Sharknado (2013)
I thought of including this in with the rest of the 2013 films, since it did receive a limited theatrical release after its initial premiere on the Syfy channel, and I do have a great affinity for its equivalent textbook example, 1994's THE LAST SEDUCTION. However, since other television movies like BEHIND THE CANDELABRA, or any of the other Syfy originals like ROBOCROC and GHOST SHARK, aren't also given a pass, I decided to just add it to this special occasion. Hurricane David is ravaging the L.A. coast, spewing forth massive water and plenty of sharks, all awaiting to munch on everyone from the beaches of Santa Monica to the hills of Beverly. Ian Ziering plays Fin, a retired surfer who must go the Cruise/Cusack/Cage/Quaid route of saving his estranged family from the beasts and the incoming titled phenomenon. This comes to us from The Asylum, the notorious "mockbuster" movie label whose films flood Redboxes and TV time. They have been getting both better and worse at their unique form of craftsmanship, yet SHARKANDO still retains their expected errors: Establishing and long shots that don't match up with the drama, questionable CGI, and awful color correction. In terms of fun, the movie doesn't reach the benchmark set by their most "professional" entry, MEGA PYTHON VS. GATOROID, but it does eventually get more humorous, particularly the great capper at the very end. You just have to sit through a lot of dull, conversational driving scenes to get to it. The overall acting is very meh, bogged down by many crappy performances. I'm not talking about Tara Reid, who's not good but rarely appears, but of people like Chuck Hittinger as Fin's doofus son, John Heard (why?) as a boring drunk, and Robbie Rist (a.k.a. Cousin Oliver and Michelangelo) as the teeth-grindingly dreadful bus driver. Speaking of Rist, he produced the majority of the music here, which all sound like the live recordings of your local Battle of the Bands concert, though the titled track is an earworm you'll feel bad for liking. The movie may have some midnight fans and popular publicity but it doesn't really match up with the other best worst movie titans. If it wasn't for the media's intense focus on Twitter, this would have sunk to the bottom just like the Cajun gators, sand sharks, and mega piranhas.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
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