Friday, October 18, 2013

Horrors of October 2013 - Female Vampire (#18)

Female Vampire (1973)

A vampiric descendant of an infamous family shtups around an island; that's it. This is one classy film: It legitimately begins with the titled character walking straight towards the camera in her signature outfit (completely nude except for a cape, leather boots, and a belt?), halts for the male gaze, the camera zooms in and fades to black on her bush. Honestly, this movie is less of a horror film with sexual elements than just straight-up porn with the laziest definition of a vampire. The character walks around during the day, she flaps her arms up and down while the camera hides the "bat transformation", and she sucks people off before then extracting their "blood", which is never seen beyond the tub full of Kool-Aid at the very end. This porno, which resides between softcore and hardcore due to the many lower genital shots, was helmed by Jess Franco, who died earlier this year. He was a promising Spanish director who would eventually lose interest in making coherent films, so he just cranked out a ton of unbearable, boring exploitation flicks; FEMALE VAMPIRE is right up there next to OASIS OF THE ZOMBIES as the cream of his crap. Every shot is a zoom-in, there are a lot of frames completely out-of-focus, the same damn musical cue plays, there's no real plot, and the ineptitude culminates with a whipping scene where the whip is a mile away from the protagonist and the dead woman next to her is hyper-ventilating. The acting is all-around awful, with Lina Romay taking the cake as the mute, wooden faced vamp who likes to embarrassingly get turn on by rolling her body over her dead prey. Unless you want a stag reel from Netflix or observe a Misty Mundae-type movie made during the 70's, stay far, far, far away.


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