Joke Film Awards of 2017

Best Film Experience of the Year: Thor: Ragnarok (A Murphy's Law screening: a fine but disappointing film ruined further by a gaggle of teenagers behind me who would not stop talking throughout the entire thing, everyone constantly taking out their cell phones, and a sick man sitting next to me who refused to blow his nose.)

2nd Best Film Experience of the Year: Fairy Tail: Dragon Cry (Saw it with a huge crowd of anime fans, who reacted as if they themselves were anime characters and would loudly shout "Kiss!" whenever the two mains had some alone time.)

3rd Best Film Experience of the Year: The Florida Project (Saw it with my father, who couldn't believe that I would dare laugh during a "sobering drama".)

Best Film Title of the Year: My Entire High School Sinking Into The Sea

Worst Film Title of the Year: The Bye Bye Man

Most Accurate Film Title: Murder On The Orient Express (Runner-Up: Dave Made a Maze)

Same Dress, Different Hairstyle: Churchill and Darkest Hour

The Kathryn Morris Award for "What's The Deal With This Person?": Marcus Henderson in Get Out

2nd Place of The Kathryn Morris Award: Mackenzie Davis and Carla Juri in Blade Runner 2049

The Enough Already Award for the Most Egregious Overuse of Something in Movies: John Denver songs

2nd Place of The Enough Already Award: Movie with "American" in the title

3rd Place of The Enough Already Award: Winston Churchill

Best Turtle: Amy's pet in The Beguiled

Best Alien Animals: The porgs, fathiers and vulptex in Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Best Kill: Georgie's demise in It

Worst Kill: Toni Collette's parachuting in xXx: Return of Xander Cage

Best Reason to Fast-Forward to the End: Jason Statham's plane takedown in The Fate of the Furious

Most Incestuous Film: Split (Runner-Up: It)

Actor with the Biggest Open Schedule of the Year: Idris Elba

The Jai Courtney Award for The Biggest Failure to Jump to Stardom: Ezra Miller

The Lorraine Bracco Award for The Biggest Failure to Jump to Stardom: Danielle Macdonald

Best Cameo in a Comedy Movie: Zac Efron in The Disaster Artist

Worst Cameo in a Superhero Movie: Swamp Thing in Batman and Harley Quinn

Worst Cameo in a Sci-Fi Movie: Noomi Rapace in Alien: Covenant

Best Use of Subtitles: The Shape of Water

Worst Use of Subtitles: The Great Wall (Runner-Up: Temple)

Worst Use of CGI: Superman's face in Justice League

Best Food: The ice cream in Wonder Woman

Worst Food: The mushrooms in The Beguiled

2nd Worst Food: The non-ripe vegetable in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

3rd Worst Food: The key lime pies in The Shape of Water

Best Product Placement: Atari in Blade Runner 2049

Worst Product Placement: Goodnight Moon in Life

Worst Spoiler Poster: The Shape of Water

2nd Worst Spoiler Poster: Sleepless

Worst Spoiler Trailer: The Shape of Water

2nd Worst Spoiler Trailer: Rings

Laziest Poster of All Time: The teaser posters for Father Figures a.k.a. Bastards

Greatest Display of Lack of Originality: The posters for Table 19 and Jeremiah Tower: The Last Magnificent

The “Original Film” Award for Greatest Display of Irony: The video box art of The Beguiled by Focus Features (Focus' slogan: "Clearly Original")