The Loft - Review

Five rich white douchey philanderers find themselves in a pickle when their reserved cheating pad has a dead woman handcuffed to the bed one morning. Oh what to do with development, says the way too European crew, including director Erik Van Looy, who helmed the original Belgian film this is adapted from? Their response: throw in a ton of faux slickness, utterly nonsensical plot twists, and flashbacks within flashbacks within flashbacks. Spread all of that in an editing scheme that constantly overlaps itself and you have yourself an awful thriller that powers itself on the number of eye-rolls the viewer will have. Except for a scene where Karl Urban is nearly full frontal and Isabel Lucas shows off her derrière, there is not a lick of eroticism; instead, the film bathes itself in wannabe misogyny, often supplied by its most miscast actor Eric Stonestreet. The few female characters are all hollow shells and prove to be unessential to anything in the plot, save for the reason why the nearly middle-aged losers refuse to call the cops. Also, the players like to quite often talk about how they have children, yet we never see them nor does it seem like they are real in any shape or form, especially since the couples are always seen partying together or at business events. The actors are clearly confused by the material and refuse to muster up any energy save for foreign star Matthias Schoenaerts, who reprises his role as the wild child of the group. Perfect for those who adored the crappy sex-and-lies flicks of the 90's, poisonous for all the rest.


FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5