Thursday, January 9, 2014

Trailer Review - Kite

1st Trailer
Watch It Here

Person of Interest: India Eisley as a 100% wooden version of the once popular titled anime character, Samuel L. Jackson as an exposition-spouting detective, Callan McAuliffe as bland love interest, and Skrillex's "Syndicate" as the only good thing present.

Scene Pop: There's too much suck in every scene to pick just one.

Briggs Breakdown: 7 parkour shots, 2 kicks straight to the face, high kick to the head, kick to the balls, prostitute throat slit, and Range Rover product placement.

Effective?: No, No, No. First off, this thing starts off with Jackson delivering the most unenthusiastic pitch for this film, while on break from the filming of an awful-sounding movie called "The Big Game". Then the trailer officially starts and oh dear lord, every shot is totally garbage, only to then be followed by a shot that is even worse. Take your pick: Eisley's acting, the acid green and yellow color correction, the terrible "green band" edits, the long hard look at a Range Rover, the kick that goes no near a guy's head, the freakin' parkour, etc.

Check it Out?: Unless you stepped out of a time machine from the 90's, or some otaku who still retains the belief of VHS being better for anime than DVDs, no one will be looking forward to this coming out.

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