My Tops of 2013 - August

THE SMURFS 2 was a bad sequel to a bad kids' movie. Not the worst I've seen but it's not a worthy ticket for "family fun". Please stay in Smurf Village next time, Sony.

GROWN UPS 2. Dear God.

EVIL DEAD was extremely and deliciously gory. Too bad it comes off the heels of The Cabin in the Woods and isn't a good remake or re-imagining of the cult horror classic.

AFTERSHOCK was a dirty, unpleasant disaster affair, ruled over by producer/writer/actor Eli Roth and his copy-pasting of Hostel.

THE HOST delivered another Stephenie Meyer failure to the big screen. Now, please tell Ronan's inner voice to shut the hell up.

BULLET TO THE HEAD was a lazy Stallone action non-starter. At least the axe fight was cool.

THE SAPPHIRES was a highly predictable crowd pleaser but it soared thanks to its music and the cast.

WE'RE THE MILLERS only had one good joke and it was a blooper.

KICK-ASS 2 was entertaining but a slight mis-step. It's a masterpiece compared to Mark Millar's comic book vision.

THE BIG WEDDING was a turgid adult comedy, where everyone is bed-hopping and have no human emotions on their faces or with each other.

EMPEROR had potential with its investigative examination of Emperor Hirohito and his involvement in WWII but the film spent more time with Matthew Fox's dopy search for a college crush.

MUD was a fine Southern drama. The performances by McConaughey and the kids were good. The boyish attitudes towards women were not.

THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS: CITY OF BONES had some laughs at its own Twilight-inspired design but it eventually became queasy to stomach and fell apart at its seams.

ELYSIUM could have been a very good follow-up for Neil Bloomkamp but its political/social messages are screwed-up and had too many moments that produced eye-rolls or head-slaps.


Best Films of 2013


1. Pain & Gain

2. Spring Breakers

3. 20 Feet from Stardom

4. Pacific Rim

5. The Croods

6. Now You See Me

7. Side Effects


Worst Films of 2013


1. Grown Ups 2

2. After Earth

3. The Hangover: Part III

4. Man of Steel

5. Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor

6. The Internship

7. Movie 43

8. Aftershock

9. The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

10. A Good Day to Die Hard

11. Jack the Giant Slayer

12. To the Wonder

13. The Host

14. The Big Wedding

15. Beautiful Creatures

16. A Haunted House

17. The Last Exorcism Part II

18. We're the Millers