Saturday, October 8, 2016

Horrors of October - Jaws 3-D

Jaws 3-D (1983)

SeaWorld is getting ready to kick off the seasonal rush with a ton of new attractions only to find that their biggest one is an intruding great white shark. JAWS 3-D isn't the most laughably executed entry in the franchise but it is the most tedious to sit through. Spielberg's prized production designer Joe Alves, who crafted the infamous "Bruce", steps in as the director yet he clearly has no idea how to make a proper film that makes sense. The actors aren't reigned into following their specific character types, Dennis Quaid is allowed to speak in a Texas accent despite playing a man from New England, the editing is often choppy, there's a dreadful day for night scene, footage of the shark swimming is sped up, and all of the famed 3D shots are shot poorly and follow the cringeworthy model of sharp points coming at the viewer. The script is an entirely different mess in itself, despite being co-written by famed writer Richard Matheson. I don't know what's the worst: a whole subplot involving the youngest Brody sibling coming to visit which is rendered completely pointless; the lead female scientist who wants to tranquilize and save the shark who tried to kill her twice and possibly killed a missing diver; or how Lou Gossett Jr.'s character, who flip-flops between a head asshole and a likable boss, has to consistently enact stupid maneuvers out of the blue solely for the shark to run wild. The only good twist it possesses is that the shark they capture is just a baby and that mama shark is patiently waiting in the wings to go on a murder spree. Once she does, the film does pick up as the people flail about or get viciously turned into chum, all before a goofy but entertaining death scene. I'm glad that I finished this aquatic franchise by finally watching JAWS 3-D, plus seeing Lea Thompson as a bikinied sex kitten, but if I want to have real fun with this series again, I will just stick with the masterpiece (JAWS) and the disaster-piece (JAWS: THE REVENGE).


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