Bubba Ho-tep (2002)
A redneck-flavored mummy is rampaging an old folks home, sucking out the resident's souls in an unconventional manner. It's up to a guy who thinks he's Elvis (Bruce Campbell) and a black geezer who thinks he's JFK (Ossie Davis) to stop this fiend. Frankly, it takes quite awhile for this film to get the gears rolling and become giggly enjoyable. The real magic comes when Campbell and Davis share the screen together, spewing out inane dialogue played for straight, just like a old 1950's B-movie. Their research book on the history of soul-taking leads to some good laughs. For a very low budgeted feature from cult horror director Don Coscarelli (the PHANTASM series), this is generally fine. I could have done without all of flashing lights and cuts though.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Chernobyl Diaries (2012)
A group of American tourists, plus a backpacking couple, find themselves stranded and scared during a forbidden tour of Pripyat, the barren town which housed the families of those who worked at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant. You might need to re-read that first sentence in order to easily spot the first of many problems with this movie. We have ourselves here a "title lie" because the film isn't technically set in the city of Chernobyl nor is their any diaries to speak. The infamous plant does show up way late and there is a iPhone recording that explains what happened in a given area but that's a pathetic excuse. Even if you forgive and forget that, you still have so much bull to tolerate because this movie is absolute garbage. Practically the entire footage was infected by the deadly disease of CSA because you can't see anything; this disease is also known by its proper name, CSS. Darkness constantly overwhelms the frame, sucking out any viewer engagement. There are no actual scares, nor even many devised for the audience to react to. Except for the charming tour guide Uri, all of the characters are unbearable; to exasperate your attention further, the main hero is the douche who got everyone in this mess, spends the majority of time blaming and insulting the others and openly points a gun at them during a heated argument. The final reveal is so nondescript and lame, only included to cement the xenophobia subtext. Director Brad Parker may be a hack but the true irresponsible individual for this travesty is writer/producer Oren Peli (PARANORMAL ACTIVITY). If I saw this last year, it would have certainly made my worst list.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
No comments:
Post a Comment