My Tops of 2015 - October

Missing something? As expected, my awesome but time-consuming Horrors of October took away all of my attention this month. I had many opportunities to go out but I instead kept inside with older fare. That means that next month will be a doozy, as I have to rush through the 2015 releases in order to fill up my year-end lists.


Best Films of 2015


1. Mad Max: Fury Road

2. Mistress America

3. What We Do In The Shadows

4. Inside Out

5. Straight Outta Compton

6. Spy

7. Avengers: Age of Ultron


Worst Films of 2015


1. Aloha

2. Fifty Shades of Grey

3. Terminator: Genisys

4. Superfast!

5. Everly

Horrors of October 2015 List

Throughout this month, I have been viewing and reviewing horror or horror-themed titles in honor of the Halloween spirit. This is a list of all the movies I watched for the first time or re-watched:


3 Headed Shark Attack
Anaconda: The Hunt For The Blood Orchid
Big Ass Spider!
Cannibal Ferox
Chopping Mall
City of the Living Dead
Curse of Chucky
Deadly Friend
The Devil's Rain
Dr. Giggles
Ernest Scared Stupid
Feast
Feast II: Sloppy Seconds
Feast III: The Happy Finish
The Fog (2005)
From Dusk Till Dawn
Frontier(s)
High Tension
The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)
Inside
The Loved Ones
Night of the Demons
The People Under The Stairs
Prophecy
Society
The Stone Tape
Tenebre
Tremors
V/H/S/2
V/H/S: Viral
Vampire In Brooklyn
WNUF Halloween Special


32 works this year. I was able to do a whole franchise run, two in fact, and I finally checked off a couple of key titles. I did miss out some big ones though (when will I let in Let The Right One In into my life?). And unfortunately, the daily watching of these movies took away my time and passion to go see new 2015 releases. However, this year's edition was overall pretty good, as the entertaining ones greatly outweighed the terrible ones.

To end this trek in grand fashion, let's hand out some awards!


Best Film (First Watch) - The Loved Ones


Best Film (Re-Watch) - Tremors


Worst Film - Feast II: Sloppy Seconds


Best Kill - Girl pukes up her guts (City of the Living Dead)


Worst Kill - The pointless real-life animal deaths (Cannibal Ferox)


Most WTF Kill - The merging orgy (Society)


Best Head Explosion - Basketball to the face (Deadly Friend)


2nd Best Head Explosion - Laser to the face (Chopping Mall)


Worst "Gotcha!" Ending - A giant robot kills the protagonists! (Feast III: The Happy Finish)


2nd Worst "Gotcha!" Ending - I'm scared of a kid running at me! (City of the Living Dead)


Best Short in V/H/S/2 - "Safe Haven"


Best Short in V/H/S: Viral - "Parallel Monsters"


Best Commercial in WNUF Halloween Special - Phil's Carpet Warehouse


Best Dancing Scene - Amelia Kinkade flashdances to Bauhaus's "Stigmata Martyr" (Night of the Demons)


Best Ironic Use of a Pop Song - "Not Pretty Enough" by Kasey Chambers in The Loved Ones

Horrors of October - 3 Headed Shark Attack

3 Headed Shark Attack (2015)

After spending the holiday running around at several parties and helping out with some trick-or-treating, I ended the night and my month-long horror movie celebration not with a stone cold classic but with something that's better to watch when your're half-asleep. There really is nothing to say about this movie's plot: there is a shark with three heads and it swims around, looking for something to destroy or chomp on. The first film, which had a 2-headed shark, was bad but you could laugh along with it; this sequel unfortunately is just flat-out boring. 70% of the running time is of people swimming or boats hitting the waves. One example of this intense padding is a 10 minute scene where the main cast swim to a far off boat one by one instead of just having one swim over and then drive it to the shoreline to pick everyone up. The acting is all-around bad, with professional wrestler Rob Van Dam as a generic muscleman and some goon who won't stop smiling at all being the lowest of the low. The carnivorous animal could have been truly effective if not for its terrible continuity in scenes or a later plot point where we found out that it is attracted to garbage because of evil pollution. The sole redeeming part of the film is right in the beginning, where director Christopher Ray crafts a reverse JAWS: a skinny-dipping dude swims out to a dingy in order to impress a girl only to see that everybody on the shore is devoured by the creature. It's not an excellently produced prologue but it was the only fun I had with this dud.


FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5

Horrors of October - Chopping Mall

Chopping Mall (1986)

New motorized security robots change their safety settings from stun to kill and go on a rampage inside a shopping mall. And wouldn't know it, a group of horny teens thought it would be a good idea to hump around in a mattress store. CHOPPING MALL is one of those perfect examples where a film title matters; it was originally released as KILLBOTS and failed pretty badly, so producer Roger and Julie Corman re-released under a more catchy and slasher-friendly name. The movie itself is goofy fun, with some thankfully resourceful characters running around the famed Sherman Oaks Galleria and delivering some quippy lines. The robots start off using their regular weapons (tranquilizers, robo-pincers, taser) before the makers say "screw it" and have the little tanks blast out laser beams. Then you have the cult friendly cast: Kelli Maroney as the final girl, Barbara Crampton as the weakling, John Terlesky as the jock, and Dick Miller as a lowly janitor. All that plus a cameoing Paul Bartel and Mary Woronov in the opening scene, playing their same characters from EATING RAOUL! Clocking in at 76 minutes and instantly gaining charm due to it being set at a mall, CHOPPING MALL is a breezy watch.


FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5

What's Next on Netflix? - Week 43 of 2015

Want to find out what movies are heading to Netflix Streaming? I got your back.


Upcoming Netflix Streaming Titles

10/30 - Popples (Netflix Original Series)

11/1 - Awake: The Life of Yogananda, Beethoven’s Christmas Adventure, Idris Elba: Mandela, My Dad And Me; Last Days In Vietnam, Robot Overlords, The Last Time You Had Fun, The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, Twinsters

11/3 - Do I Sound Gay?, The Midnight Swim

11/5 - Amapola, Amour Fou, The Runner

11/6 - Care Bears & Cousins (Netflix Original Series), Master Of None (Netflix Original Series)

11/12 - Anna Karenina

11/13 - Call Me Lucky, John Mulaney: The Comeback Kid, With Bob and David (Netflix Original Series)

11/14 - Blue Caprice, Dior and I

11/15 - People, Places, Things; Soaked In Bleach

11/18 - River (Netflix Original Series)

11/20 - Jessica Jones (Netflix Original Series)

11/26 - Zipper

11/28 - Best of Enemies, The Best Offer, A Perfect Man

11/29 - Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story Of Cannon Films

12/11 - The Ridiculous Six



What to Watch This Week

Last Days In Vietnam sneaked under the radar last year and was heralded by critics as one of the best docs of 2014. Its eventual PBS airing and earning an Oscar nomination this year helped bring a lot of attention to it and now Netflix offers it up to you. I will also throw in Popples in here as well. Now look, I know this will most likely be crap but I loved these guys when I was a wee lad. Gritting my teeth through the first episode will leave me and others somewhat satisfied.



New Streaming Titles I Previously Forgot to Mention

Ugh, the conclusion to Tom Six' disturbing trilogy (and his 15 minutes of fame), The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence).


I'll see you again next Friday.

Horrors of October - V/H/S: Viral

V/H/S: Viral (2014)

I was worried when the title to the second sequel to V/H/S was first revealed and after sitting through it, my fears came true. Never mind the usual annoying crap of how none of the shorts are in VHS format and quality or how we don't see who edited them together, V/H/S: VIRAL just falls apart from its overall crap production and its terrible central theming around internet fame and viral videos. The wrap-around segments are once again awful but these are truly the worst in the series. DEADGIRL's Marcel Sarmiento spins this disasterpiece of an idea, where a fame-seeker bikes after an ice cream truck that somehow snatched up his dazed girlfriend. During this non-thrilling chase, we also get to see some dreadful mini-stories, also helmed by Sarmiento, involving stereotypical latinos have a demented cookout and an internet porn pervert taking a taxi ride. And don't get me started on the rancid ending. The first official short is from DANCE OF THE DEAD's Gregg Bishop, who conjured up a tale of a famous magician and the cursed magic cape that grants him unlimited power. Excelling with its comedic tone and cool magic-based violence, "Dante the Great" is docked major points due to it being framed as a news documentary, not as a random snuff video. TIMECRIMES' Nacho Vigalondo delivers the best short with "Parallel Monsters", where a home inventor creates a working dimension gateway and switches with his doppelgänger in order for each to experience a mirror world. The foreboding dread and ignorant humor are palpable in this sci-fi black comedy. But this nice high comes crashing down when you next experience "Bonestorm". Sadly not an adaptation of the violent video game from The Simpsons, this tripe has some shitty skateboarding teens going to Tijuana to film a trick video (in 2015?!), only to then randomly fight with some undead cult. Shockingly conceived by Justin Benson and Aaron Scott Morehead, the makers of RESOLUTION and SPRING, this monstrosity is practically unwatchable for several valid reasons: unlikable leads, excessive usage of GoPros and non-important camera viewpoints, aggressive editing, pathetic posturing, and an ending that has one of the cameras being ingested by a giant beast. How did they retrieved that?! Check out "Parallel Monsters" and nothing else here, even with the 81 minute running time. Trust me, you will be staring at the timeline, waiting for this rubbish to end.


FINAL REVIEW: 2 / 5

Horrors of October - V/H/S/2

V/H/S/2 (2013)

V/H/S/2 sadly does not match up with the highs or even the lows of the original found footage anthology film, a movie which surprisingly made it on to my Top 20 of 2012. It instead just barely squeaks through with an overall fair rating, thanks largely to one short. Once again, the wrap-around segments of the entire film are really, really lame. Resident horror screenwriter Simon Barrett steps into the director's chair for the first time, delivering a very poor tale of two private investigators checking out a missing college kid's house, only to find a collection of VHS tapes with snuff material and get themselves into a small pickle. And yes, yet again, these VHS tapes somehow have picture perfect clarity and hold material shot on GoPros and high-end production cameras. Adam Wingard, who crafted the brilliant THE GUEST and the cult hit YOU'RE NEXT, unfortunately delivers the worst short of them all. "Phase 1 Clinical Trails" has Wingard himself playing a mumbly guy who gets a bionic eye after a car accident and begins to see dead people. It's repetitive, it's ponderous, and it has a random chick who has past sexual trauma yet wants to suddenly bang this stranger she barely knows. Eduardo Sánchez, co-creator of THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT and grandfather to this horror subgenre, teamed with his former producer Gregg Hale to do "A Ride In The Park", a middling but slightly humorous short where we follow the first-person view of a biker that has been attacked by forest zombies. The idea of found footage with zombies makes you want to eye-roll instantly but the duo get to mix in some pathos amid the carnage and the final kill is a hoot. THE RAID's Gareth Evans and buddy Timo Tjahjanto steal the entire show with "Safe Haven", which features a small documentary crew getting in over the heads when they enter a cult's compound. It weaves a nicely fleshed out story, easily bounces between multiple viewpoints, and it delivers a ton of creepy WTF material. And hey, a short that doesn't end with everyone dead! Finally, HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN's Jason Eisener ends with "Slumber Party Alien Abduction", which has several siblings and their friends playing pranks on each other until a group of extraterrestrials show up. I liked the switch-up with sci-fi horror and the terrifyingly loud alien sounds but the mixture of very shaky cam and intense strobe lights got really annoying fast. Plus, nearly the entire thing is captured on a camera attached to a dog; go on, take a guess on what his fate will be. So if you are in the mood for some more found footage movies where the question of "who edited this?" is hardly answered, V/H/S/2 is at least watchable fare.


FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5

Horrors of October - From Dusk Till Dawn

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

The Gecko Brothers (George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino) are on the run to Mexico after escaping from custody, robbing a bank and killing multiple police enforcement. All roads seem to be clear after they forcibly hijack a former preacher's camper but they take one very bad turn. Recently pleased with Robert Rodriguez's cable network El Rey (named after a city mentioned here) and interested in checking out the new television series based on this movie, I wanted to see if this guns-and-gore flick still holds up. FROM DUSK TILL DAWN is one of the most widely known titles dubbed as a gearshift film, where a movie starts off in one tone or manner and then suddenly changes into something else usually by the halfway mark. Here, it begins as a slick crime thriller with bursts of wicked humor until abruptly transforming into a horror film when the characters enter the infamously named Titty Twister, a desert bar that is actually a haven for Mexican vampires. You can clearly tell this was a labor of love for Rodriguez and Tarantino, as their beloved tropes are all over it: slick camerawork, witty dialogue, small roles for admired grindhouse veterans, and stylish violence. Tarantino's script is often humorous, reveling in the bad boy status of the Geckos and playing around with the myths of vampirism; the demonic beasts still have a hatred for stakes-to-hearts and sunlight but here they have the power of infection like a zombie. I also noticed and liked how the bad guys tried to kick the protagonists out and save them from the slaughter. The biggest setback of the feature, however, is that it settles the secondary conflict way too early, killing off what should be the main antagonist, and then forces the characters to just sit around the bar for quite awhile until some bats come in. So yeah, still pretty damn enjoyable. Oh, and as for Tarantino's acting performance: I still don't see it as shockingly bad or annoying like everyone else.


FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5

Horrors of October - The Stone Tape

The Stone Tape (1972)

An electronic research and development unit is embedded into a refurbished manor for their latest project only to be distracted by the haunted room down the hall. THE STONE TAPE comes courtesy from legendary sci-fi/horror writer Nigel Kneale, who's best known for his heady and subversive works such as the QUATERMASS serials. Here, he delves into a hypothetical phenomenon involving the appearance of ghosts and humans acting as vessels for information. I want to refrain from spoiling the surprise, even though the title pretty much explains it literally. The film also explores how the enthusiasm of scientific discovery in the modern age is a corrupting force; it leads the team to think more about the commercial aspect and how they all will be rich, how their corporate employer fears the global marketplace and demands immediate results to stay ahead of the curve, and ultimately causes the group to hit the gas pedal during the experimenting process until the true breaking point. But what really makes the teleplay a standout is the fact that it is pretty scary at times. The bloodcurdling phantom wail gets more and more unnerving with each bellow, the mixed reception to the results causes chaotic confusion, and the mentally spiraling out-of-control final act leads to a terrifying meet-up. Though this sounds all really good, the movie does struggle with its campy and dated look. The largely male team all wear gaudy clothing and sport funky hairdos, the head leader is a manly man who constantly likes to put down women as weaklings, and the special effects are woefully lame whenever the spirit briefly shows up. However, the most egregious element is the horrible racism: the English blokes always refer to their Japanese rivals by a racial slur, they like to repeatedly say "ah so!" when mocking them, and one hard-to-watch scene features the comical member of the team putting on buck teeth, stretching out his eyelids, and doing a routine like he's Krusty the Clown at a comedy club. I do wish to say you should definitely see this but if you simply don't like the British dialect, the style of 70's British television, and the xenophobia, it's very understandable.


FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5

Horrors of October - Night of the Demons

Night of the Demons (1988)

A group of high schoolers head to a deserted funeral home for a Halloween party only to slowly be killed and/or possessed by a demonic force. This title came to me through Shout Factory TV's The VHS Vault, a special one week web endeavor where a small selection of cult movies are presented online in VHS format. The low quality certainly benefited this specific title, especially since it's largely a haunted house flick, but it does lose major points due to a slight video-audio sync issue that botches all of the frights and musical stings. Now as for the film itself, NIGHT OF THE DEMONS perfectly encapsulates the style and substance of 80's horror. You have the randy, horny and annoying cast of teen characters (played by older actors naturally) and their colorfully pulp talk ("Eat a bowl of fuck!"), blatant T&A including a shot where a very well breasted woman sits up and says, "What was that?", a killer rock soundtrack and a nice synth score, delectable practical gore effects, and of course scream queen legend Linnea Quigley. Add in some quirky camerawork (dig that shattered mirror shot) and the best interpretative dance scene this side of FLASHDANCE and you have yourself one hell of a movie. There are two things that do hamper the fun factor, unfortunately. Kevin S. Tenney's direction is quite good but once the thrills of sex and violence pretty much dry up near the one hour mark, you have to sit through a last act that is nothing but walking and running with the remaining living cast. Plus, though she has a good scream factor, final girl Cathy Podewell is unquestionably poor as an actor and makes her character very unlikable and pathetic. Nevertheless, this EVIL DEAD clone is a rollicking good time.


FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5

Horrors of October - Inside

Inside (2007)

A pregnant woman spends Christmas Eve alone in her house only to be harassed by an unknown woman in black. INSIDE has to be one of the bloodiest films I have ever seen; Herschell Gordon Lewis would puke his guts out if he ever saw this. You already get your fill and more so in the fluid enriched opening credits, only for directors Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo to continue pouring the red-dyed water and corn syrup all over the walls, the actors, the clothes, the floors and even the stairs. I am not kidding when I say that this is a true blue room-clearer and many will not make it past the thirty minute mark; if you somehow go beyond that point, the penultimate scene will destroy you. Story wise, however, the film doesn't have as much life to it as it should. Anybody can figure out the mystery in the opening act, the villainess is way too invincible at times, and the incompetence of the police is baffling. On the other hand, what remains is a disturbing and absorbing thriller filled with a few clever twists and small beats for everybody, including the audience, to catch their breath. Stars Alysson Paradis and Béatrice Dalle are both excellent in their roles, though Dalle gets to shine more as the shadowy black widow. Maury and Bustillo thankfully do not let the massive bloodshed upstage their work, creating many wonderful dark moments and some utterly frightening imagery. And that final shot, dear lord is it beautiful and unnerving. The two Frenchmen unfortunately trip themselves when it comes to the brief usage of CGI, including some tasteless shots of the heroine's living baby. But do take note: the producers forced these baby snippets into the final cut against the wishes of the directing duo, who have since disowned them. I must be one sick mama jama for liking this bloody affair but that's what happens when you experience an unique film that attacks your physical and mental being.


FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5

Horrors of October - Ernest Scared Stupid

Ernest Scared Stupid (1991)

Ernest P. Worrell (Jim Varney) accidentally releases a troll from his curse and must save the town of Briarville before the booger-filled monster can magically bring his race back to life. ERNEST SCARED STUPID wasn't actually the last Ernest film to be released theatrically (that honor goes to the little seen ERNEST RIDES AGAIN) but it was the last widely known movie of the series, thanks to a partnership with Disney's Touchstone Pictures. Though it does falter in many places and some things don't hold up with time, this goofy, gross, and frankly scary movie holds a place in my heart. The opening credits are always the high point of the film for me: Ernest mugs at the camera while a delightfully seasonal tune plays over clips from B-movies of the past, including THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS. Fun fact: the clip from that movie where the giant alien brain flies towards the camera frightened me as a kid. The main movie has the usual tropes of Ernest films, including him getting into trouble at work, appearances of the two bumbling not-alike twins, and the customary "eww!" mouth gag. The one Ernest routine that should have been excised from the first cut is the multiple personality gag, which is so eye-rolling to watch here even the movie kids think it's really lame. Though the comedy doesn't always work, the film makes up for it with some pretty terrifying stuff for a supposed kids' flick. The troll gets his power by sneaking up on children and turning them into wooden dolls, all of whom remain in a scared stiff pose. He even gets one with the good ole "I'm in the bedroom" trick, which is still an effective scene. Additionally, the villain actually acts like a villain and even takes out all of the kid protagonists. Couple this with Eartha Kitt's campy performance as the town shut-in, great creature effects from The Chiodo Brothers (KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE) and the lovable dog Rimshot, and you have yourself a good alternative to your HOCUS POCUS marathoning.


FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5

What's Next on Netflix? - Week 42 of 2015

Want to find out what movies are heading to Netflix Streaming? I got your back.


Upcoming Netflix Streaming Titles

10/23 - Hemlock Grove (Season 3)

10/24 - Jack Strong

10/25 - Walt Disney Animation Studios Short Films Collection

10/27 - August: Osage County, Manson Family Vacation

10/28 - The Gunman

10/29 - Return to Sender

10/30 - Popples (Netflix Original Series)

11/1 - Awake: The Life of Yogananda, Beethoven’s Christmas Adventure, Idris Elba: Mandela, My Dad And Me; Last Days In Vietnam, Robot Overlords, The Last Time You Had Fun, The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, Twinsters

11/3 - Do I Sound Gay?, The Midnight Swim

11/5 - Amapola, Amour Fou, The Runner

11/6 - Care Bears & Cousins (Netflix Original Series), Master Of None (Netflix Original Series)

11/12 - Anna Karenina

11/13 - Call Me Lucky, John Mulaney: The Comeback Kid, With Bob and David (Netflix Original Series)

11/14 - Blue Caprice, Dior and I

11/15 - People, Places, Things; Soaked In Bleach

11/18 - River (Netflix Original Series)

11/20 - Jessica Jones (Netflix Original Series)

11/26 - Zipper

11/28 - Best of Enemies, The Best Offer, A Perfect Man

11/29 - Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story Of Cannon Films

12/11 - The Ridiculous Six


What to Watch This Week

This week is riddled with badly received 2015 films (though I did hear a few good things for Mansion Family Vacation) and the final season to a Netflix original series everybody wants to avoid binging on. The sole worthwhile title looks to be Walt Disney Animation Studios Short Films Collection, simply because many of the acclaimed shorts are great ("Paperman" being the best) and you get to feed your kids "Frozen Fever" on the go.



New Streaming Titles I Previously Forgot to Mention

The Back To The Future retrospective documentary Back In Time and the Kickstarted cult action short that relishes 80's aesthetics and rocks to a David Hasselhoff song, Kung Fury.


I'll see you again next Friday.

Horrors of October - Vampire In Brooklyn

Vampire In Brooklyn (1995)

A Caribbean vampire with a luscious mullet (Eddie Murphy) travels to Brooklyn to woo a police detective (Angela Bassett) in order to continue the bloodsucking bloodline. VAMPIRE IN BROOKLYN could very well be Wes Craven's worst film, failing both as a strangely serious horror flick and a cookie-cutter comedy movie suited for Murphy's questionable taste in humor. Murphy is painfully dead set on showing off a dramatic side to his gaudy villain throughout the entire pic, never registering a single laugh from the short amount of woeful one-liners he delivers, all of whom even a first grader could come up with. When he does switch gears into comedy, he dons two unfunny makeup jobs (as a huckster preacher and an Italian goon) that makes you wish you were watching COMING TO AMERICA instead, hell maybe even his later fat-suit movies. Bassett, a top favorite of mine, is completely miscast, forced to play a ditzy tool that keeps being tossed around between Murphy's Maximilian and her police partner Justice (yes, that is his name). The entire landscape of Brooklyn show here is a post-apocalyptic ghetto filled with dank squalor and women who are either man-haters or nymphomaniacs. Not even John Witherspoon's ad-libs can save you from the misery and sheer boredom this movie hands you. Also, how can I take this seriously at all when it is loaded with overbearing narration designed to save the film and an opening scene where a toy tanker boat rams into a poorly made model set? BLACULA, this is not.


FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5

Horrors of October - The People Under The Stairs

The People Under The Stairs (1991)

Two hoodlums and a boy named Fool try to get back at their ghetto landlords by robbing their house, only to find that it holds a lot of dark secrets, hidden corridors, and a group of basement dwellers. THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS is what you get if take the same tonal approach as DEADLY FRIEND and turn it up to 11. The movie is both a rollicking kid-friendly adventure through a demented funhouse and a disturbing thriller that involves cannibalism, incest and racism. It is also an effectively twisted satire on the Reagan era, with the main villain couple looking like the (in)famous White House rulers and the topic of gentrification being crucial to the plot. Make no mistake, this is one wild ride that will spook you while throwing you through a loop. One minute, the Bruno Mars-looking Fool is weaseling through the walls, the next has the matriarch bellowing like she's Bette Davis, and then it continues on with Ronnie running around in a full S&M outfit and a shotgun. It may leave some in a total daze but the sheer amount of thrills and spills is electrifying to watch, creating many moments where you want to stand up and holler, all up to the feel-good ending. If you want to see a darker take on THE GOONIES or watch a horror film with a brain, this one is for you.


FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5

Horrors of October - Deadly Friend

Deadly Friend (1986)

Boy genius Paul has the worst luck with friends: His robotic creation B.B. gets a double-barrel from a paranoid neighbor (Anne Ramsey) and his next-door crush Sam (Kristy Swanson) is viciously beaten into a coma by her abusive father. When he tries to implant the former's computer chip into the latter's brain, further problems arise. DEADLY FRIEND was Wes Craven's first original film following the success of A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET and it is certainly an intriguing one. The film starts off as an average looking 80's boys flick with a nerdy but handsome guy using his smarts to charm the girl and defeating his bullies but then segues into a sci-fi take on Frankenstein, with the former hero turning into a demented accessory to a murdering robotic zombie. There are some things, however, that hamper the execution. The most notable error in judgment is its infamous campy takes on violence, with the prime example being the scene where Ramsey's explodes from a thrown basketball, which has become a popular viral clip and the film's legacy. The unintentional laughs also come from the decision to have Swanson walk around with her fingers formed into pinchers (like the robot's own claws), which looks incredibly childish on screen and just sucks out all of the seriousness of the picture. There's also the nonsensical twist ending but you get the point. Warner Bros. certainly didn't help matters with a misleading ad campaign (see above) and later with a pathetically flat DVD cover art. Though I did roll my eyes a lot and had many hearty bad laughs, DEADLY FRIEND was ultimately an enjoyable watch, able to ring out some creeps from all of the body snatching, human reprogramming, and cold focused expressions from Swanson. Halt your repeated viewings of the basketball kill for a minute and give the whole movie a shot.


FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5

Horrors of October - Curse of Chucky

Curse of Chucky (2013)

A mysterious package is sent to a dysfunctional family living in an ancient house, containing a certain Good Guy who mysteriously keeps disappearing. CURSE OF CHUCKY was an attempt by the original creators of the CHILD'S PLAY franchise to return the evil living toy to his horror roots, removing the campier aspects to the character that were brought in with BRIDE and SEED OF CHUCKY. For the first hour of the movie, this dark reboot-sequel ultimately works; the southern gothic tale (despite taking place in Rhode Island) has a couple nice twists, gently handled direction and scares, a pinch of black comedy, good acting, brutal kills, and one juicy looking vegan-approved chili. The last 30 or so minutes however spoil the broth it had cooked up. The characters suddenly turn extra stupid, pathetic ret-cons are thrown in for no reason, and the story heads down the obvious concluding path to these doll-killing predicaments. Unfortunately for writer-director-creator Don Mancini, this generic outcome is ripped to shreds by a huge plot hole; let's just say a certain popular device among curious couples is implemented. To further exasperate matters, the true ending negates the entire reasoning for this picture, once again making the horror icon and his world into a comedic farce. Though I do hate the massive souring I had to ingest in the end, CURSE OF CHUCKY is still satisfactory to watch.


FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5

Horrors of October - Anaconda: The Hunt For The Blood Orchid

Anaconda: The Hunt For The Blood Orchid (2004)

Several scientists and researchers charter a boat in Borneo in order to find the titled plant, which can extended human life if synthesized, but must deal with dissension and several large snakes before they can rip it from its stem. I remember vividly how utterly confused I was at the fact that this unwanted sequel was released into theaters; was anyone really patiently waiting seven years to see more ANACONDA? Now that I have seen this superfluous product, I was surprised to find that it's simply okay. It's an average adventure flick with a decent cast of actors, all of whom were looking to break from their usual routine of television work save for Morris Chestnut. The film is perfectly suitable to have on in the background while doing other work and if you pay attention, you will find a throwback to ole jungle action fare, complete with random inserts of the team's monkey sidekick. My main issue with the picture is that the anacondas don't really matter nor have much of a presence in the story. You could easily cut or change out several of the snake kills and the plot would remain the same. If you need a concrete example, examine how the finale has a giant snake orgy going on within a pit but the main conflict in the scene is centered solely on the humans duking it out. Additionally, the film's four screenwriters(!), including ROBOCOP's Edward Neumeier(!!), didn't bother to make us care for the characters and their personal plight; I was only concerned about Salli Richardson simply because I like her and her work. Again, you're not going to get much from this material but the decency of it all makes it slightly serviceable.


FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5

Horrors of October - Tenebre

Tenebre (1982)

A popular thriller novelist embarks to Rome for a media tour only to be entangled by a real mystery involving a serial killer that is taking inspiration from his latest best seller. TENEBRE was director Dario Argento's return to giallo after nearly a decade of experimenting; he climaxed with his masterpiece DEEP RED in 1975 and then went on to do darker horror subjects with the first two parts of "The Three Mothers" trilogy, the brilliant SUSPIRIA and the polarizing INFERNO. Intended to please his Italian fanbase who were then dissatisfied with his art diversions, this movie is a satisfactory work but not one of his absolute best. Argento often has his characters perform stupid things solely so the story can advance further, such as leaving luggage unattended or keeping their keys in the car's ignition. The main mystery is an interesting choice, helping later to inspire many a TV crime show to use it for an average episode, but if you have seen plenty of giallos before, you will be aware of its expected anticlimax before its not-really-shocking ending. Argento's story also tries to be an interesting meta-infused reaction to critics who lambasted his previous movies for their beautifully shot murders of beautiful women but he poisons it by inserting some straw mans into the text and then having them be shown as bitchy or devilish homosexuals. As come standard with Argento's peak works, the score supplied by Claudio Simonetti, the floating and menacing camerawork, and the expertly staged kills are what makes the film shine. The best moment of course has to go to the film's most censored scene, where a character seems to suddenly be directed by a Japanese samurai film director.


FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5

Horrors of October - Tremors

Tremors (1990)

The pitiful town of Perfection, Nevada (Population: 14) is overcome with a new menace: fast-moving underground worms that spew out dragon-headed tendrils for their mouth and swallow anything that makes a noise. TREMORS has to be one of my absolute favorite B-movies of all time, if not the best. It moves at a nice quick pace, making every scene important to the plot and keeping the excitement and thrills in high supply. Director Ron Underwood and his crew give the film a nice flare with some EVIL DEAD-inspired POV shots and plenty of crane shots that capture the desert isolation and the insignificance of Perfection's citizens. Brent Maddock and S.S. Wilson's script punches up the usual monster movie template by incorporating some great twists. The "graboids" start off as quick yet single-minded creatures, only speeding ahead to any movement or sound up top, only to eventually learn and adapt with the ever-changing circumstances. I also like how the female love interest played by Finn Carter is considered a third main protagonist, often tagging alongside stars Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward and subverting the expectations of the scientist trope. Bacon and Ward shine as the good-ole-boy duo but they often lose out to the better tag team of Michael Gross and Reba McEntire as a survivalist couple. However, it is hard to just pick out just two as the top actors in the picture since the entire cast is all perfectly suited and have a great rapport with each other. Plus, if you are young viewer, the movie sneaks in some bloody gore effects. Check this out if you want a good time.


FINAL REVIEW: 5 / 5

What's Next on Netflix? - Week 41 of 2015

Want to find out what movies are heading to Netflix Streaming? I got your back.


Upcoming Netflix Streaming Titles

10/16 - Beasts Of No Nation, Anthony Jeselnik: Thoughts and Prayer

10/18 - Ain't Them Bodies Saints

10/20 - Lego DC Comics: Batman Be-Leaguered

10/22 - Results

10/23 - Hemlock Grove (Season 3)

10/24 - Jack Strong*

10/25 - Walt Disney Animation Studios Short Films Collection

10/27 - August: Osage County, Manson Family Vacation

10/28 - The Gunman

10/29 - Return to Sender

10/30 - Popples (Netflix Original Series)

11/1 - Awake: The Life of Yogananda

11/6 - Master Of None (Netflix Original Series)

11/13 - With Bob and David (Netflix Original Series)

11/20 - Jessica Jones (Netflix Original Series)

12/11 - The Ridiculous Six



What to Watch This Week

Beasts Of No Nation is Netflix's chance to win major Oscar gold. Written and directed by Cary Fukunaga of True Detective Season 1 fame, the drama follows an African boy that is forcibly drafted into a child army led by Idris Elba. Given the hushed Oscar talk, lack of big contenders in the awards race and having the easiest access to be seen, it has a prime opportunity to reach voters and be up for multiple nominations.



New Streaming Titles I Previously Forgot to Mention

A marital arts double feature: Jackie Chan returns to the streets of Hong Kong in Police Story: Lockdown and the classic Five Deadly Venoms, though it is labeled under its original title (sans Deadly).


I'll see you again next Friday.

Horrors of October - The Loved Ones

The Loved Ones (2009)

When the boy she likes politely declines her request to go to the prom with her, an emotionally volatile girl gets her daddy to snatch him up in order for him to attend their own version of prom. If FRONTIER(S) was the French version of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, THE LOVED ONES can labeled as the Aussie interpretation, especially since the majority of the film is an extended take on the infamous family dinner scene. I would even say this is far more disturbing that FRONTIER(S) as the sheer amount of unending torture counterweighs the near lack of cathartic release. So why would I give more favor to this dark gem? I could just say Robin McLeavy and leave it at that, as she is so amazing as the deranged Lola Stone, able to flesh out the disturbed little girl in every scene and make her one of the most effective horror villains in recent history. Her co-star John Brumpton, as Lola's enabling and sexually confused daddy, also shines bright thanks to his wide eye stares and cold expressions. Writer-director Sean Byrne for the most part delivers a perfectly harsh experience, often removing the soundtrack so the acting can come center stage or know when to push the grisly sound effects and cut the picture at the right time. Where I dock points, however, is the film's shaky juggling of three separate stories and moods: the main ghastly tale, a brief and somber look at how personal tragedies affect two parents, and the head-scratching subplot involving the protagonist's pot-smoking best bud and the goth girl he goes to the prom with. I understand that this questionable side-story was included to prevent the viewer from being exhausted by the rampant sadism and throw in some bawdy humor instead of the selectively planned out black comedy but it still just feels awkward. And the less said about the minor "crawling-in-my-skin" scene, the better. If you have a high tolerance for pain and willing to be squeamish, this excellent movie will do the job.


FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5

Horrors of October - Dr. Giggles

Dr. Giggles (1992)

The deranged adult son of a town doctor/murderer escapes from the mental institution and heads to his old stomping grounds in order to give many of the residents a house visit. DR. GIGGLES is a comedic slasher that flies by easily thanks to its black humor and overabundance of one-liners. Character actor Larry Drake plays the titled role and makes the character a lovably evil menace; he nails the medical-related quips on the mark and give you small shivers thanks to his awkward high-pitched chortles. Director Manny Coto livens us the proceedings with some artsy-craftsy shots and sequences, including a surreal visit to every filmmaker's favorite amusement ride, the darken hall of mirrors. Though I coasted through the film with a retaining smile, I will say that it falls hard in the tough rut between comedy and horror. The jokes are cheeky but not fantastically laughable and despite nearly using every and all medical equipment for the kills, the film is relatively low in the blood bank. Though on the flip-side, the shortage of noticeable blood spilling does make the film's money shot even more graphic and disturbing; let's just say that Giggles was born into this world twice. The film also has a few glaring technical problems, like how one sequence has some teenagers teleporting between a fair and the school's music room within seconds, and unexplainable plot details, namely how did a fully furnished hospital be built underneath a house. Nevertheless, DR. GIGGLES is a passable flick and a nice curiosity piece for those who want a different kind of medical horror or just want to see a pre-fame Holly Marie Combs as the final girl.


FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5

Horrors of October - The Fog (2005)

The Fog (2005)

Residents on a small island off the coast of Oregon find their Founders' Day celebration to be a troubled event when an eerie fog rolls in with some old-timey zombie ghosts. John Carpenter's original version of THE FOG is a very good spooky affair, delivering some effective scares, high-caliber performances, and excellent use of overwhelming dread. This ill-advised remake instead negates all of that in order to present a shambling, incoherent work of unintentional laughs and sheer stupidity. It spends more time on an easy-to-solve mystery, including a head-slapping final twist, than it does on actual characterization or any frights beyond pathetically engineered jump scares. Stars Tom Welling and Maggie Grace are blank pretty people and only shine in front of the camera when they are shirtless or in the undergarments respectively. Selma Blair, on the other hand, is clearly embarrassed throughout the picture, sulking in every shot and nowhere nearly able to match Adrienne Barbeau's stellar performance in the original. The plot is filled with dropped subplots and plot holes galore, especially whenever the makers bring in the villainous ghosts; these late 19th century beings haunt the town by literally tagging graves with spray cans, stenciling out markings out of kids' drawings, disrupting computers with their hacking skills, and messing around with radio equipment. One minute they have pyromancy, the next it's telepathy, then they rot away flesh, following that up with a dinosaur scream sound effect, etc. These numbskulls even just kill random people for no explainable reason before the climax when they suddenly realize oh yeah, we wanted to go after some descendants. And finally, how can you take anything in here serious when the titled phenomenon is colored green, making it look like a wave of poo gas is invading from the ocean. This terrible remake has already dissipated from cultural memory and you are better off for it.


FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5

Horrors of October - Big Ass Spider!

Big Ass Spider! (2013)

An average pest exterminator gets more than he bargained for when he faces an ever-growing spider, which eventually swells to Godzilla-size and ready to conquer all of Los Angeles. BIG ASS SPIDER! was a surprisingly well-handled B-movie in a land of clear failures that ride entirely on their fan-friendly name. It was able to go beyond its catchy title, unlike many of Syfy Channel's Original Movies, and it gets straight to the point with many scenes of monster havoc and cheeky humor, again unlike anything that normally airs on Syfy Channel's weekends. All of the actors handle the careful balancing act of seriousness and comical, save for Lombardo Boyar's role as a Latino security guard turned sidekick but he makes up for it by being one of the more forward-thinking characters in the picture. I especially enjoyed seeing character actor Patrick Bauchau (CHOOSE ME, CARNIVALE), who is given the role of the exposition-spewing scientist yet behaves and dresses like a goofy old hipster. Best of all this movie clocks in at 80 minutes, which gives you a nice, clean, and easy viewing experience while also paying tribute to B-movies of old that would routinely have a short running time. If you like giant monster movies or just need to kill some time, this creature feature is a perfect choice.


FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5

Horrors of October - The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)

The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) (2011)

A mentally imbalanced slug of a man is so enamored by the film THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE, he decides to kidnap 12 citizens and create his own version. THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2 is a repugnant piece of refuse through and through. While the first film was able to generate some acclaim by taking its dark plot and giving it a twisted comedic spin, this monstrosity basks in human filth and misery. Its would-be satirical elements on movie fandom are non-existent due to creator Tom Six' insistence on constantly unsettling the viewer with disturbing behavior, blood-soaked nudity, and vile sadism. Though it is all obviously gross and hard to take in even in black and white format, the tactics are nothing more than blatant posturing, like the schoolyard kid who eat worms. The first half is a möbius strip of the asthma-stricken protagonist cleanly whacking people with a crowbar or shooting them with pin-point accuracy, over and over again in London's worst parking garage that only he seems to work at. Then the second half has the ugly blob viciously crafting his creature through rampant mutilation, making do with duct tape and a staple gun, and stand around with nothing on but a doctor's coat and the tightest boxers ever. After swimming in brown shit (the only color present) and gifting some last-minute offensive imagery, the film then just ends on a whimper, making this whole ordeal completely pointless. Unless you take pleasure from sitting on your keister, huffing and puffing and staring at the running time instead of the actual film, avoid this at all costs.


FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5

Horrors of October - Frontier(s)

Frontier(s) (2007)

As their nation is plagued by unpopular election results and numerous rioting, a group of friends try to use the chaos as a cover for a robbery. Things naturally go awry and further spiral out of control when they hide out at a hostel in the countryside. FRONTIER(S) is pretty much France's version of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, retaining some of the same beats and plot points of the seminal horror film but changing out the social and political metaphors and upping the gore factor to a severe degree. Without giving out too much away, the movie is writer-director Xavier Dens' critique of his country's racial issues and how those in or coming to power are regressing to ideals that are along the same line of thinking of a certain European movement. The genetic identity of the protagonists was clearly though out in order to generate the main conflict of the feature and enforce the harsh theming and cruel violence. Dens' dark vision was so uncompromising that not only did the MPAA slap it with a NC-17 rating but the film had to be removed out of After Dark's "8 Films to Die For" line-up, thus defanging the quality and name value of the so-called annual festival to real horror. Is the movie that extreme? Yes, but it's right above Eli Roth's level in terms of on-screen depravity; a good chunk of the brutality is actually only inferred or hidden from sight. Though I do love its homaging to Tobe Hopper's legendary work and its audacity to crush the viewer's soul, the film does suffer from many issues. The liberal use of shaky camera is very aggravating, the main characters' sheer French behavior in the beginning stages can cause you to utterly hate them, and it never seems to explain why some sections take place in a perfectly preserved and updated underground mine. If you want to go extreme this season, FRONTIER(S) is a quality choice.


FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5

Horrors of October - Cannibal Ferox

Cannibal Ferox (1981)

An anthropologist, her photographer brother and their floozy friend venture out into the Amazon in order to dispel the myth of cannibalism. In the thick of it, they meet up with cocaine-sniffing thug Mike, who's exiled from NYC after stiffing the Brooklyn mob and has just ran afoul with the local natives after torturing and killing some of their brethren. CANNIBAL FEROX is the second most known Italian cannibal film, behind the more controversial and groundbreaking CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST, but is probably the most accessible of the genre, that is if anyone actually wanted to experience this dirty sub-category of horror. I say this largely because this is my own dipping of the toes into this murky water and from what I saw, it does have some inhumane ideas but it's mostly a below-average jungle adventure with some sleaze and gore in it. The main plot is very basic and bland, only springing to life when the very pulpy dubbed dialogue comes in, it often ruins the film's flow due to the mob subplot in New York, and it swipes the ironic ending of CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST nearly wholesale. The brief scenes of real animal killings are disgusting and completely pointless yet can easily be fast-forwarded or have their chapters skipped if you have a clever eye and an itchy trigger finger. The infamous breast hanging scene is pretty overhyped and the fake bloodshed is often more laughable than shocking, though you will still let out an "ouch" every now and then. The only true beneficial features of the movie are John Morghen's campily sneering performance as Mike and the pretty funky and moody musical score. I know that some people don't have the stomach for this and/or fear its cruel contents but as a horror film soldier, I have seen worst exploitative efforts to be fully unnerved by this tripe.


FINAL REVIEW: 2 / 5

What's Next on Netflix? - Week 40 of 2015

Want to find out what movies are heading to Netflix Streaming? I got your back.


Upcoming Netflix Streaming Titles

10/9 - The Mr. Peabody and Sherman Show (Netflix Original Series), Winter On Fire: Ukraine's Fight For Freedom

10/11 - Glen Campbell: I’ll Be Me

10/14 - The Lazarus Effect

10/15 - The Christmas Card

10/16 - Beasts Of No Nation, Anthony Jeselnik: Thoughts and Prayer

10/18 - Ain't Them Bodies Saints

10/20 - Lego DC Comics: Batman Be-Leaguered

10/22 - Results

10/23 - Hemlock Grove (Season 3)

10/24 - Jack Strong*

10/25 - Walt Disney Animation Studios Short Films Collection

10/27 - August: Osage County, Manson Family Vacation

10/28 - The Gunman

10/29 - Return to Sender

10/30 - Popples (Netflix Original Series)

11/1 - Awake: The Life of Yogananda

11/6 - Master Of None (Netflix Original Series)

11/13 - With Bob and David (Netflix Original Series)

11/20 - Jessica Jones (Netflix Original Series)

12/11 - The Ridiculous Six



What to Watch This Week

Kids should get a kick out of The Mr. Peabody and Sherman Show, the latest in Netflix's kid shows. Adults, preferably country fans and older people, can enjoy in two days time Glen Campbell: I’ll Be Me, the documentary of the legendary singer and his recent struggles with Alzheimer's.



New Streaming Titles I Previously Forgot to Mention

Bill Plympton's latest bizarre animated film Cheatin' and the Syfy Channel-approved 3-Headed Shark Attack.


I'll see you again next Friday.

Horrors of October - WNUF Halloween Special

WNUF Halloween Special (2013)

A VHS tape is played before the audience, as an unknown viewer watches their taped recording of their local news-station WNUF 28 one Halloween night. After sitting through the evening news, complete with costumed anchors and many commercials of rural businesses, the station airs a very special live event where reporter Frank Stewart and two paranormal investigators inspect a murder home for ghostly and demonic activity. Most people will sadly label this fantastically fun indie a BLAIR WITCH PROJECT rip-off when it has more in common with GHOSTWATCH, the infamous BBC news special/movie where real British reporters snookered the nation with their faux-documentary on a ghost haunting. This movie, however, rests on the everyman quality of American TV and its history, how local stations would be flooded by cheaply made but catchy adverts for arcades, the mall, creepy dentists, the MTV wannabe shows, and special events (all with specific addresses that only natives would know) and also brief previews of syndicated fare, the "movie of the week" or its resident horror movie host. All of these faux yet believable promotions, coupled with the stilted and sometimes sardonic attitudes of the reporters, makes the movie a utterly charming nostalgia trip and a well-blended mixture of straight-faced comedy and biting satire. The majority of the film is devoted to Frank's live broadcast, as the mustached microphone holder proceeds to belittle the audience at home or outside the house, spins answers or re-ask questions in order to stay on his page and seemingly tries to keep you from seeing the strings of the entire story. What is and isn't real about this ordeal is later shown at the very end, bequeathing a disturbing final trick to this goofy treat.


FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5