Sunday, December 27, 2015

Outcast - Review

The two youngest children of the Chinese emperor are on the run from their older brother, who has assassinated their father in order to sit on the throne, and seek to have a random and literal white knight (Hayden Christensen) guard them until they reach friendly lands. OUTCAST is bafflingly idiotic in its entire scope, from its old-fashioned staging of a Caucasian hero in a foreign land to the fact that everybody only speaks English. It's utterly incomprehensible to follow, as scenes are mashed up together or quickly summarized, continuity is thrown out the window, and a fourth traveling companion is added in despite offering absolutely nothing to the plot. All of the fights are a series of blinking frames with no rhyme or reason; some blows are clearly stagy swipes on the stomach or back, blood pops in every now and then when it feels like it despite a huge body count, sound effects are often missing from the editing timeline, and there's a few times where potentially deadly stabs on the heroes are completely negated or no sold by the bad acting throughout the cast. Christensen is absolutely awful, swaggering around in a pathetic stupor, sporting a stupid mohawk and mumbling all of his lines like he's Russell Crowe. Nicolas Cage, seeing his reign as bad acting master being threatened, has a pitiful small role as Hayden's former guardian, where he gets to slur all of his words when he's not enunciating in a goofy manner, play around with some snakes around his arms and wave around his terrible long haired wig. Even those who are easily pleased by dumb violence will have a nightmare trying to endure this garbage.


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