Monday, March 3, 2014

Reaction to the 2014 Oscars

The show was frankly too predictable to really enjoy.

16-8. If I really went with my gut feelings and followed along with the rest of the sheep, I would have had a near perfect spread, the sole exception being Best Film Editing.

Except for maybe the group selfie that crashed Twitter, none of Ellen's segments or bits were funny. She was too focused on being an inoffensive host and a glad-hand to the nominees, except for that strange diss to Liza Minnelli. Spending practically all of her time walking the aisles with her lame improv skills killed her mojo and showed that her hosting duties didn't matter, so why bother having a host then? The Oscars' recurring female announcer Randy Thomas did a better job keeping the show moving forward. And what the hell was up with that cutaway to her with a guitar?

Amid the usual softball interviews during the pre-show, there was something that royally pissed me off: Jimmy Kimmel's horrendous skit about him confronting the people behind snarky Twitter remarks was completely uncalled for. What a total dick. Why the hell would I want to watch your after-party show after that? Many famous comedians, such as Albert Brooks, live-twitted during the Oscar affairs, so are they trailer-park trash too, huh Kimmel? No wonder why you're in third place.

The theme of the evening was "Heroes in Hollywood". This was somehow supposed to be displayed through three cookie-cutter montages, including great action classics such as Footloose and seriously using the cheesy quotes from Air Force One and Independence Day. This should have been cut entirely.

What a crazy set design: An army of plastic Oscars, awaiting to do battle with the Terracotta Army at the Vanity Fair after-party.

Nice shiny chest plate you got there, Anne Hathaway.

Jim Carrey, once again showing why age is a bitch. With the material he had here, I'm more fearful of what's to come with the Dumb and Dumber sequel.

Kim Novak and Goldie Hawn both broke my heart when they showed off their reconstructed faces.

I knew 20 Feet from Stardom would pull off the win; The Academy just doesn't like their docs to be depressing lately, which is pretty sad for The Act of Killing and Drafthouse Films. Darlene Love then capped it with her signature soaring vocals.

Then U2 tried to kill the power of music with their "unplugged" rendition of their terrible song. Those high notes and the smug expression on Bono's face.

Lupita Nyong'o had the night's most touching speech, right above Jared Leto's tribute to his mom. So glad her dream came true.

I knew that The Great Gatsby would be the obvious winners for the artistic awards. Catherine Martin was the big winner of the night with two statues. Now can we please stop celebrating period pieces in these categories?

All of the Oscar nominated songs being performed tonight had to be truncated just so P!nk can do a subpar rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and Bette Midler to show that she no longer has the energy to ring the emotion out of "Wind Beneath My Wings".

Bill Murray earned major brownie points for his personal little tribute to Harold Ramis during the Best Cinematography presentation.

I was going to complain about the lack of the recently departed Sarah Jones during the "in memoriam" segment but it was remedied by the small graphic at the very end. Glad that the grass-roots campaign worked itself out.

What the hell did John Travolta call Idina Menzel?

How about that amazing Stealth reunion of Jaime Foxx and Jessica Biel during Best Original Score?

Yes! Yes! Yes! "Let It Go" won! Forget Julia, Cate, #SuckIt Bono! And to cap it off, the Lopez couple had the most creative victory speech and entered in the entertainment distinction of having an EGOT.

Ooh, now Cate Blanchett will be on Mia Farrow's death list.

Even though I'm a bit bitter at Matthew winning over Leo, he did have a very nice speech about the three who's in life.

Despite the expected dominance of Gravity, I'm glad that 12 Years a Slave won in the end and director Steve McQueen got to be a big ball of excitement, jumping up and down and snatching the Oscar like a little kid.

In case you forgot, this has been two years in a row where a Hollywood actor won for producing the Best Picture. Get to it, the rest of you rascals!

Not only that, but it is also the second film in a row where the American protagonist is saved by a Canadian. Hooray for Canada, except for when it comes to women's hockey!

I told you American Hustle would be totally shut out. It's too bad that The Wolf of Wall Street had to be in the same boat as well.

So, please don't bring back Ellen unless she has her A-game, fire the lazy show producers, and try to be more lively next time, Oscar. You were so lucky that the song performances and some great speeches perked up the festivities at times.

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