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A John Wayne-esque bounty hunter (Kurt Russell) is transporting a $10,000 worthy criminal (Jennifer Jason Leigh) to the small Wyoming town of Red Rock to be hanged. A severe blizzard and several intruding tagalongs slow down his private stagecoach ride and when they all try to take shelter at a known stop along the trail, more mysterious players come into play. A new film by bloody auteur Quentin Tarantino will always be a big show for critics and the public but regretfully THE HATEFUL EIGHT is too big to stomach in just one sitting, which may prove fatal for general viewers. The first half is way too theatrical, with all of the actors being too showy and the dialogue taking up too much time and energy. It also doesn't help that the suspense factor is really low until a dark monologue springs forth right before intermission, which means you have to sit through a hour and change of endless pulpy talk and suspicions that don't really matter. The second half, however, is where things start getting really good, where the limited fingers on triggers create tension, the grotesque humor is ramped up to extreme levels, and the very nature of the main mystery is turned inside out, especially when a certain new intruder comes into the picture so to speak. All of the actors are perfectly fine, from the minor one-scene wonders to the heavy hitters, but it's Leigh and Walton Goggins who steal the limelight. Leigh is one-part comedian, another-part chaotic demon as she grinds everyone's gears with her bratty hillbilly antics and expertly plays off the immense abuse and buckets of sick that flow from her or on her. Goggins, on the other hand, gets to weasel up as a Southern rebel boy who may or may not be a sheriff-to-be until drastic matters makes him a goofy yet ambiguous danger. Ennio Morricone's music, both his original score and the few past works featured on the sidelines, is beautifully rich and quite often takes the attention away from Robert Richardson's cinematography, which is saying something considering the expansive framework and incredible depth he brings to the table. THE HATEFUL EIGHT may not have been the true grand finale of the 2015 movie season as I wished it to be but it is a movie that deserves to be re-watched and grow with age, similar to Tarantino's own JACKIE BROWN.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
A white man raised by the Apache tribe (oh boy) finally meets up with his birth father until an outlaw gang come riding in and snatch him away. During his journey to come up with the money to pay off his dad's debt, the "White Shadow" inadvertently meets up with five half-brothers and assembles a gang of his own. Do I really have to explain why THE RIDICULOUS 6 is awful? I really shouldn't because for the most part, this is completely just another one of Adam Sandler's lazy and bro-friendly anti-comedies. At first, you'll have a hard time believing it's supposed to be a comedy at all because the western aspects are played totally straight. There's expansive and decorative landscapes shots and a couple of sequences where the conflict turns surreal. But then comes some projectile poop and you remember who's at the helm. Sandler's distasteful jokes remain the same, all revolving around animal excrement, sexualized women, fornication humor, weird human defects, dick-based talents, and ingestion of gross things; the few new ones added include self-mutilation and a hanging being turned into a circus show. This movie is somehow nearly two hours long, a death knell for comedies in general, despite it pretty much ready to wrap itself up around the first hour mark. Sandler and director Frank Coraci wouldn't have that, so they thrown in more pathetic cameos (Vanilla Ice is now a rapping Mark Twain!) and a long, bone-dry segment where the protagonists play the first ever game of baseball. Let's quickly go through the actors: Sandler is stiffer than a board and very uncharismatic as his Martin Sue, Rob Schneider is outacted in every shot by his donkey buddy, Terry Crews sadly tries to make his unimportant character work, Luke Wilson is wasted as the non-entity of the group, Jorge Garcia is no Chris Farley as a fat woodsman, and Taylor Kitsch makes you want to cry bloody murder as a mentally challenged hillbilly. I'm trashing this movie severely but honestly, I sat through it all without the usual ire for Sandler flicks because I'm just tired of his stillborn art. At least it was better than A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST but that's not really saying much.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
The two youngest children of the Chinese emperor are on the run from their older brother, who has assassinated their father in order to sit on the throne, and seek to have a random and literal white knight (Hayden Christensen) guard them until they reach friendly lands. OUTCAST is bafflingly idiotic in its entire scope, from its old-fashioned staging of a Caucasian hero in a foreign land to the fact that everybody only speaks English. It's utterly incomprehensible to follow, as scenes are mashed up together or quickly summarized, continuity is thrown out the window, and a fourth traveling companion is added in despite offering absolutely nothing to the plot. All of the fights are a series of blinking frames with no rhyme or reason; some blows are clearly stagy swipes on the stomach or back, blood pops in every now and then when it feels like it despite a huge body count, sound effects are often missing from the editing timeline, and there's a few times where potentially deadly stabs on the heroes are completely negated or no sold by the bad acting throughout the cast. Christensen is absolutely awful, swaggering around in a pathetic stupor, sporting a stupid mohawk and mumbling all of his lines like he's Russell Crowe. Nicolas Cage, seeing his reign as bad acting master being threatened, has a pitiful small role as Hayden's former guardian, where he gets to slur all of his words when he's not enunciating in a goofy manner, play around with some snakes around his arms and wave around his terrible long haired wig. Even those who are easily pleased by dumb violence will have a nightmare trying to endure this garbage.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
The Jedi have not return as expected. Luke Skywalker has gone into hiding after a failed attempt at creating an academy for those with the force. His current whereabouts are locked away within a map stored on a memory chip, which is currently in the possession of cute ball droid BB-8, the robotic partner to Rebel star pilot Poe Dameron (Oscar Issac). The First Order, a military dictatorship risen from the ashes of the Empire, are seeking to obtain the chip by any means necessary. Stuck on a desert planet dubbed Jakku, the droid eventually meets up with two castaways: a resident scavenger named Rey (Daisy Ridley) and a former Stormtrooper named FN-2187 or Finn for short (John Boyega). Constantly on the run from drive-by TIE fighters and mercenary threats, the new trio of heroes meet with some certain mythical legends on the way to the headquarters of the Republic.
Even with that short summarization of the plot, you can figure out that STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS is pretty much a copy of the original STAR WARS movie, for better or worst. It's a very entertaining blockbuster that had me smile ear to ear, both for nostalgia and sheer amusement, but it does feel like J.J. Abrams and his comrades stuck so close to what made the STAR WARS flicks so good, as opposed to George Lucas' ill-thought-out prequels, in order to make it all work that they resorted to practical plagiarism. In its opening scene post-standard yellow exposition credits, you would think they just blow the load with all the parallels to the original film: a robot holding a Macguffin, a raid by the villains, the vicious intro to a black-clad masked nemesis, a slaughtering in the desert, a protagonist being captured for questioning, and a respected elderly actor (Max von Sydow) playing a former Jedi who sacrifices his life for the sake of others. After all that hubbub, you would think the makers would then just thankfully move to a new template of stories but no, further allusions continue to pop up and cause the viewer to be a little disinterested in the product, especially if they see it by themselves or with a cold crowd.
Though I rag THE FORCE AWAKENS for its rampant lip service to the original's ideas, its main story does fundamentally work, showing us that the cyclical nature of good and evil continues to plague this corner of a galaxy. The new crop of characters get to experience the same plight as past warriors, seeing their family and friends pull a heel turn or leave them as orphans of war. And from all of this repurposing, Abrams, Michael Arndt, and resident franchise screenwriter Lawrence Kasdan imbue the plot with some clever modern twists that refreshingly opens the world more up. Lucas' ancient theming and other two-step-back ideals in the preceding six films are thankfully ripped to shreds in order to craft moments that will shake up the blockbuster mold today. Additionally, there's genuine humor in the art, making the serial adventure more rollicking and the characters more likable and humanized.
John Boyega does a real bang-up job as the mighty but scared Finn, sharing the responsibilities of being the next Luke with Rey yet also coming into his own as a charismatic lead. Boyega being very charming is not hard to spot since he can generate it with ease ever since his debut in ATTACK THE BLOCK. What is surprising, however, is the virtually unknown Daisy Ridley, who break throughs with her role as Rey and ends up as the true star of the picture. She aces the conveying of a wide range of emotions Rey goes through at every turn, makes you smile whenever techno babble comes into the conversation, and handles herself as a heroine that has all the tools in fighting and mental knowledge but slips up occasionally or is tormented by what the stars have to offer her. Adam Driver, who plays the new Sith hotness Kylo Ren that I chose not to mention, does well with his low timber voice pattern and as a Dark Side resident who wrestles with his present state and the expectations of his past. Oscar Issac sadly doesn't have the same luxury of the his other fresh cast members as Poe's roguish and spritely demeanor is undercut by his low number of attention in the final cut.
Abrams did an amazing job in handling this behemoth for the future of the STAR WARS line and for new owner Disney. He diminished the plethora of CGI and lens flare nonsense in his past films for physical sets and clean beautiful camerawork. He worked with capable screenwriters to make sense of the ever-expanding world while planting some fan service for those who're too much in the know. And he created a large film that pops with excitement, edited magnificently, and makes the sci-fi epic feel like a real adventure instead of a bogged down tome. A wonderful start to a new era of STAR WAR films, with plenty of room for improvement and crisp insight.
FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5
Want to find out what movies are heading to Netflix Streaming? I got your back.
Upcoming Netflix Streaming Titles
12/31 - Manhattan Romance
1/1/2016 - 2 Fast 2 Furious, Along Came Polly, Bring It On: Fight to the Finish, Bring It On: In It to Win It, Catwoman, Constantine, House of Wax, Ice Age 2: The Meltdown, Intolerable Cruelty, Meet The Fockers, Meet The Parents, Nanny McPhee, Pooh’s Heffalump Movie, Pride and Prejudice, The Rundown, Smokin’ Aces 2: Assassins’ Ball, Something New, Swordfish, The Tale of Despereaux, We Need to Talk About Kevin, The Wedding Date, The Whole Ten Yards
1/2/2016 - 30 For 30: Fours Falls of Buffalo
1/4/2016 - Tokyo Tribe
1/5/2016 - Blunt Force Trauma, Training Day
1/8/2016 - Adult World
1/12/2016 - The Ladykillers
1/12/2016 - The Testimony
1/15/2016 - The Last Five Years, Moonwalkers, Occupied, The Overnight
1/16/2016 - Hyde Park On Hudson
1/19/2016 - Curve
1/20/2016 - Drone
1/22/2016 - Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!
1/25/2016 - Turbo Kid
1/31/2016 - Words and Pictures
2/1/2016 - Tokyo Tribe
2/26/2016 - Fuller House (Netflix Original Series)
What to Watch This Week
Catch up on 2015 films for your end of the year lists or keep binging on Making a Murderer. There's nothing really else to recommend.
New Streaming Titles I Previously Forgot to Mention
Nothing!
And that about wraps up the year and also this ongoing feature. Since starting this endeavor, several things have happened that have hampered the fun factor for this weekly feature: the dissolve of The Dissolve (including my regular spot in the comments) and how Netflix has helped make it much more difficult to find streaming notices on their website. The company now seems to control the information more and more, as their monthly lists of new and expiring streaming titles are given out to online journalists for publication. So for now on, just keep checking out Instant Watcher. See you later!
Released this year at the most ironic time ever, exactly when many FIFA officials were arrested for fraud and rampant corruption, UNITED PASSIONS is in every way appalling. John Oliver said it best when he highlighted its greatest fault to the masses: "Who makes a sports movie where the heroes are the executives?" This pathetic propaganda film tries in vain to cover 100+ years of the world governing body of soccer, leaving the viewer utterly confused at the sea of pompous white men in suits and wondering when in the hell some footie will take place in front of the camera. The organization consistently pats its own back until it draws a streak of blood for nearly two hours, congratulating itself at how its members created a series of rules that they want to enforce, found ways to get more money in the bank, got sponsorship from Coca-Cola and Adidas, and possibly had a hand at ending apartheid because they banned South Africa from competing until they get in line with FIFA's anti-racism ideals. In its most sickening moment, however, a president official played by slumming Sam Neill stands over a kid's table soccer set and clearly insinuates that he is God because he controls the ball and can make people forgot and forgive FIFA's ill-gotten gains because they will too busy celebrating victory on the grass. The only moments of executive vilification or any sense of conflict come whenever the makers want to throw the British under the bus, labeling them as the truly most arrogant in controlling the sport and xenophobic to the core. Frédéric Auburtin does a horrific job as the so-called director, littering the film with torturous scenes of talking that then fade to black for no logical reason. He even has the gall to conclude a segment with an artificial closing of the iris, as if two creators of the corporation are Charlie Chaplin, whistling down the road with their dream in front of the them. And I honestly don't know what's the worst thing Auburtin conceives for the movie's conclusion: thinking a "democratic" scene of Sepp Blatter possibly being elected president again as the climax or putting an end to a pointless subplot of kids playing street soccer in current times. UNITED PASSIONS is really that bad and deserves to be forever remembered as a travesty of the arts. History can't be written by the winners when said winners are now under lock and key.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
A group of college medical scientists, headed up by Mark Duplass and Olivia Wilde, are trying to figure out how to completely revive a dead being, using a liquid substance that they conceived that will jumpstart all functions. But their tampering in God's domain leads to some deadly side effects, including a deranged, zombified Wilde. THE LAZARUS EFFECT could have worked as a cheap knockoff of FLATLINERS but it's undermined by a story that is tedious for nearly a full hour, then goes way, way off the deep end. Wilde's revival unexplainably gives her psychic superpowers, including telepathy, telekinesis, and the ability to make the lights flicker at a rapid yet spooky rate. She's also able to create multi-layered dream worlds to further kill her former colleagues, usually in the form of one of her childhood nightmares. Now mind you, the first successful test subject, a dog named Rocky, doesn't get to have these things as well, only to instead be commanded to lay down in every scene or give the cutesy "grr" face imaginable. If the movie tried to move away from its poaching from LUCY and INCEPTION, developed itself to produce real frights instead of bargain-leveled jump scares it really has, and maybe even gives us a psychic dog versus a psychic woman, it would have been a marginally poor-to-okay quickie. Unfortunately, THE LAZARUS EFFECT would rather be mucked up by its poor ideas and dreadful execution. Shockingly, this was constructed by David Gelb, who's last film was the acclaimed documentary JIRO DREAMS OF SUSHI! I love you Blumhouse Productions but next time you have a dumb horror movie, try not to give it to some random director you see at your favorite restaurant.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
Five rich white douchey philanderers find themselves in a pickle when their reserved cheating pad has a dead woman handcuffed to the bed one morning. Oh what to do with development, says the way too European crew, including director Erik Van Looy, who helmed the original Belgian film this is adapted from? Their response: throw in a ton of faux slickness, utterly nonsensical plot twists, and flashbacks within flashbacks within flashbacks. Spread all of that in an editing scheme that constantly overlaps itself and you have yourself an awful thriller that powers itself on the number of eye-rolls the viewer will have. Except for a scene where Karl Urban is nearly full frontal and Isabel Lucas shows off her derrière, there is not a lick of eroticism; instead, the film bathes itself in wannabe misogyny, often supplied by its most miscast actor Eric Stonestreet. The few female characters are all hollow shells and prove to be unessential to anything in the plot, save for the reason why the nearly middle-aged losers refuse to call the cops. Also, the players like to quite often talk about how they have children, yet we never see them nor does it seem like they are real in any shape or form, especially since the couples are always seen partying together or at business events. The actors are clearly confused by the material and refuse to muster up any energy save for foreign star Matthias Schoenaerts, who reprises his role as the wild child of the group. Perfect for those who adored the crappy sex-and-lies flicks of the 90's, poisonous for all the rest.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
Want to find out what movies are heading to Netflix Streaming? I got your back.
Upcoming Netflix Streaming Titles
12/18 - F Is For Family (Netflix Original Series), Gangs of Wasseypur, Glitter Force, Little Boy, Making a Murderer (Netflix Original Series), Raze
12/19 - Chloe and Theo
12/20 - Leo The Lion, Magic Snowflake, Santa's Apprentice
12/22 - Queen Of Earth
12/23 - Invisible Sister
12/24 - Dawn of the Croods (Netflix Original Series)
12/31 - Manhattan Romance
2/1/2016 - Tokyo Tribe
2/26/2016 - Fuller House (Netflix Original Series)
What to Watch This Week
Making a Murderer isn't exactly well suited for the holiday season but it is Netflix's answer to HBO's The Jinx. The documentary miniseries chronicles how a lowly man was jailed for a murder he didn't commit, freed 18 year later thanks to DNA evidence and right when he was about to sue the state, he's arrested for another murder. Cover-up by corrupt officials or did he really do it this time? Find out. Also available today is one of dumbest Christian releases this year: Little Boy.
New Streaming Titles I Previously Forgot to Mention
Stephen Daldry's way too on-the-nose titled 2015 film Trash.
I'll see you again next Friday.
Earth's farthest most planetary outpost is mysteriously ready to send out a payload of destructive minerals to annihilate the home planet. An attempt to send in a group of soldiers through fast teleportation fails and causes the entire military branch to wiped out. A second group of elite operatives is sent in, only to experience the aftermath of the first encounter and the violent cause of it. INFINI is a surprisingly effective sci-fi thriller from Australia, able to deliver a quality story and potent acting on a small practical budget. Even though it clearly homages sci-fi movies of the past, the most obvious one being the cult classic EVENT HORIZON, the film has an aura of savage tension of its own, as its players experience multiple psychological horrors and engage in hostile banter, which the makers do a great job at designing. It does have some stumbling though: The central puzzle can be solved by attentive ears in a key area or from the very first scene and the last half hour kinda peters out thanks to a unnecessary fistfight and a not-at-all ambiguous concluding chapter. Still, INFINI is a serviceable watch and a refreshing take on space drama.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Director Scott Dow and writer/actor Tim Ogletree somehow were able to make a far, far worse spoof flick than Friedberg and Seltzer in a given year. THE WALKING DECEASED is a horrendously unfunny mashup of current and past zombie fare, crafting such awful parodies that you will either be utterly confused by their inclusion (does anyone really remember WARM BODIES?) or have a hard time figuring them out at all. It took me a half hour into this no budget travesty to realize that four of the main players were take-offs of the main set in ZOMBIELAND; how could I've know when they are represented as a bald middle-aged cowboy hat-wearing biker, a tall man-child with an effeminate lisp, a bitchy latina stereotype, and a pigtailed deaf girl who speaks in hovering Messenger subtitles? When Ogletree doesn't have the story set squarely on his annoying character's plight, he's relishing in utter misogyny and offensive humor. This piece of crap, both the film and the idiot who wrote it, thought it would be wise to have a Holocaust joke, a rape joke, Oedipal jokes, and a small scene where Ogletree masturbates right next to a 14-year-old girl's head and touches her hair. I would have been even more annoyed and upset by these groaners if I could have heard them clearly because the movie has shit audio throughout it. Further helping its case as an unwatchable mess is Dow's nonsensical direction, the woeful editing, the pathetic special effects, and the pointless camera shots galore. Plus, how can you enjoy this in any way when the conflict is resolved literally with a splash of water? Avoid at all costs.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
After watching THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2 (FULL SEQUENCE), which I remain you is a movie about a guy who watches THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE (FIRST SEQUENCE), and being pestered by political pressure, an assholish prison warden (Dieter Laser) accepts his accountant's plan to create a real-life human centipede out of the overpopulated residents of the George W. Bush Penitentiary. Tom Six's third entry in his sick and twisted body horror franchise is another exercise in pathetic satire and hollow shock factor. Certain to skyrocket up the Worst of the Year list, this unbearable long sitcom shot like a porno is nothing more than 102 minutes of a German man screaming out every single line and slur, partaking in disgusting behavior, and being a complete buffoon for the amusement of no one. Laser was actually really good in the first film, expertly handling the tropes of the mad scientist stereotype and bringing some great black comedy at the right moments. In this film, however, he is an ungodly nightmare, wiggling around and shouting his lungs out in every scene as if he was a homeless man who walked in on a studio taping. Six is a complete shit show here, both for his non-acting small role as himself and his "creative" handling. All of the shots are overlit, the editing is completely jumbled up, the all-around acting is extravagant, and the script is woefully bare beyond moments of extremities. I should be be royally pissed off by this atrocity but I'm way too smart to be suckered in by Six' arrogant ways. This concluding chapter and wannabe takedown on the Iraq War is exactly like its repugnant preceding film: a cinematic display of a schoolyard kid eating worms.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
In this successive installment of a quickly fading horror movie franchise, the makers aka writer/director/actor Leigh Whannell though it would be wise to jump in time to the ghostly case of an abused teenager that brought the faux-Ghost Hunters and Lin Shaye's Elsie together for the first time. INSIDIOUS: CHAPTER 3 is an absolutely useless film, designed solely to be a movie pack filler once the eventual trilogy edition is marketed and released on home video. You will feel every second of the 97 minute running time due to the pointless plot elements, trivial side characters, the way too plentiful callbacks, and Whannell's complete inability to draw up a worthy fright with the camera. The movie shots itself in the foot right out of the gate, when Shaye's character tells future victim Stefanie Scott not to contact her deceased mother, for fear of being accosted by a parasitic man with a breathing mask, only for the next scene to have the idiotic teen call out for mommy. Pretty much everybody phones it in, including one-note blank Dermot Mulroney, but the treatment of Shaye is particularly distressing as she has to endure two-thirds of the film being a scared old coot before her expected woman up. Scott, on the other hand, is so generic to a fault that she utterly flat-lines and makes you wish she just stay in "The Further", even after all of the trauma she's given and turns in a medical taped mummy. I made be way too harsh for what's basically a barely mediocre entry but this honestly doesn't expand any uncharted land, let alone give service to the art of horror.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
POLTERGEIST is a very poor modern substitute to the popular 1982 horror film. The mocking callbacks, altering of famous quotes, and hiding of the infamous sink scene are the least of this remake's problems as no-name director Gil Kenan and Pulitzer Prize-winning writer David Lindsay-Abaire crash and burn with their own spin. The supposed frights are cluttered way too close together, as in a scene having nearly five jumps and music stings in less than 30 seconds. Hell, you know this is going way too fast when you realize all of this paranormal peril is happening in three days. The makers are so focused on the icky orange and teal lighting scheme and video game-looking 3D effects, they neglected to put much care into characterization or making you care for the generically white unit. The story never explains how this debt-filled family was able to pay for a new house (why couldn't they get an apartment?), let alone a bunch of trivial presents with maxed out credit cards. The dialogue is punched up to be wit-filled and "too cool for school" but it becomes very annoying and utterly wasted since all of the actors, including Sam Rockwell and Rosemarie DeWitt, were badly directed by Kenan and/or clearly phoning it in. The original was dark, memorable, had selected usage of black comedy, and thankfully wasn't able to have CGI; this remake, on the other hand, is a near infuriating mess, cluttered with bad concessions, bad supervision, and just being bad.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
Want to find out what movies are heading to Netflix Streaming? I got your back.
Upcoming Netflix Streaming Titles
12/11 - The Ridiculous Six
12/14 - The Da Vinci Code
12/15 - Drown, Time Out Of Mind
12/16 - Fresh Dressed
12/18 - F Is For Family (Netflix Original Series), Making a Murderer (Netflix Original Series)
12/19 - Chloe and Theo
12/20 - Leo The Lion, Magic Snowflake, Santa's Apprentice
12/22 - Queen Of Earth
12/23 - Invisible Sister
12/24 - Dawn of the Croods (Netflix Original Series)
12/31 - Manhattan Romance
2/1/2016 - Tokyo Tribe
What to Watch This Week
Is The Ridiculous Six really the only thing noteworthy this week? Really? Come on, Netflix!
New Streaming Titles I Previously Forgot to Mention
Nothing!
I'll see you again next Friday.
Jack and Ella are truly, madly, deeply in love with each other until a very dumb misunderstanding causes a rift that may not heal. CHEATIN' is the latest from legendary animator Bill Plympton and shows that he still has the creative juices even in his late 60's. His signature hand-drawn aesthetic is helped along by digital composition and coloring software, which was helped funded through a Kickstarter campaign, giving the picture an unique blend of beauty. Combine that with an often times haunting score by Nicole Renaud and this should have been a true knockout. Unfortunately, I was not amused by the driving force for the romantic breakup, nor for its conclusion when the one of the two's rampant adultery is just swept under the rug. I know that I shouldn't be thinking or care that much hard about the plot when viewing a Plympton creation but I couldn't escape my distaste for it. I also was hampered by the brief usage of opera tunes, not for their inclusion but for their pitiful sound quality and how they routinely ruin what Renaud is trying to accomplish; the biggest earmuff moment comes when "Libiamo ne' lieti calici" is played, seemingly ripped from a random YouTube video. CHEATIN' is an intriguing product from one of the animation greats, slightly worthy enough for a gander but sadly not one of his best.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Mark Hartley returns to explore another world of exploitation, this time looking at the fiery, wheel-dealing duo of Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus and the rise and fall of their movie company Cannon Films. ELECTRIC BOOGALOO has been a documentary I have been eagerly waiting for and it does deliver on nearly all fronts. It examines how the Israeli tag team shook up the foundations of Hollywood and changed how the industry would move forward, for better or worse; the star factor being tied with double-digit million salaries, the blending of popcorn and art fare into the yearly portfolio, and ramping up the international selling side of present and future films would all be innovated and popularized by them. Other than looking at the goofy pair and the endless quotes and stories that the interviewees recount of them, Hartley of course partakes in the visual wow and sheer schlock Golan-Globus helped generate. Noted Cannon players such as Michael Winner, Chuck Norris, and Tobe Hooper are covered and everything from THE APPLE to DEATH WISH III to RUNAWAY TRAIN to SUPERMAN IV are analyzed and put through the ringer. Though I practically loved this rush of cinematic pomp and circumstance and its core slobs vs. snobs attitude, I sadly have to deduct points from it because Hartley handles the subject the exact same way as he had with NOT QUITE HOLLYWOOD and MACHETE MAIDENS UNLEASHED! The font, the flashy intro comprises of clips and poster art, the split-screening and even the interview setup are all replicated. The adage of "if it's not broke, don't fix it" was severely enforced by the Australian explorer. Nevertheless, ELECTRIC BOOGALOO is a fantastic journey through the 80's movie world and the bizarre antics going on in front and behind the camera.
FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5
A two-person catering company picked the wrong job to accept as a gathering of rich people turns deadly when mutated wasps swarm in and use the humans as hosts for bigger mutated wasps. STUNG is a very serviceable B-movie (sorry), filled with above average practical effects, creepy gore effects and plenty of slimy goo to go around. Even with a very quick running time of 87 minutes, the film does feel slow at times due to clumsy dramatics, a badly executed romance subplot, and a main character that is either a pot-smoking geek, a spastic physical comedian, or a way too effective action hero depending on the direction of a scene. The lighting is often a bit of distraction due to its constant switching between low exposure, in order to hide the effects work, and the annoying generic palette of teal and orange. The film also doesn't explain why all of these Americans are conducting their business and pleasure in what is clearly an European town. Despite the misgivings, STUNG is still a worthy effort to bring a modern indie take of old creature features.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Another unfortunate death has been announced, as character actor Robert Loggia has now died. He was 85 years old.
Loggia will forever be known by all for his supporting turn in Big, where he famously performs "Chopsticks" with Tom Hanks on the giant foot-powered piano at FAO Schwarz. Modern viewers also will recall him for his cameo on Family Guy, where he goofily spells out his name to an airport worker.
But the tough-talking Italian-American had more to offer than just those two roles. His background and unique voice made him a perfect fit as a mobster, appearing in such crime flicks as Scarface and Prizzi's Honor and eventually making his way onto the television series The Sopranos. He was thankfully able to parody this type-casting in the underrated horror-comedy Innocent Blood, wonderfully playing a mob boss who eventually becomes a vampire. Disney fans will recall the sinister timbre he gave to villain Sykes in Oliver and Company and also the pretty horrific death he's given compared to the rest of Disney's bad guy stable. He was a constant bridesmaid during awards season, picking up a couple of Emmy nominations and even an Oscar nom for his supporting role as a private detective in the legal thriller Jagged Edge. Additionally, many internet sites today have pointed at an odd, meta-infused orange juice commercial he did in the late 90's, where he mockingly plays a random celebrity who enters a normal household to hock a product.
He will be missed.
Want to find out what movies are heading to Netflix Streaming? I got your back.
Upcoming Netflix Streaming Titles
12/4 - A Very Murray Christmas
12/5 - A Case Of You, Dinosaur 13
12/7 - Vampire Academy
12/8 - One & Two, Phoenix, Xenia
12/9 - Trailer Park Boys: Drunk, High And Unemployed Live In Austin
12/11 - The Ridiculous Six
12/14 - The Da Vinci Code
12/15 - Drown, Time Out Of Mind
12/16 - Fresh Dressed
12/18 - F Is For Family (Netflix Original Series), Making a Murderer (Netflix Original Series)
12/19 - Chloe and Theo
12/20 - Leo The Lion, Magic Snowflake, Santa's Apprentice
12/22 - Queen Of Earth
12/23 - Invisible Sister
12/24 - Dawn of the Croods (Netflix Original Series)
12/31 - Manhattan Romance
What to Watch This Week
Get in the holiday spirit with A Very Murray Christmas. I am over the whole aura and internet cult of Bill Murray but I still wouldn't pass up this exclusive variety special.
New Streaming Titles I Previously Forgot to Mention
My Little Pony Equestria Girls: Friendship Games will have the fans continuing to lament this spinoff series; the return of Upside Down, one of strangest good bad movies in recent times; the boring adaptation of a trashy bestseller, Valley of the Dolls; one of the best feel-good sports film devoted to female athletes, A League Of Their Own; and Stanley Kubrick's last film Eyes Wide Shut.
I'll see you again next Friday.
It was announced late last night that Scott Weiland has died from a cardiac arrest, possibly brought on by his present health and drug use. He was 48 years old.
Weiland is best known as the lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots, the 90's alternative rock band and one of the Big Five of Grunge. His unique persona, consisting of multiple hair dyes, slinking body movements a la Iggy Pop, and sheer amount of swagger, help make the group stand out from the pack and be more accessible with audiences. STP's debut album Core had Weiland belling out "Plush" and "Creep", two rock radio staples even today, along with minor hits "Wicked Garden" and "Sex Type Thing".
The follow-up Purple, infamously known for its odd Chinese artwork and lack of details, contained "Vasoline" and "Interstate Love Song", the latter of which is considered the band's most beloved single, largely thanks to its Southern rock style and Weiland's beautiful crooning. The album also contained the haunting "Big Empty", more well known for its inclusion in the comic book film The Crow.
The third release Tiny Music... Songs from the Vatican Gift Shop signaled the downward trend for the band, as the album disappointingly sold not as well and received mixed reviews, despite the minor successes of the glam-influenced "Big Bang Baby" and quick ditty "Trippin' on a Hole in a Paper Heart".
No. 4 was their, well, fourth album and unleashed "Down" and "Sour Girl"; the latter outperformed the former thanks to its breezy tone and Sarah Michelle Gellar-featuring music video.
Like many of his contemporaries, Weiland was addicted to several types of drugs during his peak years, most notably cocaine and heroin. Though his abuse helped influence much of his music and lyrics, it obviously brought much turmoil in life and destroyed his mental and physical being. His drug dependency eventually led him to be arrested and cause STP to break up in 2002.
Weiland rebounded by joining Velvet Revolver, a rock supergroup consisting of him and the core members of Guns N' Roses (Slash, Duff McKagan, and Matt Sorum). Their debut album Contraband was a big hit in 2004, thanks to the band's throwback appeal and the signature tune "Slither". The second single off the album "Fall to Pieces" was a harrowing work, as Weiland touched upon, both in his lyrics and its music video, the toll of his heroin abuse and the martial problems he helped engineered. After a tepid second album, the band was put on hiatus in 2008 when Weiland left them high and dry and reunited with his former band.
STP's reunion tour did very well but by 2013, Weiland's behavior and attitude caused him to be fired by the band and be replaced by Linkin Park's Chester Bennington. At the time of his death, his was touring with his new solo band The Wildabouts.
Weiland was an amazing artist with an incredible range of depth. His flamboyant and rugged demeanor helped make STP my favorite grunge band during my youth years. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to escape his personal demons. His possible drug-related death sadly now means that three lead singers of the Big Five of Grunge all suffered the same fate, leaving Chris Cornell and Eddie Vedder remaining.
He will be missed.
Two neighboring fantasy lands (The Fairy Kingdom and The Dark Forest) begin to be entangled with each other when a forbidden love potion is concocted and causes much amorous confusion among their leaders and denizens. STRANGE MAGIC has a watchability factor that depends on whether or not the viewer can endure massive headaches, garish animation, terrible storytelling, regressive attitudes, and a large catalog of pop and rock songs that are either outdated for today's youth or pathetically thrown in for a rib. The jukebox musical stylings should have been the first things ditched from George Lucas' putrid vision, as they are geared way too heavily toward adult tastes (one joke revolves around the knowledge of "Without You"), eat up too much of the running time, produced very mediocrely despite the singing efforts of Evan Rachel Wood and Alan Cumming, and completely confuses up the main plot (ballad singing is detrimental for the bog people yet they sing all the time?!). The film was and still is marketed as a very loose remake of "A Midsummer's Night Dream" but that is pure hogwash; Lucasfilm just stole from their parent company's vault and did BEAUTY AND THE BEAST all over again, complete with an uncharismatic Gaston who is given an Elvis makeover, you know for kids. Though I wasn't offended by the treatment of the black elf like other reviewers, I was unnerved by the film's view of the females, particularly with main heroine Marianne. She can't be an independent badass at first, she had to have her heart broken by her fiancee, hence why a girl would change from dresses to swords. She also can't declare to anyone, even her king father, how the beloved knight cheated on her because that would hurt the plot progression and prevent the king and the film's agenda of her needing a husband to rule the land. And finally, despite the transgressive efforts of TANGLED, Marianne eventually falls deeply in love with someone, someone who she just spent time with for twenty minutes! STRANGE MAGIC may not be as bad other animated atrocities like DELGO and the like but the sheer amount of crappy and annoying artistic decisions cause this movie to be hard to sit through or find any tiny moment of joy.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
If it wasn't for the sheer fact that DANGEROUS MEN premiered in four theaters back in 2005, it would have easily and cleanly won the award for Worst Film of 2015. It would also win Best Guilty Pleasure and maybe even make it on to my Best of 2015 list as well. Though my viewing of it was widely helped by an equally appreciating and bewildered crowd, I do think it is safe to say that DANGEROUS MEN is a great addition to the "so bad it's good" pantheon and a new top pick in the world of WTF cinema. Journeying through this unspoiled is the way to go so I will have to be discreet about any further details. It starts off with the makings of a revenge thriller and then goes insane as writer/director/producer/composer John Rad tries to salvage whatever he was trying to do. You get some of the greatest hits of Z-grade filmmaking: bad environmental transitions, random sex scenes, a person clearly reading from his script, badly edited-in explosions, tattoos that rub off, and rock climbing. All that plus Black Pepper, who has to be one of the worst villains in movie history. Thank you Drafthouse Films, for making me laugh at bad art, again.
FINAL REVIEW: 1 / 5
Want to find out what movies are heading to Netflix Streaming? I got your back.
Upcoming Netflix Streaming Titles
11/27 - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
11/28 - Best of Enemies, The Best Offer, A Perfect Man
11/29 - Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story Of Cannon Films
12/1 - #DeathToSelfie (2014), A Christmas Star, Amnesiac, CBGB, Christmas Wedding Baby, The Chronicles Of Riddick: Dark Fury, Cradle 2 The Grave, Darkman, Jenny’s Wedding, Practical Magic, Ray, See You In Valhalla, Stir Of Echoes, Stir Of Echoes: The Homecoming, That Touch Of Mink
12/2 - Station of the Cross*, Tangerine
12/3 - Matt Shepard Is a Friend of Mine
12/4 - A Very Murray Christmas
12/5 - A Case Of You, Dinosaur 13
12/7 - Vampire Academy
12/8 - One & Two, Phoenix, Xenia
12/9 - Trailer Park Boys: Drunk, High And Unemployed Live In Austin
12/11 - The Ridiculous Six
12/14 - The Da Vinci Code
12/15 - Drown, Time Out Of Mind
12/16 - Fresh Dressed
12/18 - F Is For Family (Netflix Original Series), Making a Murderer (Netflix Original Series)
12/19 - Chloe and Theo
12/20 - Leo The Lion, Magic Snowflake, Santa's Apprentice
12/22 - Queen Of Earth
12/23 - Invisible Sister
12/24 - Dawn of the Croods (Netflix Original Series)
12/31 - Manhattan Romance
What to Watch This Week
I have been waiting for a long, long time to see Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story Of Cannon Films. It's already out on video but it being on Netflix is a perfect fit for it, as many would likely take a gander and/or have a laugh with its journey through 80's movie-mania. And if you have three hours to spare and want to see one of the most popular Bollywood movies of all time, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai is where it's at.
New Streaming Titles I Previously Forgot to Mention
Korean black comedy A Hard Day, which is getting quite a cult following recently among critics, and perennial rom-com favorite Kate and Leopold.
I'll see you again next Friday.
THE CONNECTION looks at the French side of "The French Connection", showing how a massive drug syndicate impacted the city of Marseille with a large influx of heroin and corrupt business dealings and how highly motivated judicial magistrate Pierre Michel led a police unit to break the racket up. Those searching for something along the same lines of the great 70's police procedurals, including the William Friedkin masterpiece that it wishes to stand next to, will find some substance to partake with but will find themselves disappointed by the overall plot. The script hits all of the stale crime tropes, including such boring favorites as the roughed up illegal busts, the public killings, the smoky late nights with files, the disgruntled and nervous police wife, a higher-up saying "you're over the line!", the main villain saying "I see myself as a businessman", and a scene where someone tells a personal story before then viciously injuring their prey. The movie makes up for its story shortcomings with a pulsating musical score, fluidly moving cinematography, stylish direction, and perfectly fine performances by Jean Dujardin (as Michel) and Gilles Lellouche as kingpin "Tany" Zampa. A cool and gritty tale that isn't totally fresh yet still delectable.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
Want to find out what movies are heading to Netflix Streaming? I got your back.
Upcoming Netflix Streaming Titles
11/20 - Jessica Jones (Netflix Original Series), Some Kind of Beautiful
11/24 - Guidance, A Hard Day
11/25 - Home
11/26 - Zipper
11/28 - Best of Enemies, The Best Offer, A Perfect Man
11/29 - Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story Of Cannon Films
12/2 - Tangerine
12/3 - Matt Shepard Is a Friend of Mine
12/4 - A Very Murray Christmas
12/11 - The Ridiculous Six
12/18 - F Is For Family (Netflix Original Series), Making a Murderer (Netflix Original Series)
What to Watch This Week
Jessica Jones. Need I say anymore about the next much-hyped series from Netflix and Marvel? And hey, put on Home to placate the kids while you fumble over the turkey and other Thanksgiving dishes.
New Streaming Titles I Previously Forgot to Mention
Disturbing feminist art indie Felt; claymation brings to life one of the absurdist Israel-Palestine disputes in The Wanted 18; a certain famed Swish artist is profiled in Dark Star: H.R. Giger's World; and the film that had everybody scratching their heads when the trailer dropped, Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List.
I'll see you again next Friday.
Want to find out what movies are heading to Netflix Streaming? I got your back.
Upcoming Netflix Streaming Titles
11/13 - Call Me Lucky, John Mulaney: The Comeback Kid, W/ Bob and David (Netflix Original Series)
11/14 - Blue Caprice, Dior and I
11/15 - People, Places, Things; Soaked In Bleach
11/18 - River (Netflix Original Series)
11/20 - Jessica Jones (Netflix Original Series)
11/25 - Home
11/26 - Zipper
11/28 - Best of Enemies, The Best Offer, A Perfect Man
11/29 - Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story Of Cannon Films
12/4 - A Very Murray Christmas
12/11 - The Ridiculous Six
12/18 - F Is For Family (Netflix Original Series), Making a Murderer (Netflix Original Series)
What to Watch This Week
Two big Netflix exclusives, the first being W/ Bob and David, which reunites former Mr. Show creators Bob Odenkirk and David Cross. Hopefully, it feels good. The other is John Mulaney: The Comeback Kid, the first live special from the former comedic wunderkind after his infamous sitcom attempt. Judging from the early material, it looks to be a winner.
New Streaming Titles I Previously Forgot to Mention
The Sundance doc fave The Wolfpack.
I'll see you again next Friday.
FBI agent Kate Macer (Emily Blunt) volunteers to join up with some Department of Defense agents in snuffing out a deadly Mexican drug cartel. Unfortunately, she finds herself constantly in the dark and practically handcuffed on each and every perilous mission. SICARIO is another straight-up dark thriller from director Denis Villeneuve, whose previous film PRISONERS has grown critically with time. As with that movie, Villeneuve and screenwriter Taylor Sheridan examine the insatiable lust for criminal justice, starting off in a quaint American suburb in Arizona before then bouncing between the Mexico-America border. It balances between its liberal and conservative agendas nicely thanks to some shocking gut-punches; tying up some cartel lieutenants with legal drama is far more frivolous than just taking a main head out of the picture and you can't always cheer on the results-driven army unit when they often cross international and moral boundaries. Similar in the veins of TRAINING DAY, the film's theming of having its main protagonist be a sponge for the "new laws of the west" is very beneficial for the viewer, as we identify with the internal struggle of Kate and the lack of information being given, including the true purpose of Kate being attached to the assignment. Blunt expertly captures a character that is smart and talented but way in over her head, willing to fight and kill yet emotionally shaken by how the blood is being spilled. Josh Brolin does a fine job as a snarky and manipulative officer but he is outshone by Benicio del Toro, who disturbingly plays a world-beaten tagalong that is actually far more warm and deadly that he lets on. However, the real star of the film is Roger Deakins, whose masterful cinematography creates some magnificent tableaus, shadow-filled dangers, alien-looking landscapes, and fantastically revealing pans and tilts. He can't fully overcome the arduous hurdle of making night vision work in an action scene but he does the best he can. The movie does falter towards the last act when Kate endlessly harps on the lack of arrests and truth-filled reports, removing further characterization for her and turning her into one-dimensional talking parrot, but it's perfectly clear that Villeneuve is noting that that there is no clean strategy in this scenario. As hauntingly delivered by a character at the very end, "this is a land of wolves now."
FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5
Several sufferers of sleep paralysis recount their experiences with the disorder and the surreal unknown beings that haunt them repeatedly. Documentarian and horror enthusiast Rodney Ascher conducts these interviews and intercuts the harrowing verbal tales with reenactments that may cause you to sprint to the stop button. THE NIGHTMARE is a very effectively unique blend of horror and documentary but its substantial worth may be as fleeting as a dream. I enjoyed how Ascher and even his curious subjects explore how and why these terrible hallucinations happen to them specifically, their various reactions to the phenomenon and how it affects their current and future lifestyle, and how it happens all over the world yet no one has a definitive answer or cure. I also liked that there's even a chapter where the people try to find answers through popular films, most notably A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET and INSIDIOUS, allowing Ascher to repeat some of the same visual trickery that made ROOM 237 a delight. Though Ascher does relish the frights he gets to deliver, making each and every scene of night terrors a beautiful-shot ordeal, he also intriguingly chose to routinely reveal the facades of the entire production. The recreations are deliberately done on a big soundstage, the same "shadow men" pop in every similar story (one even literally walks from one set to the next and waits for his cue), and the interview portions often have the crew visible or performing deliberately showy maneuvers. This creative idea does give the viewer a chance for relief from the "boos", while at the same noting how indistinguishable these individual incidents truly are, but this sense of comedic tone does make you ponder why you are sitting through all of this. For example, it very hard to take the film serious or even enjoy it when one segment has a guy talking about how aliens tickled him as a baby and they are shown to be guys in rubber suits. The scares and artifice can only go so far and by the time you move on from THE NIGHTMARE, you realize it doesn't really stay with you at all. That is unless you have your own sleeping issues or let the fear consume you.
FINAL REVIEW: 3 / 5
This documentary chronicles the life and times of one of television's most beloved yet unsung heroes of all time. Still going strong as the 8 feet tall, kid-brained icon despite his noticeable hunch and ever advancing age, Spinney comes across as a genuinely warm man who loves to travel and still see the bright side in life. Him and his wife wisely kept a large collection of home movies and cartoon doodles, which the makers were permitted to use to wonderfully flesh out the proceedings and give us a taste of the Jim Henson era. The film sadly underdevelops Spinney's 2nd influential role as Oscar the Grouch, the yang to Sesame Street's yin and a character that would most likely not be present if the show was created in today's environment. However, the makers did this both to keep focus on the yellow bird's impact on pop culture and how Big Bird and Spinney are practically one and the same; a distressing road story at a college campus helps underline this fact solidly. Though I was really moved by the film and often tearing up (the funeral of Jim Henson and Spinney's role in it is utterly devastating), I have to admit that it does seem to deliberate play with the viewer's emotions a bit. The musical score is so incredibly syrupy throughout the entire picture, I felt I needed a large order of pancakes to counterbalance it all. Additionally, the makers tend to sloppily mess up Spinney's rich history in the editing: his high school days are far removed from the section about his childhood, they explain how he operates the cumbersome costume way too late, the part about Jim Henson's death feels anticlimatic, and it just ends on a heartwarming yet odd final note. Nevertheless, I AM BIG BIRD: THE CAROLL SPINNEY STORY is a beautiful look at a man who helped make the world a better place to live in.
FINAL REVIEW: 4 / 5
Want to find out what movies are heading to Netflix Streaming? I got your back.
Upcoming Netflix Streaming Titles
11/6 - Care Bears & Cousins (Netflix Original Series), Master Of None (Netflix Original Series), Safelight
11/12 - Anna Karenina
11/13 - Call Me Lucky, John Mulaney: The Comeback Kid, With Bob and David (Netflix Original Series)
11/14 - Blue Caprice, Dior and I
11/15 - People, Places, Things; Soaked In Bleach
11/18 - River (Netflix Original Series)
11/20 - Jessica Jones (Netflix Original Series)
11/26 - Zipper
11/28 - Best of Enemies, The Best Offer, A Perfect Man
11/29 - Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story Of Cannon Films
12/11 - The Ridiculous Six
12/18 - F Is For Family (Netflix Original Series)
What to Watch This Week
I adore Aziz Ansari from his stand-up comedy and role as Tom Haverford on Parks and Recreations. Master Of None is his attempt to follow in the footsteps of Louis C.K. and create/star in his own series. Semi-based on his life (his real parents play his character's elders), the work looks to be a real treat.
New Streaming Titles I Previously Forgot to Mention
The controversial voodoo mystery Angel Heart; mutated bees attack people in the horror-comedy Stung; the Knight and Day that we deserved to have but with Bollywood stars, Bang Bang; awful Stephen King film that sadly has stuck with me, Thinner; Roy Andersson returned this year with A Pigeon Sat on a Branch Reflecting on Existence, another one of his Swedish absurdist comedies; the return of British cult series Black Books; and Netflix's experimentation with their "5 Minute Favorite" line, bite-sized episodes of their kids shows designed to please parents and cut down on kids who want to watch one more before going to bed.
I'll see you again next Friday.
Missing something? As expected, my awesome but time-consuming Horrors of October took away all of my attention this month. I had many opportunities to go out but I instead kept inside with older fare. That means that next month will be a doozy, as I have to rush through the 2015 releases in order to fill up my year-end lists.
Best Films of 2015
1. Mad Max: Fury Road
2. Mistress America
3. What We Do In The Shadows
4. Inside Out
5. Straight Outta Compton
6. Spy
7. Avengers: Age of Ultron
Worst Films of 2015
1. Aloha
2. Fifty Shades of Grey
3. Terminator: Genisys
4. Superfast!
5. Everly
