Initial Reaction to the 2018 Oscar Nominations

We once again have nine nominations for Best Picture but this time around I have at least seen four of them. That's one up from last year! Whoo-hoo! Anyway, three of those titles (Dunkirk, Get Out, and The Shape of Water) made it into my Best Films of 2017 list. The last one is the front-runner in this race and to the sure-to-win nom, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. I recently saw the film after its surprise win at the Golden Globes and I frankly have to say that it is good but not that good. I loved Sam Rockwell and McDormand does a fine job, along with the rest of the game cast, yet it really didn't resonant after leaving the theater. It's also a little too stagey (the words are more important instead of the blocking) and way too indie-riffic (small sets, mixture of quirky and grim, and the presence of Peter Dinklage and John Hawkes). Certainly not my favorite of Martin McDonagh and I feel like I will be on backlash bandwagon in the near future due to my satisfactory response and the fact that I really want Get Out to be the surprise winner. Seriously, how cool would it be if we had back-to-back Best Picture winners by black filmmakers?


I would gladly pluck out Darkest Hour and The Post in favor for The Disaster Artist and Mudbound but alas, Oscar bait must rule again.


Jason Blum is now an Oscar nominated producer. Can you believe in miracles?


I was so excited hearing Jordan Peele's name being read for Best Director. Gerwig was the cherry on top. Very glad that Steven Spielberg got a pass.


Absolutely loved seeing Daniel Kaluuya up for Best Actor. Denzel Washington, on the other hand, made me roll my eyes. He's great and all but really, for the bomb that was Roman J. Israel, Esq.?


Of course, the snub of James Franco comes as no surprise given the recent allegations levied against him.


Best Actress went accordingly until, SHE CAME AT THE END! God damn Meryl Streep! I have not seen The Post and she may be great in it, especially compared to her nomination last year for Florence Foster Jenkins, but I'm just sick of her stealing a slot from someone more deserving of the rub nearly every year now. Will next year have her be up for Mamma Mia 2?!


Both of the supporting acting races each had a surprise new contender into the race. Armie Hammer was booted in favor of Woody Harrelson and Lesley Manville thankfully took the place over Hong Chau. I accurately guessed that Harrelson would sneak his way into another Best Supporting Actor nom but Manville coming in out of nowhere was a true shocker.


Speaking of shockers, Logan up for Best Adapted Screenplay!


Very glad that The Big Sick and The Disaster Artist at the very least got some love in the screenplay categories.


The Boss Baby. Potential winner of Best Animated Film.


Ferdinand. Potential winner of Best Animated Film.


I know last year's animated output stunk but those two really shouldn't be here. Unfortunately, some changes in the rules last year were implemented to curb the nominations in this category so that anime and indie films could be shoved aside for the heavy hitters. Yes, the animated elite in Hollywood were pissed off at My Life as a Zucchini and The Red Turtle so much that they pressured the Academy to rule more in their favor. Thankfully, we have The Breadwinner and Loving Vincent in there as potential spoilers against Coco.


Some good choices in Best Foreign Language Film but wow, how did Foxtrot not get in?


Good old Agnès Varda, still alive and kicking major ass as she's nominated for her co-direction in the indie favorite doc Faces Places.


In a Heartbeat not getting a Best Animated Short nomination is a serious headshaker. Maybe it was some stupid technicality.


Can't really say much for the technical side of the awards but I'm very happy its littered with multiple noms for Blade Runner 2049 and the fact that Baby Driver gets to compete for Best Editing.


Other major snubs: Gal Gadot, Tom Hanks, Michael Stuhlbarg, Tiffany Haddish, The Beguiled, Nick Jonas and Mariah Carey in Best Original Song (thank you lord), and mother!. Yeah, I know that last one didn't have a chance anywhere but last night's Razzie noms still burn in my soul!



That's all I can muster right now. Tune in next month for my predictions which I will obviously fail at.

Initial Reaction to the 2018 Razzies Nominations

As per usual with the dummies running this show, the Razzie people once again chose to go with pure easy pickings. But wow oh wow, they really got extremely lazy this year, largely giving all the nominations to the same five or so movies.


Let's start with the elephant in the room: why is mother! anywhere on here?! Yes, the movie gained noteworthy buzz with its "F" rating via CinemaScore and it generated a polarizing response from viewers (see my own review and where it landed on my year-end lists for proof) but everyone can at least agree that it shouldn't be sullied by being featured here. I can at least be okay with Darren Aronofsky being up for Worst Director but no way should Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Bardem be here at all.


Zac Efron wasn't so hot in Baywatch, acting wise I mean, but like Lawrence, he "earned" a nom just because of his notoriety with the youth. Oh you Razzies, you are just so scandalous with your mudslinging at millenials and their faves. It's almost like you are trying to stay relevant!


How on earth did Matt Damon not get a Worst Actor nomination for The Great Wall? That performance was such an easy layup for the Razzies and yet it was left in the dust. Hell, they even skipped on one of their "absolutely hilarious" joke nominations by having Damon and his terrible ponytail not up for Worst Screen Combo. More on that category later...


Again, like with Lawrence and Efron, Emma Watson gets a Worst Actress nomination for her work in The Circle to get heat from the teenagers and young adults. That movie had far more egregious things in it than Watson.


I really do not like Katherine Heigl but many people and even critics have pointed out that she is pretty much the best thing in Unforgettable and turned in a very creepy performance.


And there it is, the Razzies' unfunny sexual humor by having Tyler Perry nominated for Worst Actress again.


Seriously, how did Millia Jovovich skip out on another nom? She got it for the last Resident Evil movie and she is way, way worse in The Final Chapter.


Holy shit, they were were pulling teeth just to fill out Worst Supporting Actress. I had some trouble as well doing my own version but the five nominated by the Razzies didn't really raise much of a stink at all. Goldie Hawn was one of the few shining lights of Snatched by critics and the same goes for Sofia Boutella in The Mummy. Also, nice job you did there: the titular character from that movie, who gets a ton of screen time, gets regulated to the back just so they can throw shade at Emma Watson.


What is there to say about Worst Screen Combo? If ever they was a clear neon-glowing sign that the Razzies aren't even trying anymore, it is this year's edition of the category.


As for the snubs: Seriously, seriously, where's The Bye Bye Man? How daft can you get Razzies?


No Rings? No The Snowman? No The Last Face, not even for Sean Penn's awful directing? Nothing for Alien: Covenant? And what blackmail does Scott Eastwood have to avoid being featured in these awards?


Dear lord, the Razzies just keep getting worse and worse with each passing year. It used to be fun for bad movie lovers but now it is just feels totally hollow.

France Gall - RIP

Famous French singer France Gall has died. She was 70 years old.

She started off her long music career as a popular teen singer in the early 1960's. However, she is forever immortalized for winning the Eurovision Song Contest in 1965 with the Serge Gainsbourg penned song "Poupée De Cire, Poupée De Son". Everything about her involvement in the contest came under attack: she and Gainsbourg were representing Luxembourg instead of their native France, the song was deemed too weird and inappropriate for the event by conservative critics, and her live performance was mocked for being off-key. Nevertheless, the song ultimately won and helped modernize Eurovision, ushering in a huge wind of change to the look and feel of the contest and led to more contemporary music stylings instead of the rote crooning that dominated in previous editions.

She continued her daring musical misadventures with Gainsbourg in tow, highlighted further with the very controversial song "Les Sucettes", until her twenties when she began to struggle with her career. She eventually found her footing again in the late 70's, coupled with her marriage to composer Michel Berger and extensive humanitarian work, and had a big hit in 1987 with her album Babacar.

When I delved head first into all things Eurovision last year, I tended to stay away from the early years of the contest due to its often stale musical offerings. But then I came into contact with "Poupée De Cire, Poupée De Son", which has become one of my favorite Eurovision songs due to its vibrant music, subversive wordplay, and of course Gall's adorable voice.

She will be missed.

Film List of 2017

These are all of the movies I have watched throughout last year and were qualified to be judged for my awards.

If I didn't watch a film at all or in its entirety, it is disqualified and ineligible. There were a ton of movies that I couldn't get access to and/or make the time for. A few examples of films I wanted to see but couldn't before the mandated deadline were Lady Bird, The Big Sick, Raw, Okja, Logan Lucky, Blade of the Immortal, Kedi, Girls Trip, Detroit, The Lost City of Z, Mudbound, Better Watch Out, Atomic Blonde, The Breadwinner, Gerald’s Game, Kong: Skull Island and A Ghost Story.


Alien: Covenant
Annabelle: Creation
Baby Driver
Batman and Harley Quinn
Baywatch
Beauty and the Beast
The Beguiled
The Belko Experiment
Blade Runner 2049
Born In China
The Bye Bye Man
Coco
The Disaster Artist
Dunkirk
The Emoji Movie
The Evil Within
Fairy Tail: Dragon Cry
The Fate of the Furious
The Florida Project
Free Fire
Get Out
The Great Wall
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
Hounds of Love
It
It Comes At Night
John Wick: Chapter 2
Justice League
Justice League Dark
Kingsman: The Golden Circle
The Last Face
The Lego Batman Movie
The Lego Ninjago Movie
Life
Logan
Monster Island
mother!
The Mummy
Murder On The Orient Express
Naked
One Piece Film: Gold
Personal Shopper
Phoenix Forgotten
Pottersville
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
Resident Evil: Vendetta
Rings
Rock Dog
The Shack
The Shape of Water
Sleepless
Spark: A Space Tail
Spider-Man: Homecoming
Split
Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Starship Troopers: Traitor of Mars
Temple
Thor: Ragnarok
Wonder Woman
xXx: Return of Xander Cage
Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Dark Side of Dimensions


Overall Count: 61 Films

Film Quotes of 2017

These are some of the choice quotes from the films of 2017, from the ones that had everyone repeating, to the ones that thrilled us at the art of dialogue, to some personal favorites.

WARNING: Some spoilers abound!

(EDIT: As with my Best of the Rest article, I didn't get this article up in time on 1/3/2018 and it's missing accompanying pictures as well. Please enjoy regardless.)



Alien: Covenant

I'll do the fingering.


Baby Driver

Was he slow?

Don't feed me any more lines from Monsters Inc. It pisses me off.


Blade Runner 2049

Cells.

Interlinked.

Within cells interlinked.

I know what's real.

You can't hold the tide with a broom.

Sometimes to love someone, you got to be a stranger.

Dying for the right cause. It's the most human thing we can do.

Her eyes were green.


The Florida Project

The doctor said we have asthma and we have to eat ice cream right away.

I can always tell when adults are about to cry.


Get Out

If I could, I would have voted for Obama for a third term.

Now you're in the sunken place.

Get out!

You know I can't give you the keys, right, babe?

You were one of my favorites.

I want your eyes, man.

I'm TS-motherfuckin'-A. We handle shit. That's what we do. Consider this situation fuckin' handled.


Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Yes, Drax, I got a penis.

I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!

He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn't your daddy.

I guess David Hasselhoff did kind of end up being my dad after all.


It

What a nice boat. Do you want it back?

Hang tough, new kid on the block!

They're gazebos! They're bullshit!


mother!

Baby?

The inspiration! Where have you been hiding? Finish her.

You never loved me. You just loved how much I loved you. I gave you everything! You gave it all away.

Baby?


Personal Shopper

Lewis, is it you? Or is it just me?


The Shape of Water

If we do nothing, neither are we.

What am I doing, interviewing the shit cleaners?

Son, unfuck this mess.

Fuck. You are a god.


Spider-Man: Homecoming

Calling yourself the Shocker! "I'm the Shocker! I shock people!" What is this, pro wrestling?

It would be terrible to lose a student... on a school trip... again.

If you're nothing without the suit, then you shouldn't have it.


Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Hi, I'm holding for General Hux.

You are no Vader. You are just a child in a mask.

Impressive. Every word in that sentence was wrong.

Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. That's the only way to become what you are meant to be.

The greatest teacher, failure is.

We are what they grow beyond.

You come from nothing. You're nothing. But not to me.

You were always scum.

See you around, kid.


Thor: Ragnarok

Slaves is such a harsh word, I prefer "prisoners with benefits."

We know each other! He's a friend from work!

No Banner, only Hulk!

Hey, let's do "Get Help".


Wonder Woman

They came to the conclusion that men are essential for procreation, but when it comes to pleasure... unnecessary.

Really, specs? Suddenly she's not the most beautiful woman you've ever seen?

Joke Film Awards of 2017

Best Film Experience of the Year: Thor: Ragnarok (A Murphy's Law screening: a fine but disappointing film ruined further by a gaggle of teenagers behind me who would not stop talking throughout the entire thing, everyone constantly taking out their cell phones, and a sick man sitting next to me who refused to blow his nose.)

2nd Best Film Experience of the Year: Fairy Tail: Dragon Cry (Saw it with a huge crowd of anime fans, who reacted as if they themselves were anime characters and would loudly shout "Kiss!" whenever the two mains had some alone time.)

3rd Best Film Experience of the Year: The Florida Project (Saw it with my father, who couldn't believe that I would dare laugh during a "sobering drama".)

Best Film Title of the Year: My Entire High School Sinking Into The Sea

Worst Film Title of the Year: The Bye Bye Man

Most Accurate Film Title: Murder On The Orient Express (Runner-Up: Dave Made a Maze)

Same Dress, Different Hairstyle: Churchill and Darkest Hour

The Kathryn Morris Award for "What's The Deal With This Person?": Marcus Henderson in Get Out

2nd Place of The Kathryn Morris Award: Mackenzie Davis and Carla Juri in Blade Runner 2049

The Enough Already Award for the Most Egregious Overuse of Something in Movies: John Denver songs

2nd Place of The Enough Already Award: Movie with "American" in the title

3rd Place of The Enough Already Award: Winston Churchill

Best Turtle: Amy's pet in The Beguiled

Best Alien Animals: The porgs, fathiers and vulptex in Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Best Kill: Georgie's demise in It

Worst Kill: Toni Collette's parachuting in xXx: Return of Xander Cage

Best Reason to Fast-Forward to the End: Jason Statham's plane takedown in The Fate of the Furious

Most Incestuous Film: Split (Runner-Up: It)

Actor with the Biggest Open Schedule of the Year: Idris Elba

The Jai Courtney Award for The Biggest Failure to Jump to Stardom: Ezra Miller

The Lorraine Bracco Award for The Biggest Failure to Jump to Stardom: Danielle Macdonald

Best Cameo in a Comedy Movie: Zac Efron in The Disaster Artist

Worst Cameo in a Superhero Movie: Swamp Thing in Batman and Harley Quinn

Worst Cameo in a Sci-Fi Movie: Noomi Rapace in Alien: Covenant

Best Use of Subtitles: The Shape of Water

Worst Use of Subtitles: The Great Wall (Runner-Up: Temple)

Worst Use of CGI: Superman's face in Justice League

Best Food: The ice cream in Wonder Woman

Worst Food: The mushrooms in The Beguiled

2nd Worst Food: The non-ripe vegetable in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

3rd Worst Food: The key lime pies in The Shape of Water

Best Product Placement: Atari in Blade Runner 2049

Worst Product Placement: Goodnight Moon in Life

Worst Spoiler Poster: The Shape of Water

2nd Worst Spoiler Poster: Sleepless

Worst Spoiler Trailer: The Shape of Water

2nd Worst Spoiler Trailer: Rings

Laziest Poster of All Time: The teaser posters for Father Figures a.k.a. Bastards

Greatest Display of Lack of Originality: The posters for Table 19 and Jeremiah Tower: The Last Magnificent

The “Original Film” Award for Greatest Display of Irony: The video box art of The Beguiled by Focus Features (Focus' slogan: "Clearly Original")

Best of the Rest of 2017

(EDIT: I didn't get this article up in time of 1/3/2018. I apologize for the lack of pictures and for it not being up to standard with my other Best of the Rest editions. Please enjoy regardless.)

BEST BREAKTHROUGH: Ruby Rose


Honorable Mentions: Bill Skarsgård, Sophia Lillis, Pom Klementieff, Bria Vinaite, Sylvia Hoeks, Fionn Whitehead, Kelly Marie Tran, Dafne Keen, Brooklynn Prince, Harry Styles, Tom Glynn-Carney, Chelsea Lopez


BEST ENSEMBLE: The Cast of The Disaster Artist


Honorable Mentions: Blade Runner 2049, Get Out, The Shape of Water, It, Star Wars: The Last Jedi, The Beguiled, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Dunkirk, The Florida Project


BEST DIRECTOR: Jordan Peele - Get Out


Honorable Mentions: Guillermo del Toro (The Shape of Water), Denis Villeneuve (Blade Runner 2049), Christopher Nolan (Dunkirk), Sofia Coppola (The Beguiled), Olivier Assayas (Personal Shopper), Sean Baker (The Florida Project), Edgar Wright (Baby Driver), Darren Aronofsky (mother!), Rian Johnson (Star Wars: The Last Jedi), Patty Jenkins (Wonder Woman), James Mangold (Logan), Andy Muschietti (It)


BEST SCREENPLAY: Jordan Peele - Get Out


Honorable Mentions: Hampton Fancher and Michael Green (Blade Runner 2049), Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber (The Disaster Artist), Guillermo del Toro and Vanessa Taylor (The Shape of Water), James Gunn (The Belko Experiment)


BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: Matthew Libatique - mother!


Honorable Mentions: Hoyte van Hoytema (Dunkirk), Philippe Le Sourd (The Beguiled), Roger Deakins (Blade Runner 2049), Alexis Zabe (The Florida Project), Steve Yedlin (Star Wars: The Last Jedi), Dan Laustsen (The Shape of Water), Toby Oliver (Get Out)


BEST EDITING: Paul Machliss and Jonathan Amos - Baby Driver


Honorable Mentions: Lee Smith (Dunkirk), Gregory Plotkin (Get Out), Joe Walker (Blade Runner 2049), Sean Baker (The Florida Project)


BEST SCORE: Alexandre Desplat - The Shape of Water


Honorable Mentions: Hans Zimmer (Dunkirk), Michael Abels (Get Out)


BEST SONG: "Remember Me" by Various Artists (Benjamin Bratt, Gael García Bernal, Anthony Gonzalez and Ana Ofelia Murguía) - Coco


Honorable Mentions: "Redbone" by Childish Gambino (Get Out), "How Does A Moment Last Forever" by Céline Dion (Beauty and the Beast), "Guardians Inferno" by The Sneepers feat. David Hasselhoff (Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2), "You'll Never Know" by Renée Fleming (The Shape of Water, "La Llorona" by Alanna Ubach & Antonio Sol (Coco), "Easy" by Sky Ferreira (Baby Driver), "Un Poco Loco" by Anthony Gonzalez & Gael García Bernal (Coco), "Was He Slow?" by Kid Koala (Baby Driver)


BEST PREEXISTING SONG: "Hocus Pocus" by Focus - Baby Driver


Honorable Mentions: "Father and Son" by Cat Stevens (Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2), "Bellbottoms" by The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion (Baby Driver), "The Rhythm of the Night" by Corona (The Disaster Artist), "Harlem Shuffle" by Bob & Earl (Baby Driver), "Antisocial" by Anthrax (It), "Come A Little Bit Closer" by Jay & The Americans (Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2), "Mr. Blue Sky" by Electric Light Orchestra (Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2), "The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac (Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2)


BEST OPENING CREDITS: Get Out


Honorable Mentions: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2


BEST ENDING CREDITS: Beauty and the Beast


Honorable Mentions: Spider-Man: Homecoming, The Lego Batman Movie, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2


BEST STINGER: Spider-Man: Homecoming


Honorable Mentions: The Disaster Artist


BEST POSTER ART: The Shape of Water


Honorable Mentions: Spider-Man: Homecoming (Teaser), Alien: Covenant, Get Out, Baby Driver, John Wick: Chapter 2 (Surrounded), It Comes At Night, Rat Film, It, Coco (Puddle), Thor: Ragnarok


BEST TRAILER: It


Honorable Mentions: The Disaster Artist (Teaser), Thor: Ragnarok, Atomic Blonde


BEST ACTION FILM: Baby Driver


Honorable Mentions: John Wick: Chapter 2, Logan, The Fate of the Furious


BEST ANIMATED FILM: Coco


Honorable Mentions: The Lego Batman Movie, One Piece Film: Gold


BEST COMEDY FILM: The Disaster Artist


Honorable Mentions: Thor: Ragnarok


BEST HORROR FILM: It


Honorable Mentions: mother!, The Belko Experiment


BEST SCI-FI FILM: Blade Runner 2049


Honorable Mentions: Star Wars: The Last Jedi


BEST GUILTY PLEASURE: Resident Evil: Vendetta



FUTURE CULT AND APPRECIATION

Films that I feel will grow on me, beyond my initial expectations and opinions and become the great films that they sought to be.

Hounds of Love
John Wick: Chapter 2
Murder On The Orient Express
Starship Troopers: Traitor of Mars


UNDERRATED AND UNDERAPPRECIATED

Actors and actresses that gave great performances in bad films and/or in roles with little material and screen time.

Judd Apatow (The Disaster Artist)
Dave Bautista (Blade Runner 2049)
Doug Benson (The Lego Batman Movie)
Sofia Boutella (The Mummy)
Clancy Brown (Thor: Ragnarok)
Erin Cahill (Resident Evil: Vendetta)
Jennifer Connelly (Spider-Man: Homecoming)
Zac Efron (The Disaster Artist)
Michael Fassbender (Alien: Covenant)
Donald Glover (Spider-Man: Homecoming)
Rachel House (Thor: Ragnarok)
Danny McBride (Alien: Covenant)
Dina Meyer (Starship Troopers: Traitor of Mars)
Melissa Rauch (Batman and Harley Quinn)
Michael Rooker (The Belko Experiment)
Marisa Tomei (Spider-Man: Homecoming)
Taika Waititi (Thor: Ragnarok)

Best Performances of 2017

Best Actor: James Franco - The Disaster Artist


Honorable Mentions:

James McAvoy - Split

Daniel Kaluuya - Get Out

Ryan Gosling - Blade Runner 2049

Mark Rylance - Dunkirk

Hugh Jackman - Logan

Javier Bardem - mother!

Ansel Elgort - Baby Driver

Colin Farrell - The Beguiled

Tom Holland - Spider-Man: Homecoming

Kenneth Branagh - Murder On The Orient Express

Doug Jones - The Shape of Water




Best Actress: Kristen Stewart - Personal Shopper


Honorable Mentions:

Sally Hawkins - The Shape of Water

Jennifer Lawrence - mother!

Gal Gadot - Wonder Woman

Brooklynn Prince - The Florida Project

Bria Vinaite - The Florida Project

Sophia Lillis - It

Daisy Ridley - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Nicole Kidman - The Beguiled

Emma Booth - Hounds of Love

Allison Williams - Get Out

Dafne Keen - Logan

Kirsten Dunst - The Beguiled

Lily James - Baby Driver




Best Supporting Actor: Willem Dafoe - The Florida Project


Honorable Mentions:

Tony Goldwyn - The Belko Experiment

Michael Shannon - The Shape of Water

Richard Jenkins - The Shape of Water

Lil Res Howery - Get Out

Benicio del Toro - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Bradley Whitford - Get Out

Michael Stuhlbarg - The Shape of Water

Harrison Ford - Blade Runner 2049

Luke Evans - Beauty and the Beast

Kurt Russell - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Jon Hamm - Baby Driver




Best Supporting Actress: Ana de Armas - Blade Runner 2049


Honorable Mentions:

Robin Wright - Blade Runner 2049 and Wonder Woman

Alanna Ubach - Coco

Catherine Keener - Get Out

Tessa Thompson - Thor: Ragnarok

Octavia Spencer - The Shape of Water

Karen Gillan - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Betty Gabriel - Get Out

Kelly Marie Tran - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Zendaya - Spider-Man: Homecoming

Ruby Rose - John Wick: Chapter 2

Sylvia Hoeks - Blade Runner 2049



Next Up: The Best of the Rest of 2017

Worst Performances of 2017

Worst Actor: Sam Worthington - The Shack


Dishonorable Mentions:

Douglas Smith - The Bye Bye Man

Logan Huffman - Temple

Matt Damon - The Great Wall

Vin Diesel - The Fate of the Furious and xXx: Return of Xander Cage

Michael Shannon - Pottersville

Luke Wilson - Rock Dog

Tom Cruise - The Mummy




Worst Actress: Matilda Lutz - Rings


Dishonorable Mentions:

Cressida Bonas - The Bye Bye Man

Natalia Warner - Temple

Milla Jovovich - Resident Evil: The Final Chapter




Worst Supporting Actor: Scott Eastwood - The Fast of the Furious


Dishonorable Mentions:

Jon Bass - Baywatch

Johnny Galecki - Rings

Thomas Lennon - Pottersville

Ezra Miller - Justice League

James Corden - The Emoji Movie




Worst Supporting Actress: Adèle Exarchopoulos - The Last Face


Dishonorable Mentions:

Toni Collette - xXx: Return of Xander Cage

Aimee Teegarden - Rings

Amélie Eve - The Shack



Next Up: The Best Performances of 2017

Best Films of 2017

Though I may not have watched a lot of the movies in 2017, the past year still saw many great works be generated from a grand sea of diverse voices. Known comedy figures stepped behind the camera to give dramatic material a darker or heartfelt twist with a chaser of satire. Love conquered all, reunited families, brought heroes and villains together, or was sold via technology. The film market was flooded with superhero movies but nearly all of them had a unique avenue to explore and filled their audiences with joy and aspiration. We learned to be scared by circus clowns and white people again. Famous heroes and father figures sacrificed themselves in order to save the next set of warriors. And if nothing can stop the world from falling apart, burn it all down or run off into your dreams. Despite my movie-going experience being minimal, I was still able to find twenty films that stayed with me for days, played with my emotions so elegantly and made me want to watch them again and again.


These are the films I have deemed the best of 2017. Though I put them in list format, I was equally entertained and moved by all of these films.


Now comes the usual disclaimer that everyone forgets to remember: This list is of my own opinion, not the general public nor the Internet consensus. If I didn't see the film at all or in its entirety, it isn't counted or considered to be included.



TOP TEN BEST FILMS


1. Get Out

It's a horror movie. It's a comedy. It's a psychological thriller. It's a social drama. It's all of that and more. It made people talk and open up about their own experiences. It generated an absolutely humongous profit. It once again showed Hollywood that real substance and a R rating can really work with audiences. It was a masterpiece and it was the best film of 2017. Thank you, Jordan Peele.



2. The Shape of Water

Those who were easily able to look past the idea of a human woman and a fishman having a romance were bequeathed with the most heartwarming movie of the year. The movie dripped absolute beauty, from is the lavish recreation of the early 1960's, to the delightful color scheme amid dark lighting, to the dramatic and artistic shifts with tone, to the most gorgeous looking yet badly made key lime pie. Also helping its case is its focus on outsiders who choose to buck the system and the toxic masculinity that has run rampant for far too long in America. Another magnum opus from Guillermo del Toro.



3. The Disaster Artist

Sometimes the best films you watch are the ones that keep a firm smile across your face. The trials and tribulations of Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero as they try to make it in Hollywood and eventually create possibly the worst movie ever made are all hilariously condensed and curated by actor-director James Franco in this exhilarating adaptation of the tell-all book by Sestero and Tom Bissell. A perfectly offbeat movie for those who chose to dream and express their artistic side, no matter how it turns out.



4. Wonder Woman

Warner Bros. and DC Comics needed a savior for their battered and bruised cinematic universe. They didn't get with a turbulent invincible alien who refuses to wear tights, nor a hooded avenger who likes to kill criminals with guns. They instead found one with an immortal woman warrior who braved into a dark period of time for the planet Earth in order to battle the ills of man and seek peace. Director Patty Jenkins and actress Gal Gadot helped give the world a chance of hope.



5. mother!

I was disappointed yet enraptured. Angry at its pretentiousness yet shocked to my core. I would warn people but also tell them that they had to experience it right away. I combed through and heard different views of the film, from the obvious intent from writer-director Darren Aronofsky to the more elaborate. All I can really sum up is that never have I had quite a moment last year as I did when I watched this brave art film at my local Regal Cinemas.



6. The Florida Project

Anyone with eyes and ears can spot that the so-called Happiest Place on Earth has some dark corners. Instead of relishing upon the human despair just outside the pearly gates of Orlando's amusement parks, director Sean Baker choose to expertly shine a caring light on the people making do to survive and the various misadventures children go on during one hot summer in order to preserve their innocence.



7. Blade Runner 2049

I really did not want a sequel to 1982 cyberpunk classic but director Denis Villeneuve and his crew were able to bring me back into the dreary and rain-soaking world of humans and replicants. It's utterly soaked with gorgeous visuals and it intelligently explores themes never seen in Hollywood movies. Never has a near three hour running time moved so quickly.



8. Baby Driver

Edgar Wright proved that even with a simple story he can work wonders over many of his competition. The car theatrics made The Fast and Furious crew look at their feet, the soundtrack literally had James Gunn considered, and the editing had Nolan fuming and trashing his computers.



9. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

James Gunn does it again, making an ultimately satisfying sci-fi comic book movie that just instantly blooms more and more in mind and make me want to see it in theaters again. I've seen some amazing endings this year but this film had one of the very few to make me produce some genuine tears.



10. Personal Shopper

Olivier Assayas isn't one of my favorite directors but it often seems that whenever I watch one of his films, they just linger in my memory constantly no matter my critical opinion of them. This one just struck me more than his usual fare thanks to the phenomenal work by Kirsten Stewart and its curiously evocative look at purgatory. Special mention of course needs to be laid upon the now celebrated texting on the Chunnel sequence.



THE NEXT TEN


11. Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Rian Johnson should not have to be totally besmirched by so-called fanboys for all of the great touches he brought to the Star Wars universe. The movie may be long, often too depressing and a little overhyped as the next Empire Strikes Back but Johnson, the cast and crew gave us a gloriously powerful look at rebellion from all fronts while also showcasing the often neglected grey areas of this world, namely war profiting, environmental destruction and animal abuse.



12. The Belko Experiment

If you follow video games, you would know that one of the big titles of 2017 was PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds, an online multiplayer game that rose above the many mods inspired by the popular book/movie Battle Royale to deliver an uniquely satisfying experience every time you played. The cinema had a similar experience courtesy of this film, thanks largely to violent and funny efforts of director Greg McLean and writer James Gunn.



13. Logan

20th Century Fox continued their experiment with bloody R-rated superhero films with this exceptionally dark movie that's secretly a western and allows Hugh Jackman to give one last great performance as the character that made him a movie star.



14. Dunkirk

Christopher Nolan reinvented the vision of World War II in film with his latest epic. Movie stars are few and far between, the enemy is always hidden, gunfights are one-sided, time and space is played around with, and that ever haunting score by Hans Zimmer is ready to make you tense up once again.



15. Spider-Man: Homecoming

It took a lot of handholding and real talent via Marvel Studios in order for Sony to finally make an amazing Spider-Man film. This movie also gives us what can possibly be the very best version of Peter Parker and his motto of "with great power comes great responsibility" on screen.



16. The Beguiled

Sofia Coppola helped spice up last year's Cannes Film Festival and nab the Best Director award with this stunningly beautiful and female focused remake of a Don Siegel-Clint Eastwood film.



17. Coco

Pixar may be on auto-pilot but I can't stop myself from being caught up by their delightfully colorful take of Día de Muertos and the Land of the Dead. More and more, it seems my assessment of it growing on me with time is proving true.



18. The Lego Batman Movie

The Lego film franchise is sadly in a bit on an impasse right now but I was still wowed early last year by the funny and shockingly steep in comic book lore world of the caped and bricked crusader.



19. It

Stephen King fans certainly enjoyed living through one of the best years of his adapted works, thanks mainly to director Andy Muschietti and his brilliantly distressing take on the first half of King's most celebrated book.



20. One Piece Film: Gold

Out of left field to end this list comes this shonen anime flick. I can't explain what exactly caused this movie to stick with me throughout the year. Maybe it's my slow burning desire to dip my toe back into anime. Perhaps I just loved the extravagant animation. It could have been its fun handling of the story, starting off with a vibrant casino trip, switching then to a heist caper before concluding with an action blockbuster. Or, it's conceivably that I was thrilled watching a bunch of hotblooded heroes fighting against a tyrannic man with a penchant for gold and keeping the rich comfortable.



Next Up: The Worst Performances of 2017

Worst Films of 2017

2017 wasn't so good. I may be in the minority or just have too much optimism still pumping through my cynical veins but last year did not aggravate me as much as 2016. Sure, there are a lot of terrible things that happened through out the year. All faith is seemingly lost in every branch of the United States government. The childish and downright racist behavior of the President, the snobbish and rich-come-first attitudes of Congress, and the backward thinking of the Supreme Court made everybody squirm in fear. Morning tweets and name-calling began every morning. Natural disasters and mass shootings were numerous and yet no one in power wanted to help out the problem. The major celebrity deaths continued, this time taking out several of my favorite actors of all time (John Hurt, Miguel Ferrer, and Bill Paxton in the first two months alone) and some of my favorite directors of all time (George Romero, Tobe Hooper, Jonathan Demme). However, despite of these issues and more, I was able to sleep easily because I still had hope.


I could say some of it came from my movie-watching experiences but that is not entirely truthful. I frankly did not watch a ton of films in 2017, either old or new ones. I skipped out on many weekends to the theater or the drive-in and I simply didn't want to even tear through Netflix for a title. I missed out on getting several written articles done in time and I completely canceled my newest edition of the Horrors of October. So yeah, maybe some of the pessimism did impact my entertainment lifestyle but it's not hard to notice you bad the output of films got. People weren't in the mood to see a movie where a dog keeps dying, let alone when some altered production footage was leaked. The summer season was a real stinker, more so than usual, with many a film bombing badly. Poor adaptations of cheesy television shows saw no one laughing. Hollywood got yet another wake-up that no one in this century wants the Arthurian legend told in film, even with Michael Bay and Guy Ritchie at the helm. The Dark Universe came and went without anyone caring save for Universal Studios. Warner Bros. and DC Comics squandered their chance of redemption thanks to more production horror stories, directorial changes, and a weaker than ever box office return for their big tentpole film. And, of course, pretty much every famous or celebrated male figures in Hollywood ended up being revealed to be total unrepentant scumbags.


From all of this failure, I was able to drum up twenty "lucky" losers: A collection of truly terrible horror films that could have negated all of the strides made by better fare; Many animated films that led to a general downturn for the medium; Unbelievably weird indies that baffle many a viewer at the utter waste of talent and money; Another bad Batman movie; And so much more.


These are the films I have deemed the worst of 2017.


Now comes the usual disclaimer that everyone forgets to remember: This list is of my own opinion, not the general public nor the Internet consensus. If I didn't see the film at all or in its entirety, it isn't counted or considered to be included.



TOP TEN WORST FILMS


1. The Bye Bye Man

I truly thought that I would see back-to-back animated films taking the top spot in this category until I experienced this monstrosity. This movie would have earned a place on this list just for its title alone. But once you see it, you notice that absolutely everything in this movie doesn't fucking work in the slightest. The makers looked at Candlejack (the Freakazoid! character and the meme) and Monty Python's "The Funniest Joke in the World" and believed that they could do it completely straight for audiences. The entire mythos of the titular killer makes no sense, from the two coins to his ghost dog that may or may not really eat the victims. Characters are so brain dead, they think that a grungy house with holes in the ceiling is great, willingly pick up clear-as-day murder weapons, and bring children to dangerous situations. There's a ghost train that's heavily featured for no reason, the main character has an unexplained scholarship and never plays his guitar despite being "edgy", violence and sex is cut out enough to warrant a PG-13 rating, shit gets set on fire spontaneously, and no one in cast and crew ever realized how racist they get with the central love triangle. They couldn't even get the stupid final scare/sequel bait right. A bottomless hole of absolute trash.



2. The Emoji Movie

I give every movie a chance to be good, no matter how awful the premise sounds, but this movie chose to be the dumpster fire everyone expected. It goes above and beyond with its horribleness, giving us a world where everyone in the real world can only communicate through emoji-laden texts, product placement and memes are the best things ever, and the dilemma will be saved via Twitter ex machina.



3. The Last Face

This type of movies died out for specific reasons. Director Sean Penn didn't notice all of the hubbub surrounding our country for the past several years and chose to make a real film that cribs heavily from Terrence Malick movies and has Javier Bardem and Charlize Theron make smushy faces amid the backdrop of the civil wars and genocides plaguing Liberia and South Sudan. It's shocking how tone-deaf and racist this film can get. It also features two of the most unsexy lovemaking scenes ever thanks to the inclusion of toothbrushes and the Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Otherside". People throw around "white savior narrative" a lot but this one takes the cake; it literally features a scene where Theron breathes life back into a stillborn baby.



4. Alien: Covenant

Ridley Scott will still have some goodwill in the bank moving forward but he killed all of it for Alien fans last year. Everything that people had a problem with Prometheus was amplified with this horrendous sequel/prequel, with more and more intelligent people doing absolutely stupid things and heinous cruelty being rewarded in the end. None of the film's very few positives can justify the shit show Scott chose to create.



5. The Mummy

Universal Studios wanted to do a restart on their heavily developed and hyped "Dark Universe", despite everyone saying otherwise, and they chose Tom Cruise and Robert Kurtzman of all people to lay out the groundwork. Why not just pour the money down the toilet Michael Haneke style instead of crafting a bloated, incompetent would-be blockbuster that rips heavily from An American Werewolf In London and was spoiled in its entirety in the trailers?



6. Rings

The Ring franchise rests its entire appeal on an outdated video format, really terrifying visuals, and the general fear of a human life having a time limit. This reboot forgoes all of that for computer video files, a school-sponsored death cult, movies within movies, and a convoluted backstory to the birth of Samara. Never has copying and pasting a .mov file been so scary.



7. Resident Evil: The Final Chapter

Nepotism reigns supreme! Director Paul W.S. Anderson not only made another movie to show how cool, great, amazing, stupendous and sexy his wife Milla Jovovich is but he also had time to brings their young daughter in to play a heroic version of Red Queen. To make matter worse, this so-called conclusion literally ends with Jovovich saying that her mission is done yet! However, all of that malarkey isn't as bad as how unbelievably dreadful the editing and direction is. Near close to being legitimately unwatchable.



8. Pottersville

This indie was all the rage for bad movie lovers in the last two months of the year. A Christmas movie that really doesn't deal with Christmas at all but steals from It's a Wonderful Life and features an all-star cast, furries yiffing and Bigfoot?! Sign me up! Too bad it's a very tough sit and achieves something which should not exist in this world: a bad Michael Shannon performance.



9. Temple

Simon Barrett had another chance to break from Adam Wingard's shadow and he and his first-directing brother decided to make an absolutely useless horror film about stupid white people messing with a cursed Japanese forest. And what a great mystery it has, with the crazy guy of the group surprisingly being a crazy murderer and a ghost kid being identified at the very end as being a ghost.



10. The Shack

The Christian film market pretty much had its last chance at mainstream appeal with this painfully dull movie that eschews real Christian beliefs in favor of generic riddles and handwaving. I don't know what's the worst thing it features: the child murderer getting away with the crime, the "it was all a dream... or was it?" ending, or God being a-okay with the main character getting away murdering his father.



THE NEXT TEN



11. The Evil Within

This nothing film was hailed last year as potentially being The Room for horror hounds. It came from the strange mind of rich businessman who stayed in the shadows, it suffered through numerous cast and crew changes, millions of dollars were wasted, and it took forever to be completed (15 years in fact, even after the death of writer-director Andrew Getty). The film itself possesses some amazing practical effects and disturbing visuals but it can't cover up the fact that its batshit insanity is hard to stomach. From having the main murderer be a mentally challenged man, to the bungling effort of showing split personalities, to nearly all of the sets revolving around the creator's own mansion, to having the Sklar Brothers playing hardnosed police officers, etc. It's way too disturbing and depressing to be the next midnight movie.



12. Baywatch

Whenever I question whether this movie is as bad as I think it is, I remind myself that it is nearly two hours and completely laugh-free. No amount of hot abs and sexy bikinis can save this corpse.



13. Monster Island

Mexico has been steadily increasing its profile in the animation market largely thanks to the efforts of Ánima Estudios. Despite their increasing successes, their works tend to be pretty bad, as easily seen with this movie which was laughed out of theaters in the United Kingdom and stinking up the video market here in the States. It has all of the usual tropes of bad animated films (poor direction, unfunny comedy, useless subplots, random pop songs, themes of loving yourself and your family) but also throws in some unnecessarily cruel torture scenes and a white voice actor giving a stereotypical accent to an Asian character.



14. Annabelle: Creation

I just freaking hate this stupid doll so much. More laughable than it is scary, this pointless sequel to a poorly received spinoff of The Conjuring, but is actually a prequel to that prequel while also laying the groundwork for another spinoff, proves that director David F. Sandberg is destined for more badly made horror movies.



15. The Lego Ninjago Movie

Probably the most aggravating film I saw in theaters mainly due to the sheer ineptitude on display and for it poisoning the track record of Lego feature films. Three directors and nine writers are credited for this annoying animated effort.



16. Batman and Harley Quinn

We had a bad Kevin Conroy-voiced Batman film in 2016 and we had another one in 2017. This animated flick sullied the Bruce Timm universe of DC superheroes due to its pointless plot and heavy emphasis of pervy behavior. It secured a spot on this list thanks to it possessing both the worst movie ending of the year and the worst stinger of the year.



17. Spark: A Space Tail

This animated effort will quickly evaporate in time save for some lazy afternoon airings on Cartoon Network and those who need to seek out every Star Wars wannabe. But never forget it giving us the "space kraken", which is really just a humpback whale that can literally shit out black holes.



18. It Comes At Night

I do not care if I burn some people by having this art indie here. I simply saw it as an overhyped, underdeveloped, and not scary in the slightest movie that would not even make it as a Twilight Zone episode.



19. The Great Wall

I didn't believe the catcalls that this Chinese action epic would feature Matt Damon as the real hero of the Chinese army until I actually sat down and watched it. Zhang Yimou delivered a colorful yet pretty dull monster bash that becomes hard to watch whenever Damon, his terrible accent, and his ugly wig comes on screen.



20. Rock Dog

China could not catch a break this year when it came to their film exports. This mediocre-on-a-good-day animated film bombed all over the globe due to its cheap look, lifeless music, tepid story, and utterly strange world-building. Seriously, why are the wolf mafia still seeking to cook up and eat a village of sheep when they are living in a modern, technologically advanced society?



Next Up: The Best Films of 2017