Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Joke Film Awards of 2016

Best Film Experience of the Year: Moonlight (A couple constantly jaw-jacking with popcorn in their mouths before the film started and later proceeded to loudly leave once the main character began acting on his sexual feelings.)

2nd Best Film Experience of the Year: Moana (Brought my nieces to it and got to experience the wonders of bathroom breaks.)

3rd Best Film Experience of the Year: Sausage Party (Went to see it again with my father this time around, who proceeded to say that it was, "stupid yet brilliant".)

Best Film Title of the Year: I Am Not Your Negro

Worst Film Title of the Year: The Disappointments Room

Most Accurate Film Title: Trolls (Runner-Up: Gods Of Egypt)

The Kathryn Morris Award for "What's The Deal With This Person?": Helmut Zemo in Captain America: Civil War

Best Cat: Keanu in Keanu

Best Bird: Steven the Seagull in The Shallows

Best Duel with an Animal: Jane Levy vs. Dog in Don't Breathe

Worst Duel with an Animal: Mr. Green vs. Norm in Norm of the North

Best Kill: Counting the bullets in Deadpool

Worst Kill: The incoherent massacre in 31

Most Suspenseful Sequence Involving Opening a Door: The negotiating in Green Room

Best Use of a Jump Scare: Black Phillip in The Witch

Best Reason to Fast-Forward to the End: The destruction of Piggy Island in The Angry Birds Movie

Most Incestuous Film: The Witch

Actor with the Biggest Open Schedule of the Year: Idris Elba

The "Newly Christened" Jai Courtney Award for The Biggest Failure to Jump to Stardom: Ben Winchell

The Lorraine Bracco Award for The Biggest Failure to Jump to Stardom: Haley Bennett

Best Cameo in a Comedy Movie: Anna Faris in Keanu

Worst Cameos in a Comedy Movie: Everybody in Zoolander 2

Worst Cameos in a Superhero Movie: Jimmy Olsen and Aquaman in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Worst Cameos in a Sci-fi Movie: C-3PO and R2-D2 in Rogue One

Worst Use of Whitewashing: Practically the entire cast in Gods of Egypt

Worst Use of ADR: Meet The Blacks

Worst Use of CGI: The green screen effects in Gods of Egypt

Best Food: The groceries in Sausage Party

Worst Food: The feast in 31

2nd Worst Food: Wonton soup in Ghostbusters

Worst Product Placement: Pringles in Ghostbusters

Most Butt-tastic Poster: Cabin Fever (Runner-Up: Tanna)

Best Character Poster Line: The Magician Promos of Now You See Me 2

Best Raunchy Tagline: "Get Your Fill" for Sausage Party

No comments:

Post a Comment