Thursday, October 29, 2015

Horrors of October - V/H/S: Viral

V/H/S: Viral (2014)

I was worried when the title to the second sequel to V/H/S was first revealed and after sitting through it, my fears came true. Never mind the usual annoying crap of how none of the shorts are in VHS format and quality or how we don't see who edited them together, V/H/S: VIRAL just falls apart from its overall crap production and its terrible central theming around internet fame and viral videos. The wrap-around segments are once again awful but these are truly the worst in the series. DEADGIRL's Marcel Sarmiento spins this disasterpiece of an idea, where a fame-seeker bikes after an ice cream truck that somehow snatched up his dazed girlfriend. During this non-thrilling chase, we also get to see some dreadful mini-stories, also helmed by Sarmiento, involving stereotypical latinos have a demented cookout and an internet porn pervert taking a taxi ride. And don't get me started on the rancid ending. The first official short is from DANCE OF THE DEAD's Gregg Bishop, who conjured up a tale of a famous magician and the cursed magic cape that grants him unlimited power. Excelling with its comedic tone and cool magic-based violence, "Dante the Great" is docked major points due to it being framed as a news documentary, not as a random snuff video. TIMECRIMES' Nacho Vigalondo delivers the best short with "Parallel Monsters", where a home inventor creates a working dimension gateway and switches with his doppelgänger in order for each to experience a mirror world. The foreboding dread and ignorant humor are palpable in this sci-fi black comedy. But this nice high comes crashing down when you next experience "Bonestorm". Sadly not an adaptation of the violent video game from The Simpsons, this tripe has some shitty skateboarding teens going to Tijuana to film a trick video (in 2015?!), only to then randomly fight with some undead cult. Shockingly conceived by Justin Benson and Aaron Scott Morehead, the makers of RESOLUTION and SPRING, this monstrosity is practically unwatchable for several valid reasons: unlikable leads, excessive usage of GoPros and non-important camera viewpoints, aggressive editing, pathetic posturing, and an ending that has one of the cameras being ingested by a giant beast. How did they retrieved that?! Check out "Parallel Monsters" and nothing else here, even with the 81 minute running time. Trust me, you will be staring at the timeline, waiting for this rubbish to end.


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