the year list.
If I ever just want to see high octane fist-fights and a lot of stuff blow up real good in animated form, I can't go wrong with a Dragon Ball film. The latest film from the enormous media franchise may in part have been crafted to serve as a splendid showcase of adapting the world and characters to 3D animation. However, funnily enough, it was the plot that really wowed me, giving the spotlight to Gohan, Piccolo, and the other non-Gokus and non-Vegetas for a change and its humorous/action-filled take on superheroes secretly orchestrating events in order to get their fellow superhero off their ass.
If this movie was made in the past three decades, it would have gone straight to video. Luckily, it was brought to theaters and has now become the best animated film based on a Fox animated series. That's not really saying much considering its competition but the film delivers a lot of great laughs, some genuinely heartwarming moments, and a couple of catchy tunes to make you feel real good inside. And before you lambast me, I was referring to Fox's primetime animated series, so you Batman: Mask of the Phantasm fans should relax.
As cool as it actually is and how absolutely amazing the animation can get in its television adaptation, I just can't really get into this shonen series. This prequel/side story film didn't change my opinion but it does have some fine anime action and an easy to digest plot to fulfill fans and newcomers. And if that doesn't work, the makers cast Megumi Ogata as the main character, who just happens to be a troubled high school student with severe issues.
This was the benchmark in my assessment of what made a film good or bad last year. The overlong dance battle sequence in the middle of the picture was pretty tedious but the rest of the film delivered the standard action and comedy you would want in a Hollywood movie. But when you remember that this is based on a video game franchise, let alone a sequel, that serviceable achievement turns into a gold trophy. Also, major props for voice actress Colleen O'Shaughnessey being cast as Tails instead of just another famous actor, even though Idris Elba was the film's standout as Knuckles.
This film was so very close to making it on to my worst films list or at least having a special spot of its own due to my conflicting opinion. However, despite its near unbearably long running time and an uneven script, I chose to be a little kinder to this ultra extremely gory horror flick. It's a huge, huge improvement over the first film, which was far shorter yet a horrendous chore to endure. Writer-director Damien Leone ups the ante on the gore to a masterful degree, gives us characters to care about including a proper final girl, and of course gifts Art The Clown and his performer David Howard Thornton a lot of time to shine as the new faces of horror. Kudos also must be given for the sheer fact that an indie horror film like this was playing in major cinema chains.
And finally, here are the seven worst films of 2022. Unlike 2021, I really didn't see any films that were right on the border between entertaining and disappointing last year. Instead, I had seven movies that I flat out didn't like, with the one that had absolutely no redeeming elements given the bottom slot.
22. Babylon
Ooh, look at me, I'm ruffling some feathers with this rank. I would call this the new Joker but a lot of people actually paid good money to see that film and many actually liked it. This however was a major boondoggle. An overlong, over-the-top cacophony of LOUD NOISES, pretentious artistry, and increasingly boring displays of debauchery. It had some merits (Margot Robbie, the score, the cross-cutting dual filming sequence) but you had to wade through a lot of gross muck, including the overflowing elephant diarrhea that opens the pic, and a never-ending stream of obnoxious behavior to enjoy them.
The movie that has seemingly squandered all of Taika Waititi's goodwill. I really don't expect him to experience a Lin-Manuel Miranda bounceback. The MCU continues to falter and unable to stay cultural relevant with this pretty flat fourth misadventure of Marvel's thunder god. When it wasn't focused on Thor, Jane Foster, and very begrudgingly Korg, the film shines (Christian Bale, Gorr's entire storyline, Russell Crowe as Zeus). Unfortunately, Waititi would rather you "enjoy" more of him, his take on the Thor-Jane relationship, and some tedious and badly lit battles, all set to the overplayed tunes of Guns N' Roses.
We are now three for three on huge misfires from once promising directors. At least the previous two fell apart once people actually saw the final results; this one was DOA thanks to an infamous "spat" between two co-stars in public and a bad promotional tour. Florence Pugh and Chris Pine are utterly wasted in this so-called psychological thriller. I say so-called because the movie screws the pooch early on with its handling of the main character's mental state and then struggles to keep the facade up by throwing in random surreal imagery and a bizarre dance break. And then you get to the twist, which just breaks the film in two and leads to a multitude of questions that it refuses to answer. Stick to The Stepford Wives (the 1975 one of course) and leave this flop to the Harry Styles stans and bad movie aficionados.
If ever I need a quick easy reminder of my dislike of this film, I just have to remember that infamous introductory title card. Dear lord, talk about an easy strategy to cause your movie to fall apart within seconds. This animated bomb would have a lot better if it jettisoned the Toy Story/Buzz Lightyear IP and instead gave us a sci-fi action comedy centered around Keke Palmer's character and Sox the robo-cat. But no, Disney wanted to squeeze more from Pixar's prized cow and gave us an inept and inert dud that quickly faded from everyone's memory once the credits hit. And to make matters worst, they also gifted us another annoying supporting performance from Taika Waititi.
You know what people would love to see in the latest dinosaur movie, from a franchise all about the sights, sounds, and actions of dinosaurs? Giant bugs. A lot of giant bugs, mainly to be used for global capitalism instead of, you know, killing and eating people. Oh, and an annoying clone kid that no one will ever truly love. As with Lightyear, this film squanders everything going for it in its opening minutes, wiping away the dream scenario of humans vs. dinosaurs for the control of America via a fake online news segment. Awful auteur/useful human tool Colin Trevorrow then treats us to a complete slog full of sigh-inducing fan service, a severe lack of drama and stakes, and Chris Pratt being dominate over every single type of dinosaur simply by holding his hand out at them. When the Steve Jobs wannabe let the flaming, seemingly hard to kill giant bugs out into the dinosaur preserve, causing the entire place to go up in flames, I threw my hands up and was done with this Hollywood trash.
I liked this movie back when it was called Christine. Seriously, how could David Gordon Green further fail after the disasterpiece that was Halloween Kills? Anyone with a brain knows that in order to make a satisfactory Halloween film, you just need Michael Myers, some likable protagonists, and a chilly suburban atmosphere. Instead, this concluding chapter swaps out the masked boogeyman for a pitiful social outcast named Corey who gets beat up by the town's school marching band. Oh but wait, in order to make his hero/villain look good, not only does Green give him a backstory that is less haunting and more hilarious, but he has Corey "absorb" the evil from Michael via eyesight and has him beat up Michael with ease and steal his mask. All the while you wallow in the endless misery that is Green's vision of Haddonfield, the annoying flip-flopping attitudes of the main characters, and a climax that ends via a dropped refrigerator. Man, those Rob Zombie's takes on Halloween are looking better and better.
I rarely if ever feel embarrassed when watching a movie in theaters. But when I was sitting through this "anime" film at my local art theater, I was deathly afraid of someone, anyone coming in and giving me that "what are you watching?" facial expression. This film is supposed to be a continuation of the once popular shonen sports manga but it is secretly a fans-only joint for the people who still care for this property, that being the mainly-female audiences of the stage musicals. Yes, this is a musical, an absolutely horrible one at that as all of the songs are incredibly awful and cringe-worthy at their worst. Then you have the pathetic 3D animation, the bizarre time travel story which involves an evil mobbed-up Serena Williams, and the criminal notion of paying to see this film twice just to see the main character have a phone conversation with a different supporting character (hence the "Decide" subtitle). But I sat and squirm through it all, including the bonus so-called music videos post credits, just so I can thoroughly claim this to be the worst film of 2022.
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